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Kodilynn
Sep 29, 2006


Yeah those rules are the same here. You have to have separate dressers for each child, they're not allowed to share. We had to get an extra one as part of the process. We're in the home stretch of being approved finally. Should have placement around Thanksgiving. How's that for timing?

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Mocking Bird
Aug 17, 2011


Blue Footed Booby posted:

Any chance you could explain this one? It sounds like they can share a room, but not a dresser. I can't come up with even a guess why this might be.

Historically foster children were kind of crammed in whatever corner they fit into, often sharing space with biological children who then got preferential space for their belongings, leaving the foster children to live out of bags and boxes. The requirement for each child to have their own space for belongings is meant to enforce some equity.

Kodilynn posted:

Yeah those rules are the same here. You have to have separate dressers for each child, they're not allowed to share. We had to get an extra one as part of the process. We're in the home stretch of being approved finally. Should have placement around Thanksgiving. How's that for timing?

Congratulations!

My foster daughter comes with me on all of my trips. So far she's comes with me to a wedding in Arizona, a short vacation in San Diego, and I took her to see her family in Las Vegas.

I'm on my solo vacation for a week right now, after 10 months of her being with me. She didn't want to miss school and she's enjoying the attention she's getting from my 5 friends who are taking turns watching her.

She's coming with me to thanksgiving in Texas and will be meeting my extended family - my brother and his wife are thrilled and are planning a welcoming gift for her, which made me feel incredibly warm and fuzzy, especially since they had their daughter in July and she's been getting a lot of attention as "the first grandchild" even though my kiddo transitioned to my care in January last year.

Kodilynn
Sep 29, 2006


Mocking Bird posted:

Historically foster children were kind of crammed in whatever corner they fit into, often sharing space with biological children who then got preferential space for their belongings, leaving the foster children to live out of bags and boxes. The requirement for each child to have their own space for belongings is meant to enforce some equity.


Congratulations!

My foster daughter comes with me on all of my trips. So far she's comes with me to a wedding in Arizona, a short vacation in San Diego, and I took her to see her family in Las Vegas.

I'm on my solo vacation for a week right now, after 10 months of her being with me. She didn't want to miss school and she's enjoying the attention she's getting from my 5 friends who are taking turns watching her.

She's coming with me to thanksgiving in Texas and will be meeting my extended family - my brother and his wife are thrilled and are planning a welcoming gift for her, which made me feel incredibly warm and fuzzy, especially since they had their daughter in July and she's been getting a lot of attention as "the first grandchild" even though my kiddo transitioned to my care in January last year.

Thanks! Our FD will get to come along with us to Disney World, so hopefully they'll get some good memories out of that. It's crazy to think we started all this back at the beginning of August and we're just now getting towards the end of it and doing the final signatures. It's a slow process but it's going to be very rewarding and I'm really looking forward to it, albeit a bit nervous about the whole thing. Both sides of the families are fully on board (my mom was adopted herself, my wife's family adopted her two brothers) so we have full support on both sides which I'm very thankful for.

I hope it turns out for the best and we can serve as mentors for the families that are in need. We've discussed doing respite care for babies on the side as my wife and I both have baby fever 99% of the time but can't have one ourselves.

VorpalBunny
May 1, 2009

Killer Rabbit of Caerbannog


My husband attended a meeting last night with our foster agency, where they discussed all the new regulations happening here in California in 2017. They are loosening the requirements for people to get and retain certification, and are increasing the standards for bio families seeking reunification. The amount of training required will decrease overall, which is awesome, and they changed a few requirements that directly affect my family - kids of the opposite sex can now share rooms until the age of 8 (it was 5) and there can be up to 4 kids in a room. I have NO IDEA what room they might be talking about, that seems kind of crazy to me.

The good news is it makes our situation a little easier to work with. We are still on the fence about taking in another foster child right now (our kids are almost-6, 3 & 2 - a handful!), but these new regulations make it easier for us to renew our certification and give ourselves a little more time.

Kodilynn
Sep 29, 2006


VorpalBunny posted:

My husband attended a meeting last night with our foster agency, where they discussed all the new regulations happening here in California in 2017. They are loosening the requirements for people to get and retain certification, and are increasing the standards for bio families seeking reunification. The amount of training required will decrease overall, which is awesome, and they changed a few requirements that directly affect my family - kids of the opposite sex can now share rooms until the age of 8 (it was 5) and there can be up to 4 kids in a room. I have NO IDEA what room they might be talking about, that seems kind of crazy to me.

