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Back in the dark ages before the Internet, before Harry Potter turned YA fiction into blockbuster fodder, kids' books were a huge crapshoot. If your library wasn't big or well-funded you couldn't count on it having any trendy poo poo like Goosebumps so you pretty much just picked poo poo at random and got what you got. Maybe you'd find a legit book or maybe you'd get some weird garbage. You didn't really care either way; you were just looking for something slightly more interesting than homework that teachers might let you get away with doing in class. Here are some highlights of my literary dumpster diving: -Some kind of lovely proto-Harry Potter where a lovely apprentice wizard was trying to solve a mysterious illness that was making all of the non-lovely wizards get sick. It turned out it was a magic disease based on fear and the kid was immune because as a garbage wizard his familiar was a skunk and SKUNKS ARE FEARLESS BECAUSE THEY HAVE NO PREDATORS (even as a kid I thought this was kind of bullshit) -Modern day fantasy book where the protagonist finds a crown passed down to her from her dad, but it's like made of fabric or something and maybe has mind control powers??? Bad Guys want the crown so she runs away and teams up with some hillbilly kid who makes a living looting trucks that crash on a hairpin curve (that he took down the warnings signs on DUN DUN DUN), and they eventually infiltrate Bad Guy School and... do something? -Post-apocalyptic invader sci fi story where humanity is ruled by mysterious alien overlords who operate through killer robot walkers. The hero goes to live as a slave in the aliens' city so he can gather intelligence about them and it turns out they are basically gross fleshy pyramids with three legs that walk by spinning around. He learns some kind of terrible secret and escapes to rejoin the resistance (this was part of a series and the library only had the middle book so I never found out what happened, but I'm guessing he stops them heroically) -Another scifi series about some kind of freewheeling space trader. He had a psychic monkey as a pet/crewmate. As part of some kind of trading fetch quest he shipped some high tech tools or something to a planet of weird alien eskimos and traded them for some kind of exotic organic gemstone that he wanted to sell for profit back in space-civilization. I don't really remember what the overarcing plot was supposed to be but I'm pretty sure the psychic monkey guy was involved, it was probably boring based on how little of the book I remember. What weird books did you find as a kid?
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Aug 17, 2016 00:47
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| # ? Apr 24, 2024 05:48 |
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My aunt used to have a bookshelf full of bizarre kids books from like the 80s or something. These were all fairly short. -A book about a tiny vampire becoming friends with an American girl. The vampires in this book had to live in a tree and were bound to a certain type of tree. I remember the vampire (who I think was called Vlad) had to bond to an oak tree or something because his native weird transylvanian tree didn't grow in New York or whatever and it ended up changing his personality or something. - A book with a guy building a robot that looked just like a teenager for reasons unknown and sending him to high school. Despite the kid acting as BEEP BOOP and Mr Spock like as possible no one caught on. This is despite him being knocked over by a bully at some point and being all "I CANNOT SELF RIGHT" since for some reason he couldn't work his gyroscope and motors at the same time. I think he foils some kind of smuggling ring or something at the end. - A pair of twins in the English countryside somewhere are in an accident involving fireworks, which results in one brother's left(?) arm turning into a firework, attached at the shoulder. It turns out that the twins have gained the power that whatever the second brother holds in his arm, the first kid's arm turns into. They only figure this out like 3/4s of the way into the book, and never use it for anything cool. I think the arm becomes a balloon at some point and they float away to escape some kind of danger or something, I dunno.
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Aug 17, 2016 01:05
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I remember reading a book of the shelf in my local library when I was like 11 or so - a book of horror short stories geared towards kids. This was long before Goosebumps was published, and the book would have been written in the 70's at the latest. I just remember this kid going down into the basement with his little dog near the end, and he hears it eat his dog (dog cries out, snapping followed by slurping or sucking sound). It ends with it implied that the kid is about to die and get eaten next as he's on the basement stairs. I think the creature was some sort of ancient Egyptian thing, or bird-like, but I can't be sure. In any case, I hadn't read poo poo like that before - what kind of author kills a puppy and then the child protagonist too? Welcome to horror, Wizchine! Wizchine fucked around with this message at 01:21 on Aug 17, 2016 |
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Aug 17, 2016 01:07
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the first one i remember was a short series where some kid teams up with an old ghost hunter to capture ghosts, with a Back to the Future camaraderie feel. i don't remember much else about it besides some really cool monochrome illustrations, and i think one of the books took place at a hotel.
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Aug 17, 2016 01:15
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Reading is dumb, why would I read when I could just get all my information and opinions from the somethingawful.com forums?
