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We had a security guard on site while some construction was being done in a neighboring office in the same building. Dude just sat in a chair all day, not sure what exactly he was guarding but he was presumably there to prevent unapproved persons from entering the construction zone. The guy was a stereotypical goon: fat as gently caress, drenched in Axe, socially inept, etc. We thought he might be on the spectrum. One day I'm taking a poo poo and I hear this pitiful blob shuffling in. He hoists himself into the stall next to me and immediately goes "OHHHHH GODDD" and lets put a torrent of what is presumably the remnants of a large greasy meal. For no reason in particular he screams "FUCKIN' TOILET PAPER" at the top of his lungs and starts spraying more diarrhea. A coworker of mine overheard him having an angry phone conversation about power crystals, also mid poo poo. I miss him.
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Aug 9, 2016 18:25
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dad gay. so what posted:*winks* same
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Aug 9, 2016 18:37
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No one ever washes their hands. They have soap stockpiled in the utility closet probably because I'm the only one that uses it. I keep a bottle of hand sanitizer on my desk.
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Aug 9, 2016 18:47
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approximately 15% of the women who work on the same floor as my office know how to operate a flush toilet -- the other 85% are frantically repeatedly hitting the valve for .1 second and wiggling the valve when they can't figure out why the toilet isn't flushing i am also the only one who washes their hands with actual soap, and then dries them
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Aug 9, 2016 19:11
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Egbert Souse posted:No one ever washes their hands. They have soap stockpiled in the utility closet probably because I'm the only one that uses it. I came here to post this. If you ever meet a software developer, there's about a 25-30% chance, max, that they wash their hands with soap. Some people do a half a second rinse without soap if you're lucky. One guy, when I called him out, said "MY DICK IS CLEANER THAN THE TAPS" as justification for not even rinsing. Yep. And it's not dependent on culture either. Americans are just as bad as other nationalities. edit: if I see colleagues in the restroom I note whether they wash their hands or not. If they don't I tell literally everyone.
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Aug 9, 2016 19:15
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redreader posted:If you ever meet a software developer, there's about a 25-30% chance, max, that they wash their hands with soap. i am the sole woman on a software development team, and i'm really glad that i don't know any of my colleagues' terrible hygiene secrets
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Aug 9, 2016 19:16
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The soap dispensers where I work are pretty iffy on in they'll work or not so I usually give my hands a quick rinse then use the hand sanitizer dispenser because that actually works. I also wait till I open the door, then start rubbing the sanitizer on my hands. There's at least three guys on my floor who trip their pants to pee. One person took a pic of a guy doing this. Also there's a guy who took pictures of dudes at the urinal. Long ago I worked at a place where someone was making GBS threads all over the toilet. We had a lot of security cameras in the area so my supervisor would spend hours reviewing tapes, hunting the "Felonious Dooker". As far as I know he remains at large even though it was a small office and there were literally only five of us who could have been doing it, including myself and the supe.
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Aug 9, 2016 19:28
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Cthulu Carl posted:The soap dispensers where I work are pretty iffy on in they'll work or not so I usually give my hands a quick rinse then use the hand sanitizer dispenser because that actually works. I also wait till I open the door, then start rubbing the sanitizer on my hands. A lot of places these days have bins/trashcans close to the door, so you can use a piece of paper to open the door handle (which I recommend! since the dirty literally-shithanded assholes don't wash their loving hands!) and then chuck it in the trash once the door is opened
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Aug 9, 2016 19:35
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It took years, but by sheer stubbornness I managed to have the toilet paper facing in the proper underhand fashion.
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Aug 9, 2016 19:35
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Jerry Mumphrey posted:i heard if you do it this image briefly appears in the mirror Spooky
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Aug 9, 2016 19:39
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At one of my first jobs I did clean up. One day while cleaning the employees men's room I found a stash of porn. We all knew who's it was. Dude was busted looking at porn at work more than once...and it wasn't like people had their own cubicles or anything like that there.
