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Just commit a felony
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Aug 6, 2016 20:30
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I've never received a jury duty letter or anything and I'm in my 30s. I guess they just know.
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Aug 6, 2016 20:33
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Go in wearing pajamas and smelling like poo poo. (Aka, a typical morning for me)
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Aug 6, 2016 20:34
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One time when I was waiting to see if I would be called on for jury duty I was reading ken m comments on my phone and was giggling really hard like a moron in a big room with like 100 other people. I wonder if that had anything to do with me not getting picked.
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Aug 6, 2016 20:36
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vyst posted:Your honor, I'm really really gay so I should probably be excused. See me in my chambers 
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Aug 6, 2016 21:06
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Holy poo poo, I'm surprised you weren't arrested. Where I live, you can't have anything on you like a phone, tablet, earbuds, headphones, MP3 etc. when you're inside the courthouse. They make you go through a full xray scanner and everything. They also have no place like lockers to store them so you'd better not make a mistake by bringing it because you're SOL.
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Aug 6, 2016 21:09
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JediTalentAgent posted:Holy poo poo, I'm surprised you weren't arrested. Mind you this was just the waiting room for people summoned to possibly be selected for jury duty, I wasn't on a jury and I'm sure if I was selected to be they wouldn't let me have a phone, for good reason.
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Aug 6, 2016 21:41
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Shirt that says " I <3 jury nullification"
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Aug 6, 2016 21:52
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"Actually, I'm really excited about this opportunity to bring the will of Jesus back into the court system."
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Aug 6, 2016 22:05
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I've never been called for jury duty. wtf.
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Aug 6, 2016 22:10
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I tell the judge that I cannot serve on the jury because I AM THE LAW
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Aug 6, 2016 22:14
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I neither need nor want an excuse
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Aug 6, 2016 22:22
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Tectonis posted:I tell the judge that I cannot serve on the jury because I AM THE LAW  
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Aug 6, 2016 22:37
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I was up for jury duty once but the plantiff's lawyer dismissed me for no stated reason. He seemed like a cool guy, I like him.
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Aug 6, 2016 22:39
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polio king posted:yes but your employer still has to pay you. also yeah you get like $10 a day plus some calculated travel miles, but only starting after the second day. my company pays 2 days which would be ok for civil trials but I almost got landed in a jury for some child molestation charges and that poo poo could drag on for weeks and I'd have been hosed with so much unpaid time. There's also no hardship excuses and best they'll say is they can reschedule you to come back in like 3 to 6 months. It's no wonder most people just throw that poo poo away and would rather take potential fine cause it'd still be cheaper than ending up 2 weeks unpaid + potentially fired in shady dealings a little bit down the roads. So ya like that guy said ya mostly retirees and stay at home parents and poo poo like that.
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Aug 6, 2016 22:41
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Oberleutnant posted:Just say youre an anarchist and reject state power as inherently abusive and illegitimate, and that your conscience would compel you to return a verdict of not guilty regardless of the facts of the case. no one is going to believe an anarchist bothered to vote
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Aug 6, 2016 22:41
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I only had to go once, but I slept through it. I was doing school and work full time (both,) so when I called to explain the lady laughed at me for not just postponing it. They gave me a date in the summer, which was cancelled. 
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Aug 6, 2016 22:50
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Alucard posted:I have an advanced degree in science Seriously, this is it. Just have a decent education, and they won't touch you.
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Aug 6, 2016 23:13
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Linux Pirate posted:Mind you this was just the waiting room for people summoned to possibly be selected for jury duty, I wasn't on a jury and I'm sure if I was selected to be they wouldn't let me have a phone, for good reason. Our courthouse is all over. Once you enter the building, you can go to a small room to make any payments, but to go beyond that you have to stand in line, empty all your pockets, put everything in a tray, take off belts and jackets and so on. Big signs about no phones, MP3 players, anything electronic, etc. THAT'S you get out of jury duty: Become that Steve Mann and say that the requirements of even being called to jury duty would be impossible due to court rules about cameras in the courtroom and jury room. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Steve_Mann
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Aug 7, 2016 02:31
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a hole-y ghost posted:Felons can't be on jury? How do repeat offenders get juries of their peers i have 2 felonies and i cant ever be on a jury for the rest of my life lol owned justice system
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Aug 7, 2016 02:38
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AEMINAL posted:i'd just poo poo my pants, OP I'd just tell them I'm going to poo poo my pants then run to the bathroom for five minutes and repeat 30 seconds after I get back until they tell me to go.
