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Paratan
Jan 1, 2008

it's sumo, folks


I was planning on posting when i actually finish the process to get licensed, BUT WHY NOT SAY YES TO AN EMERGENCY PLACEMENT BEFORE I EVEN GET FINGERPRINTS DONE WOOOO

Questions: Can someone give me a link to some house safety stuff? Like what do I do with alcohol and drugs?

My precious foster son is a NOT GAY ANYMORE, MOM older teenage boy who kept getting 30 day notices to leave in the therapeutic placements he was in before?
After talking to him, I think one of the places didn't like that he was gay (WHICH HE IS NOT ANYMORE) Idk. He's been with me for a month already, this month is supposed to be my training + process-finishing time.

I'm a short-term placement, since that's my "goal" of going into fostering (providing respite care).
His social worker is trying to do her job and get me to keep him, of course.

I have never been a parent and don't see myself as one, but I've worked with young gay teens ever since I was a young gay teen so we get along.

I found his deodorant in one of his piles of crap, so I see nothing but blue skies ahead

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Paratan
Jan 1, 2008

it's sumo, folks


Kodilynn posted:

Usually they won't even consider you here unless all background/fingerprinting/home inspection, etc. is completely done and reviewed/signed off on.

You should've heard me on the phone, I was like "You're aware I haven't even Started the training, etc." so I figure they're desperate.
I just met him when he moved in. The social worker said, gonna need you to get fingerprints within 72 hours, so he came with me to get my fingerprints done.

My home assessment (?) was yesterday, with a new social worker who said, looks good, get a drawer

So a locking medicine thing huh. ok

Paratan
Jan 1, 2008

it's sumo, folks


Wow you're good.
I should've just posted here instead of wait for weeks for this email that seems to think I'm asking about storing the CHILD's drugs or alcohol (wtf)

Lmao I have a feeling my state isn't quite as strict as all that but thank you. I've got so many closets, so maybe one can be a danger zone

Paratan
Jan 1, 2008

it's sumo, folks


Ahhh that's so helpful, thanks. I appreciate it. I'm pretty sure the social worker was filling something similar out yesterday on her laptop.

Paratan
Jan 1, 2008

it's sumo, folks


Yeah wow.

Tonight was my last night of the training they do here (yaaay), and the foster parents that came in to talk to us about their experiences had THREE foster kids age 3 and under in addition to their older three biological kids, holy cow

Paratan
Jan 1, 2008

it's sumo, folks


Mocking Bird posted:

My daughter (moved in at age 16, adopted at 18, currently 20) was and is an absolute agent of chaos

lmfao nice

I've seen YouTube comments on the Removed video we watched for homework, there are people with strong opinions about splitting up / taking in sibling groups.

Paratan
Jan 1, 2008

it's sumo, folks


Hey, hello everyone I am having a great time with this teenager in my home. His first social worker kept asking me if I'm being sarcastic every time I said that but I'm not. We're doing so good

I'm getting regular approved to be a foster parent this week, I've been on like an emergency approval (?) these past 60 days.

My QUESTION is:
I just found out today from his 3rd social worker in 60 days (my 3rd as well) that he has a court date next week. What can I expect?
The social worker only said she is transporting him and that I can come, too. That's it lmao, no other info. Teenager tried to explain to me what it was for and he's kind of afraid he's going back to juvie.

Paratan
Jan 1, 2008

it's sumo, folks


ahhh wtf, seriously?
Your post freaked me out, so I just got off the phone with Current Social Worker and she told me the same thing about the situation that Teen did, but she added that they deferred finding him guilty about a year ago to put him on a plan, so I hope they're checking in on his plan progress Monday?

tf. Like. What is going on, did everyone forget to tell me these fine details because they really thought he was only going to be here for a few days. was anyone going to tell me about this if i hadn't gotten freaked out by a goon post

Paratan
Jan 1, 2008

it's sumo, folks


that owns

Paratan
Jan 1, 2008

it's sumo, folks


Long post short, I am still annoyed but There was a lawyer, who told the judge my teen was doing his plan of no new charges and attending counseling so they dismissed whatever the case was and teen is not stressed out anymore

edit: yes thank you,left out the
hooray

Paratan fucked around with this message at 20:16 on Oct 21, 2019

Paratan
Jan 1, 2008

it's sumo, folks


Engineer Lenk posted:

Has anyone looked at using Famzoo with their older foster children?

cool, never heard of it before

Mocking Bird posted:

I also never take away a phone as punishment - in my philosophy, phones are soothing for emotionally difficult kids, along with things like food and video games. You want them to soothe themselves, and when they've calmed down, you can talk about what an appropriate consequence is.

iiinteresting.. i will consider this as well

Paratan
Jan 1, 2008

it's sumo, folks


OK question: Please tell me about respite care

I am going out of town next week and I still don't know where my child is going, is that normal? ffs
My teen is familiar with the term "respite care" which is kind of weird to me because the other respite care I do for older adults is definitely not called that in front of them.

