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Triggered posted:Lehi and his family left Jerusalem in 600BC, they built a transoceanic vessel leaving behind no evidence of doing so and sailed to the Americas. God wasnt happy with some of the family so he gave them dark skin and made them lazy, these are the native Americans you see today. Wars happen between the two groups until the whiteys are all killed in 420AD. Last remaining member of said group (Moroni) deposits some gold plates in New York. Oh and before Lehi left another group came to the Americas in submarines a few hundred years before. Eventually that group wipe themselves out. They don't believe any of that, right?.... And why do u have that AV?
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Aug 22, 2016 21:42
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utah more like usuck
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Aug 22, 2016 21:43
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Moridin920 posted:oh yeah that's right, and Jesus appeared in the Americas at some point yeah? Jesus appeared in the Americas after he gets the red mist and destroys and burns thousands of people. This is after his resurrection in the New Testament. He calls apostles when he was there, and bless three of them that they will never know death. In mormon folklore these three Nephites help mormons who have got a flat tire, need their crops harvesting or scaring away Sasquatch (who mormons believe is Caine from the Old Testament).
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Aug 22, 2016 21:45
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Triggered posted:Jesus appeared in the Americas after he gets the red mist and destroys and burns thousands of people. This is after his resurrection in the New Testament. He calls apostles when he was there, and bless three of them that they will never know death. In mormon folklore these three Nephites help mormons who have got a flat tire, need their crops harvesting or scaring away Sasquatch (who mormons believe is Caine from the Old Testament). Sign me up. I can pay with check, money order and credit card.
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Aug 22, 2016 21:47
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Darth123123 posted:They don't believe any of that, right?.... And why do u have that AV? Yes they believe it, cults are dangerous mind fucks. The guy in my AV is a mormon prophet called Joseph Fielding Smith. Here is my favorite quote from him: "We will never get a man into space. This earth is man's sphere and it was never intended that he should get away from it. The moon is a superior planet to the earth and it was never intended that man should go there. You can write it down in your books that this will never happen." That was made in 1961 
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Aug 22, 2016 21:48
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Triggered posted:Yes they believe it, cults are dangerous mind fucks. Someone lied to me.
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Aug 22, 2016 21:50
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Wikkheiser posted:WTF I thought Mormons were into space like the polytheistic religion in Battlestar Galactica. When you die you get your own planet or something, the size of which depends on how good a Mormon you were I think. if they were slick their hell would just be you're on a tiny little rock in a vast lonely universe bc you were such poo poo and that's all the planet you get
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Aug 22, 2016 21:51
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hey stop talking poo poo about my state you loving goons. It's really mean and frankly neither I nor any of my 18 wives appreciate it. gently caress with the beehive, you get the honey, b i t c he s
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Aug 22, 2016 21:52
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Moridin920 posted:they're really nice and I feel bad for the missionaries really bc they're just some kids fresh outta school pressganged into it by being told they'd prolly burn in hell if they don't they offered to help me move my poo poo. i politely declined but that was cool of them IMO. better than jehova's witnesses, who are like 50+ year old men with terrible fashion sense and who stare at my twink butt like they want to boom-boom in my bedroom.
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Aug 22, 2016 21:53
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The Mormons had a tough time keeping enthusiasm up when they were getting exiled/killed everywhere they went. Consequently, every location they tried to settle just happened to have incredible significance of biblical destiny. You're kicking us out of New York? Good, because I had a divine revelation in Ohio, which is just as good. No? Fine, because some rocky hills in Missouri were originally the Garden of Eden. Not there either? Whatever, our Jerusalem was always meant to be some infertile farmland in Illinois. Still bad? gently caress it! The LORD has commanded us to settle the first moderately flat stretch of land we find after crossing the Rockies. They originally tried to give the state the holy name Deseret, but the federal government named it after the Ute Tribe instead, because 1800s America hated natives just slightly less than they hated Mormons. Fun fact: Utah highway signs use the symbol of a beehive to represent the Mormon bees serving the hive of the LDS Church.
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Aug 22, 2016 21:54
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Wikkheiser posted:This fuckin rules I'm Mormon now Sure, go to mormon.org and you can have two helpful missionaries at your door the next day. All you need to do is give 10% of you income, lose any enjoyable activities you do on Sundays, wear underwear that isnt magic (but shhhh thats what we say to people who arent members, of course the underwear is magic lol. It protects you from burns, bullets and stops Satan attacking), you cant crack one off anymore, no tea/coffee/alcohol/tobacco. Oh and to top it off, no blowjobs.  Still wanna sign up?
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Aug 22, 2016 21:56
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A Horse Named Mandy posted:They originally tried to give the state the holy name Deseret, but the federal government named it after the Ute Tribe instead, because 1800s America hated natives just slightly less than they hated Mormons. Everything else you said is on point, but Mormons get just as much entitlement as all the (surviving) tribes combined and the closest thing they fought to a war for survival was defending polygamy and trying to destroy a hostile newspaper.
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Aug 22, 2016 21:57
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Triggered posted:Yes they believe it, cults are dangerous mind fucks. So NYC was a thing in 420ad? Or what year were they deposited? Was it a Jewish bank? Were you just waiting for this thread to spread your cool nonspace religion?