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Aug 9, 2016 19:45
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Sometimes there is a bit of pee on the floor. Never seen anything crazy I like my workplace 
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Aug 9, 2016 20:42
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Someone at my work picks they nose and pastes it on the wall above the Urinal. Apparently dude's been doing it since before I started 4 years ago and nobody knows who it is...
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Aug 9, 2016 20:53
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Hector Beerlioz posted:Quote this if you've ever jerked off at work
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Aug 9, 2016 20:59
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my work has an ancient co2 tank in the shitter and every time im dropping a deuce i fixate on the likelihood that its going to explode and vaporize me, leaving only my shoes and a turd with a perfect curl
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Aug 9, 2016 21:16
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Robot Randy posted:my work has an ancient co2 tank in the shitter and every time im dropping a deuce i fixate on the likelihood that its going to explode and vaporize me, leaving only my shoes and a turd with a perfect curl Doesn't that make your butthole pucker though? So it's like one long string of whole wheat spaghetti?
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Aug 9, 2016 21:27
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i work the handle of a pizza cutter into my rear end so i can prolapse it long enough to blow feece
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Aug 9, 2016 21:32
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headshot
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Aug 9, 2016 21:34
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I used to work in a large office complex with lots of international companies working out of it. 2 Japanese men would go in to the women's toilets on our company's floor and wait until someone entered. They would start giggling and say 'Sorry, sorry!' before leaving and then stand outside until the person left whereupon they would start giggling again. This went on for a year.
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Aug 9, 2016 21:37
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Was hungover and didn't see that the rim was broken. It hurt. Had a colleague with this "can't poo poo anywhere outside my home" phobia. He lived 1,5 hrs away. Still can't figure out how a 150 kg man can hold crap that long.
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Aug 9, 2016 21:36
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I once got done using the urinal and I forgot to put my dick away so everyone saw my schlongson
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Aug 9, 2016 21:44
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there is someone who is afraid of the space between the tile wall and the toilet stall partition. Keeps putting a length of toilet paper to cover the crack so no one will see him poop in the tile wall reflection. also I gleek on the tile wall above the urinal every time I take a piss. I always wonder if the cleaning ladies will wash the walls. Been a year so far and the gleek splatter is amassed into an impressive piece of art.
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Aug 9, 2016 21:49
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Edgar posted:also I gleek on the tile wall above the urinal every time I take a piss. I always wonder if the cleaning ladies will wash the walls. Been a year so far and the gleek splatter is amassed into an impressive piece of art. This is why I think that every person should do two mandatory jobs for a month before being adult, to gain some decency. Clean toilets and work in customer services.
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Aug 9, 2016 21:56
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YeahTubaMike posted:i am the sole woman on a software development team, and i'm really glad that i don't know any of my colleagues' terrible hygiene secrets You have no idea the horror that go in a bathroom of men that live off fast food/Indian food. Enjoy your secret garden.
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Aug 9, 2016 22:03
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yogizh posted:This is why I think that every person should do two mandatory jobs for a month before being adult, to gain some decency. Clean toilets and work in customer services. But I already did that  If I was cleaning that bathroom, trust me, i'll wash those tile walls.
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Aug 9, 2016 22:07
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yogizh posted:Was hungover and didn't see that the rim was broken. It hurt. When I was a kid I went on a 5-day river rafting thing. My brother touched the shitbucket or drank some bad water or something and got poosick. I was too scared to poo. I only poo'd when we got back home. As well as being 5 days, it was a day's drive from home, so it was a seven day poo. These days I go like twice a day and can't imagine doing it again. I bet that dude doesn't drink coffee or alcohol, those both don't help for holding it in. Edgar posted:there is someone who is afraid of the space between the tile wall and the toilet stall partition. Keeps putting a length of toilet paper to cover the crack so no one will see him poop in the tile wall reflection. The USA is unique in having the massive stall gap. I don't understand it. The guy's probably foreign and rightly thinks the gap is weird.
