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congressman: Ah, hello, yes, I seem to be having some troubles with the economy? I set up some tax breaks for the rich but it doesn't seem to be doing anything? Should I try shutting it down? tech support: Whoa whoa...actually not in this case, please do not shut the government down, that won't do any goo- congressman, interrupting: Are you sure? My finger's on the button, I bet it wouldn't take any time at all. Or maybe I could just ignore it an it will go away? tech support: Well actually you might try helping the poor and middle class, if you'll navigate to your settings we can do some configuration that will allo- congressman: Oh thank you, that is a great idea! I bet we can cut some of those programs that help the poor, that ought to do the trick! tech support: Actually- congressman: Thanks, I'm sure I'll be in touch soon, you know how I am will all this government stuff! |
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Jul 13, 2016 03:37
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Supreme Court: Hi there, we're calling because we've lost a user and we can't seem to get another one added. Can you help us? support: Just a moment...yes...it appears your administration has recommended a replacement, but your senate hasn't completed the approval process yet. Once they do, you'll be all set! Supreme Court: Well, they don't seem to be doing it. Isn't there something we can do to move this along? How are we supposed to continue with an even number of users? Our workflow really doesn't support that, you know. support: I'd have to speak with the senate but there are a few amendment options or vote denials that might allow you to bypass the normal settings. I can't guarantee it will work, though, this is an unusual situation... Supreme Court: *sigh* |
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Jul 13, 2016 03:49
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congressman: Hi, it's me again! I was wondering, it seems like there isn't much activity going on...could you take a look at my account and let me know if everything is in order? support: Certainly, just a moment. It appears you are coming up on a 2 week recess, you won't be able to get much done during that time, and that's probably why not much is happening right now. congressman: Haha, oh well, that make sense, I guess we'll just have to procrast- I mean, delay making any important decisions for a little while longer, since there is a recess. Thank you! support: Actually, you do have the option to delay the recess, I'd be happy to help you with that, you can just- congressman: Oh no, I wouldn't want to go to all that trouble, when the recess is already scheduled and everything. We'll just have to work - or not work, haha!- around it! Thanks again! support: *sigh* |
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Jul 13, 2016 04:17
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How I get IT job for Government?
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Jul 13, 2016 04:17
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congressman: hello tech support? lobbyist: you'll be connected with tech support in 30 seconds but first please view this ad...
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Jul 13, 2016 04:20
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Senator: uhh hello, the majority of my colleagues and I are trying to install a new program, but it won't let us?? IT: ah well, you need admin privileges to do that, let me patch you through to our sys admin (Transfer) Obama: *sigh* hello? |
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Jul 13, 2016 14:46
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Luvcow posted:congressman: hello tech support? alnilam posted:Senator: uhh hello, the majority of my colleagues and I are trying to install a new program, but it won't let us?? lol
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Jul 13, 2016 14:52
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Microwaves Mom posted:How I get IT job for Government? very carefully |
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Jul 13, 2016 15:40
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Thank you for calling the automated party suggestion support line. Your ideas are very important to us. Please choose from the following options: Say or press 1 for the Democratic Party Say or press 2 for the Republican Party Say or press 3 for Independents Bernie: Three Operator: I'm sorry, I didn't understand that. Please say or press your selection again. Bernie: Three Operator: I'm sorry, I didn't understand that. Please say or press your selection again. Bernie: Thre- Operator: I'm sorry, I didn't understand that. Please say or press your selection again. Bernie: *jabs 3 impatiently* Operator: I'm sorry, I didn't understand that. Please say or press your selection again. Bernie: *sigh* One Operator: Thank you! Please wait while you call is transferred! City of Glompton fucked around with this message at 16:28 on Jul 13, 2016 |
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Jul 13, 2016 16:23
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City of Glompton posted:Thank you for calling the automated party suggestion support line. Your ideas are very important to us. Please choose from the following options: |
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Jul 13, 2016 16:29
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Thank you for calling Govermental Election Support: Please press 1 for Hillary Clinton. Please press 2 for Donald Trump. Please press 3 for Ebola *Presses 1* Sorry, option not available. Please try again. *Presses 2* Sorry, option not available. Please try again. .... *Presses 3* Congratulations, you've voted for: Hillary Trump.
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Jul 13, 2016 18:03
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<3 
<3 Vanisher
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Uxzuigal posted:Thank you for calling Govermental Election Support: *mashes 3*
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Jul 13, 2016 18:34
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Member of Congress: Hi. We're trying to run the program, "Pass legislation", but we're having trouble. IT: What sort of trouble are you having? MC: Well, every session we input lots of bills, but we're not getting any output, and when do get it to run, the output gets stuck in the presidential veto queue. IT: Let me check to see if there are any missing dependencies or modules. Oh, here we go - the bipartisan compromise, effective leadership, and statesmanship modules don't seem to be running. Your system also seems to be infected with the "pandering to the base" and "running for office instead of running the country" malware. MC: Oops. Sorry. I have to go now. Let's work on fixing this another time. I have to go back to my district for a campaign fundraiser. IT: Darn. If they'd let us fix the dependency problems and clean up that malware, we could zero out the presidential veto queue, too.
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Jul 13, 2016 21:00
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Barking Gecko posted:Member of Congress: Hi. We're trying to run the program, "Pass legislation", but we're having trouble.