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Aug 17, 2016 01:17
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that one book with those kids that are psychic dolphin twins or something i dunno i;ve smoked too much pot to remember poo poo from my childhood
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Aug 17, 2016 01:20
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oh, The Alchemist. a kid uh. was going after a treasure that he wanted really bad, and then he did? it was fine, and everything just sort of worked out pretty well for him. I think it was supposed to be about chasing your ambitions, but I didn't relate because I never really had anything that I super wanted to do when I was a kid, except, become a werewolf. I never read Where the Red Fern Grows, but I read Watchdog and the Coyotes and for some reason thought they were the same book. later I found out that what I read was Watchdog and the Coyotes. sorry I don't really have anything half remembered because usually when that happens I obsessively ferret it out and read online summaries.
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Aug 17, 2016 01:30
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Rohan Kishibe posted:- A book with a guy building a robot that looked just like a teenager for reasons unknown and sending him to high school. Despite the kid acting as BEEP BOOP and Mr Spock like as possible no one caught on. This is despite him being knocked over by a bully at some point and being all "I CANNOT SELF RIGHT" since for some reason he couldn't work his gyroscope and motors at the same time. I think he foils some kind of smuggling ring or something at the end. haha Not Quite Human, maybe? I didn't read them but they were adapted into a series of made for tv movies on the disney channel starring alan thicke. nobody else has this memory because you used to have to pay for the disney channel and we were the only ones in my neighborhood that could steal cable
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Aug 17, 2016 01:37
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A book called Trig that was about a girl that got a gun for her birthday from her uncle or something and takes it to school and shoots at bullies, and everyone applauds her for it.
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Aug 17, 2016 01:41
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A Separate Peace was a piece of garbage that put me off of literature for about 10+yrs
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Aug 17, 2016 01:43
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My kindergarten teacher read this to us. I don't think it's a popular book anymore
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Aug 17, 2016 01:48
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There was a classic boy gets dog, learns about himself story that never left my mind. There was a scene where the kid was worried because his neighbor liked to poison steaks and leave them out for the night. So the kid does the same but loads his steaks with hot sauce to teach the dog not to eat random stakes. It ends when the dog is crushed to death in some industrial accident.
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Aug 17, 2016 01:49
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This one about some rear end in a top hat chav and his ginger friend and know it all girlfriend who are constantly having hosed up adventures at some gay rear end wizard school. The twist is that this all exists in modern day england. Can't remember what it was called, but it sucked poo poo.
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Aug 17, 2016 01:52
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Cubone posted:haha poo poo, yeah that was it.  No idea it was a series or ever got adapted or anything. The firework one was apparently called Twin and Super Twin and was by the author of The Demon Headmaster, for any British goons around my age. The vampire book seems lost to history, or at least google.
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Aug 17, 2016 01:59
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Gabriel Pope posted:-Post-apocalyptic invader sci fi story where humanity is ruled by mysterious alien overlords who operate through killer robot walkers. The hero goes to live as a slave in the aliens' city so he can gather intelligence about them and it turns out they are basically gross fleshy pyramids with three legs that walk by spinning around. He learns some kind of terrible secret and escapes to rejoin the resistance (this was part of a series and the library only had the middle book so I never found out what happened, but I'm guessing he stops them heroically) Are we trying to help identify them? Cause this is The City of Gold and Lead from The Tripods series. I remember some fantasy series where the main character grew up as a poor person with poor parents but eventually finds out he was actually the son of the king and queen or something. I think there was a hot air balloon in there, too. That's about all I recall but I do remember liking it and wishing I were the kid.
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Aug 17, 2016 02:03
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the dystopian book where people could only have 2 kids and there was a group of third children that had to go around hiding. there were sequels too i think.
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Aug 17, 2016 02:05
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A book about wolves and, I don't Remeber if it's a human girl who lives with the wolves or if it's just written from a wolfs perspective, but the wolves like, think or talk in English. Possibly was a series.
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Aug 17, 2016 02:05
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Bruce Coville My Sister was a time travelling Teacher Alien From Mars and she zapped my homework type stuff
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Aug 17, 2016 02:06
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I looked it up. It was Julie of the wolves.
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Aug 17, 2016 02:08
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My teacher flunked the planet, lol.
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Aug 17, 2016 02:08
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i cant remember
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Aug 17, 2016 02:09
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My Teacher Is an Alien was a really good series of books. I don't remember anything about them other than that.
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Aug 17, 2016 02:08
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Something, I dunno, about a kid that runs away and lives in (as in literally inside) a big tree in the woods and fends for himself and does survival poo poo. Also he has a pet eagle or something?
