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Dildomancer
Aug 8, 2016

No sense of right or wrong.
What's the weirdest object you can think of putting in your butt (preferably with a flared base)? Someone's probably made a dildo out of it. I've seen soda bottles, including Bawls, which has a neat texture, vegetables, dice...

I doubt anyone's made a serrated knife or a shuriken, at least not for insertion, but I wouldn't be shocked if it existed.

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fordham
Oct 5, 2002

Your argument is invalid.
Exciting Lemon

Dildomancer posted:

What's the weirdest object you can think of putting in your butt (preferably with a flared base)? Someone's probably made a dildo out of it. I've seen soda bottles, including Bawls, which has a neat texture, vegetables, dice...

Do you put in vents/valves to release the vacuum? Silicone seems like it'd make a pretty good seal.

Oodles
Oct 31, 2005

Dildomancer posted:

What's the weirdest object you can think of putting in your butt (preferably with a flared base)? Someone's probably made a dildo out of it. I've seen soda bottles, including Bawls, which has a neat texture, vegetables, dice...

I doubt anyone's made a serrated knife or a shuriken, at least not for insertion, but I wouldn't be shocked if it existed.

A shrunken head

Dildomancer
Aug 8, 2016

No sense of right or wrong.

fordham posted:

Do you put in vents/valves to release the vacuum? Silicone seems like it'd make a pretty good seal.

I'm not sure what you mean. The silicone is put in the vacuum chamber when it's still in the mixing bowl, then poured into the mold. You would need a big vacuum chamber to fit the entire mold, and besides, you want a high surface area to volume ratio for degassing. Moreover, I put a tiny mold in a vacuum chamber to degas as it cured once, and the results were extremely bad.


Oodles posted:

A shrunken head

Hmmm! That is an interesting idea.

DroneRiff
May 11, 2009

I think it was in the "vents to make sure you can actually get the dildo out of your butt" thing. Which gave me the image of a butt plug with a huge thing like the Value logo.

EDIT: This thread has taken the crown for "want to talk to people in the office about it, but wouldn't be right/they wouldn't understand".

Dildomancer
Aug 8, 2016

No sense of right or wrong.

DroneRiff posted:

I think it was in the "vents to make sure you can actually get the dildo out of your butt" thing. Which gave me the image of a butt plug with a huge thing like the Value logo.

EDIT: This thread has taken the crown for "want to talk to people in the office about it, but wouldn't be right/they wouldn't understand".

Ohhhh. No, you don't need vents for that. Technically silicone is airtight, but your colon is plenty flexible and can collapse around it to avoid creating any real vacuum. Where people mostly have problems is when they can't relax their sphincter enough to pull the toy out. At this point, some people panic, which doesn't help matters. But if you can fit something in your butt, with patience, you can almost always get it out.

Fully insertable toys, like eggs, are another issue entirely. The problem with those is, if your body can't do its natural thing and squeeze it out, you have to fit a hand in there and try to grip it despite all the lube and other unpleasant things surrounding your prize. At that point, some people make the mistake of grabbing barbecue tongs or pliers, but I'm sure Elise and her comrades in the medical stories thread can tell you that this is not a good move. Your best bet is a medical speculum and a jaded proctologist.

Sethur
Apr 18, 2007
I paid for this account with imaginary internet spaceship money.
On that note, I've never entirely understood how eggs or the like are supposed to get stuck up there; after all, your colon and anus are made to expel items. I can understand that elongated things like dildos could sort of get wedged sideways and thus jammed, but a smooth elongated oblong shape seems like the absolutely perfect shape to pass smoothly through.

Maybe someone in the medical profession can explain that one to me, because presumably I'm missing some critical piece of knowledge about the quirks of human physiology here.

Gibbo
Sep 13, 2008

"yes James. Remove that from my presence. It... Offends me" *sips overpriced wine*
Tintin and the jaded Proctologist sounds like a great new comic.

Dildomancer
Aug 8, 2016

No sense of right or wrong.

