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AKA Pseudonym
May 16, 2004

A dashing and sophisticated young man
Doctor Rope
Right now the scene is cutting to average American family starting a normal day with no idea of what is about to happen.

http://uk.reuters.com/article/uk-serbia-archaeology-magic-idUKKCN10K13L

quote:

Archaeologists are trying to decipher magic spells etched onto tiny rolls of gold and silver that they found alongside skeletons of humans buried almost 2,000 years ago.

"The alphabet is Greek, that much we know. The language is Aramaic – it's a Middle Eastern mystery to us," Miomir Korac, chief archaeologist at the site in eastern Serbia, told Reuters.

The skeletons were found at the foot of a massive coal-fired power station where searches are being carried out before another unit of the electricity plant is built on the site of an ancient Roman city.

Last week, after carefully brushing away soil from the bones, Korac's team found two amulets made of lead that, when opened, were each found to rolls of precious metal - silver and gold - covered in symbols and writing.

They believe the inscriptions are magic spells, taken to the grave to invoke divine powers to perform good or evil.

"We read the names of a few demons, that are connected to the territory of modern-day Syria," archaeologist Ilija Dankovic said at the dig, as more skeletons from the 4th century A.D. were being uncovered.

The fragile, golden and silver scrolls - which once unrolled look like rectangles of foil similar in size to a sweet wrapper - may never be fully understood.

They are the first such items discovered in Serbia but resemble amulets of "binding magic" found in other countries, Dankovic said.

"They were often love charms, ordering someone to fall in love, but there were also dark, malignant curses, to the tune of: ‘may your body turn dead, as cold and heavy as this lead,’" he said.

Magic charms tended to be buried with dead children or adults who had suffered a violent death, Dankovic said, because of a belief that "souls of such people took longer to find rest and had a better chance of finding demons and deities and pass the wishes to them so they could do their magic."

Archaeologists always going around unearthing ancient evils. What a bunch of assholes.

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Teikanmi
Dec 16, 2006

by R. Guyovich
I hope the demons come to your house first and kill you so that you don't post any more threads

Decebal
Jan 6, 2010
Archeology is cool ! Ancient humans sometimes seem like another species. Why is backwards time travel impossible :(

ScratchAndSniff
Sep 28, 2008

This game stinks
2 spooky 4 me!

KomodoWagon
May 10, 2013

by R. Guyovich
What kind of douchebag uses the Greek alphabet to write Aramaic

Rutibex
Sep 9, 2001

by Fluffdaddy
if i am not mistaken we have a resident posting expert in ancient scrolls

Rutibex
Sep 9, 2001

by Fluffdaddy

KomodoWagon posted:

What kind of douchebag uses the Greek alphabet to write Aramaic

an Aramaic that wants to cast Greek spells. hes taking cross-class penalties

Scrotum Modem
Sep 12, 2014

they're finding out that serbians were teabagged by demons in the 4th century and this surprises them? wtf everyone got teabagged by demons then

Cthulu Carl
Apr 16, 2006

If I remember my ancient magic class from college, a lot of what's written is going to be completely nonsensical garbage syllables.

What they can decipher will be either "Help me to to laid with this one fly honey", "Make this not fly honey's tits fall off," "make sure Steve can't testify against me in court and if he tries make him poo poo himself," Or, my personal favorite, an elaborate divine revenge fantasy against an opposing team's chariot racer, featuring an exhaustive list of the racer's anatomy along with the horrific injury each body part should sustain.

It was probably left by a rich person because I bet it cost more to leave your magic spell with dead people than dead puppies that sometimes got used.

Cubone
May 26, 2011

Because it never leaves its bedroom, no one has ever seen this poster's real face.

quote:

Archaeologists are trying to decipher magic spells etched onto tiny rolls of gold and silver that they found alongside skeletons of humans buried almost 2,000 years ago.
this delivers so hard I forgot the joke I was preparing to make

Nathilus
Apr 4, 2002

I alone can see through the media bias.

I'm also stupid on a scale that can only be measured in Reddits.
This was the second to last one. ALL HAIL THE GREAT SLEEPER! Awaken soon o Sleeper! Please!

Rad Gravity
Mar 14, 2012

KomodoWagon posted:

What kind of douchebag uses the Greek alphabet to write Aramaic

Same kind of douchebag that uses the Latin alphabet to write English.

We're all douchebags.

Decebal
Jan 6, 2010

Rad Gravity posted:

Same kind of douchebag that uses the Latin alphabet to write English.

We're all douchebags.

Stop appropriating Latin culture you Saxon scum !

