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Who blew it the hardest?
This poll is closed.
Conor McGregor 31 15.98%
Jon Jones 163 84.02%
Total: 194 votes
[Edit Poll (moderators only)]

  • Locked thread
Bluedeanie
Jul 20, 2008

It's no longer a blue world, Max. Where could we go?




Good evening lebsen genlmen, I am Tito Ortiz, and I am back to officially welcome you to the TDG 200, of UFC, on 10 pm ET Saturday, July 9, only for paper view.

We got a AWESOME history card here folks, literally this weekend and Dana and I decided to bury the hatchet, so thanks for me, the People’s Champion, be the official voice, of the night, for the GTD here on the online, for old time sakes. I’m real excited to see the people fighting here in Las Vegas, it reminds me of the time I was ufc undisputulight heavyweight champon, and the hotel was real nice and gave me a complemenery shrimp buffay, which tasted good. But I’m here on the Fight Week for the fans, and this thread is very solidly with my hands around it, so let’s give the fans what they want, on the UFC card, of the night.

haha wow there’s girls in the UFC now, let’s see which will be the best 135 year old, of the night


Tate Cupcake. Miesha.

vs.


Amandl Noons

Miesha Cupcake was the third ever Strikeforce girl champ and now she’s the third ever UFC girl champ at a hundred thirdle pounds. She could never beat the old champ, what’s her name, Randa Rosies, but then HollHolms came and kicked her out, so Miesha came and choked her down and now she’s the champ. Pretty crazy, huh? Now Tate says she wants to fight Christiano, Santos, Cyborg, but she can’t because Cyborg can never fight in the UFC, I can show you it was never fearful about Tate but show you literally impossible. for her to be make that weight. That’s why she’s fighting for $7 in Invicta instead, where I told her to go as her manager, she was my first ever TEAM PUNISHMENT person who hire me and that means a lot, I really appreciate you all coming and. Uh. I just got a text. Oh wow she fought in UFC and I got fired… uh… wow that sucks.

Amandl Noons is like Veetor Belfort, who I got to comment-commenat-talk about on Affliction when I was their interview guy. Real powerful, real good guy, real dangerous. So what she’s a black belt in jiu jitsu. She won her first ever decison ever last time so I guess her heart, her cardio’s real good now so she’s gonna tell me, I wanna see, what she saw there in the ring, how she’s gonna feeling this night.

Two hundre-265 years old


Brockl Esner

verse


Mark Hunt “SuperSamone”

Wow, Brock is back. I used to watch him in the WWE, and I saw on an online documentary that one time there was a shark in the ocean and it was gonna eat all the people so he ran in and saved them with his big wrestling move. That was real brave, I’d have done that too but he got there first. Back in the UFC he was a champion too and did real AWESOME until he fought that Metsican guy Kane, who I thought was in the WWE too but I guess he took off the mask and came here to UFC. But anyway Brock got hit real bad and did a barrel flip and now he wasn’t the champion, then he didn’t eat his broccoli and got real sick and AliserOvreem beat him up so he went to WWE again. When I was a little kid I don’t eat my broccoli neither so my mom made me, it sucked but you gotta do what you gotta do sometimes. I like it with cheese sauce now.

Mark Hunt is a real cool strong guy who hits real hard, and he use to fight in Japan before UFC. He got his nickname from that cartoon show SuperSamone Goku I think it was, where the vegable man came and everyone screamed real loud, then his hair got blonde like mine used to be but spiky. The SuperSamone in that beat the vegable man with a dominating fashion but a vegable beat Brock Lesnar here in real life, so I think Mark Hunt will win, if you really think about it.

For a special, light heavyweight bout, of the night


DC Dannel Cormiay (c but not for the night)

verse


Anderson ďSpideSilvaĒ

Did you know they spell Daniel Cormiayís name wrong, on all the UFCs and onlines and stuff? They write it like ďCormierĒ but I heard him say it with his mouth, and thatís not how it is like that. Everyone makes fun of me on the youtube comments about not being able to talk good and stuff, but, heh, but guess Iím not the dummie now this time, huh Dana? Heheh. Danielleís real AWESOME at wrestling, heís got AWESOME punches, buddy, letís look at that. Knockouts over AnthonRumble Johnstons, and Bifgoot, and he wrestled real AWESOME in the college and Olympics. But is only loss, is to Jone Bones, who he was suppose to fight for the best light heavyweight, of the night, before a unfortunate accident with a supplemen made him too strong to fight. Buddy, let me tell him, what heís thinking tonight?