I went through the process to be a respite parent and every time theres a gathering of foster parents with DSS it's "Theres Our Fake Respite Mom" because I still have the same teen.
that's how I got introduced at an adoption party recently, which by the way, was an actual party DSS threw to celebrate the adoption of children.

edit is: what my teen shared about respite is that it was in a city (we are in Rural Area) and he was vaping with the other teens in an attic

Paratan fucked around with this message at 13:23 on Nov 14, 2019

Paratan
Jan 1, 2008

it's sumo, folks


Cool I have a time and place for "the drop-off" lmao

The social workers are very kind and gave me books that I recognized possibly from this thread. I've just started The Connected Child.
I finished the Whole-Brain Child and I'm flipping through No Drama Discipline.

Paratan
Jan 1, 2008

it's sumo, folks


my teen gained 30 pounds.

Paratan
Jan 1, 2008

it's sumo, folks


Kodilynn posted:


That being said, having the state in our house 3x a week for therapy/room checks/ drug screens is getting really old and they’re going to be doing this for 4-6 months because of the teens previous record. I know it’s a requirement but my god I’m tired of having state people in my house for an hour 3x a week. If I had hair I’d be pulling it out.


I just keep reading this. sheesh

Paratan
Jan 1, 2008

it's sumo, folks


I think I've shifted my thinking about why the teen's here with me a bit, so I'm focusing more on the fact he has a safe place to live and be a dumbass. I mean, a child of God. I think it's a positive shift.
The social worker is just so glad I have a sense of humor about "all this"

I'm curious about the training to become a therapeutic home.

I'm concerned about how we just got over a rough holiday season/medicine change and I'm going on a mission trip to Puerto Rico in February and he will need to be in respite care for two weeks.

Finally, is there a teen parenting thread somewhere , or where people make fun of teens , in a non abusive way, cause lmao.

Paratan
Jan 1, 2008

it's sumo, folks


lmfao we're both back home after my being in Puerto Rico for two weeks.
The lady doing respite placement was texting me last night when I was still in an airport that Teen was OUT OF CONTROL

So she came by this morning to drop him off and I let her express herself to me for 15 minutes or so about his behaviors and how if she were me, she'd take away all his electronics etc. Teen was safely in his room by then

We had a nice Valentine's breakfast at the fire department, he made some accusatory remarks about the respite placement that I don't believe at all (he's got serious lying issues) but I'll make a note of for the social worker who is coming next week.

He is now... Enjoying breakfast #3 and listening to ICP, as he proudly explained his dad is a juggalo

Paratan
Jan 1, 2008

it's sumo, folks



omg That must suck so bad. ughghgh

Paratan
Jan 1, 2008

it's sumo, folks


well well well, good morning pile of pubes on the bathroom floor. someone must have a new internet gf

edit, gotta stay positive folks:

At Least My Teenager Made It Into The School Transportation This Morning, Fully Dressed

Paratan fucked around with this message at 13:13 on Feb 25, 2020

Paratan
Jan 1, 2008

it's sumo, folks


Mocking Bird posted:

Oh my loving god this new netflix doc about Gabriel Fernandez is killing my soul right now. This whole system is a nightmare for so many reasons.

I am watching this and it is very sad.


Mocking Bird posted:

We matched for adoption with a 9 year old boy and he's moving in on March 11th after six weeks of visits,

This is very good, nice, good luck

Paratan
Jan 1, 2008

it's sumo, folks


Teenager decided he will just stay at home instead of go to school! What a time

Paratan
Jan 1, 2008

it's sumo, folks


Tulalip Tulips posted:

I suspect I'll spend a lot of time with older kids who are in office and need some supervision. Time to brush up on my Donkey Kong skills since our Super Nintendo is way more popular than the Xbox.

How does that work that there may be children or teens who need supervision in an office, I don't remember learning about this but Ive seen news clips or documentaries or something where this happens?
Is that something someone like a foster parent can volunteer to do? That seems so crazy to me that people (social workers?) who already have work to do will also have to do this

Paratan
Jan 1, 2008

it's sumo, folks


I know this situation super sucks, but I'm thankful teen won't get in trouble for not going to school now...

Paratan
Jan 1, 2008

it's sumo, folks


Thanks for links

Paratan
Jan 1, 2008

it's sumo, folks


Posting while I'm feeling very loving towards Teen right now. He is turning 18 in 2 months! He wanted to go to Kings Dominion but he says in case it's not open still, V-Bucks would have to do lmao

I was able to watch the TBRI thing and sent the certificate to my social worker, thanks for that. Some of it was kind of weird, and some was weirdly helpful. I'm curious about the teen version, but I'll look into it when I'm not paying for a freaking wardrobe because someone grew several sizes since last summer.

