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Engineer Lenk
Aug 28, 2003

Mnogo losho e!

I wish I could be as chill as both of y'all about everything; my kid's on the cusp of a huge leap forward with reading, and it has pissed me off immensely that relying solely on school would keep him illiterate. Which if he was 8 or 10 would be kinda a meh whatever moment, but he's 13 and the gap between his listening comprehension and reading ability just gets wider and wider. He's already really frustrated that he can't read well, but also resists approaching it incrementally and systematically.

I grabbed a basic phonics workbook and we're working through it each weekday that he's not otherwise reading. He doesn't love it by any stretch of the imagination, but he is now trying to decode stuff in his games that he had previously ignored (and started trying to read the comments on his youtube videos).

If the homeschool curriculum was up to me, I'd basically have him playing math games and reading (about anything he's interested in), do some verbal analysis of the inane YouTube videos he watches all day (he wants to be a YouTuber), maybe have him do some duolingo and some kind of coding app, then call it a day with relatively few total hours of instruction.

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Paratan
Jan 1, 2008

it's sumo, folks


Engineer Lenk posted:

If the homeschool curriculum was up to me, I'd basically have him playing math games and reading (about anything he's interested in), do some verbal analysis of the inane YouTube videos he watches all day (he wants to be a YouTuber), maybe have him do some duolingo and some kind of coding app, then call it a day with relatively few total hours of instruction.

I've only been learning about self-directed education ever since teen started refusing to go to school. I didn't know much about homeschooling other than laws vary by state.
why is the "curriculum" not up to you or him? Is that not allowed?

Engineer Lenk
Aug 28, 2003

Mnogo losho e!

Paratan posted:

I've only been learning about self-directed education ever since teen started refusing to go to school. I didn't know much about homeschooling other than laws vary by state.
why is the "curriculum" not up to you or him? Is that not allowed?

Oh, it would be up to me if I was really homeschooling. The hoops we have to jump through before the district'll release us are kinda obnoxious though. This just stands in stark contrast to what remote schooling is looking like at this point.

Paratan
Jan 1, 2008

it's sumo, folks


Well, that sucks. School sounds not great right now.

My teen's social worker will be stopping by next Monday to attempt to help him with school work online. He did agree to this (he agrees to anything, which has little bearing on what he actually does)

Mocking Bird posted:

I'm happy as long as he's not getting visibly dumber

lmao, can we just live a peaceful life... Precious Teen's brain is healing over here

Oh i helped him: vote by mail, finish a voluntary survey for teens exiting care, write a Christmas wishlist for DSS, fill out what he could of a background check. These are all things he wanted to do and asked me for help (after repeatedly telling the social worker he didn't want her help wtf u dumass)

Paratan
Jan 1, 2008

it's sumo, folks


heeeeey who wants to ignore the news

I let my teenager spend the night at his good "stepmom"s house (as opposed to the bad stepmom who is why he is not with his family anymore) that he loves.
He loves this woman, I think when he was young she was one of the people he lived with. He went back in time when he jumped in her car. He was grinning and excited etc.
Teen and I sometimes talk about places that might be good for him to live, so he informed me that currently she lives in a small space with her boyfriend and animals so he cannot move in with them right now. Also her mom will be marrying a billionaire soon, and they'll build him a house on their land in a few years and everyone will be happy.
"wow what a bunch of BS," I don't say.
But "wow that sounds great Teen, then they will be good to live with like your grandma's house."

Anyway, he comes back last night covered in dog fur and cat hair, feces on his feet and a sad tale about he spent all day cleaning the poo poo-covered trailer his stepmom's mother lives in with her dogs. Because the billionaire boyfriend is coming over. Then they went to go pick him up at an airport and he was . not there

But at least he also came with a new phone his stepmom had ordered for him.

He waited until he was fully congested this morning to tell me that 1) he didn't take a shower and 2) he's allergic to animals, especially the ones he slept with at his stepmom's house. GOd Bless AMerica

Engineer Lenk
Aug 28, 2003

Mnogo losho e!