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Aug 22, 2016 21:57
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The mormon missionaries who for some reason decide to come to the darkest corners of Northern Europe have really cute accents (they always learn the local language beforehand I believe). I've never invited them over to my apartment but they are usually young women and I don't think their guidelines allow them to step into some goon's mancave for tea and proselytizing?
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Aug 22, 2016 21:57
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Triggered posted:Sure, go to mormon.org and you can have two helpful missionaries at your door the next day. All you need to do is give 10% of you income, lose any enjoyable activities you do on Sundays, wear underwear that isnt magic (but shhhh thats what we say to people who arent members, of course the underwear is magic lol. It protects you from burns, bullets and stops Satan attacking), you cant crack one off anymore, no tea/coffee/alcohol/tobacco. I'll think about it.
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Aug 22, 2016 22:00
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generative grammer posted:The mormon missionaries who for some reason decide to come to the darkest corners of Northern Europe have really cute accents (they always learn the local language beforehand I believe). I've never invited them over to my apartment but they are usually young women and I don't think their guidelines allow them to step into some goon's mancave for tea and proselytizing? definitely not tea
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Aug 22, 2016 22:01
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Triggered posted:Oh and to top it off, no blowjobs. imo this sounds like no BJs once married to me if we're being legalistic about it it only mentioned married persons and husbands/wives I know that it's a given that non-marrieds aren't going to be loving in that writing BUT their interpretation of other church rules means butt stuff is okay just no 'real' sex. Thus, BJ loophole? I do like their blanket 'if you gotta ask you prolly shouldn't be doing it' thing haha.
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Aug 22, 2016 22:02
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Why were all those Mormon women in that video so hot with big boobs? Is it unnatural to Titay gently caress and motorboat?
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Aug 22, 2016 22:02
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Also from what I understand Mormons have several heavens? Like to get into primo Mormon heaven you've got to be really good. But if you're not-so-good you can get into one of the lesser tier heavens that's still pretty good.
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Aug 22, 2016 22:02
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Darth123123 posted:So NYC was a thing in 420ad? Or what year were they deposited? Was it a Jewish bank? Well no, New York wasnt a thing back then and all the Jews who had sailed across from Israel had been killed at that point so no banks either. To be exact it was 421AD. He put them in a stone box (that mysteriously disappeared) in a hill in New York State.
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Aug 22, 2016 22:03
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Reminder that a bunch of ancient places in the book of mormon happen to be places with suspiciously similar names to places in or around new york.
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Aug 22, 2016 22:09
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Moridin920 posted:plus they don't really ever get to enjoy themselves (so it doesn't matter if you're in Ohio or California, other than the weather I guess) bc all free time is regulated and their family has to pay for it all and it is a significant financial burden Not sure about the veracity of this, but a guy I used to work with told me that the missionary kids whose parents are politically connected or highly respected within the church get really cushy missionary slots in Hawaii and Tokyo, while everyone else gets share a cruddy three bedroom apartment with like five other people. He might have just been bitter because he spent four months at a missionary training facility learning Spanish and then did his entire mission in a terrible neighborhood in LA where he had his wallet and bike stolen at knifepoint in two different encounters, and was beaten up by some teenagers for no reason one night. He also said the people who go to crappy missions pay the same amount as the people who go to the awesome ones, but financially it evens out because the extra money from the cheap spots subsidizes the expensive ones.
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Aug 22, 2016 22:10
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Irradiation posted:Reminder that a bunch of ancient places in the book of mormon happen to be places with suspiciously similar names to places in or around new york. There's also a ton of similarity slash things just ripped wholesale from the King James bible (or whatever version Smith had, pretty sure it was KJ) like word for word from gold plates there were supposedly buried hundreds of years before Christ was even born or the KJ version existed. PallasAthene posted:Not sure about the veracity of this, but a guy I used to work with told me that the missionary kids whose parents are politically connected or highly respected within the church get really cushy missionary slots in Hawaii and Tokyo, while everyone else gets share a cruddy three bedroom apartment with like five other people. He might have just been bitter because he spent four months at a missionary training facility learning Spanish and then did his entire mission in a terrible neighborhood in LA where he had his wallet and bike stolen at knifepoint in two different encounters, and was beaten up by some teenagers for no reason one night. He also said the people who go to crappy missions pay the same amount as the people who go to the awesome ones, but financially it evens out because the extra money from the cheap spots subsidizes the expensive ones. That prolly sounds accurate yeah. The Church is (unsurprisingly) pretty corrupt af I've heard. Very much a good ole boys club where you play ball or you get hosed hardcore. There's actually at least 1 apartment in my complex rented out by them and yeah there's def like 4-5 of them in one of those. See em going in and out sometimes.
