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scuba school sucks
Aug 30, 2012

The brilliance of my posting illuminates the forums like a jar of shining gold when all around is dark

Ryoshi posted:

I got a car insurance scam like once every three days for a while back in 2009 until I laid on a thick southern drawl and asked the nice man how much it would cost to insure my vee-hickle, an '86 NASA Challenger.



Definitely stealing this.

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Snatch Duster
Feb 20, 2007

by FactsAreUseless


polio king posted:

far too many goons thinking they deal with telemarketers or scammers in a clever or original way.

Tell me, what's it like being dead inside?

BLARGHLE
Oct 2, 2013

But I want something good
to die for
To make it beautiful to live.

Yams Fan

drat, now I feel like I'm missing out! All I get are the stupid "This is (generic name) with cardholder services, something something interest rates" robocalls.

That Robot
Sep 16, 2004

ask me anything about robots

Buglord

Putty posted:

robots have no feelings they cannot be hosed with

well excuse me

Liquid Dinosaur
Dec 16, 2011

"You are so beautiful, my Baron. Your skin, love to me. Your diseases lovingly cared for, for all eternity."



I only get robocallers. If it was a real person I might give them a runaround but not actually say anything "mean" because come on they're just trying to get through their daily grind doing a lovely job everyone hates them for. And yelling at them isn't even as fun as the other alternatives.


What I DO get about once a week, on my cellphone is a call where when I pick up, i hear distant speaking in a non-English language I can't place and nobody on the line and then I hang up. Am I cursed.

unpacked robinhood
Feb 18, 2013
Probation
Can't post for 5 days!


When I get a real person I quickly and sincerely apologize for hanging up on them and wish them a nice day

paul_soccer10
Mar 28, 2016



*answers a phone call in 2016*
I wonder what time ncis is on

Mozi
Apr 4, 2004

The door blew shut but here's the deal
Dreams are lies, it's the dreaming that's real


'oh god you called my burner phone and it's burning up as we speak gotta hang up bye!!!!'

Soylent Yellow
Nov 5, 2010


A while back, I was bombarded with calls from a call centre running the microsoft scam. For a while, I simply ignored them. Eventually, I decided to retalliate. "I'm sorry, but the computer belongs to my brother. Hold on while I get him". I then plugged my headphones into my computer, made a telephone receiver sandwich with the two earpieces (helpfully folding the headset microphone into the middle for maximum feedback), found the loudest death-metal track possible on youtube, turned the volume to ten, then hit 'play'. Somewhere in India, somebody is quite possibly suffering from permanent hearing loss. They never called again.

paul_soccer10
Mar 28, 2016



^ didn't happen

Soylent Yellow
Nov 5, 2010


paul_soccer10 posted:

^ didn't happen

Did too.

Wizzle
Jun 7, 2004

Most
Parochial
Poster




FIRST TIME posted:

I used to get debt collector calls for someone who must have had my phone number a long time ago.

I finally lied and told one of them that I was the guy they were calling for and told them that I had no intention of paying the debt because I'd rather spend all my money on hookers and cocaine. Then I told them I had no idea who the person they were calling for was and to stop calling.

:edit:

Oh and I would tell the Windows virus scammers that I had Loonix. Also, I would tell the car warranty people that I drive a rocket car.

I've done the Loonix thing too. I ask them for help running the Lynx browser. They usually give up.

Edit: next time I should ask them if they support Gopher protocol.

Dave_Indeed
Feb 22, 2004

by FactsAreUseless


I do now that I have a land line in my office that gets called by Indians non stop. I guess it's less messing with them than it is horrible sexually violent comments about their families. It works though.

Crowsbeak
Oct 9, 2012
Probation
Can't post for 5 days!


Lipstick Apathy

I like using sound boards. I one time used Jack Nicholson and had them going on his speech from A Few Good Men.

Crowsbeak fucked around with this message at Jun 16, 2016 around 01:32

Skeleton Ape
Dec 21, 2008

The most richly flavored of all drunkards.

Soylent Yellow posted:

A while back, I was bombarded with calls from a call centre running the microsoft scam. For a while, I simply ignored them. Eventually, I decided to retalliate. "I'm sorry, but the computer belongs to my brother. Hold on while I get him". I then plugged my headphones into my computer, made a telephone receiver sandwich with the two earpieces (helpfully folding the headset microphone into the middle for maximum feedback), found the loudest death-metal track possible on youtube, turned the volume to ten, then hit 'play'. Somewhere in India, somebody is quite possibly suffering from permanent hearing loss. They never called again.

I can never tell if these are serious or if people really think phones work this way

tenspott
Aug 1, 2002
Probation
Can't post for 26 days!


I used to get jack wagon brokers trying to get me to invest in their latest poo poo stock or other scam. If you were a decent trader, you wouldn't be cold calling me, right? After a while, I'd pretend to be the Chinese place down the street and ask them what number they wanted. This pissed them off when I'd switch halfway through their intro and refuse to break character. One guy sounded like he wanted to cry.

FedEx Mercury
Jan 7, 2004

Me bad posting? That's unpossible!


