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Mocking Bird
Aug 17, 2011


Oh my loving god this new netflix doc about Gabriel Fernandez is killing my soul right now. This whole system is a nightmare for so many reasons.

Taking care of these kids can be the one spot of sunshine, seeing kids really thrive in their homes is what keeps me going.

We matched for adoption with a 9 year old boy and he's moving in on March 11th after six weeks of visits, and watching this doc about this eight year old boy is KILLING ME

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Paratan
Jan 1, 2008

it's sumo, folks


Mocking Bird posted:

Oh my loving god this new netflix doc about Gabriel Fernandez is killing my soul right now. This whole system is a nightmare for so many reasons.

I am watching this and it is very sad.


Mocking Bird posted:

We matched for adoption with a 9 year old boy and he's moving in on March 11th after six weeks of visits,

This is very good, nice, good luck

Spikes32
Jul 25, 2013


Was supposed to take my casa kid out last Friday after school and nobody was home and foster mom didn't answer or return my phone calls. She's also done the same for my calls this Monday and Wednesday.

On the bright side I saw the kiddo observing a parental visit on Wednesday and there's a cft at the school tomorrow morning she should at so I can get her in person.

Paratan
Jan 1, 2008

it's sumo, folks


Teenager decided he will just stay at home instead of go to school! What a time

Engineer Lenk
Aug 28, 2003

Mnogo losho e!

Mine just got suspended (while I'm away on a business trip). Figuring out how to establish consequences that are appropriately deterrent without being unreasonable is hard.

Mocking Bird
Aug 17, 2011


Our 9 year old moved in just in time for school to be probably cancelled, lol. We're already tired.

Spikes32
Jul 25, 2013


Schools closed in la and San Diego just now. Casa program just banned all in person child visits/trainings /and court dates. Now im supposed to set up Skype visits. With a hyper active attention challenged five year old. With only 3 previous in person visits total.

Tulalip Tulips
Sep 1, 2013

The best apologies are crafted with love.


Yeah all schools in Washington are closed for 6 weeks and we're on emergency planning for my county. Everything except for shelter care/removal hearings and dependecy or termination trials are now supposed to be over the phone. All incoming intakes are now noting if the family has or is suspected of having covid too. I am not eligble for telework since I don't case carry anymore so I suspect I'll spend a lot of time with older kids who are in office and need some supervision. Time to brush up on my Donkey Kong skills since our Super Nintendo is way more popular than the Xbox.

Paratan
Jan 1, 2008

it's sumo, folks


Tulalip Tulips posted:

I suspect I'll spend a lot of time with older kids who are in office and need some supervision. Time to brush up on my Donkey Kong skills since our Super Nintendo is way more popular than the Xbox.

How does that work that there may be children or teens who need supervision in an office, I don't remember learning about this but Ive seen news clips or documentaries or something where this happens?
Is that something someone like a foster parent can volunteer to do? That seems so crazy to me that people (social workers?) who already have work to do will also have to do this

Tulalip Tulips
Sep 1, 2013

The best apologies are crafted with love.


Paratan posted:

How does that work that there may be children or teens who need supervision in an office, I don't remember learning about this but Ive seen news clips or documentaries or something where this happens?
Is that something someone like a foster parent can volunteer to do? That seems so crazy to me that people (social workers?) who already have work to do will also have to do this

It can depend. In my part of Washington there's a volunteer program that partners with DCYF where we can request folks to come in and watch kids. Since it's volunteers it can be hit or miss if someone is available and not all kids will be a good fit. Our office also has praticum social work students and a few interns who can help out if they're not doing anything else and are in the office. The covid outbreak will probably effect our volunteer program but we won't really know until next week. As far as we've been told it won't really effect our praticum students or interns since their classes can go online and they haven't been told to stop going to their field sites.

It's just a lot of guessing and anxiety at this point. Covid won't prevent child abuse and kids who are already in foster care still need case workers so we're just trying to batten down the hatches and support each other.

Thaddius the Large
Jul 5, 2006



Yeah, our response has been to try and stagger people being in the office and maximize working from home, but ultimately stuff’s probably just gonna be delayed or missed, we’re making it all up as we go along, there’s nothing approaching a coordinated effort. Particularly determined folks can probably call up some contact they know, a caseworker or certifier or something, and ask to help out, not sure what there is overall though, our unit is pretty much figuring out our needs and resources amongst ourselves.

Mocking Bird
Aug 17, 2011


I sent around a message that I was willing to help out other families that don't have the luxury of time off with child care, let's see if it happens

Paratan
Jan 1, 2008

it's sumo, folks


I know this situation super sucks, but I'm thankful teen won't get in trouble for not going to school now...

Engineer Lenk
Aug 28, 2003

Mnogo losho e!

Just in case your agencies weren't circulating this to everyone, both the love and logic basic course and one of the TBRI basic courses are available for free on a time-limited basis. For us it'll count as training hours.

Mocking Bird
Aug 17, 2011


Engineer Lenk posted:

Just in case your agencies weren't circulating this to everyone, both the love and logic basic course and one of the TBRI basic courses are available for free on a time-limited basis. For us it'll count as training hours.

