- deep dish peat moss
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Today I was shopping at a wizard's shack and, feeling the twang of destiny, decided to purchase a pouch of unlabeled scrolls. Most of them were uninteresting, there was a recipe for cave mushroom stew and an awkward wizard love scroll with the wax seal still in place, for example. There was one interesting piece among them, a partial scroll-of-contents for a series called "HowTo: Slay The Dragon, Save The Girl, Free The Town; How To Be A Hero" I went back and spoke to the proprietor about my find, he was able to shed some light but we're still mostly in the dark.
The original manuscript is lost, but scrolls of this guide can be found in the cobwebbed corners of bookshops around the world. A relic of an ancient time where dragons soared and magic crackled and boomed in the air. According to the shop's owner, this was a magical compendium which could answer any question an adventurer may have, containing walkthroughs or primitive WikiHow articles on even the smallest obstacles the hero might face on his quest.
There are some legends about what would happen if the guide was united and the instructions were followed, but I don't really care about that. I'm hoping some other posters can explore their local bookstores and see if they can find a page to contribute!
Here's the one I found:
quote:
[fig 18.2c] (OP Note - the figure seems to have been on the previous scroll, I don't have it)
On Urinating on the Trail
It is oft advised to the novice adventurer that all forms of excretion of bodily fluids be undertaken in the safety and comfort of an inn or tavern's washroom. It is recognized, however, that nature may call at inopportune times with nary a village or settlement near. Most strategies of relieving oneself in the woods are elementary at best, but even advanced heroes may find use of the facts and peculiarities outlined as the page runs below;
- More than one Halfling has been caught relieving himself in the Dragon's caves, and, as the survivors advise upon all willing listeners, were successful in avoiding the wrath of claw and flame by jesting on a dragon's love of golden showers.
- The Goddess of Flame Inferna imposes harsh punishment on those foolish enough to sprinkle into a volcano.
- Does the urge strike you mid-dungeon? Fear not! Tog Strongheart writes; "Near all Dungeon floor have hidden room to go. Always behind wall that look like real wall but not real. Tog look real hard he always find somewhere Tog can go... Tog never have problem."
- Strange but True? Several readers from the Slog Pits of Orkheim have written to us that the enchanted Six-Leaf Clovers in the Fields of Reet stand tall "If ya' piss on 'em", while the standard three- and four-leaf varieties simply wilt, allowing for easy harvesting.
- Still having trouble in the field? Come on down to Atlantis and visit our very own local tailor, Uncle Pappy! Uncle Pappy's Undernappies, an adventurer's best friend in the moment of need. We can work with any size coin sack. Note: This is an Advertisement
I'm dying to learn more, can you guys look around for some more pages? This thing is a guide for everything, so there must be a million of them out there, one for each of the one million things a person can do.
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Aug 31, 2016 08:18
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Apr 19, 2024 20:55
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- darkarchon
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My name is a trolling word
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thanks for your tips i now saved the dragon, freed the girl and slayed the town am i doing it right yes
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Aug 31, 2016 10:05
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- FutonForensic
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found one, it was underneath a box of Legos at the Barnes and Noble
quote:
On Bear Slaying
The first quest for many adventurers will involve killing some form of wild fauna, chief among these being the common bear. Should an aspiring hero accept such a contract, they should consider the following:
- Predatory bear attacks are rare, and more peasants are injured or killed by dogs. Ensure that your target is an actual bear, and not an enormous Chow Chow.
- Press the client for details. Does the bear pose an actual threat to them or the community? Is the bear's species endangered, or reside on a protected nature reserve? Is the client just an rear end in a top hat who likes dead bears?
- Certain high-profile adventurers, most notably Tog Strongheart in his bestseller "Bear Slayin' Tips and Easy Dump Dinners," prescribe to give aggressive bears "a good fistin [sic]." Regardless of how one interprets this advice, it is considered needlessly risky to approach a bear in melee range. Engage bears at a distance with a crossbow, magic, or fragmentation grenade.
 
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Aug 31, 2016 18:15
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- the unabonger
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little did you know that riff raff used to be a wizard? the first take of "how to the man" used to be titled "how to free the twon", and have the lyrics:
Show you how to free the town, how to beat the boss
How to beat the dragon without any loss
Show you how to free the town.
Show you how to free the town.
Show you how to free the town, how to beat the boss
How to save the girl, how not to burn the house
Show you how to free the town.
Show you how to free the town.
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Sep 1, 2016 04:46
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- nvm no cake
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little did you know that riff raff used to be a wizard? the first take of "how to the man" used to be titled "how to free the twon", and have the lyrics:
Show you how to free the town, how to beat the boss
How to beat the dragon without any loss
Show you how to free the town.
Show you how to free the town.
Show you how to free the town, how to beat the boss
How to save the girl, how not to burn the house
Show you how to free the town.
Show you how to free the town.
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Sep 1, 2016 11:43
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Apr 19, 2024 20:55
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- Pot Smoke Phoenix
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Smoke 'em if you gottem!
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Scroll 1003- Trail Food and How to Stomach It -by Boffidour Gnarltoes posted:
-Anything is palatable, with enough salt. ALWAYS HAVE SALT!
-The faster it runs the leaner it is so you'll need to have some form of fat to keep it from drying out or you'll be once again accused of boiling up your fellow companions' boots for supper. Salted pork is a wonderful offset to another leather lunch, smoked bacon doubley so. In fact, tripley so- we ARE talking about bacon here, folks!
-Here's a cooking secret the Adventurer's Guild won't publicly admit to: Bugbears taste just like chicken. You can thank me, Boffidur for that one! There's plenty of meat, they're (surprisingly!) easy to clean, and there's hardly any smell (think: earthworms)
TO CATCH A BUGBEAR:
Step One: Aquire lots of feathers. Ostritch feathers work well, as do peacock or turkey, but bugbear feathers work best because of the scent- it drives them wild to see another humanoid that's obviously not a bugbear moving in a clearly non-bugbear fashion, so walk normally and they will stare motionlessly while you do.
Step Two: Have another party member walk up behind it, don't worry about stealth, either the bugbear will be hypnotized- and knock it over the head or something.
That's it. It's that easy. Season lightly with whatever you have handy, and cook at mediaum cookfire for like 4 hours or until your stomach thinks someone slit your throat. Dig in!
**the rest of the scroll is illegible, apparently eaten through by the digestive drool of whatever was reading it last**
https://i.imgur.com/QKTkerO.mp4
Sig elements by Manifisto and Heather Papps  
Sig File protected by SigLock. do NOT steal this sig!
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