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AA is for Quitters
Aug 6, 2009

Hold the newsreader's nose squarely, waiter, or friendly milk will countermand my trousers.

Ive seen all sides of the system as someone in recovery i have friends who have their kids in cps custody, my sister adopted my nephew out of the system, and i have friends who are foster parents. My sister does respite care/emergency placement for kids since theres not a lot for young kids in our area. Outside of my nephew who the bio parents willingly terminated rights to (he has special needs and they knew they could not handle it) all her placements have only been a few days. if you are going to wind up with shorter term placements, the biggest complaint i hear from friends in the system is when the foster parents do things that come across as trying to change the kids identity. One friend hits up consignment shops, sends her kids back from visits with designer clothes...and the foster mom doesnt have them wear em. Another was miffed coz the foster cut off her boys hair. If reunification is in the picture for your placements, take that into consideration.
Also, be prepared for sudden additions. One friend who's fostering to adopt suddenly wound up with a newborn because bio parents popped out another kid. it takes a big heart to do what you want to do.

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AA is for Quitters
Aug 6, 2009

Hold the newsreader's nose squarely, waiter, or friendly milk will countermand my trousers.

So, question to all you wonderful folks... Due to some mental health issues and unstable housing for a while, we willingly gave our son up for a placement because, well, we weren't in a place to take care of a toddler the way he needed.

We got a wonderful foster family who we absolutely love, and get plenty of time with our kiddo, but now that we're back on our feet and reunification is getting closer and closer (social worker just wants another month or two to make sure the meds are stable, since psych meds take for loving ever to get to "stable" levels), if the bio family wants you to stay involved, would you?

I mean, they've grown super attached, and I don't blame them. But he's their first placement, and they have a 7 year old that reads him bedtime stories every night, and as much as I want him back, I kinda feel like an rear end in a top hat for just ripping him away from these absolutely amazing people. (if we had gotten a lovely or mediocre family, I don't think my views would be the same, but these guys are really fantastic) Would you still want to spend time with a foster kid, or would it be too painful?

I mean, they almost feel like in laws, and we're buying them Christmas gifts (there's this amazing teddy bear that you can play doctor with and it hooks to a tablet and you can take x-rays of it, and listen to its heart beat, and the foster mom is a vet, so I think it's great for their girl). When we found out about the fact that we have an expensive road ahead of us due to our kiddo having a genetic thing that is going to mean a lot of dental work, before we found out that that is the only complication and there was some question of how involved his care would be, we had talked adoption with them because if kiddo couldn't sweat, we simply aren't in a place financially to buy cooling vests, etc. But dental work can be saved up for, at least. And... I feel like they should get to choose how much they see our boy. They told us if they adopted him, they'd let us see him all the time, so I feel the same towards them.

Plus my son got attached to them too. When we're all in a room together, I feel bad for the poor kid cause he doesn't know who to run to. There's a part of me that almost wants to let them have him, just because they have more money and have pets and a big yard, while we have a nice apartment with no yard and a no pets rule. But...I want my son back. Basically, for those of you who foster, how would you deal with this? Cause they're great people, great for my son, and I want to keep them involved once we get him back. We've discussed it a little with them, but I can tell it's a bit of a sore subject and they don't really want to think of the eventuality of him coming back to us full time. I want to make is getting him back as painless as possible on them. How?

AA is for Quitters
Aug 6, 2009

Hold the newsreader's nose squarely, waiter, or friendly milk will countermand my trousers.

They've had him since end of summer when we found out that our landlord got foreclosed on. And we have a giant stack of toys/clothes for him (pretty much every visit the diaper bag winds up stuffed full of more clothes for him) but while I'm sure they did a great job of explaining to the 7 year old the situation, I can't help but think it sucks to see a toddler who is going to play with the boxes more than the toys geting two sets of gifts. It's not much, it's $20 out of our pocket along with $5 for a nice card and something on clearance from hall mark for mom and dad.

And we've discussed it, but I think they're trying to avoid thinking about the fact that he's eventually coming home, since we've gotten 3/⁴ of the way through our case plan. I mean, it's up to them how much involvement they want, but I think with this being their first placement, they're a little reluctant to let go. All our discussions have been vague "we love that you still want us in his life, because we love him too" sorts of things.

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