Cartouche
Jan 4, 2011

AKA Pseudonym posted:

Right now the scene is cutting to average American family starting a normal day with no idea of what is about to happen.

http://uk.reuters.com/article/uk-serbia-archaeology-magic-idUKKCN10K13L


Archaeologists always going around unearthing ancient evils. What a bunch of assholes.

Watch the archeologists start another war.

lazorexplosion
Mar 19, 2016

Oh god do we have to assemble a rag tag team of villains and implant bombs in them as our only hope of stopping this evil? Because that would suck.

Decebal
Jan 6, 2010
Serbs aren't muslims right, but good orthodox christians ? Bless the One True Apostolic Church !

gary oldmans diary
Sep 26, 2005
muahahahaha






careful what you wiiish for!

Tuxedo Gin
May 21, 2003

Classy.

i don't really think the 4th century can or should be considered "almost 2000 years ago"

so really everything this dumb author wrote is suspect

gary oldmans diary
Sep 26, 2005

Nathilus posted:

This was the second to last one. ALL HAIL THE GREAT SLEEPER! Awaken soon o Sleeper! Please!
the great sleeper? is the final caturday to come and cathulu with it?

Sai
Sep 20, 2004

immediately the doors of hell opened

https://twitter.com/TheAtlantic/status/763061508729430016

pop fly to McGillicutty
Feb 2, 2004

A peckish little mouse!
Finally, all my HAIL SATANing won't be going to waste.

I hope the skeletons wake up and go on a skeleton spree.

8-Bit Scholar
Jan 23, 2016

by FactsAreUseless
AZIZ! LIGHT!


...thank you Aziz.

Kuato
Feb 25, 2005

"I CAN'T BELIEVE I ATE THE WHOLE THING"
Buglord
We're all dead now thanks to OP. Thanks, OP! Idiot.

Jukeboxblues
Jul 29, 2015


Grimey Drawer

Kuato posted:

We're all dead now thanks to OP. Thanks, OP! Idiot.

FedEx Mercury
Jan 7, 2004

Me bad posting? That's unpossible!
Lipstick Apathy
This sounds more like a genie setup than demon summoning, we'll be fine.

Instruction Manuel
May 15, 2007

Yes, it is what it looks like!

Zombie Boat posted:

Finally, all my HAIL SATANing won't be going to waste.

I hope the skeletons wake up and go on a skeleton spree.

Watch out because there's a skeleton.....























inside you!

Zorodius
Feb 11, 2007

EA GAMES' MASTERPIECE 'MADDEN 2018 G.O.A.T. EDITION' IS A GLORIOUS TRIUMPH OF ART AND TECHNOLOGY. IT BRINGS GAMEDAY RIGHT TO THE PLAYER AND WHOEVER SAYS OTHERWISE CAN, YOU GUESSED IT...
SUCK THE SHIT STRAIGHT OUT OF MY OWN ASSHOLE.

BUY IT.
after years of careful study, we have almost deciphered the message


I'M G_Y

Ramulack
Oct 12, 2009
2,000 years from now archaeologists will uncover this thread.

What will they think?

8-Bit Scholar
Jan 23, 2016

by FactsAreUseless

Ramulack posted:

2,000 years from now archaeologists will uncover this thread.

What will they think?

Mods knew

Vastarien
Dec 20, 2012

Where I live is nightmare, thus a certain nonchalance.



Buglord
e: oops!

paul_soccer10
Mar 28, 2016

by Jeffrey of YOSPOS
i want to meet pazuzu

pop fly to McGillicutty
Feb 2, 2004

A peckish little mouse!

Wamdoodle posted:

Watch out because there's a skeleton.....























inside you!

Oh geez oh man

Instruction Manuel
May 15, 2007

Yes, it is what it looks like!

Zorodius posted:

after years of careful study, we have almost deciphered the message


I'M G_Y

:crossarms: - Fascinating.....

MeatwadIsGod
Sep 30, 2004

Foretold by Gyromancy
Bonus points for the Serbian archaeologist in the Adidas tracksuit.

big time bisexual
Oct 16, 2002

Cool Party
2pac aliv and real strong wizard kill all the turk farm aminal with rap magic now we the serba rule

nomadologique
Mar 9, 2011

DUNK A DILL PICKLE REALDO
guess they included spells of distant travel

a hole-y ghost
May 10, 2010

Tupac rap magic :wth:

Lime Tonics
Nov 7, 2015

by FactsAreUseless
Darkest dungeon sequel looking good.

ruddiger
Jun 3, 2004

paul_soccer10 posted:

i want to meet pazuzu

when your dude shows you that morning boner.

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a shiny rock
Nov 13, 2009

has dad gay been consulted about the scrolls

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