Sethur posted:

On that note, I've never entirely understood how eggs or the like are supposed to get stuck up there; after all, your colon and anus are made to expel items. I can understand that elongated things like dildos could sort of get wedged sideways and thus jammed, but a smooth elongated oblong shape seems like the absolutely perfect shape to pass smoothly through.

Maybe someone in the medical profession can explain that one to me, because presumably I'm missing some critical piece of knowledge about the quirks of human physiology here.

It's something I've witnessed firsthand, though it was vaginal in this case. It's mostly psychology. We don't have perfect control over our muscles, and when we're worried or panicking, things just clench up. On top of it, depending on the shape, lateral squeezing could push something in deeper. You could also insert an egg narrow-end-first and then have its blunter end stuck against a reluctant sphincter. But yeah, someone medically inclined can probably explain it better.

Dildomancer fucked around with this message at 22:20 on Aug 20, 2016

Nine of Eight
Apr 28, 2011


LICK IT OFF, AND PUT IT BACK IN
Dinosaur Gum
Just think of how suppositories work, it's kinda like that.

Waci
May 30, 2011

A boy and his dog.
poo poo is (usually, hopefully, in healthy people) significantly softer than a replica Yoshi egg, plus the wedging and stress issues.

Dildomancer
Aug 8, 2016

No sense of right or wrong.
Here is the story of how my coworkers found out about my hobby.

~~

I work in a pretty normal office environment, open floorplan with some chest-high dividers between desks. In other words, there isn't a lot of privacy, especially when it comes to phone conversations. After ordering a couple rounds of materials from Smooth-On, I made an account on their website to simplify checkout. Part of this was the phone number, which I expected was just for verifying credit card ownership or calling if there's a problem with an order. I was wrong. After spending a few thousand bucks on silicone, I got a phone call at work. In a total breach of office etiquette, I answered the phone at my desk instead of running into the break room.

:tipshat: "Hey, this is Doug at Reynolds Advanced Materials. I see you've been ordering a lot of stuff from Smooth-On."

Uh-oh.

:tipshat: "What are you using all that silicone for? Maybe we can help you out."

I think it took me a solid 20 seconds to unplug my phone and speedwalk into the kitchen, trying to keep my voice as quiet as possible all the while.

:dong: "Uhh, I can't really talk about that, I'm at work right now..."

That was about the worst thing to say, because it guaranteed all sorts of questions when I got back to my desk. I'd like to say I deftly dodged them, but the truth is closer to me just blushing and mumbling, "none of your business..." Doug had some good news, though: ordering through Reynolds instead of Smooth-On would get me the same stuff at the same price, but with quicker shipping since their warehouse is closer. He later came to visit the dildo factory (read: apartment), which was a little weird, but his wife makes sex toys, too, so we had some tips to share.

~~

Months later, and it's the office Christmas party. I'm sitting next to my boss and his boss in a nice Italian place. Folks are a bit drunk, we're done with dinner and waiting on the tiramisu, and... my phone rings. Welp.

:tipshat: "Hey, it's Doug! How are you doing? Dildo business must be booming with how much you've been ordering!"

:dong: "Hi man, look, I'm at dinner right now and can't talk."

:tipshat: "Oh I'm sorry, look, I'll be down in your area, how about if I come over tonight and we can go over some new products?"

:dong: "Yeah I guess so, I've got a couple things I'm interested in. I gotta go now, though."

I don't know whether my coworkers heard what Doug said, but their conversations had completely stopped, and I was the new center of attention. I headed off the inevitable question with my pre-emptive strike: "Oh, that was my supplier." Now you have a pretty good idea of how smooth and witty I am in person.

Thanks to my stupidity, half the office assumed I was a drug dealer, so I spilled the beans quietly to my boss and the guy who sat at the desk next to me. It didn't take long for word to get around, and I don't think there's anyone in the office who doesn't know about my hobby. I get teased sometimes, but I don't think anyone really cares. Thank goodness.