I'm trying to console my kid over his mom cancelling/delaying a visit (second in a year) again because his poppa (grandfather) is unresponsive in the hospital with Covid.

E: He has the realistic view that she's not dealing with the crisis but is instead drinking.

Engineer Lenk fucked around with this message at 19:21 on Nov 4, 2020

Mocking Bird
Aug 17, 2011


Your poor teens. Nothing makes my heart hurt worse than seeing my babies be hurt or disappointed, especially by their families.

Paratan
Jan 1, 2008

it's sumo, folks


ok I found out about the Connected PARENT, so that is in the mail. A kind of update to the connected child is what I heard on a podcast.

Do y'all keep track of hilarious teen outbursts because I do and I treasure them.
I just spent half an hour listening to this ridiculous teen in my home talk about video games because it calms him down after I triggered him with an extremely rude internet time limit of 1AM.

earlier today I got an actual double middle finger "You know what? gently caress you" *slams door*
*comes back out to yell at me*

Engineer Lenk
Aug 28, 2003

Mnogo losho e!

I love the logic from my kid around not wanting to get up and get a shower: 'If I do that I'll want to do my work so I can get screen time and I don't want to do my work so I can't take a shower.'

Kid, you reek. You can go back to bed if you just take a shower. If you'd just stay in your own bed it'd be fine but when you switch locations and come talk to me because you're bored I will tell you to get a shower first.

I get called an rear end in a top hat (or worse, depending on mood and whether he or 'Bob' is controlling his body) consistently when I follow through with the whole 'finish schoolwork before playing video games' limit or when I start commenting on his sore loser trash talk in fortnite (if the guy who just killed you is a bot then you just got merced by a bot; I'd rather die to someone who can play pretty well).

Anyone else dealt with multiple personalities?

Paratan
Jan 1, 2008

it's sumo, folks


lmfaoo yessss why do these other personalities have the most boring names (Teen apparently introduced himself as "John" at church).

Later, as John, teen explained that John was teen's much older and mature twin (? please ignore, my teen is not smart) brother.
John was 20 and I think he was supposed to be doing responsible things, but that was hard to keep up with for teen. For example, I can't even remember like. Maybe he vacuumed once and was like "oh John did that."

he doesn't do that anymore but Teen reminded me that his nickname is now Bakugo due to anime.

Engineer Lenk posted:

I love the logic from my kid around not wanting to get up and get a shower: 'If I do that I'll want to do my work so I can get screen time and I don't want to do my work so I can't take a shower.'

what . lol

whydirt
Apr 18, 2001


Gaz Posting Brigade


Engineer Lenk posted:

depending on mood and whether he or 'Bob' is controlling his body

Engineer Lenk
Aug 28, 2003

Mnogo losho e!


This is kind of eerily on the nose; although Bob has proven to be somewhat tractable and less rapey, he is an interdimensional being who has a history of murdering people (but all the people he murdered were really mean to him). He is often in his mid-50s, but periodically rebirths and has an elaborate family drama going on in his other dimension.

He also has a tragic backstory and is being press-ganged by my kid into covering for him during school (he's a lot better at math), so we're working on teaching him how to be a better friend and not try to get the kid in trouble or force him out so he can take over all the time.

I highly doubt my 13-year-old has seen twin peaks, but you never know.

Paratan
Jan 1, 2008

it's sumo, folks


teen: ok so half an hour is 45 minutes
me: no
teen: yes it is
me: no please Google it, because this is the 4th time u say this and u don't believe me when i tell you
teen: ok google *steps inside the house for a minute*

teen: ok you know how you said half an hour was 35 minutes
me: no
teen: yes you did i loving heard you

lmfao please let me eat i was enjoying nature.

but he has not freaked out at all so far since returning from grandma and stepmom and he is trying to be good. He is so bad at everything, including things he loves (we are playing pokemon sun & moon right now) .

Paratan
Jan 1, 2008

it's sumo, folks


*social worker leaves after explaining Teen is not in compliance with whatever paperwork we keep signing for him to be in foster care at 18*

OK, but if I saved $200 would you get me a series X.

