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I only have a cell phone and they only call land lines you geriatric goono
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Jun 14, 2016 02:15
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| # ? Apr 25, 2024 13:05 |
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I just incessantly try to force them into phone sex.
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Jun 14, 2016 02:28
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I gently caress a cold caller about twice a month.
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Jun 14, 2016 02:30
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I once had a guy call and tell me all about his wonderful siding. I asked about warranty and installation cost. He started to set up an appointment and said, "Hey before you set it up, I wanted to make sure you can hang it on brick." --click--
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Jun 14, 2016 02:33
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Sheep-Goats posted:I only have a cell phone and they only call land lines you geriatric goono Not the scammers
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Jun 14, 2016 02:35
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One time one of the robots called me and asked me to press one to speak to a representative so I pressed one and then just started pressing numbers for like twenty seconds or so and then finally put it to my ear and the guy was just FURIOUS and goes DID YOU THINK THAT WOULD MAKE US STOP CALLING and I go yeah that was the idea and then he told me that now I would be getting a lot more calls and I SHOULDN'T have DONE that. They never called again. Nowadays I just say "No thanks I already have one of those" and hang up. Calef fucked around with this message at 03:20 on Jun 14, 2016 |
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Jun 14, 2016 03:16
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I like to give non-nonsensical answers to simple questions. Especially to the "Windows Technical Support" guys. Things like: "Oh is that what she said?" "Of Course" "This hat of mine has a red elbow" "Sure, sure, sure, yes, no." Their English isn't usually good enough to fully understand. They'll stay on the phone way to long and start getting defensive. They won't hang up though. They will continue to insist that they work for "Windows" and then accuse you of being a scammer yourself. Eventually, I get bored with it and hang up. I used to just say "I know the scam" and hang up, but I get the calls way more often now so I consider them a little bit of sunshine in an otherwise mundane day.
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Jun 14, 2016 03:17
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I use to work in an area with fax machines and we'd get those scammy poo poo ads all of the time, on lunch every so often I'd call them up and gently caress with them.
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Jun 14, 2016 03:24
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almost all scam calls i get are machines talking about insurance/free cruises/or student loan forgiveness. Occasionally mortgages. only human scammers I get regularly are people from dodgy energy companies asking to see bills and poo poo. getting a person on the other end sounds more interesting.
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Jun 14, 2016 03:53
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Get one of them air horns and blow it off when you answer the phone. Hello my name is Dave from Card Services and I need to tell you about how your Pontiac that was crushed into a cube in 1999 is now out of warranties and you could being subject to severe fines and criminal imprisonment if WHOOOOOOONNNNNNNNK
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Jun 14, 2016 04:32
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I politely ask them to take me off their list. 
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Jun 14, 2016 04:33
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I ask them if they are aware of the Rite of the Blood Eagle and if they are prepared to enter Valhalla.
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Jun 14, 2016 04:43
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When I don't have an airhorn I like to just let loose with a stream-of-consciousness rant of the most ignorant, vile, stupid, too-dumbass-for-Facebook poo poo that I ever read in the comments section on Foxnews.com. Just a stream of pustulent infected diarrhea spewing out of my mouth and into the phone, kinda like posting on GBS but with a country twang because if they think you're genuinely that ignorant and not just loving with them they'll stay on the line longer. I go for halfway between Boomhauer and Rodney Carrington, basically playing the role of that racist uncle who won't let himself understand why he never gets invited to Thanksgiving dinner any more. "Hello this is Micheal from Cardholder Services and we're inviting you to participate in our new Credit Protection Offering at the low low cost o-" "drat ol man lemme tell you whut man if you got a protection from aliens I'll take one. Sheeyit, I'll take two. drat ol man lemme tell you whut man they got these aliens, drat ol illegal aliens man swarming across the borders man, they got Mex-ee-cans, Kuh-yoo-bans, Hay-shans, Mar-shans, man they drat ol come over here and it aint enough now days they just wanna take our tax dollars fer welfare, man, no, they wanna take our jobs, they wanna take our women, take our shapes, take our got-drat Dee En Ay. Got-drat shape-shiftin' mind-readin' tentacle-armed green-skinned six-eyed sumbitches, I hate em! I just hate em! That got-drat Obama man, lemme tell you whut man, he got them madrassas man, got em all over Miami so he can teach em to be Muslim right off the boat, got them got-drat madrassas in Area 51 so they never get a chance to learn to be real Americans like you and me, jest go straight to bein Muslim. You are a real American, aintcha? You ain't a got-drat Martian are ya? Good, cause I hate em! Lemme tell you whut man, my daddy told me all about it, he was a cook in the Navy and he told me all about how one time down in Niggeroggwa drat ol See Eye Ay black ops team ran into something not from this world and got their asses kicked righteous, man, that drat ol Predator man that was a drat ol true story man only them aliens these days they don't wanna jest take your ID they wanna take yer genes too. Illegal alien sumbitches. Ah seen this documentary on the History Channel man drat ol tell you whut man told me all about it. Liberals! Aliens! Got-drat the kinda world we're livin in today, ah jest don't know."