The good news is it makes our situation a little easier to work with. We are still on the fence about taking in another foster child right now (our kids are almost-6, 3 & 2 - a handful!), but these new regulations make it easier for us to renew our certification and give ourselves a little more time.

As I understand it here, 4 kids can share a room under the age of 5 of the same sex. Once they're over age 5 they can't share a room. Moving it to 8 is interesting. We have people here that I know that use room dividers that have passed DHS standards which seems kinda fishy to me.

Mocking Bird
Aug 17, 2011


Foster family agencies in California are often a bit more lenient than county regulated foster licensure. With an agency, you are certified under their license in California only and and it's up to them to determine what meets the language of the law, and will only be challenged if the home gets investigated or goes through an adoptive home study. Counties are much more rigid because they are licensing you to take children from any of the 50 states.

I'm in the amusing position of being both a county licensed placement and a foster family agency home, since technically I'm a "non related family member" for my daughter. I wanted to scold both workers who inspected my home (one a county worker and another from the agency) for doing a piss poor job inspecting just because I'm a social worker and my house looks nice upon first glance.

Mocking Bird
Aug 17, 2011


Also because I'm dying to tell someone, my daughter got her first two college acceptance letters today

Spikes32
Jul 25, 2013


She won't be living with you next year after all!

Mocking Bird
Aug 17, 2011


Spikes32 posted:

She won't be living with you next year after all!

She'll be in your part of the world, maybe! I'll give her your number and you can handle middle of the night emergencies for me

amethystbliss
Jan 17, 2006



Mocking Bird posted:

Also because I'm dying to tell someone, my daughter got her first two college acceptance letters today

That's amazing--congratulations!

Solaron
Sep 6, 2007

Whatever the reason you're on Mars, I'm glad you're there, and I wish I was with you.


We've had our first home study, and our fire inspection is next Monday. In Ohio (or at least, our county/agency), foster kids don't need separate dressers but they do need separate/individual drawers and areas that are theirs to store their stuff. But 1 large dresser is fine for 2 kids, especially siblings, for instance. We're hoping we'll be all ready to get our first placement in January.

The Dipshit
Dec 21, 2005

by FactsAreUseless


Mockingbird, my wife and I are (likely) moving to Los Angeles for her medical residency. Could you point us to some websites for California state (and possibly county) processes for adoption? We are both on board with adoption, but are a bit... concerned about open adoption and the impact on the kiddo being tugged around between us and possibly antagonistic bio parents. It wouldn't stop us or anything, but we kinda have a thought of closed > international > foster > open adoption.

Mocking Bird
Aug 17, 2011


Triangle Shirt Factotum posted:

Mockingbird, my wife and I are (likely) moving to Los Angeles for her medical residency. Could you point us to some websites for California state (and possibly county) processes for adoption? We are both on board with adoption, but are a bit... concerned about open adoption and the impact on the kiddo being tugged around between us and possibly antagonistic bio parents. It wouldn't stop us or anything, but we kinda have a thought of closed > international > foster > open adoption.

Welcome!

Open adoption can sound scary, but please read up on it - it's not often about two families having equal access, but more about a child having access to their family story with the boundaries negotiated by their adoptive parents

https://www.childwelfare.gov/pubPDFs/openadoption.pdf

https://www.adoptivefamilies.com/op...-open-adoption/

Also, foster-to-adopt is one of the last ways someone can have a truly closed adoption as a matter of course. If you adopt a child through foster care (with the exception of older children who have bonds with family members such as siblings and grandparents) they won't force you to have any contact with family, but PLEASE read about open adoption because a child with no history has a higher likelihood of post-adoption stress.

http://lacdcfs.org/shareyourheartla/index.html

Start here! Go to an orientation and hear what they have to say. Fostering to adopt costs a maximum of $5000, which private adoptions tend to start at $20k and have no upper limit. Explore your options!

http://www.cakidsconnection.org/

I have mixed feeling about this program, but these are older children and toddlers already freed for adoption and waiting for families. They need someone, and the first step is foster care licensing through the county and state.

N. Senada
May 17, 2011


One of my big dreams is to foster/adopt a child by the time I'm 35.

