Register a SA Forums Account here!
JOINING THE SA FORUMS WILL REMOVE THIS BIG AD, THE ANNOYING UNDERLINED ADS, AND STUPID INTERSTITIAL ADS!!!

You can: log in, read the tech support FAQ, or request your lost password. This dumb message (and those ads) will appear on every screen until you register! Get rid of this crap by registering your own SA Forums Account and joining roughly 150,000 Goons, for the one-time price of $9.95! We charge money because it costs us money per month for bills, and since we don't believe in showing ads to our users, we try to make the money back through forum registrations.
 
  • Locked thread
crabcakes66
May 24, 2012

by exmarx

Serious Frolicking posted:

i dont see why an olympic athlete in his physical prime with a gold medal had to pee all over a seedy gas station when he could have stayed in his hotel room and peed in his toilet

Ryan Lochte likes to party hard okay.

Adbot
ADBOT LOVES YOU

Luvcow
Jul 1, 2007

One day nearer spring
i heard he jacked off a donkey just for laughs

donkeys are readily available for this during the olympic games

wide stance
Jan 28, 2011

If there's more than one way to do a job, and one of those ways will result in disaster, then he will do it that way.

crabcakes66 posted:

TIL: The tradeoff for being an awesome swimmer is that you also have to be mentally handicapped.

Spending six hours a day with your head halfway under water gasping for breath then being very tired the rest of the day until going to bed at 9pm wlll make anyone dumb.

Luvcow
Jul 1, 2007

One day nearer spring
ryan lochte usually wears a padded foam helmet when he is out in the public

Luvcow
Jul 1, 2007

One day nearer spring
ryan lachte is afraid of fire

WhyteRyce
Dec 30, 2001

Serious Frolicking posted:

i dont see why an olympic athlete in his physical prime with a gold medal had to pee all over a seedy gas station when he could have stayed in his hotel room and peed in his toilet

look at this noob who has never peed on the walls of a Valero

Mariana Horchata
Jun 30, 2008

College Slice
since gas station bathrooms are usually kept locked up and require u to ask for the hubcap key to access it i can totally empathize with being drunk and full of american exceptionalism and simply not bothering with all that when u gotta go bad and just bashing it open with one of ur flippers instead

WhyteRyce
Dec 30, 2001

I gotta stand in line and find pocket change to buy that pack of gum because you won't take credit card for a $1 item. Then you'll give me the key so I can finally go piss.

Or I can just pee on your map stand. You made the choice for me sir.

Uncle Salty
Jan 19, 2008
BOYS
Ryan Lochte is a very handsome young man; and I hope he did not do a pee on a Brazilian gas station wall.

Drunk Nerds
Jan 25, 2011

Just close your eyes
Fun Shoe
This thread was on point, but most of the last "jokes" have been really bad.

Is it so hard to phone in a quip like "he was lochte out in so many ways?"

gimme the GOD DAMN candy
Jul 1, 2007

Drunk Nerds posted:

This thread was on point, but most of the last "jokes" have been really bad.

Is it so hard to phone in a quip like "he was lochte out in so many ways?"

if you want to complain about bad jokes you should provide a good one.

pop fly to McGillicutty
Feb 2, 2004

A peckish little mouse!

Drunk Nerds posted:

This thread was on point, but most of the last "jokes" have been really bad.

Is it so hard to phone in a quip like "he was lochte out in so many ways?"

Ryan broke open the lochte the bathroom?

Mariana Horchata
Jun 30, 2008

College Slice
the smartest thing hes ever done was getting the gently caress out of rio asap, had he not he would be lochte up abroad right now :q:

Exploding Computer
Oct 6, 2006
Fun Shoe
Ryan Lochte is the Michael Phelps of the Special Olympics.

Madcosby
Mar 4, 2003

by FactsAreUseless

Mariana Horchata posted:

since gas station bathrooms are usually kept locked up and require u to ask for the hubcap key to access it i can totally empathize with being drunk and full of american exceptionalism and simply not bothering with all that when u gotta go bad and just bashing it open with one of ur flippers instead

if i have to drunk pee and im at a gas station, I wouldnt even try the door

id just pee in between two cars

ryan lochlte used his amazing olympic strength and ripped the bathroom door off rather than drunk pee on the street, and peed everywhere in the process

BigBallChunkyTime
Nov 25, 2011

Kyle Schwarber: World Series hero, Beefy Lad, better than you.

