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JiveHonky
May 12, 2001

by zen death robot


Grimey Drawer

i am casting out the evil demon masturbation and not letting it back in my life. my pastor said when you do this perverted act and have those kind of unholy thoughts it makes the baby Jesus sad.

I dont want the baby Jesus to be sad anymore!

Who's with me?

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Applewhite
Aug 16, 2014

IN THE GRIM BARKNESS
OF THE FUTURE
THERE ARE ONLY DOGS



Nap Ghost

I also swear never to touch the OP.

shoophobo
Aug 29, 2013

"shoophobo? more like shittyposter!" :grin:



Fallen Rib

Baby Jesus grew up eventually op.
He probably touched himself too.

hope this helps

Bill Barber
Aug 26, 2015



Hot Rope Guy

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=esy2b7qA9U4

SLICK GOKU BABY
Jun 12, 2001

Havin' a roni


Sad baby Jesus is the best baby Jesus OP.

JiveHonky
May 12, 2001

by zen death robot


Grimey Drawer

Applewhite posted:

I also swear never to touch the OP.

thanks brother applewhite


shoophobo posted:

Baby Jesus grew up eventually op.
He probably touched himself too.

hope this helps

and you get an e-ticket straight to H E double hockeysticks

Ride The Gravitron
May 2, 2008

by FactsAreUseless


one time after discovering that all my friends use lube to jerk off and I was the only dry rubber there I decided to see what it was like. I got a bit of dial soap and cranked away. Everything was fine until like the day after when my balls became swollen, red and tender. I had to be careful of how I walked for like a week and eventually the red dead skin just peeled of in the shower but my balls have remained swollen and huge since then. THey never went back down. Women always comment that my balls are huge. I hope that's a good thing.

Bill Barber
Aug 26, 2015



Hot Rope Guy

SLICK GOKU BABY posted:

Sad baby Jesus is the best baby Jesus OP.
I found Waldo you need to give me my prize or you're no better than Lowtax with the bird challange.

Macasaurus
Oct 12, 2012



i cant stop my dick from touching me, get me out of this relationship

JiveHonky
May 12, 2001

by zen death robot


Grimey Drawer

SLICK GOKU BABY posted:

Sad baby Jesus is the best baby Jesus OP.

next time you touch yourself think of sad baby jesus is all im saying

SLICK GOKU BABY
Jun 12, 2001

Havin' a roni


Bill Barber posted:

I found Waldo you need to give me my prize or you're no better than Lowtax with the bird challange.

You didn't find Waldo, Waldo is a just an illusion.

SLICK GOKU BABY
Jun 12, 2001

Havin' a roni


JiveHonky posted:

next time you touch yourself think of sad baby jesus is all im saying

Um, I've jacked off to some weird poo poo, but I think I will pass trying this one JiveHonky.

a whole buncha crows
May 8, 2003

WHEN WE DON'T KNOW WHO TO HATE, WE HATE OURSELVES.-SA USER NATION (AKA ME!)


jah bless op

VendaGoat
Nov 1, 2005


I'm jerking off right now!

JiveHonky
May 12, 2001

by zen death robot


Grimey Drawer

SLICK GOKU BABY posted:

Um, I've jacked off to some weird poo poo, but I think I will pass trying this one JiveHonky.

i have 6gb of sad baby Jesus if you nee a hookup

JiveHonky
May 12, 2001

by zen death robot


Grimey Drawer

Nation posted:

jah bless op

alakem saalam

Hector Beerlioz
Jun 16, 2010

aw, hec

JiveHonky posted:

evil demon masturbation

I would like to know more about this

JiveHonky
May 12, 2001

by zen death robot


Grimey Drawer

brb guys i just had a great idea

The Human Crouton
Sep 20, 2002



You didn't even try with this thread. You think that saying "Baby Jesus" makes you funny. You should have tried to combine psychology into religion to make a subversive joke, but instead you relied on a keyword that you think is funny.

Bert Roberge
Nov 28, 2003



Every time you lie with yourself little Baby Jesus cries.

But crying is how babies communicate.

Don't you wanna have a little talk with Jesus?

ClamdestineBoyster
Aug 15, 2015

I don't get no respect!