Dildomancer fucked around with this message at 02:14 on Aug 23, 2016

value-brand cereal
May 2, 2008

Waiter, will you serve the nuts?
I mean, serve the guests the nuts.
Why didn't you say supplier of tiles or sheetrock or something as if you're repairing your apartment? You big goofball. Strange how everyone went straight to 'Dildomancer does drugs'.

Though I am no imagining random, freshly minted dildos scattered around your apartment :laffo:

Dildomancer
Aug 8, 2016

No sense of right or wrong.

Wedemeyer posted:

Why didn't you say supplier of tiles or sheetrock or something as if you're repairing your apartment? You big goofball. Strange how everyone went straight to 'Dildomancer does drugs'.

Though I am no imagining random, freshly minted dildos scattered around your apartment :laffo:

These were not my finest moments.

And the dildos are mostly in a big box right in front of the door as you come in. It's always fun when someone comes to visit and there are towels over a bunch of shelves and boxes.

Pile of Kittens
Apr 23, 2005

Why does everything STILL smell like pussy?

Hah! Reminds me of a conversation I had with a supplier at my old work. I worked at a rope factory where we processed hemp rope into nice soft oiled de-fuzzed bondage rope for weirdos like me to tie each other up with. We also spun small amounts of rope from yarn of various materials (mostly rayon and silk). I was given the task, as the most fiber-literate person on staff, to trace a spool of yarn's life back to the supplier and see if they would cut us a deal on larger quantities of it as our retail supply wasn't able to cope with our demand. After three phone calls, I got the number of the people who presumably manufactured this cone of yarn and called them up.

Supplier Rep :haw: : Thanks for calling, how can I help you?
Me :v: : Hey, I have here a cone of [blah blah blah technical stuff] yarn here that I'd like to order more of.
:haw: : Sure, that's one of our products, though it's a special order item, we only make it when we have large enough orders to justify setting up a mill for it.
:v: : Oh, I'm not sure we're going to make a big enough order to justify that, is there a way to piggyback onto another order?
:haw: : Well I guess, technically you could, but each order is different. What did you say your company does?
:v: : We, er, hand produce artisanal rope. Mostly we process hemp rope, but we also use traditional techniques to produce [technical description] rope in small lengths.
:haw: : Alright, well, to better help you find a product in our line that suits your needs, what are the tensile and frictional parameters you're aiming for?
:v: : Uh, no particular tensile requirements, but low friction and high luster are definitely the qualities our customers look for.
:raise: : Umm, (probably at this point becoming nervous about selling yarn to a ropemaker who claims to not care about how strong it is), what is the purpose of the rope?
:v: : Well...
:raise: : Like, what is your customer using it for?
:v: : Well, it's for hobbies mostly.
:raise: : ...hobbies. What kind of hobbies?
:v: : ....adult hobbies.
:raise: : [long pause]
:v: : [more long pause as I wait for him to figure it out]
:hawaaaafap: : I HAVE SO MANY QUESTIONS!!!
:v: : We actually have several instructional videos on our website which do not contain any nudity, if your questions are about the end users.
:haw: : Hahahahahahaha yeah I guess that wouldn't be very professional of me.
:v: : So you can see why the aesthetic qualities of rayon, like the frictional parameters and the luster, are far more important than the tensile strength, as our users are cautioned to not use our handspun rope for any load-bearing... activities.

That job was so fun. I miss it sometimes.

Waci
May 30, 2011

A boy and his dog.
Dildomancer how much do you usually charge for, for example, a glow-in-the-dark elf cock?

Gibbo
Sep 13, 2008

"yes James. Remove that from my presence. It... Offends me" *sips overpriced wine*

Waci posted:

Dildomancer how much do you usually charge for, for example, a glow-in-the-dark elf cock?

Please share your fanfic explaining just why Legolas ended up covered in radioactive sludge.

Anil Dikshit
Apr 11, 2007

Gibbo posted:

Please share your fanfic explaining just why Legolas ended up covered in radioactive sludge.

