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Thirsty Girl
Dec 5, 2015

its fun to just keep them on the line forever and act like an idiot

today some indian guy calls me and say he is "from windows" and needs me to crack open the ol' computer and tell him what i see and i told him i saw a duck

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Putty
Mar 21, 2013

HOOKED ON THE BROTHERS
robots have no feelings they cannot be hosed with

BIG-DICK-BUTT-FUCK
Jan 26, 2016

by Fluffdaddy
I am a cold call scammer. U are loving with me

Bloodfart McCoy
Jul 20, 2007

That's a high quality avatar right there.
You're either still using a landline, or your cell number has been compromised by shady people. Probably because you've already been scammed it didn't know it.

:lol:ing at you either way.

ClamdestineBoyster
Aug 15, 2015
Probation
Can't post for 10 years!
I like to do a nondescript general foreigner guy accent and roll all my Rs so they don't know if I'm very smart or very stupid.

Chinatown
Sep 11, 2001

by Fluffdaddy
Fun Shoe
definitely OP but also anyone who calls me ever i hate people holy poo poo!!!!

Thirsty Girl
Dec 5, 2015

Bloodfart McCoy posted:

You're either still using a landline, or your cell number has been compromised by shady people. Probably because you've already been scammed it didn't know it.

:lol:ing at you either way.

landline brah

:getin:

Captain Yossarian
Feb 24, 2011

All new" Rings of Fire"

Chinatown posted:

definitely OP but also anyone who calls me ever i hate people holy poo poo!!!!

Same... I get legit mad when people call. Just text me FUCKER

Falun Bong Refugee
Dec 14, 2015

by FactsAreUseless

im gaye posted:

landline brah

:getin:

Why do you have a landline grandpa?

Roylicious
Feb 21, 2012

Braver than the cops
ain't afraid of no chaps
If they steppin up on me
I just start bustin some caps
Why do you even pick up?

ghlbtsk
Apr 19, 2005

these bath mats
are
GORGEOUS
throw your phone off a cliff or high bridge
problem solved

Kuato
Feb 25, 2005

"I CAN'T BELIEVE I ATE THE WHOLE THING"
Buglord
I don't answer the phone if I don't recognize the number. Even if I recognize it its still 50/50 whether I pick it up. I usually don't even listen to voicemail either. My posts here are actually the farthest I go in terms of human interaction tbqh

JiveHonky
May 12, 2001

by zen death robot
Grimey Drawer
i make so many joke of them OP! they sorry they called me im through with them that for sure! ke ke ke ke

Roylicious
Feb 21, 2012

Braver than the cops
ain't afraid of no chaps
If they steppin up on me
I just start bustin some caps

Kuato posted:

I don't answer the phone if I don't recognize the number. Even if I recognize it its still 50/50 whether I pick it up. I usually don't even listen to voicemail either.

Yeah I figure if you aren't texting me it probably isn't that important and/or you don't actually know me.

yeah I eat ass
Mar 14, 2005

only people who enjoy my posting can replace this avatar
Everyone thinks they're going to be the next big thing like 419 eater or whatever but you're really just wasting your time. Every funny thing you could do to mess with them has been done to death already.

Nigmaetcetera
Nov 17, 2004

borkborkborkmorkmorkmork-gabbalooins
I just call them a oval office and tell them I hope their children starve to death and hang up.

Linux Pirate
Apr 21, 2012


I would but I never have any good insults or funny fake situations to make up in the moment when they call so I just hang up :(

Dreddout
Oct 1, 2015

You must stay drunk on writing so reality cannot destroy you.

Roylicious posted:

Why do you even pick up?

Seriously.

FedEx Mercury
Jan 7, 2004

Me bad posting? That's unpossible!
Lipstick Apathy
I'm employed now, those people never call at night.

Valko
Sep 18, 2015

I'm not very imaginative so I just tell them the person they are looking for isn't in at the minute.

My former boss was better at this. If he got a call he would babble about random crap like the weather and gaelic football. Assuming these calls came from Indian call centers they probably knew as much about gaelic football as they did about effective sanitation.

reignofevil
Nov 7, 2008
I totally do and even have gotten them to stop calling me.

FlimFlam Imam
Mar 1, 2007

Standing on a hill in my mountain of dreams
It's been a LONG time since I've been cold called. I remember towards the end they would have computers calling with "Please stay on the line for a very important call..." or some sort then a real person would pickup. So I would just keep yelling "hello? Hello? Is this thing on, can you hear me? Peter? Hello?" until they finally hung up.

