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I'm going to take my magic missiles, all three of them, and I'm going to take my magic missiles and shoot them at the Demilich--now, I don't know what kind of Dungeon Master you are, but I've played with a lot of people, a lot of Dungeon Masters--the best DMs there are, and they've all assured me this will work. My missiles will ignore its spell resistance. This isn't just a theory, or--I'm going to do it and save the party, and I--I don't even have the spell memorized. I'm just such a high, a high Intelligence wizard that I can do that. |
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Aug 14, 2016 13:49
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| # ? Apr 25, 2024 18:40 |
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Donald shows up to the game with his own custom-made dice, with a 20 on every side. Even on the D6. He pretends they're just normal dice. No one says anything anymore, he won't admit he's cheating. "I'm just very good at rolling the dice, I'm the best at rolling the dice. All of my twenties are natural." Whatever. We're sick of it. |
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Aug 14, 2016 13:54
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Shakill OReal posted:Donald shows up to the game with his own custom-made dice, with a 20 on every side. Even on the D6. He pretends they're just normal dice. No one says anything anymore, he won't admit he's cheating. "I'm just very good at rolling the dice, I'm the best at rolling the dice. All of my twenties are natural." Whatever. We're sick of it.
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Aug 14, 2016 13:57
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1:05PM - "no you cannot see what my ability scores are, i don't care if you're the DM, i'll show them to you eventually but right now just know that they are all really good." 1:15PM - "What do you mean where did i get all this stuff? I started with 1,000,000gp, i rolled it, i'm really good at rolling, I'm like the best roller there is." 1:40PM - "of course i have a viking longboat, i had it strapped to my back, see its right here in my inventory" 2:30PM - "alright i'm going to hang back and observe their tactics while you guys attack them..."
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Aug 14, 2016 14:07
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 DM Donnie: Alright listen up because we all know just how stupid you jokes can bePaul Ryan: I wanna cast a spell! John McCain: I'm gonna stop you, Trump! Here's as good a place as any! Paul Ryan: What class are you gonna be, John? John McClane: What the gently caress am I doing here? I DON"T DO COMEDY! Paul Ryan: Holy poo poo, can I have your autograph Bruce Willis? DM Donnie: Paul Ryan, you're FIRED!Paul Ryan: First off, we haven't started yet. Plus, you're not the boss of me... DM Donnie: ROLL A 20!Paul Ryan *rolling an 18*: 18! DM Donnie: Alright, you made your save- now shut the hell up. As I was saying, you guys are jokes, the town youse all started out in is a joke, and you're all gonna make it great again. The Second Amendment will see to thatPaul Ryan: Whoa, wait a minute... John McCain: Yeah hold up there, buster I don't like the sound of John McClane: If someone doesn't tell me what the hells going on *I* am gonna shoot someone DM Donnie: It was sarcasm, guys! Although I BET those Russian bastards have Crooked Hillary's emailsPaul Ryan: Let it go, Trump Sarah Palin: Am I the only one who's sane around here? John McCain:  DM Donnie: Chris Christie:  Paul Ryan:
https://i.imgur.com/QKTkerO.mp4 |
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Aug 14, 2016 17:19
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Shakill OReal posted:Donald shows up to the game with his own custom-made dice, with a 20 on every side. Even on the D6. He pretends they're just normal dice. No one says anything anymore, he won't admit he's cheating. "I'm just very good at rolling the dice, I'm the best at rolling the dice. All of my twenties are natural." Whatever. We're sick of it. lmao ---------------- |
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Aug 14, 2016 17:49
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*DM finally finishes Donald's solo sidebar adventure that took two sessions* DM: Okay that took a lot longer than I originally intended. Now, let's move on. Bernie, if you remember, you were in the middl- Trump: um, excuse me, I really feel like you're leaving me out, and not covering my potential contributions to the story. Maybe we should focus on me. DM: we just spent a combined 8 hours playing your story, we're going back to everyone else Trump, tuned out, tweeting: "Big Liberal DM too cowardly to acknowledge my existence. Very Sad! I wouldn't play in his campaign if given the choice anyways" |
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Aug 14, 2016 19:29
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*Trump proudly holding up the new adventure module he picked up* You guys this will be the greatest campaign, just the best campaign in the world. I've already read all the way through it and I gotta- it will just- I love this campaign. The campaign itself though, is bad and I will be changing it all. |
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Aug 14, 2016 19:30
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Shakill OReal posted:I'm going to take my magic missiles, all three of them, and I'm going to take my magic missiles and shoot them at the Demilich--now, I don't know what kind of Dungeon Master you are, but I've played with a lot of people, a lot of Dungeon Masters--the best DMs there are, and they've all assured me this will work. My missiles will ignore its spell resistance. This isn't just a theory, or--I'm going to do it and save the party, and I--I don't even have the spell memorized. I'm just such a high, a high Intelligence wizard that I can do that.
