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Original_Z
Jun 14, 2005
Z so good
I forgot the absolute easiest country to immigrate to, Svalbard! For Americans, no visa is needed to live or work there. It's probably a miserable place to live and the job opportunities are limited, but it's always an option!

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vintagepurple
Jan 31, 2014

by Nyc_Tattoo

PT6A posted:

Actual French people, as in "people from France," are expected to learn the local dog-howling.

Reponding "oui" instead of "OUUAAAAIS" is enough to get some québécois to switch to bad english. Also one flight attendant couldn't understand "jus d'orange" after about four repetitions despite seemingly being a native dog-howl speaker. My dad's family was France french and actual french people regularly complement my accent, so take my experience how you will.

If you move to Canada OP, expect to find no potential anglophone partner even willing to consider Montréal as a city of choice, despite it being aeons more enjoyable and liveable than Toronto or Vancouver even as a 100% anglo speaker.

vintagepurple fucked around with this message at 23:09 on Jul 17, 2016

KYOON GRIFFEY JR
Apr 12, 2010



Runner-up, TRP Sack Race 2021/22

Original_Z posted:

I forgot the absolute easiest country to immigrate to, Svalbard! For Americans, no visa is needed to live or work there. It's probably a miserable place to live and the job opportunities are limited, but it's always an option!

They play golf on a course of packed snow using dark balls. Someone has to bring a rifle in case of bears.

GREAT WHITE NORTH
Feb 23, 2010
Well, if you seriously wanted to leave the USA, one possible route is through Ukraine. Yes, Ukraine, but hear me out: you can enter Ukraine for up to 90 days free with a US Passport. From there, as long as you sound competent, remember to shower and shave regularly, and are white, you can settle there, teach English, find your own clientele (or steal your school's clients by underbidding them - a lot of the expat school directors are sleazy bastards, they deserve it) and schmooze your way to some oligarch's heart. Once done so, he'll arrange for you to have a visa and residency permit (locally called a pozvidka) and you'll be kind of an ESL consultant for his company and you'll have permission to live there. The drawbacks of this plan include a backbreaking work schedule in Kyiv (and let's be honest, if you don't speak Ukrainian or Russian your best shot is in Kyiv), the language barrier, lotso racism, sexism and such, higher risk of thyroid cancer, unstable economic conditions, and cage fights to the death for to right to rent crappy studio apartments in Kyiv (if you don't make the big bucks). But in Ukraine's defense, the women are gorgeous (but materialistic), the borscht and salo are great once you develop a taste for them, there's a surprising amount of cool nature and historical sites to visit once you figure out one of the national languages, and it's cheap to live there, except the rent in Kyiv will set you back a bit.
I'm only half-joking here - I met an American national and an Englishman who did just this in Kyiv, and both still live there to this day. Alternatively, if you have a license to teach in the USA, you can easily find work at an international school there and they should this through legal channels, plus throw in a housing stipend and a Russian language tutor.

Sic Semper Goon
Mar 1, 2015

Eu tu?

:zaurg:

Switchblade Switcharoo

GREAT WHITE NORTH posted:

Well, if you seriously wanted to leave the USA, one possible route is through Ukraine.

He's having a melodramatic meltdown about the US's police force, do you honestly think he'd do any better in the gulag?

P-Mack
Nov 10, 2007

vintagepurple posted:

Reponding "oui" instead of "OUUAAAAIS" is enough to get some québécois to switch to bad english. Also one flight attendant couldn't understand "jus d'orange" after about four repetitions despite seemingly being a native dog-howl speaker. My dad's family was France french and actual french people regularly complement my accent, so take my experience how you will.

If you move to Canada OP, expect to find no potential anglophone partner even willing to consider Montréal as a city of choice, despite it being aeons more enjoyable and liveable than Toronto or Vancouver even as a 100% anglo speaker.

My grandmother lives in Montreal, it's pretty nice, good food and some great architecture.

Her best friend's son was shot to death a few years back by police who mistakenly thought he had a gun, though, so it might not be perfect for the OP.

RagnarokAngel
Oct 5, 2006

Black Magic Extraordinaire
Convert to Judaism, move to Israel.

May not be the top of your list if you want a place that doesn't oppress others though.

Waci
May 30, 2011

A boy and his dog.
Seriously though, move to Svalbard. Sure, job opportunities are pretty limited, but otherwise it is a very chill place.

feedmegin
Jul 30, 2008

RagnarokAngel posted:

Convert to Judaism, move to Israel.