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Jun 14, 2016 18:43
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please tell me you sound like boomhauer
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Jun 14, 2016 18:56
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Well I do sound like an ignorant redneck gently caress because, well, if the shoe fits and all. People tell me I sound a lot more like Hank Hill than Boomhauer.
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Jun 14, 2016 19:03
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Boomhauer was the cosmopolitan one.
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Jun 14, 2016 19:18
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!!!~~!JOHN CENA!~DOOT-DOOTDOOT-DOOOOOOOOT!~~!!! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wRRsXxE1KVY
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Jun 14, 2016 19:34
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MariusLecter posted:!!!~~!JOHN CENA!~DOOT-DOOTDOOT-DOOOOOOOOT!~~!!! actually this is more what were going for https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kAb8vGSRBoE
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Jun 14, 2016 19:41
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tater_salad posted:I use to work in an area with fax machines and we'd get those scammy poo poo ads all of the time, on lunch every so often I'd call them up and gently caress with them. We got one from the "US Credit Protection Bureau" that asked us to mail them a check to Varna, Bulgaria lol
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Jun 14, 2016 19:47
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im gaye posted:actually this is more what were going for LOL this is amazing.
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Jun 14, 2016 19:53
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I used to get call from the Card Services people. I worked for a company that did Point of Sale configuration so I have about a half-dozen test credit card numbers memorized. I can hear how ecstatic they get when their software gets a hit on a valid credit card number, then they drop the call, then I get a call a couple minutes later where they threaten my life. It's p. great. I also get calls from one of those Wal-Mart gift card scams but they have functional call back numbers. I like to call them back and then conference them in to a call with themselves.
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Jun 14, 2016 20:07
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Rufus T. Turnbuckle posted:I used to get call from the Card Services people. I worked for a company that did Point of Sale configuration so I have about a half-dozen test credit card numbers memorized. I can hear how ecstatic they get when their software gets a hit on a valid credit card number, then they drop the call, then I get a call a couple minutes later where they threaten my life. It's p. great. the lords work
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Jun 14, 2016 20:30
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i just don't say anything if i don't know the number. if nothing happens i just hang up
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Jun 14, 2016 20:41
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I regex blocked the south of my country on my phone because all my spam calls came from there. Get hosed assholes
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Jun 14, 2016 20:56
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I've only ever gotten spam calls from machines but my gf kept getting calls from telemarketers about car insurance (she's never owned a car). So after a few weeks of politely declining them she'd give me the phone, where I'd just absent mindedly repeat "yeah, uh huh, yeah, mhm, yes" until they hung up. Now she doesn't get calls anymore
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Jun 14, 2016 22:11
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Celluloid Sam posted:my girlfriend keeps getting calls from a collection agency and it's for something from before she met me so I usually just let her ignore them but they were really getting on my.nerves one day, they had tried calling like 6 times and you can legally only call twice a day in Canada so I picked up and this guy was like is this Girlfriends Name and I was like no and he was like can I speak with her and I was like no you can gently caress off and die and he was like EXCUSE ME in the most offended tone of voice man it was classic If you record and track their calls, you can sue them for violating the skip tracer regulations. There's a guy who does this all the time, it's like $2-5k per violation. Violations like threatening to come to your place of work and embarrass you, or threatening to repossess your car. I get the 'we're from Windows' guys all the time. I just play stupid for like 15 minutes, they get so mad. They always want you to look at your registry error log, and say those are viruses, and if you'll just go to their website they'll fix it. They get really mad when i can't find the windows button on my mac. Windows 98 posted:When they ask if my business wants to be ranked higher on Google I always ask which business because I own two. They think they've hit the jack pot. The names of my businesses are always Big Black Dildos Inc and Plus Sized Thongs LLC. Weird how they don't believe me. Brilliant.