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Aug 14, 2016 20:52
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Donald Trump: Alright, Johnny, you missed the Dragon. Johnny: B-but my roll succeeded. Donald Trump: No it didn't, Johnny, you can't just--just disrespect your Dungeon Master here, Thalgor swung at the Dragon and missed. Johnny: No! That's not fair. With my THAC0 and weapon bonus... Donald Trump: Look Johnny, I don't know anything about THAC0 or--or your weapon bonus. I'm here to be your dungeon master and to give you a great time--to make this game great. Milton: Donald that's not very fair, you can't make the game great if you don't know the rul-- Donald: The dragon turns and bites Vyldarf's head off. Milton: But it wasn't even his turn! Donald: And it swings its massive tail, it hits, uhh... what's your name... Susan? What's your character's name? It hits you with its tail and sends you flying against the wall, your ribs are broken. Johnny: Donald, this isn't fair and it doesn't even make any sen-- Donald: Thalgor attempts to cast a fireball at the dragon. Johnny: But Thalgor is my character, you don't get to pick what he does! And he's a Barbarian, we don't have fireba-- Donald: Thalgor rolls a seven, the fireball misses. It flies past the dragon and it hits Susan. Susan: Milton why do you always sign me up for this stupid bu-- Donald: The party is fading to black. The dragon cackles, you've failed to stop his quest to bring healing magic to all of Faelrun. Milton: This is loving stup-- Donald: But wait! Right before you take your last breath-- except you Vyldarf, your head's gone-- right before you take your last breath something happens. Johnny: Oh, great, here it comes. Milton: At least it's almost over. Donald: You hear the clanging of a greatsword on the dungeon walls, it's... it's coming from the next room. Susan: Gee, I wonder what it could be... Donald: At the last minute, a beautiful--just beautiful man with fine hair rushes from the doorway. He leaps in the air, he-- he rolls the dice. It's a 20. He cuts the dragon's head clean off. Johnny: Great, I'm glad The Donald was here to save us. Donald: The Donald gains 7,000 experience points and advances to level 20. Milton: Can we at least level up this time, too, Donald? Donald: You were knocked out when the fight-- you don't get the experience, you're not the one who, who made the dragon dead. If you keep working hard you can reach level 2 next week. |
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Aug 14, 2016 23:24
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Dungeons & Donalds |
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Aug 14, 2016 23:27
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Donalds and Donalds |
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Aug 15, 2016 00:34
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Class: upper |
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Aug 15, 2016 03:33
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Splatmaster posted:
This is the worst post I've ever seen |
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Aug 15, 2016 06:42
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rediscover posted:This is the worst post I've ever seen please don't do this
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Aug 15, 2016 07:47
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FluffieDuckie posted:please don't do this
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Aug 15, 2016 09:02
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rediscover posted:This is the worst post I've ever seen Aw, hey- thanks for taking the time to read it, though! Maybe I can do better next time? https://i.imgur.com/QKTkerO.mp4 |
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Aug 15, 2016 11:54
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All right, this is going to be my character, a human variant monk. Let me tell you, he's really something. Just terrific. He specializes in unarmed strikes since he's got these big hands- just normal sized, big, normal hands. See right there? I circled them for you in my character drawing. Wonderful, absolutely amazing. His goal is to build a wall around Faerun and make Evermeet pay for it. And let me tell you, I'm actually polling quite well with the elves right now. The elves love me. It's fantastic. |
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Aug 15, 2016 15:25
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Bluedeanie posted:All right, this is going to be my character, a human variant monk. Let me tell you, he's really something. Just terrific. He specializes in unarmed strikes since he's got these big hands- just normal sized, big, normal hands. See right there? I circled them for you in my character drawing. Wonderful, absolutely amazing. |
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Aug 15, 2016 17:28
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joke explainer was right, this is easy but it's fun |
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Aug 15, 2016 17:30
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Bluedeanie posted:All right, this is going to be my character, a human variant monk. Let me tell you, he's really something. Just terrific. He specializes in unarmed strikes since he's got these big hands- just normal sized, big, normal hands. See right there? I circled them for you in my character drawing. Wonderful, absolutely amazing. ---------------- |
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Aug 15, 2016 20:09
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Bluedeanie posted:All right, this is going to be my character, a human variant monk. Let me tell you, he's really something. Just terrific. He specializes in unarmed strikes since he's got these big hands- just normal sized, big, normal hands. See right there? I circled them for you in my character drawing. Wonderful, absolutely amazing.
