- ScRoTo TuRbOtUrD
- Jan 21, 2007
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remove the t from your user name and you'll be all set
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Sep 1, 2016 21:17
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May 18, 2024 22:29
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- ScRoTo TuRbOtUrD
- Jan 21, 2007
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did you come back after jail and find that bridge taken over by undesirables?
why did you go to jail? how did they find you? weren't you off the grid?
I need to know more. Also, OP can suck the poo poo straight out of my rear end in a top hat please.
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Sep 1, 2016 21:43
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- ScRoTo TuRbOtUrD
- Jan 21, 2007
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hey bud I know how ya feel, I've been a member of this ol brotherhood, the homeless brigade
I stopped taking those pills and quit my job to focus on becomin a vampire full time and even tally my savings ran Out and I was asked to leave my home, luckily there wS a very cool abandoned house down the block so I just packed up my lil hand carved wolf figurines and dream journals and climbed a tree to get in thru a second story window
Do you have any anbandonex houses in your area?
First order of business is finding a comfortable bed. I tried to use a slightly comfortable dresser but it wasn't even really slightly comfortable and after day two of lying across this thing I had pains and couldt bend over to tie my shoes, so I started wearin crocs and found a new bed
It's risky business, trusting mattresses or cushions you find in abandoned houses. For some reason the sight of a lil loveseat in a abandoned house makes people either rip it to bitties or piss all over it or set it on fire and laugh at the flames. I lucked out, though. I found a lil couchie and it wasn't really ripped at all, no burns, and when I sniffed it I couldn't really smell anything.
Now keep in mind, the whole place had a sort of skunk ape smell anyway, but piss is a unique smell. I pulled some drapes off a window and threw em in the corner and pissed on them. Lately I'd been drinking Andrew Jacksons, which is coffee (light & sweet) and 97℅ isopropyl alcohol, which makes your piss distinctly powerful in the stank department. I sniffed the drapes and compared it to the couchie, and decided the cushies were piss free. I put the drapes in the basement in case I decided to clean them one day (there were a bunch of Amway cleaning supplies in the basement along with Herbalife products, lol no wonder this retards house was foreclosed upon) and I got some well deserved sleep on my new bed. It enveloped my body like a hug from a fat mama. It was amazing. Like a big cat bed but for a man.
I made some good friends in the house, all cats. Some were friendlier than others. Familiars of local witches, I assume. I asked and I asked but they never yielded any of their secrets. But I shared my turkey sammlers with them and we became busom buddies.
If you come across cats, or things that look like cats but with pointy beaks and tiny manhands, they're called racoons btw, make sure you share nourishments with them. They'll be your best friends, small helpers who keep away the bitey rats and warn you of approaching van helsings.
That's another thing: since I assume like me you threw away your prospects and future for the hopes of becoming an undead, your new enemy isn't pushy Jewish girlfriends or moms with advice or angry drivers with red sweaty faces and threatening voices, not anymote. Now, you need to look out for van helsings. They can sniff out the paranatural like a dog sniffs out a other dogs rear end in a top hat, and they'll be gunning for you. They accuse you of poo poo like "trespassing" and "squatting" and "being a nuisance by sitting in their driveway at night stealing their electricity to charge your laptop so you can watch that show with the handsome brothers in the impala who fight ghosts and hellcats and christs" and "lowering their property value" which is all code for "im jealous as gently caress that you're pursuing your dream and are free in all the ways I shall never be" and they won't hesitate to dispatch their lackeys to come and bust your onions.
Around my neck of the woods, there are no woods because it's a city. New york city. And it's run by a gang of werewolves called the NYPD. These woofers are natural allies of the van helsings because they hate witches and vampires and they're all too scared to admit that cocks are honestly pretty cool and there's nothing wrong with liking then or thinking about them and maybe touching on them if the other guy is ok with it. They repress their dickthoughts andtake out their aggression by "ruff"ing up the local poors and crazies and locking you away in magickal jails where your powers stop working and you can't become a gas and escape through vents like you can at home.
I dunno where you are, but odds are the brotherhood of the wolf has some stronghold in your woodneck too. State poopertroopers, sheriffs, Paul blarts, all woofmen And all ready to gently caress your poo poo up just because.
Basically what I'm getting at is you need to get powerful. Not just physically, although yes, use this free time to do push-ups and eat only boars head low sodium additive free cold cuts on freshly baked Italian bread with LITE mayo and diet Arizona tea. Think about it - when you finally turn into a vampire, you're gonna look the same forever. That gunt? Never goin away. No matter how much you run around in the guise of a white wolf at night, and no matter how many healthy non-smokers you feed upon, you can't lose weight. You go beneath the ground at the end of the day, and when you rise at night, all that fat is back. You can only drink the blood of swamp critters like Tom cruise did and get kinda gaunt but it's like skinny fat, not true thinness. So get healthy before you turn.
But when I saw powerful, I mean learn yourself some good spells. Make some potions. Buy a chemistry set and grow some herbs and see if you can grow your dick bigger or make a cat chsnge into a English woman (don't do both at the same time tho, trust me). Break into an occult new age book store and steal every necronomicon you can see. Take some gemstones too, you can trade them to stinky girls with braids in exchange for having them suck on that big ol dick you grew with your potions. Burn poo poo with your mind. Start with the amway products in your basement, they're usually flammable which makes it easier.
Good luck with your transition, Op. It didn't work out for me because NYPD woofmen caught me and brought me to Azkaban and their alchemist force-fed me brain potions and a wizard gave me shock treatment and now I'm not crazy and I have a home and career. But my heart will always be in that abandoned house, watching supernatural with bowser the kitty whilst eating a Turkish sandusky and laughing at the woofmen outside. You're living my dream, bud  shine on you gravy diamond
same, except for the part about sucking cock
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Sep 2, 2016 00:59
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- ScRoTo TuRbOtUrD
- Jan 21, 2007
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holy poo poo carmant is a terrible person and poster
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Sep 2, 2016 01:12
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Sep 1, 2016 21:17
