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Stubear St. Pierre
Feb 22, 2006



I awoke from a deep sleep, as I tend to in the morning, to find that it had once again been five months since the previous release of Nintendo's hottest new series for the WiiU, Call of Duty. Satisfied with this explanation for the stunning erection I was sporting, I set to work as usual, scouring the Internet for the latest "scoop" on this year's brand new iteration of the series that sees nearly as much variation as the surface of the Moon. What I found was nothing short of astonishing:



Indeed, in Call of Duty 15: Modern Warfare 5: Black Ops 4: Ghosts 2: Infinity, we find ourselves rocketed into space like an unwitting German Shepherd paving the way for the future of all cosmonauts, as players don the role of Master Chief, who must pilot his Titan through the perils of Tatooine so he can save Princess Zelda from Bomberman, foil Voldemort once and for all, and finally bring peace to New Vegas. In a shocking twist for the series with more shocking twists than a dominatrix with a car battery, players will create their very own classes bounded by only their imaginations, and also some kind of idiot point system, and whatever lovely perks they have available, and feel immersed in whichever corner they choose to sit in as they stare at a doorway while their six year old brother, or child, screams into the Kinect that he either wants a turn or is being horribly neglected. I know I'm stoked as gently caress, and am going to buy, play, and post about this game, a lot. Below are some screen shots of the action packed action we're all in for:





If there's one thing on everyone's mind now, it's almost certainly not the "three stupid questions" approach I've used for the last however many threads, which I'm abandoning because I cannot fathom giving a gently caress about this game; it is, instead, "how exactly did it come to this?" Luckily, while the rest of you were out getting married, going outside, and generally enjoying life for the past year, I decided to nerd out like a true MLG Pro, using the only tool I knew that could explain such a deep, nuanced question: machine learning.

I strapped on my fingerless coding gloves, poignantly turned my hat around backwards, donned my yellow-tinted Oakleys and giant audiophile headphones, and daintily slid a little plastic parasol into my maraschino cherry-adorned Shirley Temple as drum'n'bass blasted forth from my studio apartment with such fury that the heavens themselves seemed a hair's breadth from shattering. I downloaded scikit-learn, the natural language toolkit, wrote some bullshit crawler using some idiot library I forget the name of to pull forums crap into a SQLite database, and, stroking the wispy hairs of my blonde mustache as they dripped pure masculinity onto my Hello Kitty emblazoned Macbook Pro, I set to work. An almost imperceptible smile danced on my lips as I git-bashed through the firewall and rode the serial bus clean through my PCI port. I was taken by surprise when my ROM flash blew right through the page table, but by this point I was running on pure CMOS. The smile was growing bigger now, as was the snack-sized erection now threatening to burst from my worn out jorts, as beads of sweat fell gracefully down onto my unlaced-Chuck-Taylor-encased foot; "this is what I live for," I thought aloud, as techno music pounded and an effeminate British guy said "gently caress" a whole lot. Effortlessly, I hyperthreaded the semaphores until the BIOS was bit-switched, and my work was complete. I was greeted with the audible snap that I had sought this entire time: I'd popped my Linux kernel.

And then, one hand still furiously typing into my Powershell, the other blindly fumbling for the plastic spigot lost in the recesses of my second box of Franzia, it struck me like the loving hand of an abusive parent: this wasn't going to work. VADER sentiment polarity--basically a number that tells you how positive, negative, or neutral the sentiment of some text is--is basically horseshit based on fatally flawed logic that, much like its autistic creators, does not account for sarcasm or context in the sample; and machine learning algorithms, like pretty much anything in statistics, is reliant on independent identical distribution of data points--which is to say none of the data points are supposed to have anything to do with any others, when in reality this is pretty much the opposite case if your data points are posts in a discussion forum. Furthermore, if my goal was to classify entire threads, I'd need a hell of a lot more data than would fit on my computer, or at least more than I cared to sit around and let download for hours.

So I was left with a bunch of COD thread data, a ton of spare time since I still sure as gently caress wasn't playing COD, and decided to do some really basic CODalytics.

First and foremost, how many posts had been made on Something Awful pertaining to each COD game--keeping in mind that some threads for earlier games were probably left out--and, perhaps more importantly, could this information be displayed in three-dimensional pyramids, with a back wall of some sort behind them?

The answer is not even remotely surprising. Nobody gave a flying gently caress about W@W, and COD has gotten steadily less popular since MW2, with a resurgence with Blops 2 before continuing its downward trend--although keep in mind this data was pulled a few months ago so maybe there were more posts for Blops 3 by now, I sure as poo poo haven't been following that thread.