Teen has made great strides in living peacefully, which is necessary at all times, everywhere, for the rest of his life. That must be what the first social worker meant when she kept telling me he was doing good.
My negative feelings are about how he will have a hard time in society because he doesn't meet societal expectations in many, many ways. His allowance is based on chores and he got the lowest ever last week, but he earned those 12 dollars GOOD job, man. V-bucks again huh

Paratan
Jan 1, 2008

it's sumo, folks


Engineer Lenk posted:

I'm so proud of how well he's doing with getting up and doing his (very abbreviated) schoolwork. I even made him a custom worksheet today that he complained about for 20 minutes, then worked through, then tore up (because he hates worksheets) but ultimately said was cool.

That's kind of hilarious...

Paratan
Jan 1, 2008

it's sumo, folks


Teen had IEP meeting with principal of his special school and a special education lady and I where he totally agreed to go ahead and do his last 3 classes except... He can't. lol
He would've done them by now if he could, but it stresses him out too much to even think about logging in. He's so bad at school, he just didn't want to disappoint them on the call because they're trying to be so encouraging.

There's a FAPT Meeting (what does that stand for btw) next week the social education lady wants me to report back at lmao. Ma'am. Computer learning ain't working out for this child at this time.

Paratan
Jan 1, 2008

it's sumo, folks


aw man I had a dream about some elementary school foster kids I know that I haven't seen in a while, obviously. I was accompanying the lil boy back to his foster family and he just flopped down and refused to cooperate with anyone so I sat on the floor and held him and talked with the parents about how we love him.

Mocking Bird posted:

he was trying desperately to ALSO be in my lap (doesn't work as well when he's 10 and pretty big for his age)
*what's the emoji for laughing secretly and not out loud* 🙃

Paratan
Jan 1, 2008

it's sumo, folks


Checking because I don't understand confidentiality very well. Like in general. I'm the biggest snitch, so don't tell me anything.

I have never posted online about Teen except here, but ppl irl know him, obviously.

Is it appropriate to post about Teens 18 bday countdown on MY fb since we haven't seen people in months?
Yea or nay

Paratan
Jan 1, 2008

it's sumo, folks


lmao true and understandable.

So it's probably ok if Teen is aware and approves then. I'm thinking only first name + 18bday (no specific date) + poooooossibly a photo?
He loves taking selfies but in my Old Person opinion they're all terrible but I could probably take one.

ty

v edit: ok got you. v

Paratan fucked around with this message at 05:10 on Jun 21, 2020

Paratan
Jan 1, 2008

it's sumo, folks


wouldn't you like to know...

yes.
yes we all would

Paratan
Jan 1, 2008

it's sumo, folks


yo we're still alive over here, and a depressed teenager is EIGHTEeN w00t

The posts in here are cool to read, I'm not a good writer so I feel slightly bad to not contribute.

"I'm almost 18... So I get to look at porn?!!!"

Paratan
Jan 1, 2008

it's sumo, folks


Good morning, this is a list of books I read over this past year of fostering a teenager. I am interested in other people's opinions and also recommendations. anyone else like books?

These books were given to me by DSS when I asked for some books:
Practical Tools for Foster Parents
First book I read due to the "practical tools". It looks pretty old fashioned and it's meant for people who work for... Boys Town(??) And I think they're Christians. I used it immediately, for example, "Teen, get out of my room, it says so in this book."

The Whole-Brain Child: 12 Revolutionary Strategies to Nurture Your Child's Developing Mind
This has pictures in it and that this helps parents change how you think about things in a helpful way. I also think this is geared towards younger kids.

Another Place at the Table
Oh man, I don't think I liked this at all. This is a foster mother's memoir(?) I remember thinking "No, whyyy," as I read the whole thing. I don't remember feeling like I would ever want to do anything she did, is that the point?

An American's Resurrection: My Pilgrimage from Child Abuse and Mental Illness to Salvation
idk I think this was a memoir, I struggled to finish this.

The Connected Child: Bring Hope and Healing to Your Adoptive Family
I think this was good, more changing how to think. Re-reading some time next year probably.

THese books were not from DSS:

"When the Welfare People Come": Race and Class in the US Child Protection System
something something marxism. I thought it was ok, but I'm not an Educated person. I remember a point about taking children from stressed out workers and placing them with families that will help the children replace their parents in the workforce which rang true, seeing as how my teenager is going to Job Corps in another state next month. ANyway this was a library ebook so I don't have it at the moment for a second look. It's Haymarket (https://www.haymarketbooks.org/books/1052-when-the-welfare-people-come)

Behavior with a Purpose: Responding to the challenges of adoptive, foster and kinship Youth
Just finished this, loved it. Short and to the point. The "behaviors" are on the cover which goodreads doesn't have a pic of: Hoarding food, bed wetting, stealing, defiance, lying, cruelty to animals. Several examples for each to remind you that it's actually... normal... hahahaha

Shattered Bonds: The Color Of Child Welfare
Just started this one because I like this author but didn't realize she had also written on this topic.

