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LP0 ON FIRE
Jan 25, 2006

beep boop
my girlfriend doesn't exist lol

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SLICK GOKU BABY
Jun 12, 2001

Hey Hey Let's Go! 喧嘩する
大切な物を protect my balls


My girlfriend rosy palmer is dry as gently caress in the summer.

NotWearingPants
Jan 3, 2006

by Nyc_Tattoo
Nap Ghost
She's fat

Huge Lady Pleaser
Jun 17, 2005

hello how r u doing im just looking for ppl 2 chill wit relax go out n have funn if ur looking for da same thing hit me up
Nap Ghost
My girlfriend gave birth to a gay rear end goon named LP0 ON FIRE lol

Friginator
May 13, 2014

by zen death robot
She's always making a big fuss about everything. Like, right now she's shrieking to be let out of the basement.

Nolan Arenado
May 8, 2009

I have to bug her daily about doing the dishes, that's more of a complaint than making fun though, sorry.

Friginator
May 13, 2014

by zen death robot
I'm currently single.

Nigmaetcetera
Nov 17, 2004

borkborkborkmorkmorkmork-gabbalooins
She's loving dead as far as I'm concerned

glowstick party tonight
Oct 4, 2003

by zen death robot
my girlfriend has a penis

Iron Prince
Aug 28, 2005
Buglord
I am gay so I have nothing to contribute here.

Tolkien minority
Feb 14, 2012


she's all right hand

Blind Rasputin
Nov 25, 2002

Farewell, good Hunter. May you find your worth in the waking world.

Mine unironically and actually has aspergers.

LP0 ON FIRE
Jan 25, 2006

beep boop

Huge Lady Pleaser posted:

My girlfriend gave birth to a gay rear end goon named LP0 ON FIRE lol

But is she hot? :pervert:

Nooner
Mar 26, 2011

AN A+ OPSTER (:
mine gets all jello of me posting on the forums all the dang time lol

Friginator
May 13, 2014

by zen death robot
My last ex-girlfriend is really heavy.

VendaGoat
Nov 1, 2005
Her boobs are just way to comically oversized.

Mr. Meagles
Apr 30, 2004

Out here, everything hurts


she's on the couch watching The Banger Sisters (2002) and was scratching her butt when I walked in and then tried to pretend she wasn't but the cover-up attempt was way too obvious

Dreddout
Oct 1, 2015

You must stay drunk on writing so reality cannot destroy you.
My girlfriend is too good looking, makes too much money, and loves me too much, op.

VendaGoat
Nov 1, 2005

Tom Gorman posted:

she's on the couch watching The Banger Sisters (2002) and was scratching her butt when I walked in and then tried to pretend she wasn't but the cover-up attempt was way too obvious

Take a whiff of her butt and report back.

LP0 ON FIRE
Jan 25, 2006

beep boop

Tom Gorman posted:

she's on the couch watching The Banger Sisters (2002) and was scratching her butt when I walked in and then tried to pretend she wasn't but the cover-up attempt was way too obvious

I dunno.. scratching your butt should be normal if you've been together for a bit. Scratching your crack is a different story though.

SOME PIG
Aug 12, 2004

Hittin' Switches,
Twistin' wigs with
Phat Radical Mathematical type Scriptures
She cheats on me but jokes on her I gave her AIDS

Comfy Fleece Sweater
Apr 2, 2013

You see, but you do not observe.

I am lonely as gently caress and I pay for the privilege of touching a woman

Tolkien minority
Feb 14, 2012


Don Tacorleone posted:

I am lonely as gently caress and I pay for the privilege of touching a woman

lmao thast almost as bad as paying ot post on a dead gay forum

Mr. Meagles
Apr 30, 2004

Out here, everything hurts


VendaGoat posted:

Take a whiff of her butt and report back.

this idea is dumb so i didn't do it but i said "susan sarandon is in this movie? she's an A-tier GILF" and then pretended i was jerkin it under a blanket until she left the room

hahha she didn't even take the wine she was drinking with her. what a maroon

ClamdestineBoyster
Aug 15, 2015
Probation
Can't post for 10 years!
Honey, you haven't even used your moustache wax! :catbert:

PostEldar
May 7, 2004

I'm in your area.
my girlfriend is angelina jolie from hackers. fuckin sucks at video games.

HappyKitty
Jul 11, 2005

haha gently caress yall scrublords who don't have a wife :smug:

ClamdestineBoyster
Aug 15, 2015
Probation
Can't post for 10 years!
*does the neverending handkerchief magic trick, except it's out of her vag* :smug:

VendaGoat
Nov 1, 2005

Radical Catholic posted:

my girlfriend is angelina jolie from hackers. fuckin sucks at video games.

Same but, Tomb Raider

LP0 ON FIRE
Jan 25, 2006

beep boop

VendaGoat posted:

Same but, Tomb Raider

How many times has your girlfriend stabbed someone's eyes out with her tits?

VendaGoat
Nov 1, 2005

LP0 ON FIRE posted:

How many times has your girlfriend stabbed someone's eyes out with her tits?

Including me?

LP0 ON FIRE
Jan 25, 2006

beep boop

VendaGoat posted:

Including me?

I'm so sorry, that was insensitive of me. I'm guessing your blind by now!

VendaGoat
Nov 1, 2005

LP0 ON FIRE posted:

I'm so sorry, that was insensitive of me. I'm guessing your blind by now!

I get by.

Thank you though.

Cnut the Great
Mar 30, 2014
i don't have a girlfriend. just a sexy Latina friend who grinds on me in clubs and rubs her boobs on my face and then tells me i'm like a brother to her. and i'm totally fine with it, which is why i'm writing this post. friendship is a precious thing

bird with big dick
Oct 21, 2015

My gf doesn't like it in the butt or being choked a little bit or being tied to the bed and all those things are good and fun.

bird with big dick
Oct 21, 2015

Cnut the Great posted:

i don't have a girlfriend. just a sexy Latina friend who grinds on me in clubs and rubs her boobs on my face and then tells me i'm like a brother to her. and i'm totally fine with it, which is why i'm writing this post. friendship is a precious thing

cuck cuck im gay

Zorodius
Feb 11, 2007

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SUCK THE SHIT STRAIGHT OUT OF MY OWN ASSHOLE.

BUY IT.
she ignores me all the time, like she doesn't even know I exist, or that I'm watching from the bushes

Fat Shat Sings
Jan 24, 2016
you hear a gunshot in the distance

Cnut the Great
Mar 30, 2014

FrankieGoes posted:

cuck cuck im gay

god that's a shame. i wish you could express your sexual identity without having your message trivialized by Internet trolls. but, as John Lennon famously said, we can't always get what we want.

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criscodisco
Feb 18, 2004

do it
She has to fashion diapers out of garbage bags because she has a fistula from her colon to her cooter. It makes poo come out her pussy and she leaves marks on the upholstery if she doesn't wear her trash bag diaper.

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