The picture is pretty similar for the number of unique posters in each thread:

Interestingly, the number of unique posters actually grew from Blops to MW3 even though the overall post count shrank--probably because of the introduction of the (godawful) clan system making it a bit more inclusive, and our famous shenanigans like Wizard Night and Juggernight. This also might have been the first time there was no separate PC thread, I have no idea and didn't search or pull data from those because the Steam stats page tells the whole story (and then some).

All this is good and fun, but what could have caused this downward trend? Is it fatigue with a worn out series that still uses P2P matchmaking in 2016 and hasn't made any significant changes in 10 years, changing less between iterations than other games do over similar timespans for free? Or is it Mister Macy's?

Once again, the facts don't lie--and the truth they tell is as blunt as it is unsurprising:


The next infographic shows a mildly interesting statistic, namely the number of posts per unique user--were these threads a lot of drop-ins who left forever, or dominated by regulars who shouted out anyone who wasn't part of the in group? It's hard to say, because Macy's dominated them all:


And lastly, another graph, which I saved a few months ago but isn't really illuminating at all:


So there you have it, folks. A Call of Duty thread: an in-depth preview, irrefutable proof that Mister Macy's was solely responsible for killing COD, and several minutes of your life you will never get back, for which I am not even remotely grateful. Below, I've enclosed a safe space, for you all to discuss transgendered bathrooms, Wikipedia disputes, XKCD, Pokemon Go, other lame nerd poo poo, and--maybe--Call of Duty: Infinity Wardfare.

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Wazzit
Jul 16, 2004

Who wants to play video games?


Can you confirm if TDM or DOM will be in this one? thanks in advance.

Hackan Slash
May 31, 2007
Hit it until it's not a problem anymore

Truly the hero we deserve.

housefly
Sep 11, 2001



Hi. Cis-male identifying as homosexual (currently) reporting in. I play Pokemon go in local restrooms in support of homeless post-op transgendered teens. I was wondering if this Macy's guy would play infinite warfare with me. Thanks.

Al Cu Ad Solte
Nov 30, 2005
Searching for
a righteous cause


Just chiming in to say I appreciate the NiN reference. What's Ned Stark's bastard doing in this game?

Mill Village
Jul 27, 2007



Thanks Macys for killing COD.

Mister Facetious
Apr 21, 2007

As a matter of fact, it is my default position on everything.


What do you mean me?

I don't have an apostrophe in my name.
I do not know this Macy's you speak of.

Sandwolf
Jan 23, 2007

Pirlo Translates Into
"Assassino"




Will there be guns in this one?

Mister Facetious
Apr 21, 2007

As a matter of fact, it is my default position on everything.


housefly posted:

Hi. Cis-male identifying as homosexual (currently) reporting in. I play Pokemon go in local restrooms in support of homeless post-op transgendered teens. I was wondering if this Macy's guy would play infinite warfare with me. Thanks.

While I'll still buy it (for CoD4), I genuinely might skip the multiplayer for Titanfall 2's. I'm getting really, really tired of CoD's consistently broken matchmaking... and their de-emphasis on cover penetration in this last go-around; which has always been one of my favourite aspects of the franchise.

I want some new bugs to bitch about. And a new(er) game engine to make fun of.

Mister Facetious fucked around with this message at Jul 15, 2016 around 15:55

Hitlers Gay Secret
Mar 7, 2010

The Third Reich's under new -- and better -- management.

Hasn't word reached Camp Pendleton yet?


College Slice

I haven't played CoD since Ghosts and I'm picking this up because 1) I have no multiplayer games for my PS4 and 2) I want to play the HD remake of Modern Warfare.

housefly
Sep 11, 2001



Mister Macys posted:

While I'll still buy it (for CoD4), I genuinely might skip the multiplayer for Titanfall 2's. I'm getting really, really tired of CoD's consistently broken matchmaking... and their de-emphasis on cover penetration in this last go-around; which has always been one of my favourite aspects of the franchise.

I want some new bugs to bitch about. And a new(er) game engine to make fun of.

I hadn't realized from the nightly sessions that you were displeased with the lack of cover penetration (I'm chacha)

IronDoge
Nov 6, 2008



Waiting for the inevitable CoD4 remastered standalone 6 months after release.

Mister Facetious
Apr 21, 2007

As a matter of fact, it is my default position on everything.


housefly posted:

I hadn't realized from the nightly sessions that you were displeased with the lack of cover penetration (I'm chacha)

Really? I've been complaining about it since launch.