Illegal Hen

kindermord posted:

a guy in a uniform with a gun did take his money. If a security guard shook somebody down for 'damages' in the US ppl would flip their poo poo, but apparently this is being defended as reasonable because that's how they do it in Rio.

Hate to break it to you, but if you're an American in a foriegn country, you're subject to their laws and customs, just like if someone from another country would come here.

I'm not saying Lochte needs to go to prison or anything, because that would be ridiculous, but I don't think a fine and community service is unreasonable.

feller
Jul 5, 2006


Retail Slave posted:

Hate to break it to you, but if you're an American in a foriegn country, you're subject to their laws and customs, just like if someone from another country would come here.

I'm not saying Lochte needs to go to prison or anything, because that would be ridiculous, but I don't think a fine and community service is unreasonable.

Are you saying security guards shaking people down is the law in brazil?

BigBallChunkyTime
Nov 25, 2011

Kyle Schwarber: World Series hero, Beefy Lad, better than you.

Illegal Hen

Mariana Horchata posted:

the smartest thing hes ever done was getting the gently caress out of rio asap, had he not he would be lochte up abroad right now :q:

The pun is noted, but he's a complete chickenshit to leave his friends to deal with it. If you're big boy enough to kick down a door, you're big boy enough to deal with the police.

a new study bible!
Feb 2, 2009



BIG DICK NICK
A Philadelphia Legend
Fly Eagles Fly


BigBallChunkyTime
Nov 25, 2011

Kyle Schwarber: World Series hero, Beefy Lad, better than you.

Illegal Hen

cool and good posted:

Are you saying security guards shaking people down is the law in brazil?

I'm not, and I don't know enough about the situation to comment one way or the other. I was under the impression that the security guard took the money and gave it to the owner to fix the damages. If he pocketed the money then he's a shithead too, but my point is regardless of the corruption I'm pretty sure vandalism and urinating on a public floor is against the law in just about any country in the world, and if he had guts enough to do it, then he has guts enough to face the consequences of his actions.

Filthy Hans
Jun 27, 2008

by Fluffdaddy

(and can't post for 11 years!)

Curl_like_smoke posted:

Ryan Lochte is the Michael Phelps of the Special Olympics.

say what you will against Lochte, at least he didn't pitch 12 years of assholery - culminating in a DUI - as a redemption tale the way Phelps did

a new study bible!
Feb 2, 2009



BIG DICK NICK
A Philadelphia Legend
Fly Eagles Fly


Retail Slave posted:

I'm not, and I don't know enough about the situation to comment one way or the other. I was under the impression that the security guard took the money and gave it to the owner to fix the damages. If he pocketed the money then he's a shithead too, but my point is regardless of the corruption I'm pretty sure vandalism and urinating on a public floor is against the law in just about any country in the world, and if he had guts enough to do it, then he has guts enough to face the consequences of his actions.

That's also ignoring the fact that if Lochte had just kept his mouth closed about (what seems to be) a reciprocal exchange- they broke stuff, and then paid for it, and weren't too bothered- then none of this would have happened to him and his teammates would be at home.

Rubellavator
Aug 16, 2007

CANNIBAL GIRLS posted:

That's also ignoring the fact that if Lochte had just kept his mouth closed about (what seems to be) a reciprocal exchange- they broke stuff, and then paid for it, and weren't too bothered- then none of this would have happened to him and his teammates would be at home.

lochte is like a kid who lost his lunch money in a bet and when his mom found out he didn't eat that day he told her that a bully stole his money and she freaked out and called the school so now he has to double-down on his lie

kindermord
Jun 5, 2003
ducks is chickens with swimmy toes

Retail Slave posted:

Hate to break it to you, but if you're an American in a foriegn country, you're subject to their laws and customs, just like if someone from another country would come here.

Fair enough, but the IOC needs to add "Does your country allow armed proprietors to extract payment from customers for summarily assessed damages to the premises?" to the host application, and if the answer is yes that should disqualify that county from hosting. The US state dept should also issue a travel advisory against that country.