His dork glows blue in the presence of Orc booty that needs slaying?

Dildomancer
Aug 8, 2016

No sense of right or wrong.

Waci posted:

Dildomancer how much do you usually charge for, for example, a glow-in-the-dark elf cock?

My typical prices were ten cents per CC, minus $5. So if it's a human-proportioned cock of 250cc (4cm wide, 20cm long), I would charge $20. My cost in parts would be $8 in silicone and a few cents in pigment/mica/packing tape.

If it's a brand new toy, I would charge more due to the cost of making the model and the mold. Again, for something human sized and without balls, hmm... The model + mold would be about 600cc, so I'd charge the initial $20 plus 600cc at cost ($15), which comes out to $35 for the whole kit and caboodle. Most dildo manufacturers are MUCH more expensive, though. Don't expect to get a custom toy without spending $100+.


Gibbo posted:

Please share your fanfic explaining just why Legolas ended up covered in radioactive sludge.

A wizard did it. A wizard who was afraid of the dark and spent his nights with his elven manservant.

Doc Sportello
Aug 29, 2012
Hey man, this is all absolutely fascinating. Thanks for writing it all out so well, too. Is there some throwaway email or something I can contact you at? I've got a few questions and looks like neither of us have platinum for our parachutes.

Fauxtool
Oct 21, 2008

by Jeffrey of YOSPOS
$35 seems way too cheap for a one off custom design. How did you settle on that price? Did you not think you could get away with charging more?

Dildomancer
Aug 8, 2016

No sense of right or wrong.

Doc Sportello posted:

Hey man, this is all absolutely fascinating. Thanks for writing it all out so well, too. Is there some throwaway email or something I can contact you at? I've got a few questions and looks like neither of us have platinum for our parachutes.

You could hit up the Guerrilamail I used to post in the Anonymous Confessions thread; might work. nylgxejk@sharklasers.com And thanks!


Fauxtool posted:

$35 seems way too cheap for a one off custom design. How did you settle on that price? Did you not think you could get away with charging more?

It is dirt cheap, yeah. And I used to sell all my toys at cost, too. I didn't make dildos to get rich, even though the opportunity was there; I did it because I enjoyed the hobby and enjoyed making new designs and making people happy. I guess I still enjoy it, too. I'd totally make some hosed-up elf dick for y'all.

Where the hell did Elise the Great go? I need dimensions...

Carth Dookie
Jan 28, 2013

I left a message in the medical thread. Let's see what happens. My hand is hovering over the 5 button.

elise the great
May 1, 2012

You do not have to be good. You only have to let the soft animal of your body love what it loves.
Okay, okay. You guys want theories about elf dicks? I'm gonna make you some theories about elf dicks.

Watch this space, motherfuckers.

Waci
May 30, 2011

A boy and his dog.

Dildomancer posted:

I'd totally make some hosed-up elf dick for y'all.

Yes.

Balls count as a flared base, right?

Dildomancer
Aug 8, 2016

No sense of right or wrong.
Oh boy, I'm excited now :D

Balls do count as a flared base. They're offset from the center of the toy, which means the mold's more expensive, but if it's for a good cause...

Carth Dookie
Jan 28, 2013

I have it on good authority that elf balls are actually acorns.

Waci
May 30, 2011

A boy and his dog.

Carth Dookie posted:

I have it on good authority that elf balls are actually acorns.

Holy poo poo it could even have little leaves for pubes

Mercedes Colomar
Nov 1, 2008

by Jeffrey of YOSPOS

Fauxtool posted:

$35 seems way too cheap for a one off custom design. How did you settle on that price? Did you not think you could get away with charging more?

Seconding this. Goddamn. Customs at other places are indeed hella expensive. Do you have a webstore or gallery anywhere, Mancer of Dildonics?

Dildomancer
Aug 8, 2016

No sense of right or wrong.

