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Big Mean Jerk
Jan 27, 2009

Who?
Oh! I traded him.


WickedHate posted:

If this was Star Wars that comet would already have a six book series with a critically acclaimed video game tie in.

But since this is Star Trek, that comet will be a Trojan horse for some obscure TOS race that's now threatening the federation and only Picard, Janeway, Ezri, and Chief Engineer Wesley can stop it.


Modern Trek novels are the most wallpaper paste white bread plot by numbers bores in all of sci-fi lit.

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Rhyno
Mar 22, 2003

Coach Bloodshot
Default Status: SHOUTING


Big Mean Jerk posted:

But since this is Star Trek, that comet will be a Trojan horse for some obscure TOS race that's now threatening the federation and only Picard, Janeway, Ezri, and Chief Engineer Wesley can stop it.


Modern Trek novels are the most wallpaper paste white bread plot by numbers bores in all of sci-fi lit.

I read one of Shatner's the one where he brought Kirk back to life via the Borg or something? It was so bad it wasn't even memorable.

WickedHate
Jul 31, 2013

by Lowtax


When I was a kid I thought the TNG/X-Men crossover was awesome as hell. That's my secret childhood shame.

Powered Descent
Jul 13, 2008

We haven't had that spirit here since 1969.

Big Mean Jerk posted:

Modern Trek novels are the most wallpaper paste white bread plot by numbers bores in all of sci-fi lit.

The old Trek novels from the 80s, on the other hand, were... well, okay, they were also pretty bad overall. But they were bad in tremendously different ways from book to book, and there was even the occasional good one in the mix. I remember really liking Dreadnought! and Battlestations!.

Rhyno
Mar 22, 2003

Coach Bloodshot
Default Status: SHOUTING


WickedHate posted:

When I was a kid I thought the TNG/X-Men crossover was awesome as hell. That's my secret childhood shame.

I'm sure you have many more.

Pac-Manioc Root
Jan 3, 2013

It's a little bitty place.

...Okay, I'll just wipe it off, that's all. Just a little town.

Rhyno posted:

I read one of Shatner's the one where he brought Kirk back to life via the Borg or something? It was so bad it wasn't even memorable.

He beat up/hosed everyone else in the galaxy, then turned off all the borgs by throwing a "borg on/ borg off" switch on the borg homeworld.

WickedHate
Jul 31, 2013

by Lowtax


Rhyno posted:

I'm sure you have many more.

I also liked the Young James Bond series, okay??? Leave me alooooooone

Rhyno
Mar 22, 2003

Coach Bloodshot
Default Status: SHOUTING


Otisburg posted:

He beat up/hosed everyone else in the galaxy, then turned off all the borgs by throwing a "borg on/ borg off" switch on the borg homeworld.

Jesus Christ really? No wonder I blocked it out.

Gonz
Dec 22, 2009

Jesus, did I say that? Or just think it? Was I talking? Did they hear me?


That sounds like something Kirk would do. After he slept with the Queen, of course.

MikeJF
Dec 20, 2003



The Shatnerverse is basically 'Jim Kirk is better than everyone else suck it Picard.'

Pac-Manioc Root
Jan 3, 2013

It's a little bitty place.

...Okay, I'll just wipe it off, that's all. Just a little town.

Rhyno posted:

Jesus Christ really? No wonder I blocked it out.

He got to command a jet-black Defiant-class ship rechristened the Enterprise for the duration of his mission.

V-Men
Aug 15, 2001

Don't it make your dick bust concrete to be in the same room with two noble, selfless public servants.

Rhyno posted:

I read one of Shatner's the one where he brought Kirk back to life via the Borg or something? It was so bad it wasn't even memorable.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Return_(Shatner_novel)

The only thing stopping this from being a literal Mary Sue is Kirk's rank.

WickedHate posted:

I also liked the Young James Bond series, okay??? Leave me alooooooone

Those were nowhere near as good as Young Indiana Jones.

Rhyno
Mar 22, 2003

Coach Bloodshot
Default Status: SHOUTING


God drat it Shatner.

MikeJF
Dec 20, 2003



Otisburg posted:

He got to command a jet-black Defiant-class ship rechristened the Enterprise for the duration of his mission.