And lets look at the 'damages' the swimmers are accused of:

1) broken soap dispenser
2) damaged sign
3) damaged door
4) peed all over the place

Those damages are the default condition of most seedy bathrooms in the USA, so i'm assuming it's common in Brazil as well. The way things are set up in Brazil, anyone who uses a nasty restroom is in jeopardy of having a gun pointed at them until they pay up for the damage, or deal with the cops being called, in which case "fines" might be added to the "damages".

Also remember that this whole fiasco has been elevated to the level of an international incident, and that for Brazil it's no longer about finding out what actually happened, but to go into category 5 PR mode and save face at all costs. It's possible that the swimmers hosed up the restroom and deserve to be condemned, but it's also possible that Brazil is frantically looking for anything they can pin on the swimmers so Brazil can win the PR war, and are using the trashed condition of a typical dive restroom as 'proof' that the swimmers are reckless hooligans.

We'll probably never know what really happened because the investigation was never about that to begin with.

Mariana Horchata
Jun 30, 2008

College Slice
bathrooms get trashed all the time in the usa and nobody ever really gives a poo poo, sort of like all the poor ppl who get killed on the streets of #rio

let it mellow
Jun 1, 2000

Dinosaur Gum
if there was video of me breaking a gas station door and drunk pissing everywhere I happily pay a few hundos to make it go away

idk how much he paid but the problem is never the thing, the problem is always lying about the thing esp if u paid to make it go away

Elias_Maluco
Aug 23, 2007
I need to sleep
It wanst like that, though. They were drunk and making trouble and broke the door and pissed outside the bathroom. When the gas station attendants interfered, discussion took place and they called the police, and at that point the swimmers tried to flee. The security guy demanded then to wait for the cops, and when they refused, he took his gun out (which was kinda hosed up really). After that they ended up making a deal and giving some money for the trouble so they could leave.

And has others said, the vandalism inst really the problem, all would have been a minor incident for everyone involved if the shithead haven't decided to lie about it

BigBallChunkyTime
Nov 25, 2011

Kyle Schwarber: World Series hero, Beefy Lad, better than you.

Illegal Hen

CANNIBAL GIRLS posted:

That's also ignoring the fact that if Lochte had just kept his mouth closed about (what seems to be) a reciprocal exchange- they broke stuff, and then paid for it, and weren't too bothered- then none of this would have happened to him and his teammates would be at home.

That as well, and I can kind of see his logic--- get out ahead of it and have your narrative be the dominant one, but he's still a chickenshit for catching the first flight back home and hanging his buddies out to dry.

let it mellow
Jun 1, 2000

Dinosaur Gum

Elias_Maluco posted:

It wanst like that, though. They were drunk and making trouble and broke the door and pissed outside the bathroom. When the gas station attendants interfered, discussion took place and they called the police, and at that point the swimmers tried to flee. The security guy demanded then to wait for the cops, and when they refused, he took his gun out (which was kinda hosed up really). After that they ended up making a deal and giving some money for the trouble so they could leave.

And has others said, the vandalism inst really the problem, all would have been a minor incident for everyone involved if the shithead haven't decided to lie about it


jackyl posted:

idk how much he paid but the problem is never the thing, the problem is always lying about the thing esp if u paid to make it go away

Boof Bonser
Jan 26, 2015

nvj is touched by your generosity!
I don't trust anyone who has never gotten hammered and pissed someplace inappropriate.

let it mellow
Jun 1, 2000

Dinosaur Gum

Boof Bonser posted:

I don't trust anyone who has never gotten hammered and pissed someplace inappropriate.

:agreed:

BigBallChunkyTime
Nov 25, 2011

Kyle Schwarber: World Series hero, Beefy Lad, better than you.

Illegal Hen

Elias_Maluco posted:

And has others said, the vandalism inst really the problem, all would have been a minor incident for everyone involved if the shithead haven't decided to lie about it

This is kind of my point.

Although I DO think vandalism is the problem-- as none of this would have happened had he and his bros not decided to be total dickheads in the first place, he just compounded by lying and trying to make himself seem like the victim.

let it mellow
Jun 1, 2000

Dinosaur Gum

Retail Slave posted:

This is kind of my point.

