Why are there so many bartenders

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > General Bullshit > Why are there so many bartenders

drowned in pussy juice: Oct 13, 2009; by FactsAreUseless

eSports Chaebol posted:

e: if you insist on being an rear end in a top hat say you want a "bourbon and branch" that way you'll get a follow-up question and get to look cool, problem solved

What the gently caress is this and can I jerk you off while you make it for me

# ? Jul 25, 2016 00:53

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# ? Apr 26, 2024 00:27

Edgar: Sep 9, 2005; Oh my heck!
Oh heavens!
Oh my lord!
OH Sweet meats!; Wedge Regret

Bartenders have to mix drinks behind a magic curtain in utah

# ? Jul 25, 2016 00:53

firebeats: May 8, 2016

Nooner posted:

Why don't you stop being a pretentious retard and just shoot your whiskey like a grown man idiot

# ? Jul 25, 2016 00:58

mom and dad fight a lot: Sep 21, 2006; If you count them all, this sentence has exactly seventy-two characters.

Cnut the Great posted:

I'm paying a 25% tip on a glass of overpriced Evan Williams, sorry that I expect you to go through the Herculean effort of putting a dash of water in my whiskey when I ask for it. "Whiskey with water" isn't some sort of obscure command, you're a professional bartender, if you don't know what it means then you suck at your job. I'm not going to bitch at you for not measuring out my preferred amount of water down to the exact milligram, but you should know that "whiskey with water" means a splash, it doesn't mean make a third of the drink water.

you are either an obvious troll or a motherfucking idiot

# ? Jul 25, 2016 01:00

chernobyl kinsman: Mar 18, 2007; a friend of the friendly atom; Soiled Meat

Dave_Indeed posted:

Stop being a pussy and drink the liquor like you don't get out of the shower to pee.

# ? Jul 25, 2016 01:11

a new study bible!: Feb 2, 2009; BIG DICK NICK
A Philadelphia Legend
Fly Eagles Fly

stop ordering whiskey at a club

# ? Jul 25, 2016 01:13

Strudel Man: May 19, 2003; ROME DID NOT HAVE ROBOTS, FUCKWIT

I'm not really a drinker, but I'm kind of skeptical that adding a tiny bit of water to whiskey could do anything meaningful, given that it's more than half water to begin with.

# ? Jul 25, 2016 01:13

Chinatown: Sep 11, 2001; by Fluffdaddy; Fun Shoe

Edgar posted:

Bartenders have to mix drinks behind a magic curtain in utah

utah is a terrible place

# ? Jul 25, 2016 01:16

Pimpcasso: Mar 13, 2002; VOLS BITCH

Cnut the Great posted:

I can't get drunk on beer, it makes me bloated and gives me killer nausea the next day. My doctor told me it's because the lining of my stomach is abnormally sensitive, then he told me to get down on my knees and suck his cock like the pussy-rear end little bitch that I am.

i am now your doctor

# ? Jul 25, 2016 01:17

ClamdestineBoyster: Aug 15, 2015; Can't post for 10 years!

vols bitch posted:

i am now your doctor

# ? Jul 25, 2016 01:38

ElGroucho: Nov 1, 2005; We already - What about sticking our middle fingers up... That was insane; Fun Shoe

Cnut the Great posted:

who can't nail down the incredibly simple concept of "whiskey with water"? I don't want ice in my drink. I also don't want you to drown the loving thing with the water sprayer. I just want a dash of water in my whiskey. Is this really that foreign of a concept? Why do I have to yell my rear end off in the club trying to explain what I actually want to professional bartenders?

Pro tip OP

Ask for whiskey and a glass of water

Then use the straw, your finger, and the water to add the precise amount of water you want

# ? Jul 25, 2016 01:40

Nathilus: Apr 4, 2002; I alone can see through the media bias.

I'm also stupid on a scale that can only be measured in Reddits.

"Whiskey with a splash of water" would do you fine if you absolutely cannot stop being a douchebag who refuses to shoot his whiskey like a normal human being. Whiskey hipster.

# ? Jul 25, 2016 01:54

Excelzior: Jun 24, 2013

brb registering my new app called whispster

# ? Jul 25, 2016 01:55

SLICK GOKU BABY: Jun 12, 2001; Hey Hey Let's Go! 喧嘩する
大切な物を protect my balls

Acid Haze posted:

e: I have a distrust of bartenders mixing my drinks, ever since I got sick from whatever the guy was putting in the whiskey sours at this bar party. I was tipping the guy a lot and he hosed me with a couple terrible drinks that made me sick. It was at a large gathering, I understand he's working fast, but whatever I got didn't taste like whiskey at all. Almost puked, left the bar, and it was straight bourbon (with cold water) from then on out.