I can't remember if that was the one where he married a smoking hot half-Klingon-half-Romulan chick, or was that one of the other ones.

WickedHate
Jul 31, 2013

by Lowtax


To be fair, if you were a straight man who spent the last few decades being paired up with your male co-star, you might want to aggressively assert your heterosexuality to your legions of followers too.

Tighclops
Jan 23, 2008

PARTY ON, GARTH OF IZAR


Powered Descent posted:

The old Trek novels from the 80s, on the other hand, were... well, okay, they were also pretty bad overall. But they were bad in tremendously different ways from book to book, and there was even the occasional good one in the mix. I remember really liking Dreadnought! and Battlestations!.

I distinctly remember Dreadnought! because of the cool drawing of the TOS assault shuttlecraft in the back and the fact the whole thing was centred around an awful mary sue.

The Fuzzy Hulk
Nov 22, 2007

ASK ME ABOUT CROSSING THE STREAMS



I loved the Shatnerverse books. I'm a big Kirk fan so the were just awesome to me.

Those books make more sense than Troi beating Data at chess.

Nessus
Dec 22, 2003

I still can't believe they cast Spock as me. Spock! Can you imagine?

Of course, he was missing a few things.

Powered Descent posted:

The old Trek novels from the 80s, on the other hand, were... well, okay, they were also pretty bad overall. But they were bad in tremendously different ways from book to book, and there was even the occasional good one in the mix. I remember really liking Dreadnought! and Battlestations!.
I remember buying those from the quarter bin at library sales, where they are still often present. I liked the one where a Horta is on the crew.

Astroman
Apr 8, 2001


The Fuzzy Hulk posted:

I loved the Shatnerverse books. I'm a big Kirk fan so the were just awesome to me.

Those books make more sense than Troi beating Data at chess.

You have to enjoy them for what they are and don't take them too seriously. I mean, Kirk literally fights everyone, like Worf, Riker, and Picard, and WINS.

There are some cool Kirk moments too.


Binary Badger posted:

All right, which one of you guys made this page? Kinda weak jokes, I know, but outrage is outrage..

https://www.facebook.com/Garth-Alec...tegory_pyml_rhc

I love this part from Alec Peters:

quote:

Axanar uses professionals behind and in front of the camera and thus you get different quality of work than ST:NV and STC.

Continues' lead cast are all pro actors...

Randumb Thots
Apr 5, 2015


MikeJF posted:

The Shatnerverse is basically 'Jim Kirk is better than everyone else suck it Picard.'

How can such a crummy book series be based on such a sound premise?

Seriously, I know I read them too but also have no memory of the Borg toggle switch. Geez.

remusclaw
Dec 8, 2009


Another plot point of those books was that V Ger was the result of the probe landing on the planet of the Borg. They outdid themselves with that one I think.

Cojawfee
May 31, 2006

THE CLAMPS!
or clamp like device




That's dumb because why wouldn't the Borg just go straight to Earth to start assimilating people?

remusclaw
Dec 8, 2009


I barely remember but the wiki says this;

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Return_(Shatner_novel)

"In the process, they learn that V'ger, the former Voyager 6, was actually upgraded by a division of the Borg Collective, which explains why the Borg did not assimilate Spock; they assumed the trace of V'ger in his mind from their meld (in Star Trek: The Motion Picture) was an actual link to the Collective. This also gives Starfleet another advantage; thanks to the meld, Spock knows the location of the Borg homeworld."

It made no sense to me because V Ger is on a whole nother level as a physical threat when compared to the Borg. It was not something you could fight.

Nessus
Dec 22, 2003

I still can't believe they cast Spock as me. Spock! Can you imagine?

Of course, he was missing a few things.

I believe this was actually present as a passing plot point in "Probe," which was a book set right after The Voyage Home.

Or at least it comes up in the rewrite that got published as "Probe" since that too seems to be full of some kind of drama.

Cojawfee
May 31, 2006

THE CLAMPS!
or clamp like device




Did Shatner actually write those books or did he just come up with an idea and have that husband and wife write it?

Blade_of_tyshalle
Jul 12, 2009

If you think that, along the way, you're not going to fail... you're blind.

There's no one I've ever met, no matter how successful they are, who hasn't said they had their failures along the way.