Although I DO think vandalism is the problem-- as none of this would have happened had he and his bros not decided to be total dickheads in the first place, he just compounded by lying and trying to make himself seem like the victim.

yeah but he paid something for it that they all seemed okay with so story over

then he really hosed up

8-Bit Scholar
Jan 23, 2016

by FactsAreUseless
Well he's just turned 21 hasn't he? Bit of a kid, really, not surprising. When you do these Olympic athletic-level things, it's straight up your entire life. A chance to unwind with all that, young blood's up, bound to go a bit kamakrazee. Honestly doesn't seem very worth talking about.

Anybody who says he's "disgraced" anybody should recall that these loving Brazillian assholes booed this very nice Frenchman even as he got his medal because they got butt hurt about him beating their guy or whatever. My point is, gently caress Brazil.

Lochte did his job, swam his laps, and got a bit rowdy. This isn't really a story even with his "lie". It's a bit of a shame he left a few of his mates to hang, but I'd probably want to high-tail it too, he was probably freaking out that his mom'd ground him.

Although, claiming to be robbed IS kind of a lovely bit of shade to cast when it actually didn't happen, shouldn't go about telling tales about fake crimes in the real horrible crime hole you just swam your way out of.

kindermord
Jun 5, 2003
ducks is chickens with swimmy toes

jackyl posted:

if there was video of me breaking a gas station door and drunk pissing everywhere

where is this video? I've seen some video with their hands in the air, but I've seen nothing like what you described.



Elias_Maluco posted:

They were drunk and making trouble and broke the door and pissed outside the bathroom.

where is the evidence of this? once again i'm not saying it didn't happen, it's just that all the evidence so far has been "Brazil said so"

gimme the GOD DAMN candy
Jul 1, 2007

8-Bit Scholar posted:

Well he's just turned 21 hasn't he? Bit of a kid, really, not surprising. When you do these Olympic athletic-level things, it's straight up your entire life. A chance to unwind with all that, young blood's up, bound to go a bit kamakrazee. Honestly doesn't seem very worth talking about.

Anybody who says he's "disgraced" anybody should recall that these loving Brazillian assholes booed this very nice Frenchman even as he got his medal because they got butt hurt about him beating their guy or whatever. My point is, gently caress Brazil.

Lochte did his job, swam his laps, and got a bit rowdy. This isn't really a story even with his "lie". It's a bit of a shame he left a few of his mates to hang, but I'd probably want to high-tail it too, he was probably freaking out that his mom'd ground him.

Although, claiming to be robbed IS kind of a lovely bit of shade to cast when it actually didn't happen, shouldn't go about telling tales about fake crimes in the real horrible crime hole you just swam your way out of.

ryan lochte is 32 years old

8-Bit Scholar
Jan 23, 2016

by FactsAreUseless

Serious Frolicking posted:

ryan lochte is 32 years old

Oh, well, then he really ought to know better. What's with the Olympic swimmers being kind of pricks? Phelps too, just a tall drink of boring and angst.

I thought I'd read that he'd just turned 21, maybe it was in this thread.

a new study bible!
Feb 2, 2009



BIG DICK NICK
A Philadelphia Legend
Fly Eagles Fly


Boof Bonser posted:

I don't trust anyone who has never gotten hammered and pissed someplace inappropriate.

What if it's a dick move? Do you still respect the person? I had a buddy back in high school who was asked to leave a house party, but before he did he pissed in a random acoustic guitar that he found in a bedroom.

Would you trust this person?

Boof Bonser
Jan 26, 2015

nvj is touched by your generosity!
I am so loving pumped for 4 years from now when NBC puts on the Chariots of Fire music and Bob Costas does an inspirational interview about how Ryan Lochte overcame the time he got loaded and peed on a paper towel dispenser en route to the greatest comeback in sports history.

Adbot
ADBOT LOVES YOU

Boof Bonser
Jan 26, 2015

nvj is touched by your generosity!

CANNIBAL GIRLS posted:

What if it's a dick move? Do you still respect the person? I had a buddy back in high school who was asked to leave a house party, but before he did he pissed in a random acoustic guitar that he found in a bedroom.

Would you trust this person?

This is not a dick move. Had he not heroically filled said guitar with his urine, someone would have pulled it out, started playing Wonderwall, and become Guy With a Guitar At a Party.

  • Locked thread