Manuel Calavera posted:

Seconding this. Goddamn. Customs at other places are indeed hella expensive. Do you have a webstore or gallery anywhere, Mancer of Dildonics?

Being cheap got me way more customers than I could handle. I probably could've been an effective (and profitable) one-man business by charging twice or three times what I did.

I wouldn't feel comfortable sharing my gallery or store, sorry. You guys have all been super welcoming and I appreciate that. I just don't want any Helldumpers going doxx-crazy, harassing my friends, telling my customers the stuff I've been posting here...

elise the great
May 1, 2012

You do not have to be good. You only have to let the soft animal of your body love what it loves.
First things first: we actually do know what elves called their dicks, because even the glorious JRRT couldn't keep his hands out of his pants. The poetic term (yes, elves seem to have engaged in erotic poetry) would be gw, but for everyday usage gwib was the preferred term. Puntl is provided as the coarse, moderately transgressive term, and likely what you would be invited to suck if you went down on a male elf. Alas, due to the ban on the Noldorin language, we have no surviving slang for Fanor's johnson.

Second, if we assume that JRRT's intention is the guiding light for inferred details of the history and function of Arda, we are left with several clues as to the genital features of elves. In early drafts of the Silmarillion and pre-LotR writings that would eventually give rise to the War of the Ring, JRRT called them "gnomes" rather than "elves," a detail that reflects his internal monologue about them and is consistent with his para-LotR writings about them, including mutilations, betrayals, incest, genocide, colonial violence, and misotheistic rebellion. His mental image during the construction of Ardan history was almost certainly closer to the Rankin-Bass imagery than the Peter Jackson interpretation. Thus we are left to interpret the idea of gnomes-- a Paracelsean ideology tied closely to alchemy-- and of their Germanic and Norse equivalents, nature and household spirits that include classic Germanic dweorgs (that is, dwarves) but with the added qualification of tallness as a common indicator of worthiness.

I discern here between dwarf-figures of Greek and British mythology, which tend to be lusty, massively endowed pranksters, and gnomes/dweorgs, which are rarely cast in a sexual light. Some textual support could be interpreted for the influence of Pan on the elves, given that Silvan elves (and their Rivendell cousins) are singing, dancing, merry-making, traveler-harassing figures throughout the books. If we adhere to this interpretation, elves are probably packing huge veiny wangs that could put your loving eye out while you're trying to slip em the suck.

I feel that it is, however, more likely that JRRT would have viewed his elves as more romantic and less sexual. Certainly they reproduce at an exceedingly slow rate and for an incredibly small window of their adult lives. A Panic elf would be extremely unlikely to live for two thousand or more years and sire no more than three or four offspring. For this reason, we are most likely dealing with the less overt sexual characteristics of a Paracelsean elf, which rules out giant Priapus-style horse cocks that are eternally bone-ready, but leaves us with less to go on than we might need, if we're gonna pour a giant silicone elf dick.

Ah, but now we've alluded to reproductive evidence of elvish sexual activity, and down this road we find some very interesting possibilities. For one thing, the gnomes of Paracelsus were closely related to the concept of the homunculus, and tended to be sexless or at most secondary-masculine (think garden gnomes). We can assume, in combination with the romantic, Victorianistic leanings of JRRT, that male elves were not afflicted with unwanted boners, and found it fairly simple to reserve their sexual activity to intramarital intercourse. Additionally, in the extracurricular writing Laws and Customs of the Elves (LACE henceforth), we find some fascinating aspects of elvish sexuality laid bare. Elves are incapable, it seems, of adultery, which actually kills them. They are also heavily implied to be incapable of masturbation, and are explicitly hesitant to remarry after the death of a spouse, which carries over into the Silmarillion, when Fanor's father seeks permission from the spirit of his mother (who has died in childbirth) to remarry. Clearly, something about their physiology and/or psychology is not compatible in any way with promiscuity, and the consequences of promiscuity can be literally fatal.