Wow I canít believe it, the 185 years old champ, Anderson Silva, back again with a dominating fashion. Buddy, let me show you, what he was champ, when I last fought for MY UFC belt, in 2006, verse Chuck Liddell. That was a long time ago, but he was champ for a long time too, not until the Allmerican Chris Weedman fought him, he knocked him out and that was crazy, then the rematch when Spider went for a kick him, and his leg got like gum you chew too long, let me tell him what he was thinking. He hasnít won in a while but thatís ok, all credit to his warriors but heís had some injuries, they were real hard to overcome, he works hard to do this, this is in his blood, fighting is what he loves, so it just wasnít his night, for four years. AWESOME, I canít wait.

To be second the next best Conor Mc-little featherweight fighter, of the night


Josay Aldo. Junior.

Verse


Frank “Edgar” Answer

This is gonna be an AWESOME fight, it was suppose be Conor McGegl verse Nake Diaz for the fight of the night, but then Conor tried to fight UFC, which take it from me Conor, buddy, that don’t work. You can’t do that. It’s too hard, they win. Then you have to fight Dana and that’s not too scary at first, you think “yeah I can beat up Dana, his bald old head.” But after a little while, you go to the office the next day, and he’s there just screamin and liftin up the whole boxing mat in the training gym up like he’s lookin for a candy, like a chip or somethin he dropped under the couch, except he’s just lifting it up with his big muscles screaming and like three of my — I mean someone else’s needles are stickin out of his rear end and it’s real bad. That’s when you realize your neck is hurt and you need a surgery. Josay Aldo lost to Conor though but that’s ok, he’s AWESOME and was the champ for a long time, and he even beat AnswerFrankie Edgar when they fought the last time.

Frankie was the champion too but at a hundred fifty five pounds, I know the fans really wanna see, him, get back in the ring, what he sees, for a belt, now. He beat Chamonl Mendes with an AWESOME ko, he beat, whatshis, Urijah Faber for first time not in a belt, he use to be, what, latest submission ever for UFC, he’s AWESOME. Best fight of the night, for a draw, with Gramanderd.

Big


Kane Vasqlez

verse


Travis Brown “Happen”

Hey it’s that Kane I told you about! He hit Brockle with a AWESOME punch, made him do uh, a flip roll, right in the cage, that was a lot of nights ago but the fans, buddy, are here to see what it’s like, and what he saw, in the cage. He was the champion twice but first he was knocked out by JSD, but then he got it back, but then it was too tall up outside, which I guess is a lot like making you feel like you need a surgery in your neck with an injury. He don’t got too good knees no more so let’s see how he does that, in the fight.

Travis and his ex wife remind me a lot of me and my sexy ex girlfriend Jenna Jameson but my lawyer is telling me to stop talking about that now, and he’s dating Randy Rousey anyway, so he’s gonna go in there real big for her, to win, buddy.

OTHER poo poo TO WATCH
Preliminary Card (Fox Sports 1), 8 pm ET
Women's Bantamweight Cat Zingano vs. Julianna Peña
Welterweight Johny Hendricks vs. Kelvin Gastelum
Bantamweight T.J. Dillashaw vs. Raphael Assunção
Lightweight Sage Northcutt vs. Enrique Marín

Preliminary Card (UFC Fight Pass), 630 pm ET
Lightweight Diego Sanchez vs. Joe Lauzon
Middleweight Gegard Mousasi vs. Thiago Santos
Lightweight Jim Miller Vs. Takanori Gomi

Official weigh-ins, now maybe idk anymore

Official snackerating for the MMA: This sandwich tray that my company Primetime 360 provided for you, ourselves, for you




and don’t forget to make your choices, of the best fighters, of the night

Bluedeanie fucked around with this message at Jul 8, 2016 around 16:50

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Bluedeanie
Jul 20, 2008

It's no longer a blue world, Max. Where could we go?



I wrote jokes for Cormier vs. Jones because I've had this card up my sleeve going on two weeks now, but Jon Jones ruined my special night. I was drat proud of them though, so I am sharing them here in honor of what could have been.


To be the best, light heavyweight, of the night

DC Dannel Cormiay (c)

verse


John Jone “Bones” (also a c)

Did you know they spell Daniel Cormiay’s name wrong, on all the UFCs and onlines and stuff? They write it like “Cormier” but I heard him say it with his mouth, and that’s not how it is like that. Everyone makes fun of me on the youtube comments about not being able to talk good and stuff, but, heh, but guess I’m not the dummie now this time, huh Dana? Heheh. Danielle’s real AWESOME at wrestling, he’s got AWESOME punches, buddy, let’s look at that. Knockouts over AnthonRumble Johnstons, and Bifgoot, and he wrestled real AWESOME in the college and Olympics. But is only loss, is to Jone Bones, who he fights for the best light heavyweight, of the night. Buddy, let me tell him, what he’s thinking tonight?