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Aug 15, 2016 20:12
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Bluedeanie posted:All right, this is going to be my character, a human variant monk. Let me tell you, he's really something. Just terrific. He specializes in unarmed strikes since he's got these big hands- just normal sized, big, normal hands. See right there? I circled them for you in my character drawing. Wonderful, absolutely amazing.
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Aug 15, 2016 20:49
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Android Blues posted:joke explainer was right, this is easy but it's fun This is true both about shoving things in to the D&D setting and also about putting Donald Trump into situations he wouldn't usually be in. |
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Aug 16, 2016 00:16
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"We need to build a wall around waterdeep, and make the dragons pay for it!" |
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Aug 16, 2016 01:28
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I'm very powerful, I have all the best spells
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Aug 16, 2016 03:21
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Lizard Wizard posted:Class: upper lol
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Aug 16, 2016 03:39
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I meant to quote that earlier and forgot. |
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Aug 16, 2016 04:37
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Aug 16, 2016 15:36
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Look, the gelatinous cube is a terrible monster, OK? Low energy, pretty disgusting. It's like it snuck up from Mexico or something. I'm not saying that all gelatinous cubes are bad, all right? But Mexico sends us their rapist gelatinous cubes and their murdering gelatinous cubes...take our jobs, commit rapes and crimes, we have to build a wall. A wall is where this campaign is going to start. Steve, or King Whateveritis, I can't keep track of your characters, I have important stuff to do, you go stand by that hole in the ground that's 20 feet from that beautiful wall. It's 50 feet tall and solid concrete and steel. American concrete and steel, too, the best, best stuff. That's the only stuff to use to build a wall like this. The rest of you, whoever you are, just stand around the hole and do, I don't know, whatever you do when you are waiting. Oh, Steve, you are going down the hole? OK, King Whoitsshins, you try to leap down but you run into 2D6 Cartel Enforcers! They are swarthy and dark and sweaty! They are Mexicans or Muslims and they don't speak English, so you know what you have to do. Get out that sword and, uh, do what the people in the sword lobby do.
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Aug 16, 2016 23:51
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Bacon Taco posted:Look, the gelatinous cube is a terrible monster, OK? Low energy, pretty disgusting. It's like it snuck up from Mexico or something. I'm not saying that all gelatinous cubes are bad, all right? But Mexico sends us their rapist gelatinous cubes and their murdering gelatinous cubes...take our jobs, commit rapes and crimes, we have to build a wall. A wall is where this campaign is going to start. Steve, or King Whateveritis, I can't keep track of your characters, I have important stuff to do, you go stand by that hole in the ground that's 20 feet from that beautiful wall. It's 50 feet tall and solid concrete and steel. American concrete and steel, too, the best, best stuff. That's the only stuff to use to build a wall like this. The rest of you, whoever you are, just stand around the hole and do, I don't know, whatever you do when you are waiting.
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Aug 17, 2016 00:43
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| # ? Apr 25, 2024 18:40 |
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getting a good laugh from all of these posts, each and every one my friends! |
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Aug 17, 2016 03:38
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