The lethality of sex can, I feel, be best comprehended as an immune function similar to rH incompatibility between mother and fetus. It would, from an evolutionary standpoint, benefit a male elf (ellyn) to be certain that his offspring are actually his own, since their gestation and childhood are protracted and may consume a great deal of resources. This may have resulted in a gradual evolutionary arms race, in which an ellyn might conjugate not only his genetic material but also a dose of antibodies and/or chimeric B-cells, which are keyed to attack all sperm without his specific antigen set. In return, the female elf (or elleth) might perhaps develop her own antibody/B-cell dosage, but this begs the question of how to confer them to the male, since transmission of microbes from vagina to penis is much less reliable than the inverse. I am getting a horrible idea and I will refer back to this concept in a moment.

So assuming that extramarital sex results in autoimmune-induced death similar to anaphylaxis in mechanism, we ask ourselves: what about the other compelling aspect of elvish sexuality, that of interbreeding with humans? Leaving out the question of DNA compatibility-- which is demonstrated in canon, and which we must accept as legitimate if we are to consider this topic at all-- we have a disturbing question to address. We have multiple incidents throughout the history of Beleriand and Middle-Earth of elven/human offspring, all of which occur between a Man and an elleth. Given that the two species are capable of creating not only hybrids but fertile hybrids (Elrond produced three offspring), it is foolish to imagine that in all of Ardan history there was never a potential ellyn-woman romance that resulted in offspring, unless there was something preventing reproduction between ellyn and woman that did not exist between man and elleth. The safest bet is not that all ellyn-woman romances remained chaste-- anyone who's met a teenager can tell you better than that-- but that ellyn-woman sexual activity is incapable of producing offspring.

This is extremely unusual, as the most obvious reason for sex-discriminant infertility is more likely to favor female humans than male humans. Human ova contain mitochondria, while human sperm consume their mitochondrial power for motility and do not confer mitochondrial DNA to their offspring. Either something is happening on an immune/cellular level, which would seem to conflict with our immunological theory of lethal adultery, or something is happening on the mechanical level-- something which is, perhaps, related to the transference of female immune material to the male partner.

Perhaps, to put it crudely, the ellyn just can't get it up.

In humans, the penis consists of several structures of erectile tissue which cradle the urethra between them. This specialized tissue is capable of interrupting venous return, creating penile engorgement and thus erection by trapping blood within the corpus cavernosum. This tissue is notoriously indiscriminant about stimuli, making it easy for male humans to ejaculate without even the participation of another human. Elves, on the other hand, can't even masturbate, an activity so universal among species with external genitalia that it's almost unimaginable for a species capable of poetry to be incapable of wanking. And yet human males can couple with elven females. This implies some weird-rear end poo poo, so I suggest you pour yourself that drink right now.

Male elves achieve erection by external constriction. To have sex, they need some biological equivalent of a cock ring. Whether their penises are "innies" or just flaccid except during intercourse, they are incapable of restricting venous return on their own... and yet the elven vulva must be compatible to some degree with penetration, or else man/elleth coupling wouldn't produce offspring. One may, if one is willing to consider extreme possibilities, entertain the idea that the elven vulva may exhibit some mechanical trait that assists the ellyn in achieving erection by constriction, by restricting venous return through strangulation.

Something that would not put off human males universally, although it might make man/elleth couplings more rare and account for the relative scarcity of elf/human offspring.

Something that would make it impossible for an ellyn to penetrate a woman, or to achieve orgasm and ejaculation with a human female.

Something that would even allow the ellyn to contribute internal disposition of antibodies and B-cells reliably, potentially through urethral penetration of the penis.

The elvish vulva, my friends, consists of outer labia, inner labia, a vaginal vestibule opening on a penetrable vaginal canal, and a set of tentacles.