We’ve got two belts this time, folks. Champion vs. a champion, for the fight of the night. Jones beat my record for most best light heavyweight, which I don’t like, but his only loss is to Matt Hammer, who I teached on the Ultima Fighter, and you know what? I’ve noticed he don’t hear too good, which means he’s got a soft head and don’t got none of the equilibrum, so that pretty much means I for sure would beat John Jone. I definitely would, except back then my neck was bad from an injury back then, and I had some surgeries on it, so nothing to take away from Jone, he’s a warrior, but I guess it just wasn’t my night in 2011, when we would have fought.

Bluedeanie fucked around with this message at Jul 7, 2016 around 14:04

Skip My Posts
Aug 15, 2005


congrats to DC on his victory

Dan Didio
Apr 6, 2009

OMG!! WeareSOawesome!!



STop trying to make Travis Brown "Happen"

Bluedeanie
Jul 20, 2008

It's no longer a blue world, Max. Where could we go?



Also if you'd like to support my medical bills, please donate to the Bluedeanie's Self-Induced Stroke Recovery Fund on Gofundme

empty whippet box
Jun 9, 2004
A perfectly acceptable Southern gentleman


Can we test the OP for PEDs before I respond to this thread? I've been hurt too many times

Kragger99
Mar 21, 2004



Pillbug

I think I pissed my pants just reading the first sentence of this OP.
If you could make a career out of these, you'd be rich.

SquirrelGrip
Jul 4, 2012


Congrats Daniel Cormier on your victory

kimbo305
Jun 9, 2007

He is I, and I am him


gently caress, I keep whistling the Embedded theme. drat you Jon Jones.

Joey McChrist
Aug 8, 2005

I'M VINCENT KENNEDY MCMAHONDROID DAMMIT



STONE COLD 64
Oct 20, 2006

austin 3:16 says shut up. shut hte fuck up. where is my beer. i need hel

mcgregor is gonna make a bit less money but fight a month later. jones is out for two years and a whole lotta money, probably losing even more sponsors over this, in his prime.

omg chael crash
Jul 8, 2012

I'm a toxic manchild who hates everyone. I should put down the controller and get a life outside of SA and video games, but I won't. I'll also try to laugh this title off and roll with the punches like the dickbag that I am.

Frankie "Edgar" Answer

Lid
Feb 18, 2005

Rap terrorist, terrorise, tear it up
Brought gas and the matches to flare it up
Militant Michael might go psycho
On any ally or rival
Born Black, that's dead on arrival
My job is to fight for survival
In spite of these #AllLivesMatter-ass white folk


Jon Jones never reached the heights of McGregor as a superstar, ever, and it can all be put down to the simple fact he is a transparent fraud that everyone could see through. If he was just himself he could've done so much better, be an rear end in a top hat and people will love to hate you, and now his career is over and he is a pariah whereas McGregor is just an idiot.

Brock Lesnar is headlining UFC 200 after headlining UFC 100 and we are on the verge of Bisping v Hendo 2.

Nothing changes.

Josuke Higashikata
Mar 7, 2013




This OP being amazing?

Byolante
Mar 23, 2008



Bluedeanie posted:

Also if you'd like to support my medical bills, please donate to the Bluedeanie's Self-Induced Stroke Recovery Fund on Gofundme

I really want to reupload roidtech purely so it can have a new youtube id people won't automatically recognise

NowonSA
Jul 19, 2013

I am the sexiest poster in the world!


Man if only UFC hadn't been utter babies about McGregor wanting a bit of special treatment doing less press and still getting a record payday, they'd have their top tier fight to fall back on ready made. I have to imagine he'll have some sharp words about how UFC 200 ended up going down in the future!

Jon Jones continues to screw up his life in an entertaining way, ironically it makes me want to see him get punched in the octagon more every time he does. Sucks for Cormier though, best case he gets to fight some other guy with basically 0 prep time, worst case he's out of UFC 200 entirely when he was going to main event it.

UFC's gotta be real glad Brock called 'em up to get in on the action now, they'd really be hurting for star power/UFC 200 spectacle without him.

Josuke Higashikata
Mar 7, 2013




Hunt vs Lesnar is a top-tier fight for selling tickets, means as much as the Diaz Conor rematch and it's more important to them to not let people think they can demand whatever they want and get it than have Conor on the card.