I don't know if the devs are just missing various bits around the map, but there's a lot of spots in areas under constant fire that- visually speaking, should allow my future bullets to punch right through.

housefly
Sep 11, 2001



Mister Macys posted:

Really? I've been complaining about it since launch.

I don't know if the devs are just missing various bits around the map, but there's a lot of spots in areas under constant fire that- visually speaking, should allow my future bullets to punch right through.

I guess I should have added a slash s at the end of that.

Mill Village
Jul 27, 2007



I can't wait to see what broken poo poo this game has that should have been fixed years ago. Will melee be totally broken and unbalanced again? Will we have game types with set spawns that people will camp the poo poo out of? What useless perks can I run for shits and giggles (mostly shits)? Will killstreaks suck yet again? Will gun balance change daily?

I can confidently say yes to all these questions.

Mister Facetious
Apr 21, 2007

As a matter of fact, it is my default position on everything.


Leeked MP footage of a melee kill in CoD:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_Eqpc7E5tu4

IM DAY DAY IRL
Jul 11, 2003



let's just all keep playing blops3

Mill Village
Jul 27, 2007



i'll be playing Titanfall 2

Godzilla07
Oct 4, 2008

NO ATTACK NO CHANCE



The fact that Activision commissioned this deep of a remaster speaks to the confidence that Activision has in Infinity Ward in 2016.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5QAROB00wKU

But hell, I'm buying because GCU/Prime discount and I want to dunk on kids with the RPD again. I just hope they don't go overboard with rebalancing, e.g. removing Stopping Power.

Nanomashoes
Aug 18, 2012



https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iYYRH4apXDo

widespread
Aug 5, 2013


Godzilla07 posted:

The fact that Activision commissioned this deep of a remaster speaks to the confidence that Activision has in Infinity Ward in 2016.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5QAROB00wKU

But hell, I'm buying because GCU/Prime discount and I want to dunk on kids with the RPD again. I just hope they don't go overboard with rebalancing, e.g. removing Stopping Power.

Stopping Power stays, but Juggernaut gets removed. Please.

Stux
Nov 17, 2006


will there be brecci and jetpack/wall run action in this new cod please advise

Mister Facetious
Apr 21, 2007

As a matter of fact, it is my default position on everything.



Games > Call of Duty: Infinity - Your CoD is Dead in Outer Space

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WIHnzYMDkWM

I dig the taste of salt, but it won't keep me alive.

Mill Village
Jul 27, 2007



Here, have some really dark screenshots from the most recent Infinite Disappointment stream.

http://charlieintel.com/2016/07/15/...apons-vehicles/

eleven extra elephants
Feb 16, 2007

Menschliches! Allzumenschliches!!

it's all a loving pile of wank

Mister Facetious
Apr 21, 2007

As a matter of fact, it is my default position on everything.


Agreed. I just can't be bothered getting interested over CoD's imaginary future poo poo; all that matters is their stats, and since it's science fiction, it can be whatever Activision wants them to be.

Wamdoodle
May 15, 2007

Yes, it is what it looks like!

Grimey Drawer

FAT WORM OF ERROR posted:

it's all a loving pile of wank

This will be on the back of the box.

Video Nasty
Jun 17, 2003



Offensive Clock

FAT WORM OF ERROR posted:

it's all a loving pile of wank

Put this in the OP, then it's perfect. Great OP, as always!

Lumpy the Cook
Feb 4, 2011

Gamers are goo-reat!"


Let me see if I can get this straight: Everyone is suddenly up in arms now (instead of, say, after the Modern Warfare 4 Ghosts reveal) about Call of Duty being too samey and unoriginal, but at the same time they're extremely excited about the HD remaster of the decade old CoD that everybody played. Also, they're furious that the CoD4 remaster isn't being sold as a standalone, despite the fact that Activision did this exact same thing with packaging their CoD1 remaster with MW2 before selling the latter as a standalone almost immediately. Also, Battlefield 1 will be much better despite the fact that, if every released video is any indication, the WWI setting is purely an aesthetic thing and the game seems to have less meaningful differences from Bad Company 1/2/3/4 (both in game modes and gameplay) than- get this- Hardline.

Titanfall 2 will be the best shooter this year anyway

Mister Facetious
Apr 21, 2007

As a matter of fact, it is my default position on everything.


Lumpy the Cook posted:

Let me see if I can get this straight: Everyone is suddenly up in arms now (instead of, say, after the Modern Warfare 4 Ghosts reveal) about Call of Duty being too samey and unoriginal, but at the same time they're extremely excited about the HD remaster of the decade old CoD that everybody played.