My spouse and I have long conversations about this, but what is the hivemind's opinion on finances, space, etc. when it comes to fostering? In my ideal world, I'll have 1 year of finances saved up that would cover expenses for me, spouse, and a foster child in the event of loss of income. And also, I think that our ideal space would be a shared dining/living space, and two bedrooms (one for the married, one for the foster).

Are these reasonable/unreasonable ideas? What does the general good foster home look like?

Mocking Bird
Aug 17, 2011


N. Senada posted:

One of my big dreams is to foster/adopt a child by the time I'm 35.

My spouse and I have long conversations about this, but what is the hivemind's opinion on finances, space, etc. when it comes to fostering? In my ideal world, I'll have 1 year of finances saved up that would cover expenses for me, spouse, and a foster child in the event of loss of income. And also, I think that our ideal space would be a shared dining/living space, and two bedrooms (one for the married, one for the foster).

Are these reasonable/unreasonable ideas? What does the general good foster home look like?

That sounds beyond ideal to me

Fostering comes with a stipend, but depending on cost of living it's often eaten up by the cost of having to have a bigger space, so having a bit extra to take them on trips with you, pay for extra activities, etc is nice. Many areas won't help you with daycare beyond early head start or subsidized programs applications, so be prepared for that.

Look into the fostering options in your area! Often foster care agencies (non profits and private companies) provide additional help, training, and support over county foster parenting (my experience is in California).

I recommend that potential parents go through the county training too so that you have a strong knowledge base - sometimes non profit social workers don't understand the legal side very well so self education is important!

Kodilynn
Sep 29, 2006


Our Agency is pretty helpful in the financial dept. Since my wife and I are both full time workers they pay for 100% daycare costs, there's a financial stipend monthly to cover extra expenses, and they provide a "fun" stipend yearly to cover tickets n such to theme parks. They also do some travel reimbursement. They have a shop room FULL of Halloween costumes, supplies, donated goods, carseats, etc. basically whatever you need based on what you're fostering it's readily available for use.

We've done some quick math and with the stipend we'll be just fine financially. Medicaid covers any medical expenses and our existing PCP takes it, so getting the child care won't be an issue.

We started this process in August and finally are in the home stretch. The paperwork is making its rounds for final review, then we'll have orientation and final signatures to set our house to 'open' status. 10-14 days and we're finally at the finish line ready for placement.

All this being said, I HIGHLY recommend agencies but do your homework. Different ones do different things. Ours does a Christmas party that we've been invited to even though we don't have a placement yet

The Dipshit
Dec 21, 2005

by FactsAreUseless


Mocking Bird posted:

Welcome!

Open adoption can sound scary, but please read up on it - it's not often about two families having equal access, but more about a child having access to their family story with the boundaries negotiated by their adoptive parents

https://www.childwelfare.gov/pubPDFs/openadoption.pdf

https://www.adoptivefamilies.com/op...-open-adoption/

Also, foster-to-adopt is one of the last ways someone can have a truly closed adoption as a matter of course. If you adopt a child through foster care (with the exception of older children who have bonds with family members such as siblings and grandparents) they won't force you to have any contact with family, but PLEASE read about open adoption because a child with no history has a higher likelihood of post-adoption stress.

http://lacdcfs.org/shareyourheartla/index.html

Start here! Go to an orientation and hear what they have to say. Fostering to adopt costs a maximum of $5000, which private adoptions tend to start at $20k and have no upper limit. Explore your options!

http://www.cakidsconnection.org/

I have mixed feeling about this program, but these are older children and toddlers already freed for adoption and waiting for families. They need someone, and the first step is foster care licensing through the county and state.

Thank you so much for the reading. This is a wonderful start. We'll probably have to begin in 2018, but I'm the kind of person who feels the need to do lots of research way ahead of time.

Kodilynn
Sep 29, 2006


So after beginning this process in early August to become certified foster parents, we have an appointment Monday for final signatures to make our house 'open' for placement! I'm super excited, wife is excited/nervous. Agencies in our area have a very high (like sometimes same day) placement rate due to the demand in this area. It's going to be interesting!

Sylink
Apr 17, 2004



I have a newer adopted child, it is great. To answer your questions that apply -



What behavioral issues were you up against, if any?
None so far it was an infant adoption, very healthy.

Have you had any luck moving towards adoption and how did the process go/how long did it take?

It took several years, we went through an agency and one match fell through (people make bad decisions) then a fortunate circumstance came up elsewhere for us.