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Aug 22, 2016 22:12
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I keep waiting for the whole state to experience some kind of Waco event where the federal government has to raid the state capitol because they've refused to undo the law they've just passed that turns Utah into a Mormon theocracy their wacky cult is amusing until they've like gained control of every aspect of the governing apparatus
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Aug 22, 2016 22:12
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Moridin920 posted:imo this sounds like no BJs once married to me Well guess what, any sexual relations outside of marriage get you disfellowshipped or excommunicated. Loophole closed. Darth123123 posted:Why were all those Mormon women in that video so hot with big boobs? Is it unnatural to Titay gently caress and motorboat? Mormons believe getting tattoos or more than one piercing for women is haram. Getting big tits, permanent make up and tummy tucks is totally okay though! Mormon youth are taught about modesty and chastity before they can walk, I am not saying it doesnt happen but the chances of having what normal people consider a healthy sex life is pretty slim. Wikkheiser posted:Also from what I understand Mormons have several heavens? Like to get into primo Mormon heaven you've got to be really good. But if you're not-so-good you can get into one of the lesser tier heavens that's still pretty good. There are three kingdoms in mormon heaven, celestial, terrestrial and telestial. Celestial is VIP heaven where God lives, the others are okay but the celestial kingdom shits on them. In the celestial kingdom you get to become a God yourself and loads of extra wives. They get to spend the rest of eternity getting pregnant and having spirit kids. There was a prominent black member who was an early member of the church, she got blessed to go to the celestial kingdom by being sealed to Joseph Smith as his eternal servant, God is good! All the other black people before 1978 could gently caress right off because they were not valiant in the war in heaven before we came to Earth. "Jane Manning James had been born free and worked as a housekeeper in Joseph Smith's home.[4] When she requested the temple ordinances, John Taylor took her petition to the Quorum of the Twelve, but her request was denied. When Wilford Woodruff became president of the church, he compromised and allowed Manning to be sealed to the family of Smith as a servant." Triggered fucked around with this message at 22:15 on Aug 22, 2016 |
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Aug 22, 2016 22:13
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Triggered posted:Well guess what, any sexual relations outside of marriage get you disfellowshipped or excommunicated. Loophole closed. but I heard Mormon girls have buttsex to get around that rule is that just them being dumbos
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Aug 22, 2016 22:14
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Moridin920 posted:but I heard Mormon girls have buttsex to get around that rule is that just them being dumbos If their Bishops found out the would face church discipline. Which brings me onto another great thing about the church. Women go through a church court and its done by local leadership. Men who have the super priesthood are too important than that. They have to go through a council made up of men from churches in the local area.
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Aug 22, 2016 22:18
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Forget all the Mormon nonsense, the best thing about Utah is the 80mph speed limit on I-15.
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Aug 22, 2016 22:18
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Xaris posted:lol cafe rio is garbage but is like crack to white Mormon women for some reason. Most Utah guys I know are like "yeah.... It's not that good but the wifie loves it so whatever" It's all the loving sugar they load into it. Seriously so loving disgusting. I begrudgingly went there a few months ago since my meal was being paid for for and I got aggressive food poisoning for the following week after. gently caress Cafe Rio.
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Aug 22, 2016 22:32
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InterFaced posted:Oh yeah, definitely. The FLDS are their own weird thing. They're concentrated in the towns of Hilldale, Utah and Colorado City, AZ. right on the border. (This was intentional for easy border jumping tactics to evade state crackdowns from either side) Living in southern Utah I've dealt with them from time to time. Most are harmless but it turns out having an insulated, geographically isolated religious group who is into polygamy can lead to some creepy stuff. Why don't the two states coordinate their crackdowns and get them regardless? Whatever they are "getting" them for.
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Aug 22, 2016 22:55
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first amendment
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Aug 22, 2016 22:56
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That70sHeidi posted:Whatever they are "getting" them for. usually marrying a bunch of 12-14 year olds
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Aug 22, 2016 22:57
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Chinatown posted:Some parts are very pretty. Most of it is a loving garbage dump. Their alcohol laws are something out of a cartoon. Rather glad you don't like it. Continue, please.
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Aug 22, 2016 23:02
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Park City is a v nice place to snowboard though.
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Aug 22, 2016 23:02
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Cartouche posted:Rather glad you don't like it. Continue, please. read the thread dillweed
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Aug 22, 2016 23:05
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Chinatown posted:read the thread dillweed My point stands.
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Aug 22, 2016 23:07
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i took a graphic design elective as a senior in HS and for some reason it was like mostly freshman in there so the teacher p much let me do whatever this Mormon kid sat next to me so my wallpaper was some woman in a bikini and after a day or two he was like 'dude could you change that? I'm not allowed to look at it.' I told him no but he could stop looking at it then.
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Aug 22, 2016 23:11
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i was leaving walmart and some mormon dudes came up to me in the parking lot to sell me some jesus and salvation. i politely declined and they were very nice about it. not like those solar city fucks at home depot who keep trying to neg me.
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Aug 22, 2016 23:14
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Triggered posted:If their Bishops found out the would face church discipline. Which brings me onto another great thing about the church. Women go through a church court and its done by local leadership. Men who have the super priesthood are too important than that. They have to go through a council made up of men from churches in the local area. This is all very interesting, but why do u know so much about this religion? Keep posting even if it's made up!
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Aug 22, 2016 23:26
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religion is dumb, bad, gay
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Aug 22, 2016 23:29
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