Not quite. The rumor/hope was that there'd be a return to the WW2 setting with the new hardware. Space is old hat. Everyone wants to see what the real world looks like, but with 'bitchin fast' graphics, and RAM for the Russian/Japanese hordes.
And CoD4 is a known quantity. It was is so well regarded that WaW died after two or three months.

quote:

Also, they're furious that the CoD4 remaster isn't being sold as a standalone, despite the fact that Activision did this exact same thing with packaging their CoD1 remaster

CoD1 loving sucks bro. All previous games looked (and played) very dated compared to the post CoD4 world. No one bought it.

quote:

Titanfall 2 will be the best shooter this year anyway

Mister Facetious fucked around with this message at Jul 17, 2016 around 08:14

Hitlers Gay Secret
Mar 7, 2010

The Third Reich's under new -- and better -- management.

Hasn't word reached Camp Pendleton yet?


College Slice

WWII game loving suck and I'm glad we're done fighting Nazis. Besides, would just make a level where you were Anne Frank or some poo poo to be edgy.

Halo and Destiny suck and I want something to replace that sci-fi shooter that I crave.

JetpackJeezus
Jul 27, 2011

Heaven Can Wait


Lumpy the Cook posted:

Let me see if I can get this straight: Everyone is suddenly up in arms now (instead of, say, after the Modern Warfare 4 Ghosts reveal) about Call of Duty being too samey and unoriginal, but at the same time they're extremely excited about the HD remaster of the decade old CoD that everybody played. ... Also, Battlefield 1 will be much better despite the fact that, if every released video is any indication, the WWI setting is purely an aesthetic thing and the game seems to have less meaningful differences from Bad Company 1/2/3/4 (both in game modes and gameplay) than- get this- Hardline.

To me it feels like we are starting to get to the point of saturation with "near-future" shooters like we had with WW2 shooters almost a decade ago. Enough time has passed that having a game set in WWI is enough to stand out from the crowd and draw in people like me who don't pick up every iteration of Battlefield.

I do wish they would keep that mode from Hardline where all the flags were vehicles and you had to drive them around the map to hold them. That was some of the best dumb fun I've had in a while.

Lumpy the Cook posted:

Also, they're furious that the CoD4 remaster isn't being sold as a standalone, despite the fact that Activision did this exact same thing with packaging their CoD1 remaster with MW2 before selling the latter as a standalone almost immediately.

It didn't feel like you were buying MW2 just to get CoD1 - it was just a neat bonus on top of getting a game you already wanted. Activision has said that there are no plans to release CoD4 Remastered standalone, which at least implies that they putting them together just to increase the pre-orders of Infinity. Hell, they even are tacking on a zombies mode to an IW CoD thus beating that dead horse to a pulp for the sake of interesting some fans. As a person who used to enjoy the Zombies mode in Treyarch games, I couldn't care less about it now that every CoD going forward is likely to have it.

Hitlers Gay Secret posted:

Halo and Destiny suck and I want something to replace that sci-fi shooter that I crave.

Lumpy the Cook posted:

Titanfall 2 will be the best shooter this year anyway

Happy Noodle Boy
Jul 3, 2002

Don't fuckle with Shuckle(s)

Like that other Shuckle, but different.


Lol if you buy this game for a decade old remake.

Hitlers Gay Secret
Mar 7, 2010

The Third Reich's under new -- and better -- management.

Hasn't word reached Camp Pendleton yet?


College Slice

Happy Noodle Boy posted:

Lol if you buy this game

Video Nasty
Jun 17, 2003



Offensive Clock

Extinction was the best side-ops game that this series had going for it, and only showed up in the worst of the series because it was timed with the next generation platforms. I used to like zombies but I don't know what the gently caress it has become since BO3 has completely jizzed into their own ears with additional menial poo poo that doesn't include shooting zombies.

Lumpy the Cook
Feb 4, 2011

Gamers are goo-reat!"


Bill NYSE posted:

Extinction was the best side-ops game that this series had going for it, and only showed up in the worst of the series because it was timed with the next generation platforms. I used to like zombies but I don't know what the gently caress it has become since BO3 has completely jizzed into their own ears with additional menial poo poo that doesn't include shooting zombies.

Call of Duty 3 didn't have Extinction mode.

Mill Village
Jul 27, 2007



Don't forget that half-assed Vita COD.

Lumpy the Cook
Feb 4, 2011

Gamers are goo-reat!"


I can, and will, forget that game.

Hackan Slash
May 31, 2007
Hit it until it's not a problem anymore

Did they ever announce what the 10 MW maps will be?

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Mill Village
Jul 27, 2007



Nothing has been revealed for either multiplayer.

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