This is, uh, not easy, at least if you want to satisfy the variety of Judaism that runs Israeli immigration regulations, if I recall correctly.

RagnarokAngel
Oct 5, 2006

Black Magic Extraordinaire

feedmegin posted:

This is, uh, not easy, at least if you want to satisfy the variety of Judaism that runs Israeli immigration regulations, if I recall correctly.

It was a joke, but I assume you are talking about orthodox judaism which isn't quite right. Any reform, conservative or orthodox synagogue recognized will fulfill the requirements. And ironically many orthodox converts have run into barriers because the orthodox movement has a lot less uniformity than the other 2 (which have organizations that oversee the conversion as following standard requirements ).

peanut
Sep 9, 2007


There are some countries that offer citizenship after a few years of military service.

ToxicSlurpee
Nov 5, 2003

-=SEND HELP=-


Pillbug

peanut posted:

There are some countries that offer citizenship after a few years of military service.

For that matter you can basically create an entire new French identity after spending a few years (four, I think?) in the French Foreign Legion. Then you can be like "gently caress this America poo poo, I'm French now." Apparently you don't even need to speak French to join; they'll teach you while you're there.

P-Mack
Nov 10, 2007

ToxicSlurpee posted:

For that matter you can basically create an entire new French identity after spending a few years (four, I think?) in the French Foreign Legion. Then you can be like "gently caress this America poo poo, I'm French now." Apparently you don't even need to speak French to join; they'll teach you while you're there.

I think they "teach" French by beating the poo poo out if you until you learn it or die.

NihilismNow
Aug 31, 2003
Also the foreign legion sort of exists to maintain France's influence over its former colonies. I imagine people like the OP find this deeply problematic.

Sic Semper Goon
Mar 1, 2015

Eu tu?

:zaurg:

Switchblade Switcharoo

NihilismNow posted:

Also the foreign legion sort of exists to maintain France's influence over its former colonies. I imagine people like the OP find this deeply problematic.

If he's anything like the perpetually outraged uni students of my nation, he's convinced that his homeland (USA) is pseudo-Nazi Germany, and literally every other nation is a socialist utopia with no problems whatsoever.

Such as this:

jeff smisek
May 18, 2009


teen witch posted:

Heartily seconded. I recently moved from the US to Sweden and plot twist: there is still racism, sexism and generalised oppression here too! It's just a different flavor of it. Admittedly, I'm not worried a cop will kill me because I'm brown on a day that ends in Y, but there is still the Swedish Democrats, amid many other varieties of bigot here. I feel safer in Sweden, comparatively speaking, but I don't feel safe. Oppression speaks all languages.

[Effort post] If you are honest to goodness serious about this, learn languages. Be loving fluent as all get out. Look for job offers that suit your talents, and are willing to go through the labyrinthine hurdles to get you out of the country. Go to school in a different country if you can (I know a few people going to grad school in Canada or England). Meet people from all around the world, even if its online. But keep in mind, it isn't just financial or incredible time consuming effort, it's also emotionally taxing as well. I left everything I knew, in the country I grew up in all my life, to start my life with someone I love. I miss seeing my dog every day, I miss seeing my friends, I am now the outsider, the stranger in a strange land, and it's scary. On a near daily basis I sound like a weird mumbly mess in Swedish. My sleeping schedule still hasn't quite adjusted to the 3am sunrises here (why). I had a close friend succumb to cancer weeks ago and I couldn't go to the funeral. I'm still dealing with the cosmic horror of seeing someone that looks like my dad being executed livestream, even in Sweden.

And all that you DO love in America, family, friends, dogs, Taco Bell, whatever; all that is left behind for a Mega City-lite dystopia. You can't take them all with you.

While moving to an English speaking country won't have as many difficulties (like Canada as you mentioned), moving to Sweden is the scariest thing I've ever done. In my case, I feel that it's worth it, despite all the difficulties, as I'm finally, *finally* getting to live with the person I want to spend the rest of my life with. I'm also tremendously lucky and privileged for being an American, because there are a TON of refugees trying to get in, fleeing actual daily living hells, and I feel that I pretty much slowly waltzed on in. Said refugees get it WAY worse, and it's getting even harder for them to escape Judge Dredd nightmares. I'm lucky because I was born in America and fell in love with a goon utterly wonderful person.