A ILL BREAKFAST
Jun 9, 2007

*unsheathes katana*
one time I got a call from Karen Sanchez with the FBIs credit card fraud division. i played the fool and went along with it. when it came time to give her my credit card number i said "well all i have is this diners club card" then started listing off 4 digit strings of numbers until she hung up. it took a while, i had given her probably 30 numbers before she gave up

Mr. Bung
Mar 24, 2005

Get out the pink press threat file
and Um-brrrptzzap the subject.
I do a lot. I told a double glazing company I built my cooker out of parts of the space shuttle. I tell the 'windows' callers that I have a file I don't understand and spell it out for them to write down. usually 's.c.a.m.m.e.r.s.h.i.t.' or similar.

Tonsured
Jan 14, 2005

I came across mention of a Gnostic codex called The Unreal God and the Aspects of His Nonexistent Universe, an idea which reduced me to helpless laughter. What kind of person would write about something that he knows doesn't exist, and how can something that doesn't exist have aspects?
I DONT HAVE TIME ANYMORE BUT I USED TO PUT ON PORN ON IN THE BACKGROUND AND SLOWLY DIAL UP THE VOLUME DURING OUR CONVERSATIONAL INTERCOURSE

Wakko
Jun 9, 2002
Faboo!
generally they call during work hours, so no. in a perfect world we'd all be able to direct calls to the jolly roger bot with one button.

welcome 2 Clown Town
Aug 1, 2006

GALAXY'S #2 SCULL*!

*scrunt skull
play nothing but sound files of fat guys having a hard time breathing in the background so it sounds like you are in a herd of wildebeast

Twelve Batmans
Dec 24, 2009

by FactsAreUseless
One day I was in a terrible mood and got a call from one of them so I responded really politely up until they asked for my debit card number for whatever so then I threatened them and their loved ones with horrible deaths until they hung up.

XMNN
Apr 26, 2008
I am incredibly stupid

im gaye posted:

its fun to just keep them on the line forever and act like an idiot

today some indian guy calls me and say he is "from windows" and needs me to crack open the ol' computer and tell him what i see and i told him i saw a duck

hi dad

MariusLecter
Sep 5, 2009

NI MUERTE NI MIEDO
some guy called me today asked if my refrigerator was running lol total scammer i told him yeah and he told me to go catch it but instead I took a nap

what an idiot!

Windows 98
Nov 13, 2005

HTTP 400: Bad post
When they ask if my business wants to be ranked higher on Google I always ask which business because I own two. They think they've hit the jack pot. The names of my businesses are always Big Black Dildos Inc and Plus Sized Thongs LLC. Weird how they don't believe me.

Or I play the "well, why are you calling me if you don't even know which business you're calling about?" game until they hang up.

Retrowave Joe
Jul 20, 2001

Look up "Hello, this is Lenny" on YouTube

4outof5
Nov 10, 2003

Leader of the ULT Right.
Grabbing pussy since April 2, 1994
I make choking and gasping for air sounds.

Say Nothing
Mar 5, 2013

by FactsAreUseless

Retardog posted:

Look up "Hello, this is Lenny" on YouTube

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vcCa59p0860

Captain Splashback
Jan 1, 2007

BY APPOINTMENT TO HER MAJESTY
QUEEN ELIZABETH II
SPLASHBACK HOLDINGS LTD
PUCKINS AND PRINTERS PURVEYORS
I see it less as an opportunity to gently caress with someone and more of an opportunity to get into graphic detail about my biological functions.

a hole-y ghost
May 10, 2010

do you gently caress cold call scammers??

SIDS Vicious
Jan 1, 1970


my girlfriend keeps getting calls from a collection agency and it's for something from before she met me so I usually just let her ignore them but they were really getting on my.nerves one day, they had tried calling like 6 times and you can legally only call twice a day in Canada so I picked up and this guy was like is this Girlfriends Name and I was like no and he was like can I speak with her and I was like no you can gently caress off and die and he was like EXCUSE ME in the most offended tone of voice man it was classic

Wicker Man
Sep 5, 2007

Just like Columbus...


Clapping Larry
I work nights, so these fucks bug me during the day when I'm trying to sleep. loving 5 seconds of silence when you pick up until you hear open air, so you are all "Hello? Hellooooooo?" like a dumb rear end until then. Time Warner Cable practically pleads with you to not have your landline removed from you plan.

ClamdestineBoyster
Aug 15, 2015
Probation
Can't post for 10 years!

Wicker Man posted:

I work nights, so these fucks bug me during the day when I'm trying to sleep. loving 5 seconds of silence when you pick up until you hear open air, so you are all "Hello? Hellooooooo?" like a dumb rear end until then. Time Warner Cable practically pleads with you to not have your landline removed from you plan.

I had to threaten time warner cable with a restraining order to cancel my service. Shitcunts.

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Say Nothing
Mar 5, 2013

by FactsAreUseless
I like this method.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=33BCEPMGggU

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