Me neither. I'm just gonna let my dick spray piss everywhere like some unwieldy firehose. :colbert:

Bert Roberge
Nov 28, 2003



ClamdestineBoyster posted:

Me neither. I'm just gonna let my dick spray piss everywhere like some unwieldy firehose. :colbert:

but what if the weird stains that spring up everywhere start to look like Jesus?

raton
Jul 28, 2003

by FactsAreUseless


WHATA MATTA OP CANT FUCKEN REACH NO MORE?

satanic splash-back
Jan 28, 2009



hi, my name is satanic splash-back and i'm a masturbator. i used to know my right, and i know it isn't right, but it felt so right, and when i left, that feels right too. all in all, it doesn't matter which hand you choose, there's only one direction that matters: coming.

Moridin920
Nov 15, 2007

by FactsAreUseless


i literally just came not 5 minutes ago


hail Satan

Mariana Horchata
Jun 30, 2008



College Slice

r/nofap :smug:

ClamdestineBoyster
Aug 15, 2015

I don't get no respect!


Bert Roberge posted:

but what if the weird stains that spring up everywhere start to look like Jesus?

Cross that bridge when I come to it I reckon. :clint:

Automatic Slim
Jul 1, 2007



There's a reason why they used to call it self abuse.




Much like allowing yourself to read this thread.

VendaGoat
Nov 1, 2005


Busting makes me feel good!

ChickenWyngz
Apr 3, 2015

Got them WMD's! Got that Pandemic!


I'm jacking it right now OP. To the thought of you not jacking it. That is my fetish.

Smythe
Oct 12, 2003

In the future, sex roles are reversed and simplified for ease-of-use.

im going 2 rip my balls off and drink the cum straight from my balls. then put them on my lemon juicer and really grind em up so i can get the nice pulp to jam up my rear end on the tip of a dragon dildo.

VendaGoat
Nov 1, 2005


Smythe posted:

im going 2 rip my balls off and drink the cum straight from my balls. then put them on my lemon juicer and really grind em up so i can get the nice pulp to jam up my rear end on the tip of a dragon dildo.

HNNNNNNNNNNRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGHHHHHH :gizz:

Flesh Forge
Jan 31, 2011

LET ME TELL YOU ABOUT MY DOG

touch me instead im lonely :smith:

Dave_Indeed
Feb 22, 2004

by FactsAreUseless


One time a buddy invited me to his church youth groups bible study and I said ok because some of those chicks had nice butts and I got to sat next to one of them. I was 13 and I could sit and feel a girl butt/thigh on my leg and older kids would be there too so basically no down sides. Except it was a pentecostle church and someone claimed the holy spirit suddenly arrived in the room and someone had a seizure and others hallucinated an angel walking around in the hallways.

Butt touching was 3/10 but I drank 9 mountain dews so I came out on top afterall.

I KNOW HOW TO loving WIN!!!

Nigmaetcetera
Nov 17, 2004

Sorry guys, I'm just a donut.



Baby Jesus is dead the bankers pawnbrokers romans network comedy writers nailed him to a goddamned telephone pole. It all worked out in the end though cause we don't have to hear him bitching about how masturbation lowers your T-levels and ejaculation keeps you from being an alpha.

glowstick party tonight
Oct 4, 2003

by zen death robot


I think the story of Onan doesn't teach us that masturbation is wrong necessarily, it's just wrong if your brother's wife wants the payload and you don't give it to her (brothers gotta be dead tho)

well that's my hot jizz take thanks for listening

shoophobo
Aug 29, 2013

"shoophobo? more like shittyposter!" :grin:



Fallen Rib

Smythe posted:

im going 2 rip my balls off and drink the cum straight from my balls. then put them on my lemon juicer and really grind em up so i can get the nice pulp to jam up my rear end on the tip of a dragon dildo.

But, "Cum" or semen comes from your prostate. :eng101:

Smythe
Oct 12, 2003

In the future, sex roles are reversed and simplified for ease-of-use.

shoophobo posted:

But, "Cum" or semen comes from your prostate. :eng101:

thanks doc

Mr. Meagles
Apr 30, 2004

Out here, everything hurts




i'm jerkin' it to storage wars right now

not even the women on the show just the storage units heaped with trash

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clam the FUCK down
Dec 20, 2013



These days I just watch porn or cams and don't masturbate. I've stopped having much sex with my partner a long time ago, and only do it to keep the relationship alive.
What's the point.

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