In elven intercourse, the vulval tentacles constrict and penetrate the flaccid penis, simultaneously permitting/inducing erection and depositing immune bodies deep in the genitourinary tract, most likely the bladder, where they can swim up the ureters to the renal anastomosis and infiltrate the bloodstream. The erect elvish penis is then able to deposit its genetic-- and immune-- material within the vagina. Human females, having no corollary to these tentacles, can arouse a male elf and even engage in non-PIV sexual activity, but can never obtain genetic material from male elves, and therefore no ellyn/woman pregnancies occur.

For human females, this means you can have a hot elf boyfriend that can never get you pregnant, but he's likely to leave you eventually for somebody who can actually get him off. Male elves probably got the gently caress around in Middle-Earth, since they could chow down on human pussy for decades before settling down with a nice elleth who would get knocked up as soon as they exchanged fluids.

For human males, this means that you're totally capable of landing a hot lady elf, as long as you don't mind her tentacles crawling up your dick every time you shark her in the rear end while she's asleep, and as long as you don't mind that she can totally cheat on you and in fact might have chosen to gently caress you specifically because she can screw around behind your back without breaking out in a fatal case of hives.

Aragorn was one kinky-rear end fucker.

And if you read all the way through this drunken, giggling spiel, the silicone elf dick you're looking for is of normal to generous proportion, but it's strangled up and down with simulated tentacles, or at least constricted by a really tight cock ring.


I thought way the gently caress too much about this. I consulted the LACE about this. gently caress every last one of you for goading me into this nightmare of grisly overanalytic humiliation. I hope all your girlfriends catch you.

Dildomancer
Aug 8, 2016

No sense of right or wrong.

elise the great posted:

I thought way the gently caress too much about this. I consulted the LACE about this. gently caress every last one of you for goading me into this nightmare of grisly overanalytic humiliation. I hope all your girlfriends catch you.

If we assume that elves are as susceptible to ischemia as humans are, does this produce the danger of penile necrosis if the physical act lasts longer than a certain amount of time? Asking for a friend...

Also, I'm still waiting on a concept for scrotal anatomy. Shall we assume that elves possess a lower metabolic rate and thus a lower core temperature than humans? If so, could we be talking about internal testes here?

elise the great
May 1, 2012

You do not have to be good. You only have to let the soft animal of your body love what it loves.
I mean, if you're looking for something obviously weird, labial and scrotal tissue are embryonically identical and rely on a testosterone flood to develop appropriately, so elf ballsacks and probably the underside of the shaft might exhibit some vestigial tentacles (some of you penis-havers probably have skin seams up the underside and know what I'm talking about). Kind of a fleshy fringe like a turkey's wattles, but... you know... sexy

I would not gently caress an elf



e. I like the idea of internal testes, but the difference in core temperature would need to be significant enough that elves would feel cold to the touch. Which would make them feel a little... corpsey. But hey, that makes the silicone more accurate.

value-brand cereal
May 2, 2008

Waiter, will you serve the nuts?
I mean, serve the guests the nuts.
So we've got tentacles and a/b/o human-dog-dicks going on here. Has anyone mentioned that's crossing the streams is a bad idea?

Queen_Combat
Jan 15, 2011
Would a lower metabolic rate, and therefore colder temperature, be associated with their generally longer lifespans? Or do they have different biologic processes that either require, or could function, at a lower temperature?

If these processes are different, that must mean that bodily fluids, even if they serve the same function as those in another species, have different compounds.

Basically I'm asking if they would have special-colored jizz (a la Pepsi Blue).

Carth Dookie
Jan 28, 2013

I will 5 this thread when I get home.

Send Elise more Gin.

Recoome
Nov 9, 2013

Matter of fact, I'm salty now.
Would also depend on what an elf vagina looks like too, can't have one without the other

Bum the Sad
Aug 25, 2002
Hell Gem

Dildomancer posted:

without balls
Well that's just stupid.

Waci
May 30, 2011

A boy and his dog.

elise the great posted:

I hope all your girlfriends catch you.

My girlfriend was how I found out about this thread!

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Armagnac
Jun 24, 2005
Le feu de la vie.
Just when you thought this thread couldn't get better...

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