[bHow did the agencies work with you and was their communication up to par? We picked a smaller agency and our case worker has been incredibly responsive and doesn't have 80 other kids and families to worry about which took some concern away.[/b]

For how much money is involved, their communication sucks, and they are trapped in a time warp back to the 1980s in terms of how they use email etc. Months without updates etc. Personal interaction was good and our homestudy lady was great.

Did you have to keep in touch with the bio-parents at all or was it no communication?

Yes, we have a good relationship. This is highly recommended where possible if they are interested and its better for the child. But I am related to the birth parents so its a bit different than the standard stranger infant adoption.


I can try to answer specifics about the process too which is mostly boring and legal -> lots of dollars. Probably cost about 16k total and we'll get a lot back in taxes.

Mocking Bird
Aug 17, 2011


Kodilynn posted:

So after beginning this process in early August to become certified foster parents, we have an appointment Monday for final signatures to make our house 'open' for placement! I'm super excited, wife is excited/nervous. Agencies in our area have a very high (like sometimes same day) placement rate due to the demand in this area. It's going to be interesting!

Congrats! Please remember that you can take a little while to think about whether the child is right for your home before you say yes to a placement

Also I did respite care for a 15 year old this weekend and my 17 year old was incredibly surly the entire time and has informed me I'm not allowed to have any more kids until she leaves for college. Kids really don't make this easy, do they?

Solaron
Sep 6, 2007

Whatever the reason you're on Mars, I'm glad you're there, and I wish I was with you.


Mocking Bird posted:

Congrats! Please remember that you can take a little while to think about whether the child is right for your home before you say yes to a placement

Also I did respite care for a 15 year old this weekend and my 17 year old was incredibly surly the entire time and has informed me I'm not allowed to have any more kids until she leaves for college. Kids really don't make this easy, do they?

Do you think it was having another child so close in age to her or just having another child there in general that she responded negatively to?

Mocking Bird
Aug 17, 2011


Solaron posted:

Do you think it was having another child so close in age to her or just having another child there in general that she responded negatively to?

A little bit of both. She's not quite so negative about younger children, but she's very possessive in general and doesn't like that I do "extra" things when we are watching other foster children that I do less frequently otherwise (e.g. We might order pizza because I don't know what the child likes to eat and don't have a good variety of groceries on hand). I try to spend extra time with her and encourage her to see her bio family during the weekends I have other kids so she gets some special individual attention too. She gets pissed off when I have adult friends visiting us too.

Overall it's mostly cranky possessive teenager stuff and she's back to normal as soon as it's just me and her again.

Kodilynn
Sep 29, 2006


So we've been approved for about 3 weeks now without a placement. Granted, that means people are with their families or our house wasn't a match for those displaced. We've had a few calls with some horrifying details that really hurt to hear with some of these kids given their ages, but were told we were the last resort if kinship didn't pan out.

Was told that this is the first time in years for our state that there's actually an abundance of homes available and vacant opposed to the number of placements needed which is great news! Hopefully we'll get one eventually but it's somewhat heartwarming to know that it's not all terrible.

VorpalBunny
May 1, 2009

Killer Rabbit of Caerbannog


We got a call late yesterday afternoon for a newborn, meth & alcohol exposed, ready to be detained by DCFS and released from the hospital. She was 36 hours old. I was hesitant about the alcohol exposure, but I was eventually told by the CSW that it was just meth. Hooray?

My (adopted) son was meth positive when he was born, but he has shown no effects of it and he's almost 3. Considering this newborn was being released so soon after her birth, I had to assume she was "healthy" and we later verified she was! She's been here for almost a day and she's sleeping and pooping and eating like any other newborn. No tremors or withdrawal signs of any kind.

So now we have a 6-year old, a 4-year old, an almost-3-year-old and a newborn. The newborn shouldn't be here long, but she's at least here for the long weekend here in the US. And our son was initially an 8-day placement, so...

My husband is still feeling nervous about our huge family, which is totally understandable, but this is our fourth newborn and it's kind of old hat at this point so as long as we keep on keeping on and making sure each kid feels their value in our family I think we'll be ok. We find out Tuesday or Wednesday all the family details, visitation, court dates, etc. Wee!

By the way, we live in Southern California and the need for homes is worse than ever. If anyone is on the fence here in LA, I'm here to offer any advice I can!

