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  • Locked thread
Egbert Souse
Nov 6, 2008

Well, it's alright to borrow from each other. What we must never do is borrow from ourselves.


*Stands over bed of sleeping couple while wearing a ski mask*

Excuse me, sir, where do you keep your Herb Alpert LPs? Also, I noticed you had some broken jewelry in your kitchen drawer.

Also, do you want Colombian or decaf for your coffee in the morning? I'll set the timer for you.

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JiveHonky
May 12, 2001

by zen death robot


Grimey Drawer

obama wants to take my guns away so that i cant deal with this nightmarish scenario. smdh

ScratchAndSniff
Sep 28, 2008

This game stinks


I'll warn you, Mr. Borglar, I was trained by bbillyk and am not to be troffled with.

Dave_Indeed
Feb 22, 2004

by FactsAreUseless


I'm super concerned with the security of my home despite living in the middle of nowhere. Any time someone pulls into my drive way to turn around I turn all the lights off and grab one of the guns by the door.

Get out of my loving drive way.

Tuxedo Gin
May 20, 2003

Classy.


burgle me bro

burgle me to death

Egbert Souse
Nov 6, 2008

Well, it's alright to borrow from each other. What we must never do is borrow from ourselves.


Ma'am, could I trouble you to hand over your keys to the Geo?

Also, I just wanted to let you know that I was taking that 20" Zenith TV I found in your basement.

Hell Yeah
Dec 25, 2012



sorry about your thread op

December Octopodes
Dec 25, 2008

Christmas is coming
the squid is getting fat!


i am not to be truffled with kind cat burglar, i am deadly allergic to truffles. so please stop making your elaborate gourmet meal please

Captain Splashback
Jan 1, 2007

BY APPOINTMENT TO HER MAJESTY
QUEEN ELIZABETH II
SPLASHBACK HOLDINGS LTD
PUCKINS AND PRINTERS PURVEYORS


Burgle my B-Hole, OP

Captain Splashback
Jan 1, 2007

BY APPOINTMENT TO HER MAJESTY
QUEEN ELIZABETH II
SPLASHBACK HOLDINGS LTD
PUCKINS AND PRINTERS PURVEYORS


Nice thread by the way

Hell Yeah
Dec 25, 2012



drain my bank account! like your mom drained my bawls!

MiracleWhale
Jun 30, 2015




<climbs in own window> haha that's so funny i just got back from burgling your house, man small world!

Egbert Souse
Nov 6, 2008

Well, it's alright to borrow from each other. What we must never do is borrow from ourselves.


Just wanted to let you know I re-set that clock in the hallway that was running a bit fast.

MiracleWhale
Jun 30, 2015




Egbert Souse posted:

Ma'am, could I trouble you to hand over your keys to the Geo?

Also, I just wanted to let you know that I was taking that 20" Zenith TV I found in your basement.

you fuckin edited this and i just wanted you to know that i know and from now on i'll be watching you

Parallax Scroll
Nov 13, 2009



FINALLY i get to legally shoot a person

Captain Splashback
Jan 1, 2007

BY APPOINTMENT TO HER MAJESTY
QUEEN ELIZABETH II
SPLASHBACK HOLDINGS LTD
PUCKINS AND PRINTERS PURVEYORS


<drops trou>

Mr. Burg-a-lur! I'm ready for youuuuuuu!

<bites index finger coyly>

dreezy
Mar 4, 2015

yeah, rip.


Parallax Scroll posted:

FINALLY i get to legally shoot a person

i believe one should only be allowed to apply the castle doctrine if their house has a moat. that shows commitment.

Egbert Souse
Nov 6, 2008

Well, it's alright to borrow from each other. What we must never do is borrow from ourselves.


Dear Homeowner,

I took your entire 1987 20 volume set of Encyclopedia Brittanica, but left a CD-ROM of the 1997 edition that I took from another house.

Cheers,

Mr. Burglar

P.S. Also scooped the litter box before I left.

Captain Splashback
Jan 1, 2007

BY APPOINTMENT TO HER MAJESTY
QUEEN ELIZABETH II
SPLASHBACK HOLDINGS LTD
PUCKINS AND PRINTERS PURVEYORS


Parallax Scroll posted:

FINALLY i get to legally shoot a person

Wait! I thought you kept your gun dismantled and in a safe programmed to unlock to the tune of Gary Numan's Cars

MiracleWhale
Jun 30, 2015




i removed your silverware, sure, but first i removed my shoes, because this seems like a shoes-off type of home

Captain Splashback
Jan 1, 2007

BY APPOINTMENT TO HER MAJESTY
QUEEN ELIZABETH II
SPLASHBACK HOLDINGS LTD
PUCKINS AND PRINTERS PURVEYORS


MiracleWhale posted:

i removed your silverware, sure, but first i removed my shoes, because this seems like a shoes-off type of home

Tricky D
Mar 31, 2005



Jokes on you. You took the time to invade my home and I have nothing of value.