Engineer Lenk
Aug 28, 2003

Mnogo losho e!

I just found a PS5 for my kid, but it doesn't arrive until after Christmas. I didn't mean to spoil him rotten, but I also kinda got carried away with a lot of other smaller gifts. He did, however, say that all he wanted for his birthday was for me to adopt him. I've cautioned him that it's complicated and a lot of the timing depends on his mom, but he's an optimist.

There were such highs and lows of emotions today. He spent 3 hours after school moping because he couldn't bring himself to do the 30 min worth of schoolwork that needed to get done before other screentime.

He's grieving; his grandfather died last week (one of his primary caregivers until 5 or so). I went with him to visit his Papa in the hospital and to the family viewing before burial. I know he has a hard time dealing with these big emotions and I'm really proud of how he's doing on the whole. My dad is in hospice so both of us are dealing with a lot.

The silver-ish lining to all this grief is that his mom is communicating really well through everything (which is not a typical strength), and her side of the family has been really accepting of me as a new family +1.

E: also just got the green light to homeschool today. I'll keep the thread updated on if this turns out to be a good or horrifying idea.

Engineer Lenk fucked around with this message at 01:20 on Dec 16, 2020

Paratan
Jan 1, 2008

it's sumo, folks


Very cool, also condolences, and good luck...

Engineer Lenk
Aug 28, 2003

Mnogo losho e!

Unexpected parenting requirement of the day: reading 50 shades of grey and 'one of the sequels'.

The kid has access to audiobooks from the library to listen to at night; this is my compromise position since I don't want him on screens instead of sleeping. Usually he stays within the Juvenile category, but apparently 50 shades looked interesting and was compelling enough for him to listen to the sequel.

So now we're having discussions about consent (which is a good continuation of what we'd already talked about) in the context of BDSM, which he can't really wrap his head around.

Mocking Bird
Aug 17, 2011


Hilarious

My 10 year old drank a quart of vanilla coffee creamer, something they also don't teach you in parenting classes

So far the list of things I can't keep in my house:
- ice cream
- popsicles
- whipped cream
- snack cups of any sort
- coffee creamer

My hall closet has a lock on the door theoretically for medicine and alcohol, and instead it is full of forbidden toys and poptarts

Paratan
Jan 1, 2008

it's sumo, folks


I'M NOT A TEENAGERRRRRR

amethystbliss
Jan 17, 2006



Me: "Are you making any New Years resolutions?"
Adopted 15 year old son: "Nope."
Me: "Well do you have any hopes or things you'd like to see in the New Year?"
Son: "Calendar year dates are arbitrary."
Me" "Well either way, a new year has some symbolic meaning. Is there anything you hope to see from 2021?"
Son: "The fall of capitalism."

Paratan
Jan 1, 2008

it's sumo, folks


Ok so is it like crazy for me to be afraid that stepmom / her husband will like the idea of actually living with Teen less and less the more he sleeps over there
*nervous laughter*

Paratan
Jan 1, 2008

it's sumo, folks


I just handed the teen his chromebook (2nd one cause he broke the screen on the first free one) so he can join his social worker in talking to a possible math tutor on zoom.
He was already extremely busy playing xbox so he just placed it behind him, pointing the camera directly at his naked rear end, and then when they joined the zoom call he yelled at them that he's in the middle of a game

Mocking Bird
Aug 17, 2011


Good lord, he sounds like a fun one! Is that the plan? For him to live with stepmom?

Paratan
Jan 1, 2008

it's sumo, folks


oops I meant to post YES that is the plan, teen is counting on it so I REALLY HOPE IT HAPPENS.

From what I understand it doesn't matter as much that they don't have room for him because he's 18, but I get the feeling I'm not really part of that beside telling the social worker I am fine with it. I assume the social worker is in touch with the stepmom and I know she talks to teen.

I did make it clear to have teen done moving by May because I was told to quietly prepare for a move (idk where) in June.