The online versions? Got a link?

Engineer Lenk
Aug 28, 2003

Mnogo losho e!

Mocking Bird posted:

The online versions? Got a link?

This was the link passed along in my email:
https://www.loveandlogic.com/produc...arenting-online

And the TBRI 101 online 30 days for free is here:
https://child.tcu.edu/sale/#sthash....m.tPNH1R5c.dpbs

I also just checked out and read 'The explosive child' from the library; that approach is a little different than either L&L or TBRI, but it also looks promising, particularly for older kids and teens.

Right now I'm struggling with how to get my kid to move from bed to shower in the morning. I woke him up at 7:30 AM yesterday and he didn't get into the shower until 11. This is without him falling back asleep (because I kept talking to him and interrupting going back to sleep) or doing anything distracting while in bed, it just takes him that long to motivate himself. Without me pushing hard on him (my previous approach was to annoy him into compliance), he's switched to getting angry at himself for not being willing to get up.

Paratan
Jan 1, 2008

it's sumo, folks


Thanks for links

Paratan
Jan 1, 2008

it's sumo, folks


Posting while I'm feeling very loving towards Teen right now. He is turning 18 in 2 months! He wanted to go to Kings Dominion but he says in case it's not open still, V-Bucks would have to do lmao

I was able to watch the TBRI thing and sent the certificate to my social worker, thanks for that. Some of it was kind of weird, and some was weirdly helpful. I'm curious about the teen version, but I'll look into it when I'm not paying for a freaking wardrobe because someone grew several sizes since last summer.

Teen has made great strides in living peacefully, which is necessary at all times, everywhere, for the rest of his life. That must be what the first social worker meant when she kept telling me he was doing good.
My negative feelings are about how he will have a hard time in society because he doesn't meet societal expectations in many, many ways. His allowance is based on chores and he got the lowest ever last week, but he earned those 12 dollars GOOD job, man. V-bucks again huh

Mocking Bird
Aug 17, 2011


You're doing such a good job Every time you post I get warm fuzzies

On Mother's Day I got calls from three of my teen girls that I briefly fostered but long term mother-hen'd, which was nice. Two of them were living in group homes and one of them was in juvenile hall before they came to me for a brief period while waiting for housing. They are all young adults now and trying to make it in transitional housing with varying results. It's really hard on my heart to see their ups and downs, but it's part of their growth and I'm trying to respect their autonomy. All of them want to visit for Christmas which I hope will be possible

I hope the rest of the mother-identified goons in this thread had a good Mother's Day

Engineer Lenk
Aug 28, 2003

Mnogo losho e!

Mother's day was pretty good - my mom called and tried to talk my kid into picking flowers, but instead he found a cool map in fortnite creative to play with me.

I'm so proud of how well he's doing with getting up and doing his (very abbreviated) schoolwork. I even made him a custom worksheet today that he complained about for 20 minutes, then worked through, then tore up (because he hates worksheets) but ultimately said was cool.

We also watched a few episodes of avatar weeks ago, which he was only half-listening to. This morning, out of nowhere, he goes 'look at this! I'm waterbending!' while splashing around in the sink. It cracked me up.

Paratan
Jan 1, 2008

it's sumo, folks


Engineer Lenk posted:

I'm so proud of how well he's doing with getting up and doing his (very abbreviated) schoolwork. I even made him a custom worksheet today that he complained about for 20 minutes, then worked through, then tore up (because he hates worksheets) but ultimately said was cool.

That's kind of hilarious...

Engineer Lenk
Aug 28, 2003

Mnogo losho e!

Paratan posted:

That's kind of hilarious...

I took a picture of it.

https://imgur.com/a/GnCj5UV

Mocking Bird
Aug 17, 2011



This is amazing

Engineer Lenk
Aug 28, 2003

Mnogo losho e!

Has anyone else dealt with an attachment phase with their older child/teen where they need you to be there to get to sleep?

I think this is developmentally normal for little kids, so it doesn't surprise me that it's popping up out of order. And the aftermath of trauma leads to intrusive thoughts that are louder late at night, particularly since I try to get screens put away by 9 on weeknights and 11 on weekends (wifi cuts off at 8/10 respectively, and offline games aren't as addicting for him). We have a pretty set bedtime routine of meds/brush teeth/read a chapter of Harry Potter/lights out.

I'm having a rough time with not getting to sleep until midnight (yesterday was 2am) when I still wake up by 8 every day.

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Mocking Bird
Aug 17, 2011


Yep, when my daughter was sixteen. I used to just let her sleep on the living room couch (right outside my bedroom) with my door open so she could hear me snoring, lol. I was less likely to stay up with her - my presence was reassuring and I wanted to offer that to her, but I couldn't cope staying up so late with her. You've got to take care of yourself too and find options that address your own needs. Can you shift the routine a little earlier? Or offer a soothing option that isn't your direct presence, like doing a "security check" before bed of locking doors and windows and picking a light to leave on?

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