a friend's dad

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > General Bullshit > a friend's dad

a misanthrope: Jun 21, 2010

Sheep-Goats posted:

I was over at my friends house in middle school and he had an apple tree on a lot that only made these kinda small bad looking apples. They weren't crab apples they were just lousy apples. He showed me that you could take about a four foot long stick and jam it into the apple then use the stick to wing that fucker real far away. We were chucking them over a city block and the houses that were on it so they smashed into the street the next block over and exploded in good fashion. His dad, who is and was a huge pussy, came out and saw us doing this, then got into a hippie camper van and slowly drove around the block to see the carnage, then drove back and parked, all while we were throwing apples. Then he came up to us and said "You can't be doing this! It's making a huge mess in the street! This isn't New Jersey!!!" and huffed back into the house.

This same dad "retired" from the world's cushiest job as a fine arts professor at a university in his thirties. He is a potter so this was the only conceivable avenue of income for him and he just hosed it off. My friend didn't have heat in his house growing up because of it. He had to wear his sister's hand me down pants one year because of it.

After my friend was out of college his grandma died and this gave him enough money to go back to college to be a nurse (this is what his sister and brother ended up doing too). His grandma also gave his dad about ten million dollars in her will. So now he is a comfortably wealthy man who bought a car for his ex wife (my friend's mom died of lung cancer in 5th grade, this is his second wife that he was married to for a few months in his sixties) and go on package tours to Italy all the time.

sheep goats, i gotta be honest and say i been away a while and dont remember if i like you or not

but this? this thread here? this is a bad thread. i will reserve judgement on you as a poster until i can re-familiarize myself with your work.

# ¿ Jul 14, 2016 04:59

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# ¿ Apr 28, 2024 17:29

a misanthrope: Jun 21, 2010

SciFiDownBeat posted:

idk I thought it was a pretty interesting story

maybe sheep-goats is like the Nicolas Winding Refn of goons. smart people get it but us fat dipshits in the flyover states want more explosions

i don't get the thread, but then again i put ranch dressing on my pizza and my dad is in prison for making meth

# ¿ Jul 14, 2016 05:07

a misanthrope: Jun 21, 2010

social vegan posted:

cool didn't read ur big story but at middle school i was busy playing magic the gathering and drowning in trim can't hold a cool dude down and i must be tapping islands cuz it's wet in here awoo awoo that's the sound me and my squad made when we won a game or the heart of a fair lass

see? like michael bay, social vegan is a crowd pleaser. in hootin and a hollerin and ima tell my friends to go see the show

# ¿ Jul 14, 2016 05:26

a misanthrope: Jun 21, 2010

im sober now but i still can't tell what this thread is

what is it

# ¿ Jul 14, 2016 11:23

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