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Mocking Bird
Aug 17, 2011


Generally photos with face in them are discouraged or outright prohibited BUT they can post one themselves and tag you!

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Mocking Bird
Aug 17, 2011


Our 10 year old son has had a miserable week because of going to summer camp, which on the surface he enjoys and actively gets ready for and looks forward to. However, apparently he's had internal feelings of being unwanted and pushed out of the house so we had to talk today about how camp is for him to spend time with other kids and do stuff that isn't video games, not because we don't want him at home. I was already making a production of welcoming him home and how much I missed him but I think I'm gonna have to be dramatic about it every single day.

He did some hitting while he was working through his emotions about it, slapping me and his dad in the face while cuddling in bed with us, and another time running away from us and punching me when I caught up with him. I told him today that I'm not mad, but that hitting isn't ok and he started crying and saying "why aren't you like my other foster parents? Why won't you just send me away after I hit you once?" AND JESUS CHRIST MY HEART

His last pre-adoptive family had him for around 3 months and then after one tantrum had his social worker pick him up from school and move him - no notice, no goodbyes. So he's thinking any day now we're going to drop him off at camp and not pick him up

He's my little dude, and we spent a lot of time telling him how much we'd miss him if he weren't here and we're going to adopt him no matter what. And then we watched The Meg and ate popcorn and KitKats because apparently that's how 10 year old boys self soothe.

Anyway, if I get arrested for assaulting some former foster parents, just know they had it coming

Mocking Bird
Aug 17, 2011


I'm a licensed clinical social worker and a supervisor of a foster family agency, believe when I say that I do know it's an imperfect system. Most of my work is with relative family placements, who often do need education and support to grow them into the kind of family these kids need.

That said, my son was also mistreated by people who had resources and supports available to them (the exact same ones available to me) and I don't think it's inappropriate for me to feel anger towards them. I'm not going to actually assault anyone and I don't even know their full names, just that they are now delicensed as foster parents and caused significant trauma to my son.

Mocking Bird
Aug 17, 2011


Sometimes bio family are able to advocate for themselves and find a sympathetic ear with a new judge or a new social worker. Each case stands mostly on its own. Maybe they have more support now than they did?

I think presenting it to the attorney as wanting to have sibling contact and to know about the little boy and his caregivers so you can make an informed decision about what kind of outreach you want to make to connect these siblings would be a good start. Especially if you can cc the other family and have a unified request!

Mocking Bird
Aug 17, 2011


Yes, son, 18 is the first time anyone has ever looked at porn, it's a true rite of passage, enforced by guillotine. Bless their soul.

Mocking Bird
Aug 17, 2011


You are doing an amazing job as an advocate - it's always bone chilling to realize how much investigative work and discovery gets lost between cases (either bureaucratically or through sloppy file review by the new caseworker) and how many children's futures are relying on a net with wide holes...

Mocking Bird
Aug 17, 2011


I love this list - you hit on the two that I recommend often, The Connected Child and The Body Keeps The Score. I'm about to read Behavior With A Purpose now that you've recommended it!

My daughter is 21 now, and she was offered a rental cottage behind her grandmothers home here in the Bay Area at reduced rent. It's a great deal, and as close to supervised transitional living as you can get. She moves in next weekend and I'm absolutely distraught but trying to be excited for her. I'm just gonna miss her so much

Mocking Bird
Aug 17, 2011


I've done something really exciting and expanded my therapy private practice to specifically identify Foster and adoptive parents as clients - are any of the thread regulars interested in giving me a frank review of my website to see what could be added or subtracted? Happy to compensate your time with an e-gift card as a thank you

It's a therapist website so it's a little cheesy (because that's the model lol) but I'm trying hard to be concrete and approachable.

Mocking Bird
Aug 17, 2011


You both are so wonderful

Let me do an obsessive check for typos and I'll send you PMs tomorrow!

Mocking Bird
Aug 17, 2011


Theoretically it could be good! Or even in a backwards way!

My daughter spent one Thanksgiving in Atlanta with her bio mom and one Christmas in Vegas with her bio aunts and now is very very sure that where she wants to be for the holidays is at home with us

Mocking Bird
Aug 17, 2011


All the children who come to my house double in size

I'd feel bad about it but I honestly think it's the effect of building food security and attachment

We did move the desserts to the locking closet though, due to midnight foraging

RIP popsicles and whipped cream


Also the best way I can describe challenging is: they are waiting for the other shoe to drop every single day. Sometimes it feels better to try and MAKE the shoe drop by pushing you. They are convinced you're going to start yelling or hitting or beating or demeaning any second now, and the suspense is killing them. Only time and consistency helps to heal this.

Mocking Bird
Aug 17, 2011


I love the school attitude in this thread

We just had my son's IEP meeting and made them accommodate him with paper assignments and reduced school time because gently caress YOU SCHOOL DISTRICT, IF YOU WANT HIM ON ZOOM SEND SOMEONE TO MY HOUSE TO SUPERVISE HIM

I'm happy as long as he's not getting visibly dumber

Mocking Bird
Aug 17, 2011


Your poor teens. Nothing makes my heart hurt worse than seeing my babies be hurt or disappointed, especially by their families.

Mocking Bird
Aug 17, 2011


Hilarious

My 10 year old drank a quart of vanilla coffee creamer, something they also don't teach you in parenting classes

So far the list of things I can't keep in my house:
- ice cream
- popsicles
- whipped cream
- snack cups of any sort
- coffee creamer

My hall closet has a lock on the door theoretically for medicine and alcohol, and instead it is full of forbidden toys and poptarts

Mocking Bird
Aug 17, 2011


Good lord, he sounds like a fun one! Is that the plan? For him to live with stepmom?

Mocking Bird
Aug 17, 2011


Oh, teen, oh no

Funny-sad is the theme of adolescence

In our news, we are signing adoptive placement next week for our 10 year old, and finalizing the adoptions of him and our two grown girls in the next couple months We're gonna have a triple adoption party

Mocking Bird
Aug 17, 2011


He's a monster, we love him so much

He's got nuclear reactor energy 24/7, but luckily we got him into a really well run non profit kids program so he can get the energy out. He only got sent home once in eight months! Proud of our dude

We're also looking into a Waldorf school for him next year so he can be in a small classroom environment without being in special ed - he started school when he was almost 8 years old, so he's WAY behind, but he's socially and developmentally very on target so it's killing his confidence to be singled out. We're hoping a more holistic education where he can kick rear end at archery and hiking and crafts will make him like school more.

Wednesday is his one year anniversary with us

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Mocking Bird
Aug 17, 2011


Do you speak Spanish? Because that's usually who they are desperately seeking in those circumstances.

I'd call their county on boarding staff and see what they have to say -

Foster and adoption recruitment
(888) 811-1121

Also, agency homes are limited to two children per bedroom, but county homes can go up to four, with six kids total in the home.

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