UFC 202 is a huge card anyway and Dana said he has no regrets about that

Nilbop
Jun 5, 2004

Looks like someone forgot his hardhat...


As an unrepentant Conor fan I'm really enjoying the week so far, how about you lads?

Byolante
Mar 23, 2008



Nilbop posted:

As an unrepentant Conor fan I'm really enjoying the week so far, how about you lads?

It's nice you can still have fun despite your TBI

VagueRant
May 24, 2012


Oh my god, I can't believe we got the real Tito Ortiz on SA! (I'll never live that doctor thing down.)

Real mixed feelings on the Jon Jones thing. In a vaccuum, it's a fight I was definitely curious to see, especially with the slim hope that DC could beat him. But on the other hand I did not want to watch Jones win at anything, especially against DC after all that's gone on - and that seemed the far more likely outcome. Not worth being cheated out of an interesting fight, sure, but kind of a perfect headstone for Jon Jones and his stupid loving brain.

What are the odds we get a short notice fill in so DC can still fight?

Nilbop
Jun 5, 2004

Looks like someone forgot his hardhat...


Gustafson has already said he'd do it but it might just be too short notice to get anything done.

Triticum Guzzler
Jun 16, 2002


god is real and he rewards mark hunt for his devotion once more

Memento
Aug 25, 2009




Clapping Larry

VagueRant posted:

What are the odds we get a short notice fill in so DC can still fight?

DC has been at the hotel buffet since the announcement.

Josuke Higashikata
Mar 7, 2013




Triticum Guzzler posted:

god is real and he rewards mark hunt for his devotion once more

yeh

Captain Log
Oct 2, 2006

Captain Log posted:

"I AINT DYING! Choo choo motherfucker!"


Fun Shoe

I was laughing so hard at this OP that I woke up my bird.

dsriggs
May 28, 2012

MONEY FALLS...

...FROM THE SKY...

...WHENEVER HE POSTS!


WAR HUNTO!!!!!

Paulocaust
Jan 29, 2008

by FactsAreUseless


The silver lining in all of this is that if it was PEDs I never have to qualify my hate for Jon Jones with "he's a great fighter though"

Dan Didio
Apr 6, 2009

OMG!! WeareSOawesome!!



It was PEDs.

The Dave
Sep 9, 2003



This is all a false flag to get everyone to forget about Buffer going down.

Jerusalem
May 20, 2004

Would you be my new best friends?


I wished really hard that Daniel Cormier would win, and since that was impossible God found a way and delivered in the only way he could

Lloyd Boner
Oct 11, 2009

Yes officer, my name is Victoria Sonnen...berg

Jerusalem posted:

I wished really hard that Daniel Cormier would win, and since that was impossible God found a way and delivered in the only way he could

Well he also loses quite a bit financially, esp if he can't get a replacement

Jerusalem
May 20, 2004

Would you be my new best friends?


Lloyd Boner posted:

Well he also loses quite a bit financially, esp if he can't get a replacement

Hey I did my bit by winning him the fight

Agent Tough Juice
May 21, 2007

People! I'd like to say a couple words for you: If you have a dream in your life... go head! It's a possible! Go head! I can do that!


Just checked Mark Hunt's Twitter to see how he's celebrating. How do I get a job as a journalist at MarkHunt.TV?

handsome only face
Apr 22, 2010

Cockroach went out of the room in anger. And roach's go to empty room...

Cockroache's Anarchist




Bluedeanie posted:

He got his nickname from that cartoon show SuperSamone Goku I think it was, where the vegable man came and everyone screamed real loud, then his hair got blonde like mine used to be but spiky.

https://twitter.com/titoortiz/status/531582496693944323

EmmyOk
Aug 11, 2013




lmao

genderfluid and beautiful
Feb 1, 2005



Thank you for a loving amazing GDT. I could hire you, hear you nararraying the whole time

Keg
Sep 22, 2014


Wonderful 1st page for wonderful weekend

Stealth Tiger
Nov 14, 2009



First, incredible OP.

I really wouldn't mind at all if they put cormier in a non title fight with gustaffson. It's one thing to get in the cage and fight because you're a loving fighter, and another thing to get in there and put a lot on the line without any time to prepare.
However, I am very worried that 99 percent of MMA fans would think cormier is a pussy for not putting the belt on the line, but he's not a pussy anymore since he made Jon Jones cry.

handsome only face
Apr 22, 2010

Cockroach went out of the room in anger. And roach's go to empty room...

Cockroache's Anarchist




https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6E1mOc73AVc&hd=1

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Keg
Sep 22, 2014


Joe Lauzon is the coolest redditor

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