Panfilo
Aug 27, 2011

EXISTENCE IS PAIN

I should mention that in California, families that fost adopt get adoption assistance through age 18 even after you fully adopt them.

And FMLA treats foster and adoptive kids the same as bio kids in regards to needing leave for various things (bonding, disclosure meetings, home study, etc.)

Mocking Bird
Aug 17, 2011


Panfilo posted:

I should mention that in California, families that fost adopt get adoption assistance through age 18 even after you fully adopt them.

And FMLA treats foster and adoptive kids the same as bio kids in regards to needing leave for various things (bonding, disclosure meetings, home study, etc.)

I wish I had taken time off when my kiddo was placed. It was my first rodeo and I didn't realize what a challenge it would be.

Because of my unique circumstance with my daughter, I'm actually a foster parent for two counties and therefore her two inspections per year, including one this week. Going back over my house with a fine tooth comb is incredibly annoying and probably unnecessary but I always worry they'll have some issue that will require me to miss more work to correct.

I saw a really cute little girls tea set and while I was making eyes at it my daughter told me I should ask for a little girl after she goes off to college in July. I'll admit it's tempting, but I think I need a break to rebuild some serenity and be a good parent The challenges of parenting a foster teen with severe depression can be draining.

Kodilynn
Sep 29, 2006


4th placement calls the charm! We're getting our first placement tonight! Major mix of anxiety and excitement. We've had 3 calls previously fall apart as they were splitting sibling sets that later found placement for siblings. This one is solo so we don't have to worry about that and it's long term foster to adopt as the parents have failed for 3 court hearings and have no interest in even trying to get their kid back. Going to do right by them and give them the chance their parents didn't.

This one is only concerning as the case worker really knew nothing about them other than why they were removed from the home and couldn't tell us what, if anything, they are coming with. So, totally by ear and on the fly for our first go-round!

Mocking Bird
Aug 17, 2011


Kodilynn posted:

4th placement calls the charm! We're getting our first placement tonight! Major mix of anxiety and excitement. We've had 3 calls previously fall apart as they were splitting sibling sets that later found placement for siblings. This one is solo so we don't have to worry about that and it's long term foster to adopt as the parents have failed for 3 court hearings and have no interest in even trying to get their kid back. Going to do right by them and give them the chance their parents didn't.

This one is only concerning as the case worker really knew nothing about them other than why they were removed from the home and couldn't tell us what, if anything, they are coming with. So, totally by ear and on the fly for our first go-round!

You're going to do great

Panfilo
Aug 27, 2011

EXISTENCE IS PAIN

Kodilynn posted:

4th placement calls the charm! We're getting our first placement tonight! Major mix of anxiety and excitement. We've had 3 calls previously fall apart as they were splitting sibling sets that later found placement for siblings. This one is solo so we don't have to worry about that and it's long term foster to adopt as the parents have failed for 3 court hearings and have no interest in even trying to get their kid back. Going to do right by them and give them the chance their parents didn't.

This one is only concerning as the case worker really knew nothing about them other than why they were removed from the home and couldn't tell us what, if anything, they are coming with. So, totally by ear and on the fly for our first go-round!

Have you had a disclosure meeting yet? During that meeting they'll answer everything they know at the time, and in subsequent hearings along the way more information may come to light.

Kodilynn
Sep 29, 2006


Panfilo posted:

Have you had a disclosure meeting yet? During that meeting they'll answer everything they know at the time, and in subsequent hearings along the way more information may come to light.

Not yet. He's having difficulty getting a hold of the kinship that they're currently placed with to pick them up to bring them to us. This is the first male case worker i've talked to and he's not leaving a good impression. I wanted to ask questions over the phone but he was in a rush and didn't really give me the opportunity. They gave us the overall basis with the placement coordinator, but even she only had the basics. This is their first foster placement as they've been with kinship for 6 months, but because of tribal restrictions they can't take her out state since they are moving when in the system. Tribal rules are weirdly strict. They're supposed to come tonight, but our timeframe is now in limbo which is slightly frustrating. I'm sure we'll get more information when they arrive, but in terms of disclosure, this one has been a near mystery other than the basics.

With the other 3 placement calls that we had the placement coordinator and case worker told us EVERYTHING over the phone. Like I had 30+ questions down to the fine detail and they answered every last one of them. This one, not so much to a frustrating degree.