Engineer Lenk
Aug 28, 2003

Mnogo losho e!

I have unlocked the secret of teaching my 13-year-old to read: reddit. He will snag my phone and read the comments to me (he also had me read him all the posts about Paratan's teen because I was laughing about the last one). I'm absolutely sure he's gained a full academic year in reading now; he's testing close to middle of the 2nd grade and able to sound out almost all the prompts on his video games.

I also highly recommend mightier for kids/tweens. It's a (pricy) therapeutic game system that teaches kids to control their heart rate (and identify when they're getting amped/angry). I let that be the freebie screen after everything else shuts off; it's not as addicting as his other games and self-limits the potential to rage. It's only been a week or so but he's doing the calming behaviors IRL.

Brennanite
Feb 14, 2009


Engineer Lenk posted:

I also highly recommend mightier for kids/tweens. It's a (pricy) therapeutic game system that teaches kids to control their heart rate (and identify when they're getting amped/angry). I let that be the freebie screen after everything else shuts off; it's not as addicting as his other games and self-limits the potential to rage. It's only been a week or so but he's doing the calming behaviors IRL.

Could you talk more about this? I've seen the ads and wondered if it would help kids with autism.

Engineer Lenk
Aug 28, 2003

Mnogo losho e!

Brennanite posted:

Could you talk more about this? I've seen the ads and wondered if it would help kids with autism.

I've played it once. It's an android tablet and paired bluetooth optical heart rate armband. The armband sits on the bicep. You start playing one of three short games, with an small onscreen representation of your heart rate in the bottom corner with a blue zone, red zone, and in-between. As you play, the red zone will increase while the blue zone stays the same. The games are kinda hard so you will eventually go in the red. Then it flips to a Pokemon capture style game where you have to get your heart rate back to blue. Each day you get a new character to collect, and it takes 3-5 calming rounds to knock the hp down enough to catch the thing. You can only capture one lavaling per day, and they give you prompts to help lower your heart rate when you're in that battle.

The parent dashboard shows how many minutes played and how many cool downs by day.

I thought about it for a while and looked at the research before I decided to buy the system. I worried it might be too juvenile for my 13-year-old, but making it available when other gaming systems are off was tempting enough. I expect him to jailbreak the android tablet within a month or so (he may not be fully literate, but he's good with tech), but by then he'll have taken in what I want him to learn from it.

Paratan
Jan 1, 2008

it's sumo, folks


bookmarking that app , and reading is awesome. Good work, everyone

Paratan
Jan 1, 2008

it's sumo, folks


Paratan posted:

Ok so is it like crazy for me to be afraid that stepmom / her husband will like the idea of actually living with Teen less and less the more he sleeps over there
*nervous laughter*

nvm man what a time... exciting developments.
Teen spent a W HOLE WEEK with stepmom (!!!) and asked if he could stay a few more days, so he's supposed to come back today. his stepmom sounded OK with it, and it was her idea to have him there that long. i asked him about his one change of clothes ( ... ) and his breathing because he comes back fULLY congested every time.

There's a lot... going on in that home, but I can't help but feel so hopeful for them,

Paratan
Jan 1, 2008

it's sumo, folks


And yes the second time Teen asked me to take him to the doctor after coming back from stepmom they actually just gave him a COVID test lmfao (negative, praise God)

I've been wearing masks in my home since Thanksgiving

Engineer Lenk
Aug 28, 2003

Mnogo losho e!

My kid is a devious genius y'all. I was working with him on his spelling list today. One of his words was 'milk'. His first attempt ended up as mlick- right sounds, just wrong order (as is pretty common with dyslexia). He asked to be excused for a minute and went to the fridge. Didn't get anything, but came back and immediately corrected his spelling. He said it was faster to find the word on the milk jug than to work out the sounds.

Shellception
Oct 12, 2016

I just wasted all my charitable impulse for the day on a wet lump of fuzz.






