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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r2pt2-F2j2g Come with me, and you’ll be in a world of pure imagination! Hold your breath, make a wish and count to three, it’s the GDT for UFC Fight Night: Arlovski vs. Barnett, 3 p.m. ET Saturday, Sept. 3, only on UFC Fight Pass! Earlier this week, the world lost one of its great comedic talents of the ‘60s and ‘70s, but don’t worry. The rascals at Frankie Fertitta’s Fight Factory have churned out another delicious treat for us in his memory, as the UFC heads to the homeland of Augustus Gloop: Hamburg! So strap down for a musical themed lesson in morality, and be wary of strange bloated promoters who approach you in tunnels willing to falsify your elderly grandfather’s medical records so he can fight in exchange for a UFC contract template in editable .doc format. Here come the Oompa Loompas (Joe Silva) to tell you about the fighters on tonight’s card, and they’re showing no signs of slowing! Heavyweight  Andrei “Pitbull” Arlovski vs.  Josh “Warmaster” Barnett Oompa Loompa Doopity Doo I’ve got some training advice for you Oompa Loompa Doopity Dackson If you’re not dumb you’ll listen to Greg Jackson What do you get when you eat a big punch? You lose your belt and Fat Tim eats your lunch Why on God’s earth are your hands low like that? Keep your guard up and - (oh god he’s knocked back on his rear end) Oompa Loompa Oompity Shamp You are the youngest heavyweight champ Oompa Loompa Doopity Deedles And it’s all thanks to catch wrestling and needles What happens next when your piss is too hot? Your title’s stripped and in Zuffa you’re not What do you get when you fight in Japan? No GP wins, (but you’re back to UFC again) Light heavyweight  Alexander “Mauler” Gustafsson vs.  Jan Blachowicz Oompa Loompa Oompity Osses Your recent record is riddled with losses Oompa Loompa Doopity Dans Joe feels bad for you, so now you fight cans What do you get when you fight Jon Bones Jones? A close decision loss, and a fire that grows What do you get when you fight Rumble Johnson? A fire that’s snuffed out (and a face beat up like Charles Bronson) Oompa Loompa Oompa Uchowicz Nothing on earth rhymes with Jan Blachowicz Oompa Loompa Doopity Dofled When you took this bout, everyone online ROFL’d Why on earth did you agree to this fight? You have no skills and your camp is a blight This will surely end with you looking up at the lights You’ll know exactly who’s to blame (Alexander Gustafsson) Light heavyweight  Ryan “Darth” Bader vs.  Ilir “Alexander Gustafsson’s Friend” Latifi Oompa Loompa Boopity Bortiz You lost in 2011 to Ortiz Oompa Loompa Doopity Dader You’re loving garbage, gently caress you Bader What do you do when your takedown gets stuffed? You don’t throw a strike and get brutally roughed. How do you know 205’s full of scrubs? You still hold a record for fastest sub (Against Vladimir the Janitor) Oompa Loompa Oompity Otis You got in the UFC on short notice Oompa Loompa Doopity Hassy You got easily decisioned by Mousasi What is that there by the beach on a steed? What a majestic, muscle-bound Swede What do you deadlift at your local gym? 440 pounds? Holy loving poo poo. (Unfortunately he’s not that good) Lightweight  Nick Hein vs.  Tae Hyun Bang Oompa Loompa Oompity Ober Your UFC debut was with Drew Dober Oompa Loompa Doopity Dister After you beat him, he hosed your sister Why couldn’t you have beaten James Vick? He trains with Lloyd Irvin and is a huge prick. But now in the big show, your record’s 3-1 All to decision, step it up son (But I guess this fight could be good) Oompa Loompa Oompity Onus Your second fight earned you a big bonus Oompa Loompa Doopity Deam I wonder how lovely is Korean Top Team You are a fighter the fans love or hate You haven’t streaked since two-thousand-and-eight You can be exciting, but probably suck Let’s face it, good fighters don’t lose to Tuck (You are his lone legit submission) Oompa Loompa Oompity ahtch These are the other fights you can watch UFC Fight Pass Prelims, 11:45 a.m. ET Official MMA Snack Rating: Fizzy Lifting Drinks from RoaldDahl.com  How to make a Fizzy Lifting Drink You will need: an adult to help you cream soda vanilla ice cream Serves 1 What you need to do: Close all the doors so that you don't end up on the moon. Pour cream soda into a glass. Top with a giant scoop of vanilla ice cream. Drink. Burp.
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Sep 2, 2016 04:51
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i love you so, so much.