So you can stay and fight the shitstorms, hopefully making it better for you and others around you, now and to come in the future (which I am very much for), OR you can take an oftentimes complex and rough road to getting the gently caress out of there. But realize what also entails with "I'm loving LEAVING to Canada" card, and that it may not be all too different on the other side. [/effort post]

e: it's 3AM and it shows in my post.

I also fell in love with a swede, who has spent the past 2.5 years telling me to move there and I keep saying no because I feel like it's impossible, or that no one wants an American. So instead I visit every year and it's heartbreaking. How did you move? Did you get a job offer beforehand or something like that? He tells me just to up and leave and figure it out when I get there, but I don't want to break any laws or anything.

SurfaceDetail
Feb 17, 2016

by Cowcaster

yeahiamghos posted:

Shut the gently caress up.

Original_Z
Jun 14, 2005
Z so good

Sic Semper Goon posted:

If he's anything like the perpetually outraged uni students of my nation, he's convinced that his homeland (USA) is pseudo-Nazi Germany, and literally every other nation is a socialist utopia with no problems whatsoever.

Such as this:



Reminds me of the idiot who wrote this list:

http://www.cheatsheet.com/business/7-most-corrupt-countries.html

quote:

There has to be an honorable mention for the United States, which many people figure has to be the most corrupt nation on Earth.

Many people, AKA ignorant college students.

Hogge Wild
Aug 21, 2012

by FactsAreUseless
Pillbug

Original_Z posted:

Probably the easiest country for Americans to move and work in is the Netherlands, with the Dutch-American Friendship Treaty.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/DAFT

You just need to create some business that relates to both of the countries (internet freelance work would probably be good enough), and have a small amount of money to invest in the business. You get two years, and it seems like you'd be able to change it to a proper job visa if the opportunity presents itself, or you can renew it if your business is successful (I'd imagine it would have to be if you can sustain yourself in the country for two years).

swamp germany would be a fitting place for a mentally ill furry like the op

-Blackadder-
Jan 2, 2007

Game....Blouses.
Question for Euro goons: how accurate is the movie A Good Year? Do people in the French countryside really just work 12 hour weeks, then chill the gently caress out while drinking wine and chuckling at American protestant work ethic brain washing?

Waci
May 30, 2011

A boy and his dog.
Take a guess.

peanut
Sep 9, 2007


Oui (when they're not on strike)

Jeza
Feb 13, 2011

The cries of the dead are terrible indeed; you should try not to hear them.
Sometimes, I reflect that a large slice of people are mentally incapable of handling the free flow of information available on the internet. Sorry you weren't born in the past OP, when you could have lived a life of blissful ignorance.

duckmaster
Sep 13, 2004
Mr and Mrs Duck go and stay in a nice hotel.

One night they call room service for some condoms as things are heating up.

The guy arrives and says "do you want me to put it on your bill"

Mr Duck says "what kind of pervert do you think I am?!

QUACK QUACK
You can get a 'work' visa (of sorts) in Cambodia by ticking a different box when you arrive and paying an extra $15/month. Barwork will net you maybe $10-15 per day, you could probably get a single room with a fan (possibly not working) for $50/month and the food is cheap. The police are so corrupt they make their American counterparts look like Jesus Christ himself; since your visa won't exactly be a work visa (it's a 'business' visa) you'll need to bribe them whenever your papers are checked, which will be regularly. The good news is that the bribe will only be about $5, the bad news is that once your card is marked that'll be a pretty regular stream of $5 bills leaving your pocket.

You won't feel homesick though - they use the US dollar, think they can speak English and everyone who is anyone is armed to the loving teeth.

Good luck OP!


edit: Their health services are beyond comparison as well. The standard advice to cure someone of unconsciousness is to lay the patient in a prone position on their back and walk around them three times. Whether this should be done in a clockwise or anti-clockwise direction differs between medical practitioners, so it's generally best to do both. Broken bones can be cured with the application of tiger-balm; if this is not available then any sticky smelly substance will suffice. Concussion is a myth and cancer is cured with antibiotics.

Whether you consider this better or worse than the American system is up to you.

duckmaster fucked around with this message at 05:00 on Jul 31, 2016

KaiserSchnitzel
Feb 23, 2003

Hey baby I think we Havel lot in common
OP you would move to another country as an immigrant. Nobody would give a poo poo that you are an American citizen and they probably would tell you to shut the gently caress up about it at the earliest opportunity.