Engineer Lenk posted:

My kid is a devious genius y'all. I was working with him on his spelling list today. One of his words was 'milk'. His first attempt ended up as mlick- right sounds, just wrong order (as is pretty common with dyslexia). He asked to be excused for a minute and went to the fridge. Didn't get anything, but came back and immediately corrected his spelling. He said it was faster to find the word on the milk jug than to work out the sounds.

That sounds like he has a pretty creative approach to problem solving going, good for him .

Paratan
Jan 1, 2008

it's sumo, folks


3/4 6:15am as soon as I turned off my sound machine I could hear Teen talking, loudly, in the next room. Sounds like he's two people in an anime dialogue. When I asked him if he had slept he said no and that he's busy talking to his new girlfriend. He wanted me to leave. He was talking on the roleplaying app pretending to be possesed by Bakugo. He stopped talking (probably fell asleep) around 7am.

3/4 New girlfriend apparently offered to come over and clean his room, so Teen asked me if she could come but I said no and suggested they go outside instead. Teen said she lives nearby. She will come to visit in a few weeks. (They are permanently on the phone with each other)

3/5 1pm Teen woke up. He said he got the weekends mixed up and his girlfriend is going to come hang out on the porch tomorrow at 10AM. Teen cleaned bathroom while narrating for girlfriend, carefully avoiding mentioning that it's to get his allowance.
Teen spent his allowance at grocery store buying chicken and snacks for her visit. He had a great time narrating for her what he is buying and asking her input. He helped me put groceries away and I listened to his terrible plans to bring his blankets and xbox to the porch.

3/5 7pm Teen asked me if I would drive him to get girlfriend tomorrow if she can't get a ride from her mom. She lives "20 miles out". I told him I could if she has permission, because I don't have anything to do tomorrow morning but that is not "nearby". He needs to get her address and text it to me.

3/5 8pm Teen texted me that actually "she lives in Another State" which is not nearby, so r.i.p.

Mocking Bird
Aug 17, 2011


Oh, teen, oh no

Funny-sad is the theme of adolescence

In our news, we are signing adoptive placement next week for our 10 year old, and finalizing the adoptions of him and our two grown girls in the next couple months We're gonna have a triple adoption party

Paratan
Jan 1, 2008

it's sumo, folks


yaaay congratulation.
how's the lil kid doing

Mocking Bird
Aug 17, 2011


He's a monster, we love him so much

He's got nuclear reactor energy 24/7, but luckily we got him into a really well run non profit kids program so he can get the energy out. He only got sent home once in eight months! Proud of our dude

We're also looking into a Waldorf school for him next year so he can be in a small classroom environment without being in special ed - he started school when he was almost 8 years old, so he's WAY behind, but he's socially and developmentally very on target so it's killing his confidence to be singled out. We're hoping a more holistic education where he can kick rear end at archery and hiking and crafts will make him like school more.

Wednesday is his one year anniversary with us

Paratan
Jan 1, 2008

it's sumo, folks


I'M GOING TO BE FINE I'M EIGHTEEN

Engineer Lenk
Aug 28, 2003

Mnogo losho e!

I just got roasted tonight by my teenager. I fed him waffle fries for dinner because that's what he wanted and what he'd eat. He looks at me after he's about halfway through and says "I don't think you're qualified to be a parent."

E: I'm currently fielding the question: "Why do your balls have to sweat?"

Engineer Lenk fucked around with this message at 01:18 on Mar 16, 2021

whydirt
Apr 18, 2001


Gaz Posting Brigade


Sweaty balls is a direct result of too many waffle fries, duh.

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Engineer Lenk
Aug 28, 2003

Mnogo losho e!

Hey my fellow trauma-informed peeps,

Can y'all vet this three-step process I'm going to give my kid as a magic 'get out of lecture free/deescalate a tense situation' strategy?

1. Figure out why the other person is upset.
2. Let them know that you are listening to them.
3*. Let them know one thing you'll try in the future to prevent the same thing happening again.

*3 does not apply if the other person is completely irrational.

If the other person is a cop, just say 'I can't talk to you until after I've talked to my parent,' and then be quiet.

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