You can't order a whiskey sour at most bars cause they use garbage premixed neon "sour mix"

# ? Jul 25, 2016 01:59

a dog from hell: Oct 18, 2009; by zen death robot

It's better than what I and I'm sure many others do. poo poo. Some people shovel dirt for a living.

# ? Jul 25, 2016 02:12

raton: Jul 28, 2003; by FactsAreUseless

"whisky with a spash of water, no ice" op

You're a dumb gently caress if you expect a bartender to give you your special flower whisky in a nightclub when everyone else orders it another way.

# ? Jul 25, 2016 02:18

Applewhite: Aug 16, 2014; by vyelkin; Nap Ghost

OP have you considered ordering a "gay drink for homosexuals" and then sucking a strange man's dick in the bathroom stall?

# ? Jul 25, 2016 02:21

Cabernet Sovereign: Jun 14, 2008

ElGroucho posted:

Pro tip OP

Ask for whiskey and a glass of water

Then use the straw, your finger, and the water to add the precise amount of water you want

This

# ? Jul 25, 2016 02:22

ANIME IS BLOOD: Sep 4, 2008; by zen death robot

I will destroy you op

Applewhite posted:

OP have you considered ordering a "gay drink for homosexuals" and then sucking a strange man's dick in the bathroom stall?

# ? Jul 25, 2016 02:26

Moon Atari: Dec 26, 2010

Cnut the Great posted:

who can't nail down the incredibly simple concept of "whiskey with water"? I don't want ice in my drink. I also don't want you to drown the loving thing with the water sprayer. I just want a dash of water in my whiskey. Is this really that foreign of a concept? Why do I have to yell my rear end off in the club trying to explain what I actually want to professional bartenders?

Probably because the water that is served for drinking comes out of a pressurised sprayer that doesn't have a low setting, and they are unused to people requesting such an order so have not thought out a way to fulfil it more successfully/wouldn't want to make the effort anyway.

# ? Jul 25, 2016 02:26

cock hero flux: Apr 17, 2011

Cnut the Great posted:

who can't nail down the incredibly simple concept of "whiskey with water"? I don't want ice in my drink. I also don't want you to drown the loving thing with the water sprayer. I just want a dash of water in my whiskey. Is this really that foreign of a concept? Why do I have to yell my rear end off in the club trying to explain what I actually want to professional bartenders?

what the gently caress who just orders watered down whiskey

why would you do this

# ? Jul 25, 2016 02:28

cock hero flux: Apr 17, 2011

Cnut the Great posted:

"Whiskey with water" isn't some sort of obscure command

it is, gently caress you

it's above and beyond the normal level of weak rear end bullshit that they deal with on a day to day basis

it's like going to a restaurant and ordering extra mild hot sauce

they're used to pussies, that's why they have the mild sauce, but extra mild? what? has someone actually arrived that is too loving wimpy to handle "mild"? do we actually need to somehow find a level of hot between "mild" and "this is literally just water, you can't sell this to him and pretend it's hot sauce, this restaurant has standards and i don't care how much of a homo he is"?

# ? Jul 25, 2016 02:32

ANIME IS BLOOD: Sep 4, 2008; by zen death robot

cock hero flux posted:

it is, gently caress you

it's above and beyond the normal level of weak rear end bullshit that they deal with on a day to day basis

it's like going to a restaurant and ordering extra mild hot sauce

they're used to pussies, that's why they have the mild sauce, but extra mild? what? has someone actually arrived that is too loving wimpy to handle "mild"? do we actually need to somehow find a level of hot between "mild" and "this is literally just water, you can't sell this to him and pretend it's hot sauce, this restaurant has standards and i don't care how much of a homo he is"?

# ? Jul 25, 2016 02:34

Elfgames: Sep 11, 2011; Fun Shoe

ElGroucho posted:

Pro tip OP

Ask for whiskey and a glass of water

Then use the straw, your finger, and the water to add the precise amount of water you want

yo if this technique is too much trouble for your bitch rear end. order whiskey on the rocks and then fish the ice out and i dunno throw it on the floor, some of the ice melts and you get the flavor from the dudes rear end that you were undoubtedly fingering

# ? Jul 25, 2016 02:36

VendaGoat: Nov 1, 2005

cock hero flux posted:

it is, gently caress you

it's above and beyond the normal level of weak rear end bullshit that they deal with on a day to day basis

it's like going to a restaurant and ordering extra mild hot sauce

they're used to pussies, that's why they have the mild sauce, but extra mild? what? has someone actually arrived that is too loving wimpy to handle "mild"? do we actually need to somehow find a level of hot between "mild" and "this is literally just water, you can't sell this to him and pretend it's hot sauce, this restaurant has standards and i don't care how much of a homo he is"?