Lipstick Apathy

Skeleton Ape posted:

I can never tell if these are serious or if people really think phones work this way

Phones can be pretty loud. My aunt is a very loud talker and if I hold the receiver to my ear when she talks it's actually painful.

alpaca diseases
May 19, 2009



Aren't you just owning yourself if you choose to engage with cold callers in any capacity?

extra stout
Feb 24, 2005


Ryoshi posted:

I got a car insurance scam like once every three days for a while back in 2009 until I laid on a thick southern drawl and asked the nice man how much it would cost to insure my vee-hickle, an '86 NASA Challenger. The dude actually swore at me when he realized I was loving with him, but I actually never got called by them again.


yeah a 'thick southern drawl'

just admit you did your best amos n andy impression we won't judge you

monkey
Jan 20, 2004

by zen death robot


Yams Fan

I used to get a lot of calls from phone service providers, I started telling them I didn't have a phone in the house, and then if they started with the "but we're talking on the phone right now" bullshit, i'd be all "ARE YOU CALLING ME A LIAR??!"

dee eight
Dec 18, 2002

MONTANA
CATDRUG
CARTEL

monkey posted:

I used to get a lot of calls from phone service providers, I started telling them I didn't have a phone in the house, and then if they started with the "but we're talking on the phone right now" bullshit, i'd be all "ARE YOU CALLING ME A LIAR??!"

I did the same, but once got a guy who said "Alright, I'll bite. How are we communicating right now?"
"Direct mind-to-mind communication. Didn't you take the orientation class on the home planet"?
He laughed and hung up.

I'm waiting for the next Windus hindu call, my planned line is "I'm very sorry, I don't speak english. You should call back when I'm not at home."

food court bailiff
Oct 2, 2007

order in the sbarro


Soiled Meat

extra stout posted:

yeah a 'thick southern drawl'

just admit you did your best amos n andy impression we won't judge you

will you judge me if I have no idea who that is?

Pitdragon
Jan 20, 2004
Just another lurker

Ryoshi posted:

will you judge me if I have no idea who that is?

i will

scuba school sucks
Aug 30, 2012

The brilliance of my posting illuminates the forums like a jar of shining gold when all around is dark

struct me in carrying out my shitposting will be treated as an accessory to her crimes. As for you, Ryoshi... judgement time.

Thursday Next
Jan 11, 2004

FUCK THE ISLE OF APPLES. FUCK THEM IN THEIR STUPID ASSES.

Network Pesci posted:

When I don't have an airhorn I like to just let loose with a stream-of-consciousness rant of the most ignorant, vile, stupid, too-dumbass-for-Facebook poo poo that I ever read in the comments section on Foxnews.com. Just a stream of pustulent infected diarrhea spewing out of my mouth and into the phone, kinda like posting on GBS but with a country twang because if they think you're genuinely that ignorant and not just loving with them they'll stay on the line longer. I go for halfway between Boomhauer and Rodney Carrington, basically playing the role of that racist uncle who won't let himself understand why he never gets invited to Thanksgiving dinner any more.

"Hello this is Micheal from Cardholder Services and we're inviting you to participate in our new Credit Protection Offering at the low low cost o-"

"drat ol man lemme tell you whut man if you got a protection from aliens I'll take one. Sheeyit, I'll take two. drat ol man lemme tell you whut man they got these aliens, drat ol illegal aliens man swarming across the borders man, they got Mex-ee-cans, Kuh-yoo-bans, Hay-shans, Mar-shans, man they drat ol come over here and it aint enough now days they just wanna take our tax dollars fer welfare, man, no, they wanna take our jobs, they wanna take our women, take our shapes, take our got-drat Dee En Ay. Got-drat shape-shiftin' mind-readin' tentacle-armed green-skinned six-eyed sumbitches, I hate em! I just hate em! That got-drat Obama man, lemme tell you whut man, he got them madrassas man, got em all over Miami so he can teach em to be Muslim right off the boat, got them got-drat madrassas in Area 51 so they never get a chance to learn to be real Americans like you and me, jest go straight to bein Muslim.

You are a real American, aintcha? You ain't a got-drat Martian are ya? Good, cause I hate em! Lemme tell you whut man, my daddy told me all about it, he was a cook in the Navy and he told me all about how one time down in Niggeroggwa drat ol See Eye Ay black ops team ran into something not from this world and got their asses kicked righteous, man, that drat ol Predator man that was a drat ol true story man only them aliens these days they don't wanna jest take your ID they wanna take yer genes too. Illegal alien sumbitches. Ah seen this documentary on the History Channel man drat ol tell you whut man told me all about it. Liberals! Aliens! Got-drat the kinda world we're livin in today, ah jest don't know."

This is actually funny as gently caress to read. You typed out the accent very nicely

I don't get scam calls because I don't provide my phone number to anything ever. If something insists on a phone number, I enter one digit off of my actual number. That way if I ever use that service again / they are legit and actually need to have my number for valid reasons, I can "fix the mistake" later.

Lor
Oct 9, 2006



Fun tip: In a lot of these call centres in India the phones don't have a "hang-up" button (to prevent agents from "giving up") so you can just answer the call and say "Oh hang on, I'll just go and turn the computer on, be right back!" and leave the phone for 40+ minutes at a time.

I like to come back every 40 minutes or so and say "sorry it's running really slow hold on" then leave again.

Obviously this works best if you aren't charged for incoming calls (like here in the uk - not sure if it's the same for landlines in the US) =D

I am Toni Lippi
Aug 16, 2004


Jim Florentine, who played a few characters on Crank Yankers has a bunch of recordings of him loving with telemarketers. They're pretty drat good.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WuoGgCq3EWs

Howard Beale
Feb 22, 2001

It's like this, Peanut

all this and no talk of longmont potion castle, what a shame
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nj4JTSKH1DA

Return Of JimmyJars
Jun 24, 2006

YOU CAN NOT BUST THE KRUST


Jack Stratiff is my all time favorite https://m.youtube.com/user/JackStratiff

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Kite Pride Worldwide
Apr 20, 2009



I got a call from my 'bank' just a few weeks ago, offering... antivirus and anti-keylogger services. Do they think that will fool anyone?

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