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Aug 9, 2016 22:09
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BexGu posted:You have no idea the horror that go in a bathroom of men that live off fast food/Indian food. Enjoy your secret garden. I like to flood the toilets and the poo on tge wet floor 
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Aug 9, 2016 22:10
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I found a crackpipe in the bathroom
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Aug 9, 2016 22:17
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A long time ago back when I worked retail, there was this customer who got livid we wouldn't accept a return on some poo poo (we regularly had people try to buy cameras/tvs, use them, then return them after whatever party then argue against the restocking fee). So this man decided to take to his own version of social justice. He proceeded to go into the bathroom and smear poo poo all over the stalls by hand. It had to be by hand because the poo poo was in literal places that didn't make sense. We're talking wiped on the sides of the stall and on the ceiling, on the seat of the toilet. Essentially everywhere EXCEPT inside the toilet itself. He put so much the whole bathroom smelled like fresh diarrhea for days. Never had I felt so bad for the cleaning crew, since management had one by one tried to coerce each of us to clean it (naturally everyone laughed at their faces no matter how serious they tried to be). Worst of all, a second, unrelated person did this exact poo poo (no pun intended) again a few months later. I guess the suburbs have a way of melting people's brains in unique ways.
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Aug 9, 2016 22:38
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shoophobo posted:thinking of doing something poop related at the place that underpaid me for several years and just laid me off. Can't go wrong with the ol' upper decker, if possible. Urinal poop is a good un. Place a turd in a vent shaft right before you leave. Alternatively, place a dead fish there instead.
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Aug 9, 2016 22:42
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i hate when people try to talk to me in the bathroom. what the gently caress is that about ?? no dont say poo poo to me ever gently caress off
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Aug 9, 2016 22:46
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shoophobo posted:thinking of doing something poop related at the place that underpaid me for several years and just laid me off. contact the labor board? what do you mean they underpaid you for years?
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Aug 9, 2016 22:46
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scott zoloft posted:there was a geology professor who kept jacking off in the middle of the men's room in the dark and we kept walking in on him lmbo tbh he probably wanted you to like one time is a horrible accident several? he would get off to it
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Aug 9, 2016 23:06
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My manager doesn't hold his dick while he's at the urinal. Everytime i see him pissing (frequent) he's standing with both hands on his hips. It confirms something that he's always hinted at which is that he's a loving real weirdo with all sorts of hangups and he has no business managing other people because he's literally the least relatable person I've ever met in my life.
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Aug 9, 2016 23:11
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Hector Beerlioz posted:Quote this if you've ever jerked off at work
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Aug 9, 2016 23:17
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redreader posted:edit: if I see colleagues in the restroom I note whether they wash their hands or not. If they don't I tell literally everyone. to be fair, most of decent society would shake the hands of a million unwashed dick handlers before they shake a snitch's
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Aug 9, 2016 23:20
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The place I work has many engineers working, which means a ton of diabetus I guess because we have a place to put used needles/syringes similar to a doctor's office. I like to imagine a bunch of fat Bob's and Davids injecting heroin at various times during the day.
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Aug 9, 2016 23:33
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I used to work retail, and when someone made poopsies anywhere but the toilet it was called a "code brown." Well it was no one in particular's job to clean up code browns, so the management would ask politely the first time, then the second time they would offer what was essentially monetary compensation to whoever did it. After a while, code browns started to pop up more and more frequently (they were a once every 3 months deal before), and management stopped offering the compensation for doodie pickup. The code browns mysteriously stopped after that.
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Aug 9, 2016 23:38
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DoctorCatapult posted:I like to flood the toilets and the poo on tge wet floor Still now the worst I've seen in a government building.
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Aug 9, 2016 23:39
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i go to a different floor where few people work and hide in the stall and read the forums gettin' paid to poop in a cool, dark, private bathroom owns
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Aug 9, 2016 23:39
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