If you want to know what it's like to escape oppression, you need look no farther than the Syrian situation to put things in perspective.

Just loving vote and don't be a whiny limpdick about everything.

On the other hand, it's pretty easy to move to Canada and it's not a bad place to live if you don't mind the weather.

Reznor
Jan 15, 2006

Hot dinosnail action.
I would support the op that it really looks like the American empire will have decline in our life time so getting out while the getting good seems prudent.

Globalization and climate change have already hit America pretty hard and going to a place with a nhs and a right to vacation time at work sounds like a better deal than we are likely to get here


All that is assuming that we don't go all robocop. Which we factually might. Once I get enough schooling in to be able to leave the US. I am going to look into it seriously.

Yorkshire Pudding
Nov 24, 2006



Reznor posted:

I would support the op that it really looks like the American empire will have decline in our life time so getting out while the getting good seems prudent.

Globalization and climate change have already hit America pretty hard and going to a place with a nhs and a right to vacation time at work sounds like a better deal than we are likely to get here


All that is assuming that we don't go all robocop. Which we factually might. Once I get enough schooling in to be able to leave the US. I am going to look into it seriously.

CollegeSophomore.txt

feedmegin
Jul 30, 2008

Reznor posted:

I would support the op that it really looks like the American empire will have decline in our life time so getting out while the getting good seems prudent.

Globalization and climate change have already hit America pretty hard and going to a place with a nhs and a right to vacation time at work sounds like a better deal than we are likely to get here

If you think climate change is going to hit the US hard, wait til you see what the Gulf Stream drying up is going to do to our post-Brexit Mad Max wilderness over here in the UK :sun: (or more precisely a total lack of :sun:)

doverhog
May 31, 2013

Defender of democracy and human rights 🇺🇦

KaiserSchnitzel posted:

OP you would move to another country as an immigrant. Nobody would give a poo poo that you are an American citizen and they probably would tell you to shut the gently caress up about it at the earliest opportunity.

From my experience, American ex pats are seen in a positive light, as long as they are willing to denounce US actions like the Iraq war and say they hate Bush. Also admit America isn't all that "great". You will be seen as one of the good ones and can tell stories about wearing a cowboy hat and eating large hamburgers.


*also* Gulf Stream disappearing is an unproven theory, it hasn't happened yet and never might.

Sulphagnist
Oct 10, 2006

WARNING! INTRUDERS DETECTED

jeff smisek posted:

I also fell in love with a swede, who has spent the past 2.5 years telling me to move there and I keep saying no because I feel like it's impossible, or that no one wants an American. So instead I visit every year and it's heartbreaking. How did you move? Did you get a job offer beforehand or something like that? He tells me just to up and leave and figure it out when I get there, but I don't want to break any laws or anything.

Swedish regulations are pretty lax if you're the spouse of a Swedish citizen or a permanent resident. You'll have to tie the knot but if you do, and you can show you've met regularly and dated for a while, getting a long-term visa should be pretty simple. Migrationsverket has a good website in English, check it out.

Scandinavian immigration systems are lenient and flexible enough that you generally don't need a lawyer to immigrate if you have reasonable cause to immigrate (family, work, studying). It's not America and it's not impossible. There are no quotas or multiple year waits. If you two are serious, get on that poo poo.

Earwicker
Jan 6, 2003

doverhog posted:

From my experience, American ex pats are seen in a positive light, as long as they are willing to denounce US actions like the Iraq war and say they hate Bush

what year do you think it is?

doverhog
May 31, 2013

Defender of democracy and human rights 🇺🇦
Never forget, never forgive. The refugee crisis is a good reminder too, always hate on Bush.

doverhog fucked around with this message at 13:47 on Aug 5, 2016

feedmegin
Jul 30, 2008

Antti posted:

Swedish regulations are pretty lax if you're the spouse of a Swedish citizen or a permanent resident. You'll have to tie the knot but if you do, and you can show you've met regularly and dated for a while, getting a long-term visa should be pretty simple. Migrationsverket has a good website in English, check it out.

Scandinavian immigration systems are lenient and flexible enough that you generally don't need a lawyer to immigrate if you have reasonable cause to immigrate (family, work, studying). It's not America and it's not impossible. There are no quotas or multiple year waits. If you two are serious, get on that poo poo.