Free Cheese
Sep 16, 2005
Come on, it's free

Buglord

Someone turn on the bat signal

Hell Yeah
Dec 25, 2012



Tricky D posted:

Jokes on you. You took the time to invade my home and I have nothing of value.

JiveHonky
May 12, 2001

by zen death robot


Grimey Drawer

listen egbert i get what you are trying to do here but an encounter with an intruder in ones home is not going to be tea time for bonzo, its going to be a terrifying and very dangerous situation.

even if you did help rearrange my encyclopedias or whatever i would still have to assume the worst and murder you.

im sorry but thats the reality of this thread.

murder

Captain Splashback
Jan 1, 2007

BY APPOINTMENT TO HER MAJESTY
QUEEN ELIZABETH II
SPLASHBACK HOLDINGS LTD
PUCKINS AND PRINTERS PURVEYORS


Free Cheese posted:

Someone turn on the fat signal

Fixed that for you.

Egbert Souse
Nov 6, 2008

Well, it's alright to borrow from each other. What we must never do is borrow from ourselves.


Attn: JiveHonky

Your video collection is excellent! I took the liberty of stealing your entire laserdisc collection, but not before leaving high quality DVD-R copies in their place.

MiracleWhale
Jun 30, 2015




i've stolen all the copper pipes in your walls but i wanted you to know that i shut off the main water valve first because i care about you. i'm a different kind of burglar

MiracleWhale
Jun 30, 2015




Egbert Souse posted:

Attn: JiveHonky

Your video collection is excellent! I took the liberty of stealing your entire laserdisc collection, but not before leaving high quality DVD-R copies in their place.

not bluray? you belong in jail "friend"

numberoneposter
Feb 19, 2014



i woke up once and my kitchen was clean and the recycling was done but my collection of le creusets and gloabal knives were all gone

JiveHonky
May 12, 2001

by zen death robot


Grimey Drawer

Egbert Souse posted:

Attn: JiveHonky

Your video collection is excellent! I took the liberty of stealing your entire laserdisc collection, but not before leaving high quality DVD-R copies in their place.

<---------- the argh emote is used here to indicate anger/frustration about the quoted post

Egbert Souse
Nov 6, 2008

Well, it's alright to borrow from each other. What we must never do is borrow from ourselves.


I stole all the copper wiring out of your air conditioner, but replaced the unit with a more energy efficient model better suited for your size home.

P.S. Also installed the new updates on your iPad for you

JiveHonky
May 12, 2001

by zen death robot


Grimey Drawer

MiracleWhale posted:

not bluray? you belong in jail "friend"

blu ray lacks the classic warmth of laserdisc. besides the fact that anamorphic widescreen is gross.

pan & scan baby

MiracleWhale
Jun 30, 2015




JiveHonky posted:

blu ray lacks the classic warmth of laserdisc. besides the fact that anamorphic widescreen is gross.

pan & scan baby

more like pan & scam haha pan that poo poo directly into the trash haha yknow

satanic splash-back
Jan 28, 2009



[in bed] but, how come?

Captain Splashback
Jan 1, 2007

BY APPOINTMENT TO HER MAJESTY
QUEEN ELIZABETH II
SPLASHBACK HOLDINGS LTD
PUCKINS AND PRINTERS PURVEYORS


If that burglar wakes me up without coffee, bacon, or sex, they're unleashing forces they cannot possibly comprehend let alone cope with.

Egbert Souse
Nov 6, 2008

Well, it's alright to borrow from each other. What we must never do is borrow from ourselves.


Took your dog out for a walk before I left with your exercise bike that was behind a mattress in your guest room.

MiracleWhale
Jun 30, 2015




i took the priceless picasso that was hanging in your foyer but i replaced it with a macaroni version i made just for you

Bored
Jul 26, 2007

Dude, ix-nay on the oice-vay.

Egbert Souse posted:

Dear Homeowner,

I took your entire 1987 20 volume set of Encyclopedia Brittanica, but left a CD-ROM of the 1997 edition that I took from another house.

Cheers,

Mr. Burglar

P.S. Also scooped the litter box before I left.

Lol, turd burglar

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Egbert Souse
Nov 6, 2008

Well, it's alright to borrow from each other. What we must never do is borrow from ourselves.


MiracleWhale posted:

i took the priceless picasso that was hanging in your foyer but i replaced it with a macaroni version i made just for you

On second thought, its value was way under-appraised, so I'm returning it and switching it for one of the Rothkos in your bondage room

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