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The judge calls you to approach the bench and asks you what your excuse for not being able to serve as juror, what do you say? I'd like to hear ya'lls excuses. Mine was "I will pick the person who lies less regardless of the evidence. And I'll pick the person that is least likely to return back to food stamps, meth, making illegitimate children, and would probably contribute most to society"
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Aug 6, 2016 19:05
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Just say youre an anarchist and reject state power as inherently abusive and illegitimate, and that your conscience would compel you to return a verdict of not guilty regardless of the facts of the case.
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Aug 6, 2016 19:12
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I don't make any excuses. I just sit in the juror lobby and never get called.
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Aug 6, 2016 19:13
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"Well your honor, Sonic the hedgehog sez that all modern courts and established justice systems are an abomination unto mobius and the chaos emeralds and it is my duty as a sonic fan to throw a wrench into the cogs of this draconian machine."
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Aug 6, 2016 19:14
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just dont sign up for selective services dummy
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Aug 6, 2016 19:14
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Every time i just tell them that i empathize with whoever is gonna make less money in the case because the judge and his cronies are gonna take 50% anyways and i might as well drag them down since i dont have any other kind of power.
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Aug 6, 2016 19:15
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kill whitey
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Aug 6, 2016 19:18
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"i really do not like blacks, mexicans, asians, arabs, or whatever other curiosity you g-men retards can produce. i will call them guilty for anything, every time"
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Aug 6, 2016 19:19
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Was some sort of property case involving a church. Priest was there wearing a bright purple button-up shirt with a huge fugoff cross around his neck. Judge or lawyer(I forget) asks me if There is anything that would prevent me from making a fair decision. I point to the priest and say "I already hate this guy. Looks like he should be giving communion at a Lakers game." 5 minutes later I was out of there
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Aug 6, 2016 19:19
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also, "i do not trust any form of expert testimony"
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Aug 6, 2016 19:19
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"I regularly post on the Something Awful forums to help me with any and all decisions I make in this gay life."
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Aug 6, 2016 19:22
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I am in love with the judge 
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Aug 6, 2016 19:23
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i am a felon
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Aug 6, 2016 19:30
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Tuxedo Gin posted:i am a felon 
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Aug 6, 2016 19:31
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Black lives matter *Is found dead in a jail cell the next day*
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Aug 6, 2016 19:32
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No thanks, i am gay
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Aug 6, 2016 19:32
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i cant go to jury duty because id be arrested
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Aug 6, 2016 19:32
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I masturbate to dead police officers
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Aug 6, 2016 19:33
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I have an advanced degree in science
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Aug 6, 2016 19:35
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I'm a convicted pants shitter
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Aug 6, 2016 19:35
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i'd just poo poo my pants, OP edit:^ 
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Aug 6, 2016 19:36
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I got picked for a murder trial so my job had to pay me to sit in court for a week and listen to a man get gunned down on a 911 call over and over. Changes the pace for a bit, I suppose.
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Aug 6, 2016 19:38
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Say you'll always push for the death penalty, even in traffic cases.
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Aug 6, 2016 19:41
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Aug 6, 2016 19:41
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Millie posted:I got picked for a murder trial so my job had to pay me to sit in court for a week and listen to a man get gunned down on a 911 call over and over.
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Aug 6, 2016 19:41
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Oberleutnant posted:Just say youre an anarchist and reject state power as inherently abusive and illegitimate, and that your conscience would compel you to return a verdict of not guilty regardless of the facts of the case. alternatively just starting asking "what is real??" over and over
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Aug 6, 2016 19:45
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If you ever have to actually show up for jury duty you're doing it wrong. Just work out of the country. I've missed out on about a decade of jury duties because of college and work. They'll never get me.
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Aug 6, 2016 19:49
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a hole-y ghost posted:Did you get fired directly afterwards for "unrelated" reasons? No, I don't work for dickholes. Long time ago when I worked in retail, my manager was super-pissed that I had jury duty. I was only gone for 1 day too. So I'm guessing that happens to people who have those kinds of jobs?
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Aug 6, 2016 19:51
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Isn't the pay like 5 dollars for one whole day of jury duty?
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Aug 6, 2016 19:53
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im white
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Aug 6, 2016 19:54
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AEMINAL posted:i'd just poo poo my pants, OP Forever shall I call you "friend"
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Aug 6, 2016 19:55
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amityville anus posted:im white This will just result in you being placed into an all white jury judging a white cop for the shooting of a "thug".
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Aug 6, 2016 19:55
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Volume posted:Isn't the pay like 5 dollars for one whole day of jury duty? It was $20 a day for me. But my job reimburses up to 2 weeks of pay on top of that.
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Aug 6, 2016 19:59
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too busy sucking dick and pounding pussy
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Aug 6, 2016 20:00
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Volume posted:Isn't the pay like 5 dollars for one whole day of jury duty? yes but your employer still has to pay you.
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Aug 6, 2016 20:02
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"I hate homosexuals, and I don't think I could act as an impartial juror when the judge is so clearly homosexual".
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Aug 6, 2016 20:02
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AIDS.
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Aug 6, 2016 20:02
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polio king posted:yes but your employer still has to pay you. Unfortunately, no,(except in a couple of states)although by any logic they should. Many decent jobs for larger companies will, and most/all government jobs will, but the poo poo jobs won't pay you. And although they're not supposed to, some of them will gently caress with you over it, too. That's why there's always a preponderance of retireees, SAHM's, and government workers on the juries when it's a long, drawn-out case. Edit: there's a couple of states that mandate pay, Connecticut, for one. JnnyThndrs fucked around with this message at 20:21 on Aug 6, 2016 |
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Aug 6, 2016 20:17
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About 10 years ago when I was on jury duty, the courts paid me $15 a day or something. My job paid me my normal hourly wages if I showed proof that I went(letter from the court) AND gave them the money the court gave me. I of course did the first and didn't do the second and they never called me on it. I was the alternate juror too so I didn't even have to actually judge the guy.
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Aug 6, 2016 20:26
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Salty Josh posted:The judge calls you to approach the bench and asks you what your excuse for not being able to serve as juror, what do you say? Your honor, I'm really really gay so I should probably be excused.
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Aug 6, 2016 20:29
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