We know there's no behavior or medical issues, the kinship has them in therapy as a precautionary thing due to age and what's happenening (which is great! Way to go on being prepared and proactive!) They're doing great in school but only in Kindergarten so that is what it is for now. The rest of the history is an unknown at the moment other than we have to do the usual doc visit and paperwork tomorrow if all goes well tonight.

Edit: to clarify though, we do know WHY they were pulled from the home and it was friggin heartbreaking.

Kodilynn fucked around with this message at 22:32 on Jan 18, 2017

VorpalBunny
May 1, 2009

Killer Rabbit of Caerbannog


When we got the call on Friday night for our newborn placement, they told us meth and alcohol exposure. Then revised to just meth exposure (as far as they knew).

We picked her up late Friday night and our foster agency contact was out to dinner with his family and was no help. And our DCFS contact was about to leave for the long weekend. I had to be proactive and have DCFS fax the paperwork to the hospital so I could sign it myself and have the nurses fax it back to her. That was the last contact I had with DCFS until this morning, when someone called to verify she was actually in our home. I haven't heard from or met with a CSW, nor have we met with our private foster agency except for a quick meeting to sign a bunch of forms and take her photo. It lasted all of ten minutes and I wasn't even home, my husband did all the signing. I'm supposed to get her checked out at the local county health office, but the paperwork hasn't been filed yet so I can't even do that. So we sit here and wait and hope everything is moving along ok!

The LA foster care scene is in such bad shape. We got word on a placement for us on 12/27 and the kid never showed up. DCFS had him listed as being with us, but he was somehow "lost" in the system and last I heard no one could locate him. I sure hope that kid is ok...

Mocking Bird
Aug 17, 2011


Kids with tribal representation can lead to a long and potentially difficult adoption, just to let you know. Federal rules gives special legal protection to native kids placed in foster care, and the adoption would have to be approved by the tribe.

The rule about leaving the state seems strange since often that doesn't apply to tribal relatives.

Mocking Bird
Aug 17, 2011


VorpalBunny posted:

When we got the call on Friday night for our newborn placement, they told us meth and alcohol exposure. Then revised to just meth exposure (as far as they knew).

We picked her up late Friday night and our foster agency contact was out to dinner with his family and was no help. And our DCFS contact was about to leave for the long weekend. I had to be proactive and have DCFS fax the paperwork to the hospital so I could sign it myself and have the nurses fax it back to her. That was the last contact I had with DCFS until this morning, when someone called to verify she was actually in our home. I haven't heard from or met with a CSW, nor have we met with our private foster agency except for a quick meeting to sign a bunch of forms and take her photo. It lasted all of ten minutes and I wasn't even home, my husband did all the signing. I'm supposed to get her checked out at the local county health office, but the paperwork hasn't been filed yet so I can't even do that. So we sit here and wait and hope everything is moving along ok!

The LA foster care scene is in such bad shape. We got word on a placement for us on 12/27 and the kid never showed up. DCFS had him listed as being with us, but he was somehow "lost" in the system and last I heard no one could locate him. I sure hope that kid is ok...

LA seems to exist to generate the lawsuits that push California forward into the 21st century with regards to child welfare.

In most counties a lost kid would mean workers and management losing their jobs, but it's LA so whatever until the family sues them I guess.

Also you guys inspired me to be proactive and check in on my new kiddo clients and their foster parents, everybody is doing good

Kodilynn
Sep 29, 2006


Mocking Bird posted:

Kids with tribal representation can lead to a long and potentially difficult adoption, just to let you know. Federal rules gives special legal protection to native kids placed in foster care, and the adoption would have to be approved by the tribe.

The rule about leaving the state seems strange since often that doesn't apply to tribal relatives.

We're tribal and went through it with my wife's biological daughter. I adopted her last year. It took a year long very difficult fight, but in the end it was worth it and she's officially my daughter.

We got blindsided with some of the details on our placement and while I'm pissed at the agency and case worker, the foster child just breaks my heart and melts it at the same time. We had an incredibly rough night, lots of tears, she's understandably very scared. She connected with my wife and daughter and hasn't had a male figure in her life in 6 months so I'm very hands-off for now until she approaches me. Going to be a rough first few weeks and we're ready for it, but my wife and I are both very frazzled this morning.

On the plus side they brought her entire closet of clothes and toys with her which was mountains of both, so we're set in that regard for multiple seasons.