William Shatner presents
Star Trek: Jim Kirk Gets All the Pussy and Rules in Every Way
A Captain James Kirk Adventure
Written by William Shatner, star of the classic 1960's tv show Star Trek
And
So & So

Tighclops
Jan 23, 2008

PARTY ON, GARTH OF IZAR


This one time years ago I saw him on Conan promoting some new Tek War book he wrote and as soon as he said "Tek War" the audience laughed at him and he was sort of pissy for the rest of the interview

MikeJF
Dec 20, 2003



Cojawfee posted:

Did Shatner actually write those books or did he just come up with an idea and have that husband and wife write it?

The latter, presumably. They're credited as co-authors.

Kibayasu
Mar 28, 2010


MikeJF posted:

I can't remember if that was the one where he married a smoking hot half-Klingon-half-Romulan chick, or was that one of the other ones.

Same series, but I don't think it came up in Return.

Drink-Mix Man
Mar 4, 2003

Uh-huh!

Cojawfee posted:

Did Shatner actually write those books or did he just come up with an idea and have that husband and wife write it?

Tighclops posted:

This one time years ago I saw him on Conan promoting some new Tek War book he wrote and as soon as he said "Tek War" the audience laughed at him and he was sort of pissy for the rest of the interview

I also remember him going on Conan once (maybe the same one) where they asked him about his Star Trek novels and what collaboration was like with his co-authors. Shat basically said something to the effect of, "basically I go over to their place and hang out on the couch while they write." I never once believed that was an exaggeration in the slightest.

thexerox123
Aug 17, 2007



Edit: nvm, misunderstood something

thexerox123 fucked around with this message at Jul 4, 2016 around 03:56

Marshal Radisic
Oct 9, 2012


I've said this before, but the only reason to read the Shatnerverse books is to see the Reeve-Stevens spitballing their own ideas for the Trekverse. In The Return, they imagine the Borg having different "branches" that have different approaches to assimilation and expansion. One branch is more into biotech, one converts subjects into patterned energy (i.e. the guys V'ger ran into), and honestly it's way more interesting than anything canon Trek did with them after TNG ended.

Mind you, none of this holds a candle to their DS9 Millenium trilogy, where the second book pretty much becomes Trek's answer to WH40K, complete with Ayatollah Weyoun leading the Bajorans against the remains of Starfleet led by Alzheimer's Picard.

FlamingLiberal
Jan 18, 2009

DAMMIT WESLEY!!!


Millennium got to be nuts since it was an alternate universe. It did approach Shatnerverse levels of insanity though.

WampaLord
Jan 14, 2010



https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ReOw_2f4lpY

Farmer Crack-Ass
Jan 2, 2001

I, too, have lost a Kingdom.


MikeJF posted:

I can't remember if that was the one where he married a smoking hot half-Klingon-half-Romulan chick, or was that one of the other ones.

That was a different one. You're thinking of The Ashes of Eden.

MikeJF
Dec 20, 2003



Marshal Radisic posted:

Mind you, none of this holds a candle to their DS9 Millenium trilogy, where the second book pretty much becomes Trek's answer to WH40K, complete with Ayatollah Weyoun leading the Bajorans against the remains of Starfleet led by Alzheimer's Picard.

Yeah, but that was loving awesome.

Second book end with the bad guys destroying the universe.

CPColin
Sep 9, 2003

Big ol' smile.

Grimey Drawer


Get that four-foot model outta here!

Arglebargle III
Feb 21, 2006



Imo if you can tell the difference based on a photo you've wasted your life. I can tell the difference.

MikeJF
Dec 20, 2003



It's not hard to tell, just look at if the deflector housing looks curvy and well-made or abrupt and lovely I've wasted my life

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Drone
Aug 22, 2003

How can you have a yellow alert in Spacedock?


Has there really been anything about the new Trek series besides "it's gonna be in the Kelvin universe"? I have this deep fear that they're going to try to do Star Trek: The Next JJeneration and it's just going to be awful.

It's supposed to premiere in January of 2017, right? I remember when Enterprise was announced/launched and we had waaay more details in the 6 months leading up to it than we have about the new series now. Like, I remember promotional material and TV Guide covers and cast information and all that stuff being released like near the beginning of Voyager's seventh season.

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