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Sep 2, 2016 06:16
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that was a ridiculous gimmick to stick with but i'm glad you did. i liked the bader one.
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Sep 2, 2016 06:24
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Pretend I emptyquoted the OP 500 times. Holy poo poo man great job. Barnettu-sama by ugly KO
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Sep 2, 2016 13:34
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Beautiful intro by Bluedeanie http://i.imgur.com/t0CWfhn.mp4
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Sep 2, 2016 19:49
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Just cleared my calendar for this I mean it involved opening it, looking at the blank space, and then closing it, but still
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Sep 3, 2016 01:42
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440lbs isn't a big deadlift!!!
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Sep 3, 2016 04:00
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Eat Bum Zen posted:440lbs isn't a big deadlift!!! It is for 33 reps.
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Sep 3, 2016 04:04
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fatherdog posted:It is for 33 reps. oh my god holy poo poo e: he even resets after each one and just uses chalk and uuuuughhh man
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Sep 3, 2016 04:15
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I didn't even know Gus had a fight scheduled
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Sep 3, 2016 04:52
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He expended too much energy and got tired
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I thought he was retired
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Sep 3, 2016 05:08
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Is this card going to be good?
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Sep 3, 2016 16:36
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card just went live. just in time to rediscover why i cancelled fight pass, the main card is blacked out lol
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Sep 3, 2016 16:49
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Triticum Guzzler posted:card just went live. just in time to rediscover why i cancelled fight pass, the main card is blacked out lol VPN to Israel brother
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Sep 3, 2016 16:56
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Cmon hobby lobby E: huh, thought silva took the first two rounds, but w/e Lloyd Boner fucked around with this message at 17:17 on Sep 3, 2016 |
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Sep 3, 2016 17:02
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Khabilov's persistence in takedown scrambling is impressive but the fight was only okay.
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Sep 3, 2016 17:17
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I really want a loving cream soda float right now If I sign up for a 7 day fight pass trial can I watch this?
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Sep 3, 2016 17:21
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travelling english sports fans, simply spectacular people
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Sep 3, 2016 17:25
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Kilometers Davis posted:I really want a loving cream soda float right now Should be able to
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Sep 3, 2016 17:30
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Lloyd Boner posted:Should be able to Cool I'm not about to miss my beautiful swedish boy beat up bj blazkowicz
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Sep 3, 2016 17:33
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'looking to erase the memory of his first fight' perhaps not the best phrasing for heavyweight fight
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Sep 3, 2016 17:47
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Triticum Guzzler posted:travelling english sports fans, simply spectacular people the bloody lads
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Sep 3, 2016 17:47
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That was a decent scrap.
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Sep 3, 2016 17:47
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Jan blackowicz is amazing because he managed to become a ranked lhw without ever fighting
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Sep 3, 2016 17:58
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quote:Oompa Loompa Oompity Ober
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Sep 3, 2016 17:58
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Grifter posted:Is there a back story for this? http://www.bloodyelbow.com/2015/3/19/8256229/ufc-fighter-love-story-dating-drew-dober-nick-hein-bloody-war-news
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Sep 3, 2016 18:01
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I am enjoying this slop
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Sep 3, 2016 18:03
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A classic two man gas out here
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Sep 3, 2016 18:05
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I cannot believe there is a third round to this heavyweight fight. The striking defense in this fight makes me laugh.
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Sep 3, 2016 18:06
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Colombo looks like he aged 20 years over 2 rounds
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Sep 3, 2016 18:06
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This is some top notch trash weight action
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Sep 3, 2016 18:06
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that was slick how he pulled side control
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Sep 3, 2016 18:12
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Lmao
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Sep 3, 2016 18:15
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Aye Doc posted:Colombo looks like he aged 20 years over 2 rounds And he looked about 50 to begin with
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Sep 3, 2016 18:17
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Ahahahahahahahahaha perfect
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Sep 3, 2016 18:18
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very nice body cock
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Sep 3, 2016 18:26
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may i just repeat that of all fighters who could have slid into a post-fight career of commentary....dan hardy is very good at this. as is the play-by-play guy
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Sep 3, 2016 18:32
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I like this fight. Lapilus is fun to watch
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Sep 3, 2016 18:35
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DO YALL WANT A BOXC posted:may i just repeat that of all fighters who could have slid into a post-fight career of commentary....dan hardy is very good at this. as is the play-by-play guy yeah I really like Hardy on commentary, he's very knowledgeable and doesn't get sidetracked the way Rogan tends to
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Sep 3, 2016 18:38
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Lots of fights that seem like they're gonna be finished but end up going the distance
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Sep 3, 2016 18:41
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