Lareine
Jul 22, 2007

KIIIRRRYYYUUUUU CHAAAANNNNNN


Mocking Bird posted:

Kids with tribal representation can lead to a long and potentially difficult adoption, just to let you know. Federal rules gives special legal protection to native kids placed in foster care, and the adoption would have to be approved by the tribe.

The rule about leaving the state seems strange since often that doesn't apply to tribal relatives.

Problem is that native children were being removed from their homes at a disproportionate rate and given to non-native families and it ended up being used as a form of cultural genocide. The LDS Church was really into doing this, breaking the "curse" of their heritage and turning them into good little Mormons. The way it's now set up is that only after all other tribal-centered placements possibilities are exhausted, only then are non-native placements are considered.

Kodilynn
Sep 29, 2006


Lareine posted:

Problem is that native children were being removed from their homes at a disproportionate rate and given to non-native families and it ended up being used as a form of cultural genocide. The LDS Church was really into doing this, breaking the "curse" of their heritage and turning them into good little Mormons. The way it's now set up is that only after all other tribal-centered placements possibilities are exhausted, only then are non-native placements are considered.

We are tribal so we were the first call on the list as we're one of the only tribal foster families in the area that matched.

In our case the dads rights were terminated because of what he did. Mom keeps loving up (drugs, worse) and has resolved to admitting no interest in trying to repair it but won't terminate voluntarily at this time. She currently has been granted no visitation by the courts until further notice. The only reason we have her is that the kinship placement has to move out of state for work and tribal laws prevent her from leaving the state with her. We were told we can keep in contact with the kinship for support and we did last night which was upsetting to the child, and understandably so, but the kinship said to trust us and that she'd be safe with us. We talked with her a bit too and will definitely stay in touch and let her skype as needed.

Tribal adoptions are a major uphill battle and I know it and my wife knows it. Hell, we already did one. If this works out long term, we'll do it again!

Lareine
Jul 22, 2007

KIIIRRRYYYUUUUU CHAAAANNNNNN


Kodilynn posted:

We are tribal so we were the first call on the list as we're one of the only tribal foster families in the area that matched.

In our case the dads rights were terminated because of what he did. Mom keeps loving up (drugs, worse) and has resolved to admitting no interest in trying to repair it but won't terminate voluntarily at this time. She currently has been granted no visitation by the courts until further notice. The only reason we have her is that the kinship placement has to move out of state for work and tribal laws prevent her from leaving the state with her. We were told we can keep in contact with the kinship for support and we did last night which was upsetting to the child, and understandably so, but the kinship said to trust us and that she'd be safe with us. We talked with her a bit too and will definitely stay in touch and let her skype as needed.

Tribal adoptions are a major uphill battle and I know it and my wife knows it. Hell, we already did one. If this works out long term, we'll do it again!

That makes things easier but as with extra rules, there is always extra bureaucracy involved even if you already fulfill them. Good luck!

Kodilynn
Sep 29, 2006


Lareine posted:

That makes things easier but as with extra rules, there is always extra bureaucracy involved even if you already fulfill them. Good luck!

Thanks! My wife is the same tribe as her which works to our benefit, but even then they're the HARDEST in the state to do this through. Other tribes are a bit more lax on it, but this one in particular puts up the biggest fight and happens to be one of the larger ones in the state. Baby steps though, this is only day 2.

VorpalBunny
May 1, 2009

Killer Rabbit of Caerbannog


Baby is now a week old, we've had her for 6 days, and still no contact with DCFS. And its been 2 days since contact with our foster agency.
What a terrible system.

UPDATE: finally spoke to our private foster agency, and our social worker didn't even know our placement's name or date of birth. And we won't be seeing her until next Tuesday, which will be 11 days after we took the baby home from the hospital.
Also, apparently the biological mom is doing a legal name change for the newborn (was she high when she named her initially? I have no idea) which is delaying all the paperwork.
It's a good thing we know the system sucks, because trying to make sense of this process would drive a normal person nuts.

VorpalBunny fucked around with this message at 01:00 on Jan 20, 2017

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Solaron
Sep 6, 2007

Whatever the reason you're on Mars, I'm glad you're there, and I wish I was with you.


We're set to be licensed on Tuesday, 1/24! From talking to other foster parents in our county, most of them had a placement within a week. We'll see how long it takes us since we're looking for kids under 6 years old and can only take 2 at most.

The experience hasn't been too terrible so far but we haven't had a placement yet so we're getting nervous.

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