There are no quotas or multiple year waits for people marrying US citizens and moving to the US either. Most first world countries are like that. The thing is you need to be committed enough to someone to marry them - and, generally, if you divorce within a few years of moving there you'll get kicked out, too. No country wants sham marriage immigrants after all.

Sheep
Jul 24, 2003
Lots of good options have been mentioned, but some easy ones have been ignored: lots of Central/South American countries will grant you residency if you have a relatively meager residual income ($800/mo in Ecuador). Panama is also super lax as of late and doesn't even require you to reside there while counting down towards naturalization.

If you've got cash you can straight up buy a passport from Malta (650,000 Euros + 16k/year for 5 years to satisfy property requirements and a 150k bond investment). Cyprus (the real part, not the fake Northern Cyprus Turkish part) does something similar that a lot of Russian oligarchs take advantage of. These are the easiest non-Svalbard ways into the EU for Americans that don't involve hijinks with EU territories in the Carribean or that French island off the coast of Canada.

Though not technically separate countries, in a lot of ways Guam, the US Virgin Islands, American Samoa, and Puerto Rico might as well be.

Sheep fucked around with this message at 04:14 on Aug 6, 2016

Reznor
Jan 15, 2006

Hot dinosnail action.

Tequila Sunrise posted:

CollegeSophomore.txt


So what? America is the greatest nation? Or things haven't steadily been getting more crazy over time? In all seriousness what is your objection here?

NihilismNow
Aug 31, 2003

Reznor posted:

All that is assuming that we don't go all robocop. Which we factually might. Once I get enough schooling in to be able to leave the US. I am going to look into it seriously.

And go where? Can you point me to a country where things are not either terrible or in decline for "normal" people (if you are rich lots of places are great to live)?

teen witch
Oct 9, 2012

Antti posted:

Swedish regulations are pretty lax if you're the spouse of a Swedish citizen or a permanent resident. You'll have to tie the knot but if you do, and you can show you've met regularly and dated for a while, getting a long-term visa should be pretty simple. Migrationsverket has a good website in English, check it out.

Scandinavian immigration systems are lenient and flexible enough that you generally don't need a lawyer to immigrate if you have reasonable cause to immigrate (family, work, studying). It's not America and it's not impossible. There are no quotas or multiple year waits. If you two are serious, get on that poo poo.


jeff smisek posted:

I also fell in love with a swede, who has spent the past 2.5 years telling me to move there and I keep saying no because I feel like it's impossible, or that no one wants an American. So instead I visit every year and it's heartbreaking. How did you move? Did you get a job offer beforehand or something like that? He tells me just to up and leave and figure it out when I get there, but I don't want to break any laws or anything.

Apologies for not seeing this sooner!

It was shockingly easy for me to get in, but it takes a bit and there is kind of a mystery as to how long exactly it can take. Migrationsverket is kind of a mess at times, but they will help if you can get the right person. I currently don't have a job here, but my goal is to really get a grasp of the language and then go for work (like 99% of people here speak English but it's a pride thing for me).

So I met my partner on SA and he came over a few times to RI/NY and even that was enough for me to go over there. They usually see if your partner has a job and adequate accommodations (though we live in a glorified studio so). We dated for nearly 2.5-3 years, I had an interview at the Swedish Consulate in NYC (also! if you live near NY/DC it will be a bit easier!), it took a few months and panicked calls to MS, but we had no hiccups.

Something I would advise you: check out thelocal.se, it's an English website for Swedish news and information for expats/immigrants. They also have a forum, but if you thought SA can be snotty, thelocal.se can be so much worse, and kind of gatekeeper-y regarding information. It isn't all gloom and doom if you wish to move here. It's exhausting and stressful, but worth it when you reach the other end.

I don't have PM but my partner, Gedt, does and he can pass along my contact info from there if you have any questions! I'm totally down to demystify the whole process/moral support.

Hogge Wild
Aug 21, 2012

by FactsAreUseless
Pillbug
imo you should instead try to drag your swede to america

Positive Optimyst
Oct 25, 2010

by FactsAreUseless
Perhaps the OP, "Skunk" was a bit....drunk....when he/she posted.

We need to know many more things about his/her situation.

Education
Foreign Language ability
Skills
Savings amount to allow to find a work permit
Can he/she qualify for a for a work permit?
What country?

OP, Skunk....

We're waiting.

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jeff smisek
May 18, 2009


Hogge Wild posted:

imo you should instead try to drag your swede to america

This place sucks a lot honestly

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