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Aug 17, 2016 02:13
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A book about a family and maybe the mom and dad die or go away or something and it's about the older sister taking care of them or something? Assigned reading in middle school. Also one about friends and one goes to Vietnam and one becomes a hippy and the Vietnam guy dies from mortar fire.
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Aug 17, 2016 02:13
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st1LL_51ngl3 posted:Something, I dunno, about a kid that runs away and lives in (as in literally inside) a big tree in the woods and fends for himself and does survival poo poo. Also he has a pet eagle or something? I rember this. Pretty sure it was a girl.
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Aug 17, 2016 02:13
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Dragon riders of Pern - the enemy is God drat fungus
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Aug 17, 2016 02:15
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The Puddle Lane series of books about a dragon that could change color and a wizard and something about jellybeans I think? Actually maybe I'm thinking of something about a chameleon that ate jellybeans and turned a bunch of colors. Or maybe they both had jellybeans in them.
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Aug 17, 2016 02:14
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The hawk tree one is "my side of the mountain"
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Aug 17, 2016 02:16
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A book about a native American kid (or a white kid with a native American mentor) and he turns into a bunch of animals and the only scene I really remember was when he turned into a beaver and faced some sort of peril.
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Aug 17, 2016 02:16
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Applewhite posted:A book about a native American kid (or a white kid with a native American mentor) and he turns into a bunch of animals and the only scene I really remember was when he turned into a beaver and faced some sort of peril. Sounds like one of those Carlos Casteneda books about Don Juan.
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Aug 17, 2016 02:20
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canpakes posted:The hawk tree one is "my side of the mountain" Hot drat that's it!
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Aug 17, 2016 02:20
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z0331 posted:My Teacher Is an Alien was a really good series of books. I don't remember anything about them other than that. All I remember is the fire alarm incident from the first book, and also the ending where Alien Congress wants to blow up the Earth because a renegade alien gave humans illegal television technology (what) and were persuaded to turn it into a nature preserve when it was discovered that humans had natural telepathic abilities they deemed worthy of study.
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Aug 17, 2016 02:19
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A book where a dude goes into this fantasy realm somehow and can talk to animals. He's friend with a sickass snake and a horse at some point. Like he can command animals not like hear the horses thoughts like "I like hay". NOne of that stupidity. He thwarted some dastardly rogue then woke up at home like nothing happened. I can never find that book, I read it in like 2001 or something. I remember it because I vividly remember thinking "If "character name" was in that 747, 9/11 woulda never happened". Really wish I could find this book.
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Aug 17, 2016 02:21
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Gabriel Pope posted:All I remember is the fire alarm incident from the first book, and also the ending where Alien Congress wants to blow up the Earth because a renegade alien gave humans illegal television technology (what) and were persuaded to turn it into a nature preserve when it was discovered that humans had natural telepathic abilities they deemed worthy of study. Now I'm fondly remembering "My Neighbors are aliens" about a family of aliens from a race that only watched the commercials on TV and came to Earth to gather together the heroes of commercials to save their planet.
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Aug 17, 2016 02:22
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canpakes posted:A book about a family and maybe the mom and dad die or go away or something and it's about the older sister taking care of them or something? Assigned reading in middle school. That's this I guess "Nelson, Theresa. And One for All (Yearling, 1991). Geraldine, her older brother Wing, and his best friend Sam swore their eternal friendship back in grade school. But now its 1967, and Wing and Sam are seniors in high school. Wing wants to go into the Marines and go to Vietnam, Sam would rather march for peace. Geraldine is caught in the middle, and longs to keep their pledge of friendship alive despite all their differences."
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Aug 17, 2016 02:23
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uhh there was this one book about jews or something and the main character dies but not really 
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Aug 17, 2016 02:24
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The story about these kids in Warsaw Poland who smuggle gold right under the Nazis noses by putting it under their sleds.
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Aug 17, 2016 02:27
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Night by Ellie Seidel
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Aug 17, 2016 02:27
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If anyone could tell me what series this is, I'd appreciate it... it was about a boy and his family - I think? - trying to survive in a nuclear winter setting. I think there were mutants around. It was the first post-apocalyptic story I recall reading, and it was published in the '80s or earlier.
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Aug 17, 2016 02:28
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green chicken feet posted:If anyone could tell me what series this is, I'd appreciate it... it was about a boy and his family - I think? - trying to survive in a nuclear winter setting. I think there were mutants around. It was the first post-apocalyptic story I recall reading, and it was published in the '80s or earlier. The Legend of Rah and the Muggles.
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Aug 17, 2016 02:30
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