Paratan
Jan 1, 2008

it's sumo, folks


Mocking Bird posted:

My daughter is 21 now, and she was offered a rental cottage behind her grandmothers home here in the Bay Area at reduced rent. It's a great deal, and as close to supervised transitional living as you can get. She moves in next weekend and I'm absolutely distraught but trying to be excited for her. I'm just gonna miss her so much

omg that's awesome though...

Engineer Lenk posted:

Up next on my list is the Yale SPACE manual:
Treating Childhood and Adolescent Anxiety: A Guide for Caregivers

I am googling this...

Paratan fucked around with this message at 21:12 on Aug 9, 2020

Paratan
Jan 1, 2008

it's sumo, folks


I do not get what guardianship is even though I googled it, lol.

$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$

You asked if anyone was using famzoo a long time ago, so I googled it and I love it now. Been using it for months for teen's allowance.
Teen feels cool to use his own card and be in line by himself when he hasn't misplaced it, he's extremely anti-math however, so I'm not sure he's Learning anything (BUT I AM!).

It's way faster than a bank because you technically prepay it, right. So like I got in the parking at Hardee's because teen NEEDED to SPEND his ALLOWANCE and successfully got teen's allowance on his card by the time he had to pay for his order lmao.

Famzoo lets you do many things with budget, automatic credit/debit, graphs and whatever, it's just kind of oldschool with the user interface.
One time I couldn't find a button, but I emailed them and they emailed me back with a link to the button pretty quick.

I showed teen a Budgets page where I had already put in his straight talk phone data + xbox live (now gamepass I guess). It broke it down:
PER YEAR $540.00 (*air escaping from teen's mouth*)
PER MONTH $45.00
PER WEEK $10.38

So I was able to slowly explain to him that if he's only making $10 a week, he can't even afford the xbox live +data by himself and that's not even counting ANY Mountain Dews. He seemed to understand for 30 seconds.

I have funny pictures of a teen's attempted spending (DECLINED, DECLINED, DECLINED) but I don't know how to put pics in forums anymore.

then later it's "...Please... Can I ... have xbox live..."
"Teen, you spent your allowance at Hardee's for some reason."

Paratan
Jan 1, 2008

it's sumo, folks


Engineer Lenk posted:

I created a 'cash for reading' program that he's used in desperation a few times when a really good skin pack hits the item store.

Oh that's a good idea... I haven't been letting teen request or earn money on demand, I always make him wait until allowance day when I feel like dealing with it especially since he had misplaced his card.
But he found his card, so actually... omg that's even better haha..
yes YES

edit:
noOoOo

Paratan fucked around with this message at 03:54 on Aug 21, 2020

Paratan
Jan 1, 2008

it's sumo, folks


Teen quit all 4 medicines cold turkey

A school social worker Dropped By the house and managed to get agreement from Teen to be at the end of the driveway at 1:20pm to catch a school bus once a week.

Looks like August was one of those months where I don't get DSS money till next time lmbo

Teen survived not getting allowance last week in exchange for cellphone data (he paid his $10 and i paid the rest) and feels powerful enough to request I not give him access to his allowance this week either so he can save for a video game expansion.
:O

Finally:
We had ANOTHER chat about his annoying nephew who is rude to everyone, Teen has gotten in trouble with me in the past for shouting at this little kid.
I'm in a very relaxed posture in bed, speaking slowly and calmly, Teen is pacing around a folding chair balling his fists, sometimes getting in the chair.
He was able to work through some feelings and thought process and eventually wound up at he doesn't want his nephew to end up like him.
I reminded Teen he's 18, his life isn't exactly Over yet lol

Paratan
Jan 1, 2008

it's sumo, folks


Just posting that I'm dying of laughter and uh no one has to worry because I have the stupidest teenager already

Good luck Goons

Paratan
Jan 1, 2008

it's sumo, folks


I can't. Even explain. I'm just alternating being furious and loling at him every day, how do teen survive a life. why are teen

Engineer Lenk posted:

started threatening

does it go from hitting to threatening? like little kids do a physical violence and older kids do a verbal violence. is that a thing that happens or just a coincidence

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Paratan
Jan 1, 2008

it's sumo, folks


omg Facebook friend request to teenager from past Stepmom out of nowhere yesterday, he freaked out for a few hours.

Today he asked if he can go have Thanksgiving with her family (sure ok but also think about what u want me to say if your grandma who does not like her asks me the same thing)

Last holiday season he was not in contact with any of his family, this could go either way, right... right? IT COULD BE GOOD right?!

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