Register a SA Forums Account here!
JOINING THE SA FORUMS WILL REMOVE THIS BIG AD, THE ANNOYING UNDERLINED ADS, AND STUPID INTERSTITIAL ADS!!!

You can: log in, read the tech support FAQ, or request your lost password. This dumb message (and those ads) will appear on every screen until you register! Get rid of this crap by registering your own SA Forums Account and joining roughly 150,000 Goons, for the one-time price of $9.95! We charge money because it costs us money per month for bills, and since we don't believe in showing ads to our users, we try to make the money back through forum registrations.
 
  • Post
  • Reply
amethystbliss
Jan 17, 2006



Mocking Bird posted:

Also because I'm dying to tell someone, my daughter got her first two college acceptance letters today

That's amazing--congratulations!

Adbot
ADBOT LOVES YOU

amethystbliss
Jan 17, 2006



RabbitMage posted:

Well hey there thread. Can anyone tell me about getting legal guardianship of a child? We have...a possible situation I don't that I can elaborate on much, beyond someone in the family is having a baby and for a lot of various reasons, they might not be in a situation to care for said baby.

I can try to answer some questions. We were legal guardians for 4 years after an unexpected family situation. Just adopted the boys this summer .

amethystbliss
Jan 17, 2006



Thanks! We're very happy and relieved that it's all finalized.

amethystbliss
Jan 17, 2006



In our case, we had temporary guardianship but the birth mother consented to the arrangement and never fought us so I'm afraid I don't have a lot of first-hand advice to give. If the parents want to keep the baby, and do not want to give up custody to you, I'm not sure how that all works. I'm a postpartum nurse at a hospital that sees a lot of these sorts of issues, and my understanding is that family placement doesn't always happen first over foster placement. I could be totally wrong on this, maybe MockingBird has more experience here. I just know anecdotal stories of family members who say they were willing and ready to become guardians, but courts said no and placed with external foster care instead. A CPS report is definitely the best way to get the ball rolling.

amethystbliss
Jan 17, 2006



Serious Cephalopod posted:

Thanks. I don't have children, but he's 13 years younger than me. I'm just stable enough at this point to take him in. I've been working since I was 18 to be able to house him.

This was me nearly six years ago. We took in my two half-siblings who were ~15 years younger than me after my mom had some big parenting fails of her own. My mom didn't raise me, so I didn't really know the boys prior to everything going down. But I remember being a teenager, finding out she'd had two more children, and having this gut feeling that they would need me to step in one day. In many ways it was a little easier to fill the parenting role because they didn't already think of me as their sister. We've since adopted them, so our dynamic has changed quite a bit. It hasn't been the easiest road, and it often feels isolating because none of my friends can really relate to the trauma of it all. It's not just their trauma, it's the effect it's had on our whole family. We've seen each kid through an inpatient psych hospitalization for thoughts of suicide, and have been through the system of mental health services for years now. The first 2-3 years were the hardest, but I now finally feel like we're on the other side of it and the kids are in a stable, happy place. They're still broody teenagers, but it feels like the really heavy stuff is behind us.

How old is your brother? My oldest used to dismantle/break things too, especially when he got upset. This pre-dated him coming to live with us, and was later partially attributed to his ADHD. His therapist also felt some of the destructive behavior came from his depression--feeling like he wasn't deserving of this new life, so he was working to destroy it. Oversleeping, trouble in school, and behavior problems at home are very common in teenagers, but could also point to depression or other mental health issues. It also may just be an adjustment period, but be on the lookout for the warning signs. In terms of therapy, I would actually suggest family therapy over individual. Teens can sometimes be really resistant to the idea of therapy, especially if they perceive it as you thinking THEY are the problem. Family therapy shows him that you're willing to put in the work too, and can help you two learn to navigate your new roles with a neutral party. We did family therapy for years, and it was really helpful. I didn't have the most amazing role models either, and learned so much about parenting from those sessions.

As for the bike and video game system, is he able to afford these things on his own? Are you? I absolutely understand the financial burden of taking on this role, but sometimes kids in these situations just need to feel spoiled every now and then, no strings attached. At first, I remember finding myself so resentful of my mom and the situation that I was expecting the kids to "earn" things instead of giving freely. I didn't even mean to do it, but I realized I was always asking them to pick up extra chores to earn x, y or z. Instilling a good work ethic is all well and good, but especially in times of distress, there also has to be some generosity that doesn't make your love feel conditional. Shortly after the boys came to live with us, we had a biological daughter. She's almost 5, and I still find myself treating her to small things (ice cream, toys, etc.) much more readily, and it's a bias I'm always working to correct. It sounds materialistic, but in my experience with teenage boys, video games in particular buy SO MUCH goodwill. If you're able to do something nice for him, no strings attached, it can go a long way.

This is a huge responsibility, and you're a good person for taking this on. Make sure to take time for yourself throughout all of this. Even if you were expecting it for years, it's a big life transition.

amethystbliss fucked around with this message at 16:57 on Apr 19, 2019

amethystbliss
Jan 17, 2006



Paratan posted:

Checking because I don't understand confidentiality very well. Like in general. I'm the biggest snitch, so don't tell me anything.

I have never posted online about Teen except here, but ppl irl know him, obviously.

Is it appropriate to post about Teens 18 bday countdown on MY fb since we haven't seen people in months?
Yea or nay

Over the years, I’ve moved to asking my kids every time before posting anything about them on social media. Always surprised by what they’re okay with and what they’re mortified by.

Adbot
ADBOT LOVES YOU

amethystbliss
Jan 17, 2006



Me: "Are you making any New Years resolutions?"
Adopted 15 year old son: "Nope."
Me: "Well do you have any hopes or things you'd like to see in the New Year?"
Son: "Calendar year dates are arbitrary."
Me" "Well either way, a new year has some symbolic meaning. Is there anything you hope to see from 2021?"
Son: "The fall of capitalism."

  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
  • Post
  • Reply