Holy loving poo poo :lol:

# ? Jul 25, 2016 02:39

Mozi: Apr 4, 2004; Forms change so fast
Time is moving past
Memory is smoke
Gonna get wider when I die; Nap Ghost

you might get odd looks for ordering straight gin but don't let anything deter you from making good decicions

# ? Jul 25, 2016 02:40

let it mellow: Jun 1, 2000; Dinosaur Gum

the thread has gotten fun

# ? Jul 25, 2016 02:45

Smiling Mandrill: Jan 19, 2015

Cnut the Great posted:

who can't nail down the incredibly simple concept of "whiskey with water"? I don't want ice in my drink. I also don't want you to drown the loving thing with the water sprayer. I just want a dash of water in my whiskey. Is this really that foreign of a concept? Why do I have to yell my rear end off in the club trying to explain what I actually want to professional bartenders?

Say Whiskey and water no rocks. Its literally that simple.

# ? Jul 25, 2016 02:52

Chinatown: Sep 11, 2001; by Fluffdaddy; Fun Shoe

cock hero flux posted:

it is, gently caress you

it's above and beyond the normal level of weak rear end bullshit that they deal with on a day to day basis

it's like going to a restaurant and ordering extra mild hot sauce

they're used to pussies, that's why they have the mild sauce, but extra mild? what? has someone actually arrived that is too loving wimpy to handle "mild"? do we actually need to somehow find a level of hot between "mild" and "this is literally just water, you can't sell this to him and pretend it's hot sauce, this restaurant has standards and i don't care how much of a homo he is"?

# ? Jul 25, 2016 03:40

akulanization: Dec 21, 2013

cock hero flux posted:

it is, gently caress you

it's above and beyond the normal level of weak rear end bullshit that they deal with on a day to day basis

it's like going to a restaurant and ordering extra mild hot sauce

they're used to pussies, that's why they have the mild sauce, but extra mild? what? has someone actually arrived that is too loving wimpy to handle "mild"? do we actually need to somehow find a level of hot between "mild" and "this is literally just water, you can't sell this to him and pretend it's hot sauce, this restaurant has standards and i don't care how much of a homo he is"?

# ? Jul 25, 2016 03:45

Mr. Meagles: Apr 30, 2004; Out here, everything hurts

bartenders around here have a real problem making my drink of choice, which is beer on the rocks

it's 1.5oz of beer and 3 ice cubes this poo poo is not hard to gently caress up but you'd be surprised how few places can make a good one

# ? Jul 25, 2016 03:52

Enfield: May 30, 2011; by Nyc_Tattoo

when you think about it the fact that the op is complaining that bartenders put the wrong amount of water in his whiskey is really stupid hanks for listening to my thoughts. god bless us all

# ? Jul 25, 2016 03:55

Business Gorillas: Mar 11, 2009

VendaGoat posted:

Because, aside from "model", decent looking chick with a nice rack, doesn't always pay well.

oh it absolutely does but it requires actual intelligence and marketable skills

# ? Jul 25, 2016 03:56

Business Gorillas: Mar 11, 2009

bartenders are the attractive people that are too stupid to clear the agonizing low bar of minimum skills for sales

edit: servers are a rung below that

# ? Jul 25, 2016 03:58

Enfield: May 30, 2011; by Nyc_Tattoo

Business Gorillas posted:

bartenders are the attractive people that are too stupid to clear the agonizing low bar of minimum skills for sales

edit: servers are a rung below that

some of my best friends are bartenders who are smarter and cooler than you so smell my dick

# ? Jul 25, 2016 04:00

Business Gorillas: Mar 11, 2009

Enfield posted:

some of my best friends are bartenders who are smarter and cooler than you so smell my dick

this is probably true. a good bartender is a valued treasure but 99% of them are moving trash

# ? Jul 25, 2016 04:06

VendaGoat: Nov 1, 2005

Business Gorillas posted:

oh it absolutely does but it requires actual intelligence and marketable skills

Holy poo poo...

Shots fired.

# ? Jul 25, 2016 04:09

Chinatown: Sep 11, 2001; by Fluffdaddy; Fun Shoe

There's this girl bartender at my local spot that is apparently getting her masters degree.

It's weird because she is unbelievably stupid.

# ? Jul 25, 2016 04:29

VendaGoat: Nov 1, 2005

Chinatown posted:

There's this girl bartender at my local spot that is apparently getting her masters degree.

It's weird because she is unbelievably stupid.

Even the unbelievably stupid can get financed for things.

Paying said things off, is another matter.

# ? Jul 25, 2016 04:34

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# ? Apr 26, 2024 00:27

Enfield: May 30, 2011; by Nyc_Tattoo

Business Gorillas posted:

this is probably true. a good bartender is a valued treasure but 99% of them are moving trash

the msjority of bsrtenders i know are decent people and if you think this youre probably going to weener bars

# ? Jul 25, 2016 04:37

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