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Jul 13, 2016 21:39
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IT fellow: this is IT, how can I assist you today? CM: ugh, I thought you guys knew what you were doing. Okay so I'm sitting here at my desk and lowerclass.exe isn't working. Its log file keeps getting bigger and bigger and isnt clearing out. IT: oh, yes I've been getting lots of calls about that this cycle. Let me check some of your system settings real quick... IT: Okay it looks like in the config most of the services that need to be running in order for lowerclass to work efficiently have been disabled. The actual program itself is running, and while it's performance isn't optimal it's absolutely doing everything it can with the resources allocated to it. If you just give me a minute I can fix these settings. CM: no, no, don't do that, I intentionally turned those settings off. Shouldn't the program just work itself out of the situation it's in? I mean if it can run better why doesn't it just run better? I think the program should work without any of those services. IT: Sir, that's not quite how it works. CM: Whatever, I don't know why I called you guys in the first place. This probably isn't even that big of a problem! I'm just going to ignore it *click* |
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Jul 13, 2016 22:30
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I Was The Fury posted:IT fellow: this is IT, how can I assist you today? Dependencies eh? I blame shoddy programming. |
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Jul 13, 2016 22:33
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IT Manager: alright guys I have some bad news. The higher ups have said we need to grant the user group "local authorities" the permissions to permanently delete entries from citizenlist.xlsx without having to submit a request form IT employee: what? No, there's thousands of users in that group, and most of them slept through training. They're going to ruin the file! ITM: I know but we don't really have a choice. ITE: can we at least track the changes they make? ITM: I asked that too. We can't have any automated system do it so well have to just have to hope that someone else starts keeping track. ITE: What if someone deletes an entry without following procedure? ITM: 2 weeks paid vacation, possible lateral transfer to another branch. |
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Jul 13, 2016 22:46
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Wow. This got really dark really fast. Not as dark as IRL, but drat! Keep it up!
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Jul 14, 2016 00:34
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IT manager: Good morning, board. I requested this meeting to ask for an increase in the IT budget. Our server room is continually getting outdated hardware added to it and is not getting any kind of infrastructure upgrade or maintenance. About half of the board of directors: So what? You're getting things added, just be happy about it. ITM: Well the server hardware is outdated and is all being stuffed into a small room that only has a single box fan. The equipment is starting to overhe- AHOTBOD: HEY watch it, that word has been banned. We call it "approaching the peak of temperature" now ITM: Oh, sorry, I'll keep that in mind. Well our servers have been approaching the peak of temperature, gradually getting worse, and I'd like to get ahead of the problem before disaster strikes One board member who speaks up: uh, my office is a nice 72F every day, I don't think there's a problem AHOTBOD: sounds good, meeting adjourned. |
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Jul 14, 2016 00:56
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/Activate Article 50. ###The UK is now self-destructing### Boris Johnson: Uh, yeah, hi... I think we just hosed up abit here.. We activated Article 50, and now the system is self destructing! IT Support: Yeah, that's a safety feature incase someone were dumb enough to Brexit.. Boris Johnson: Anything we can do? IT Support: Yeah, apply for an Irish passport!
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Jul 14, 2016 01:25
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Conservative judge: I need a male to male vga cable It: that's just a vga cable, you don't need to say male to male. Cj: I dissent |
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Jul 14, 2016 02:03
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The Firewall just got ten feet higher
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Jul 14, 2016 02:04
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YOUR UPGRADE IS READY TO INSTALL President 44.2 is about to expire. Upgrade to President 45.1 for free now! *groans, clicks "remind me later"* |
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Jul 14, 2016 02:36
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I Was The Fury posted:Conservative judge: I need a male to male vga cable |
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Jul 14, 2016 03:43
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I Was The Fury posted:IT Manager: alright guys I have some bad news. The higher ups have said we need to grant the user group "local authorities" the permissions to permanently delete entries from citizenlist.xlsx without having to submit a request form google THIS posted:YOUR UPGRADE IS READY TO INSTALL
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Jul 14, 2016 04:32
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Congress: hi, I can't launch any new programs on my system IT: looks like your system is running a serious memory deficit. maybe try closing some of your existing programs? Congress: what? and risk the whole thing crashing? IT: um, what about pork_barrel.exe. I'm pretty sure that's not even approved software... Congress: hey, never mind what's in that folder! IT: well, you could always install more RAM. our machines have the least amount of any comparable setup. Congress: and how to you expect me to ask them to pay for more RAM? I'll just download some more from that Chinese website... IT: *sigh* |
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Jul 14, 2016 04:46
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voter: Hi, I'm calling to report a bug. support: Certainly, what is the issue you're running into? voter: I keep pressing the 'vote' button on the 'ballot' module, but nothing happens. I've followed all the instructions but nothing changes. I have several friends who've had the same thing happen to them. support: Let me take a look. Ah, it appears you're running on Represent 2.0. That's actually the expected behavior, so you have nothing to worry about. It's a feature, not a bug!  Is there anything else I can help with today? voter: How do I upgrade to DirectDemo? support: I'm sorry you seem to be breaking up, I'm going to disconnect the call now, have a good day! |
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Jul 14, 2016 16:37
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I Was The Fury posted:AHOTBOD 
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Jul 14, 2016 19:24
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City of Glompton posted:voter: Hi, I'm calling to report a bug.
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Jul 15, 2016 16:00
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| # ? Apr 24, 2024 09:23 |
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- IT Tech Support: How may I help you? - Erdogan: Hey, about that Democracy that we uninstalled earlier.. Is there any way to reinstall it? - IT Tech Support: *Hangs up*
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Jul 15, 2016 23:45
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