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Aug 7, 2016 03:38
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I just say I worked in law enforcement for a little over a decade. The justice system likes their little facade of impartiality but it falls apart when even the courts realize police can't be impartial.
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Aug 7, 2016 03:54
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ACAB
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Aug 7, 2016 03:56
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I look forward to performing my civic duty, your Honor. By the way, what color is this guy?
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Aug 7, 2016 04:30
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Talk entirely in Radiohead lyrics.
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Aug 7, 2016 04:34
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I had to sit in on a jury last year and seeing how the system worked from the inside hosed me up proper. A mom's boyfriend was accused of raping her daughter. Mom was supporting the boyfriend and said the child was doing it all for attention. DNA evidence supported some wacky poo poo. The dude refused to testify and the prosecution did a really lovely job of presenting their case. Also, after lunch I went to take a piss and the defendant was in the same bathroom as me and tried to say hello and poo poo. We sent the guy to jail and the judge handed us a sheet of paper and told us to pick a number of years to send him to jail anywhere from 12-life.
a new study bible! fucked around with this message at 05:03 on Aug 7, 2016 |
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Aug 7, 2016 05:01
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As an adult I don't have nightmares anymore, but I had one the night after sending that guy to prison.
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Aug 7, 2016 05:02
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That sound horrible, how old was the child?
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Aug 7, 2016 05:22
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Just say you watch procedurals like CSI and episodics like House.
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Aug 7, 2016 05:29
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TheReverend posted:Shirt that says " I <3 jury nullification" yeah just say "I am aware of and believe in exercising the power of jury nullification when justified" you are out 300% gone, no problemo, home for lunch
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Aug 7, 2016 05:31
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counterpoint, if you're on a drug trial with some poor brother getting strung up for weed, keep your loving trap shut
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Aug 7, 2016 05:31
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robot from the future; already know the outcome besides the trial is irrelevant
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Aug 7, 2016 05:33
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Recite quotes from Marat/Sade.
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Aug 7, 2016 05:36
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“darmok and jalad at tanagra” "shaka when the walls fell"
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Aug 7, 2016 05:48
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I told them I had no ride, was told that I would have to ride the bus. The next day, I told them there was no way I could get to a bus stop that would make it to the court on time that early in the morning, they said "ok" and I was removed from the jury. You don't have to make up random bullshit, just come up with something that sounds reasonable.
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Aug 7, 2016 05:54
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Impersonate Burt Reynolds while also pretending to be pregnant.
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Aug 7, 2016 05:55
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Jonny 290 posted:yeah just say "I am aware of and believe in exercising the power of jury nullification when justified" you are out 300% gone, no problemo, home for lunch yeah but i think the way it works that the lawyers for each side get a certain number of challenges when selecting the jury pool so while a prosecutor would definitely challenge that the defense is gonna wanna 110% keep you on that jury
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Aug 7, 2016 05:58
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JnnyThndrs posted:That sound horrible, how old was the child? I think she was 13 at the oldest. It was insane being in the deliberations and hearing people say things like, "well the guy is 40 years old, so let's send him to jail for 40 years," or "how old do men have to be before they lose their sex drives? 60? okay well then lets do 20 years." Due to the strange DNA evidence and the lack of any sort of testimony from the defense, we couldn't find him guilty of the rape itself, but we could find him guilty of other charges, including taking indecent liberties with a minor. When the judge read off the not guilty verdict for the rape, which was the first read, the mother started jumping up and down and cheering and celebrating, but then when she heard the other charges she immediately flipped and started screaming and crying. It was like an episode of Maury.
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Aug 7, 2016 05:58
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Jury Duty is annoying because it takes you out of work- y'know, work, the thing you do to earn a living and survive in this world? Yeah you can't do that for a week or two. Compensate you? Ha ha ha we won't even pay for your lunch, fucker
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Aug 7, 2016 06:03
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"I like anime."
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Aug 7, 2016 06:04
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