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Jun 14, 2016 22:39
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I used to get debt collector calls for someone who must have had my phone number a long time ago. I finally lied and told one of them that I was the guy they were calling for and told them that I had no intention of paying the debt because I'd rather spend all my money on hookers and cocaine. Then I told them I had no idea who the person they were calling for was and to stop calling. :edit: Oh and I would tell the Windows virus scammers that I had Loonix. Also, I would tell the car warranty people that I drive a rocket car.
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Jun 14, 2016 22:42
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Also i never get all those insane wacky calls you yankees deal with
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Jun 14, 2016 22:59
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Nobody I don't know has ever called me ever in the thirty years I have lived on this gay earth but then again I don't even answer the phone when it's clearly my relatives calling because I will call them back later if I feel like it. I never do. They tried to give me landline when I got internet. loving lol. A phone in my house people can just call and I can't mute it? that'll be the day.
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Jun 14, 2016 23:02
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If I get the windows guys I ask with my voice filled with awe... Wait...you work for Microsoft. ... *await response* Hang on...... THE Microsoft.... *await response* Actual BILL GATES Microsoft Then go back to step 1 and see how long you can keep going. Did it for about 10 minutes one day.
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Jun 14, 2016 23:29
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I'm boring. I answer the call and just set the phone aside until they hang up. I am sure they've heard tons of great office gossip this way. Even though I just moved, changed my phone number, paid for it to be unlisted, and have literally never given the number out, I get these calls at home all the drat time. gently caress you Time Warner.
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Jun 15, 2016 00:30
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I just tell them I stole this phone at a bar and if they rat on me they'll be sleeping with the fishes.
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Jun 15, 2016 00:37
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I never get cold calls, but Charter used to call me every week asking why I have internet through them but not TV. I was a dumbass and thought "I don't want TV" would be an acceptable answer, so they kept calling for about a month. Eventually a guy came to my house to pitch in person, which was not very cool. I called to cancel but ended up with cheaper internet and a promise never to bother me about TV again, which they kept. I could smell desperation through the whole thing. Getting people to pay $60 more a month for TV when Netflix and stuff exists is getting to be a pretty tough sell.
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Jun 15, 2016 00:54
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i start thrusting violently into the receiver of the phone while screaming "I'M PHONEFUCKING YOU" over and over again, sometimes i stop when they hang up
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Jun 15, 2016 01:51
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far too many goons thinking they deal with telemarketers or scammers in a clever or original way.
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Jun 15, 2016 01:57
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polio king posted:far too many goons thinking they deal with shitposters oWHOOOOOOOOOONNNNNNNK
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Jun 15, 2016 02:01
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polio king posted:far too many goons thinking they deal with telemarketers or scammers in a clever or original way. See this, GBS? This is the kind of biting humor and hilarious commentary this board was meant to foster. Thank you, friend polio king, for gracing us with this amazing post!!!
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Jun 15, 2016 02:32
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I got a car insurance scam like once every three days for a while back in 2009 until I laid on a thick southern drawl and asked the nice man how much it would cost to insure my vee-hickle, an '86 NASA Challenger. The dude actually swore at me when he realized I was loving with him, but I actually never got called by them again.
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Jun 15, 2016 02:51
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Snatch Duster posted:I just tell them I stole this phone at a bar and if they rat on me they'll be sleeping with the fishes. that is how i got my landline actually
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Jun 15, 2016 03:19
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| # ? Apr 25, 2024 13:05 |
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Skeleton Ape posted:I never get cold calls, but Charter used to call me every week asking why I have internet through them but not TV. I was a dumbass and thought "I don't want TV" would be an acceptable answer, so they kept calling for about a month. Eventually a guy came to my house to pitch in person, which was not very cool. I called to cancel but ended up with cheaper internet and a promise never to bother me about TV again, which they kept. Lol, the only reason I got those stupid calls I mentioned before is because my ex just had to have cable TV with her Internet service so of course you have to get their stupid VOIP service that doesn't even guarantee 911 service. 
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Jun 15, 2016 03:21
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