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let it mellow
Jun 1, 2000

Dinosaur Gum
it's true, I am perfectly happy with my life 20 years later but if my high school guidance counselor told me I could be making like $300k a year as a marine engineer in Turks and Caicos u better believe i would have done that

goddamn

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let it mellow
Jun 1, 2000

Dinosaur Gum
"Take ap classes"

Yeah thanks for that advice

Where's the real advice, fuckers!!!

Riot Bimbo
Dec 28, 2006


mine got me in a program to get therapy for the hallucinations and suicidal ideation i was having my senior year. Glad to be alive and not hallucinating any more. that's on her for better or worse.

Guy Mann
Mar 28, 2016

by Lowtax
Much like your posting, OP.

let it mellow
Jun 1, 2000

Dinosaur Gum

Guy Mann posted:

Much like your posting, OP.

my posting isn't life guidance tho

Kuato
Feb 25, 2005

"I CAN'T BELIEVE I ATE THE WHOLE THING"
Buglord
Mine told me not to bother applying to college because I won't get in. Here I am 50 years later and I am the head of a major corporation and am ahead in life.

let it mellow
Jun 1, 2000

Dinosaur Gum

Kuato posted:

Mine told me not to bother applying to college because I won't get in. Here I am 50 years later and I am the head of a major corporation and am ahead in life.

u had a better guidance counsel than me

Saalkin
Jun 29, 2008


Mine told me I should go to school to become a 911 operator for some reason.

ScRoTo TuRbOtUrD
Jan 21, 2007

im the guy who mops up all the loads

12gaugelobotomy
Apr 25, 2012
I was told i should have been a priest or a factory worker. I guess Ds do not get degrees.

Bareback Werewolf
Oct 5, 2013
~*blessed by the algorithm*~
I remember seeing a statistic somewhere that marine engineers have one of the highest suicide rates of any profession. It sticks out in my mind because it seems like such an odd profession to have such high suicide rates.

VendaGoat
Nov 1, 2005

jackyl posted:

it's true, I am perfectly happy with my life 20 years later but if my high school guidance counselor told me I could be making like $300k a year as a marine engineer in Turks and Caicos u better believe i would have done that

goddamn

Like you could ever make 300K a year :lol:

let it mellow
Jun 1, 2000

Dinosaur Gum

SweetKarma posted:

I remember seeing a statistic somewhere that marine engineers have one of the highest suicide rates of any profession. It sticks out in my mind because it seems like such an odd profession to have such high suicide rates.

that is odd, I only know a couple of them but they get paid to dive nice places in the Caribbean and tell other people how to actually make the docks

seems awesome

let it mellow
Jun 1, 2000

Dinosaur Gum

VendaGoat posted:

Like you could ever make 300K a year :lol:

yeah I blame the guidance counseler

ScRoTo TuRbOtUrD
Jan 21, 2007

12gaugelobotomy posted:

I was told i should have been a priest or a factory worker. I guess Ds do not get degrees.

lol at you praying before your SATs and some dumb rear end in a top hat was all "the cut of this guys jib!"

Ein cooler Typ
Nov 26, 2013

by FactsAreUseless
So at my school we have faculty advisers that are assigned to students according to their last names. The faculty advisers help students with scheduling conflicts, general questions, help with internships/employment, etc. My adviser is named Miss Hannah and she's pretty hot. She's like 25 and she's only been at the school a few years. Anyway, I have been looking into getting an internship at a TV station or something over the summer, and the school helps coordinate these things with an internship database that's maintained by the advisers. You log on with your school ID and password and you can browse internships and stuff. I was having trouble logging on to mine so I went to go see Miss Hannah. That's where all the trouble started.

Firstly, I walked into her office like 15 minutes early like an idiot and she's in the middle of lunch. So I awkwardly make stupid stall talk until she's finished.

"Oh, hey, what are you eating?"
"Salmon. I love it. I eat it practically everyday."
"Just salmon? That's pretty weird." Why the hell did I say this?
"Oh, well, I don't know. I try to eat healthy, natural foods...you know, like wild berries and honey and stuff."
"Yeah, I like food too." *facepalm*

Man, I was so nervous. Anyway, we finally begin squaring my stuff away. She looks up what I registered with in the beginning of the year. This is when the poo poo really hit the fan. This is how the conversation went:

"Okay, your account name is [my name] and your password is ...'misshannahissexy'..."

Oh drat. I completely forgot that I put that as my password in the beginning of the year. What the hell was I thinking? It was probably the longest 20 seconds of my life before I finally got my balls together to stand up and leave. Just as I walk out the door she says,

"In the future, you might want to bear in mind what kind of things you want keep to yourself."

I was so freaking embarrassed I wanted to kill myself right then and there. I wanted to run the hell out of there and never, ever see her again. But something about what she just said kept me standing in his doorway. I decided to man up and apologize. I turned to her, looked her straight in the eyes, and swallowed my pride. And then, it hit me like a train full of bricks.

She was eating salmon.

She tries to eat all healthy, natural foods, like wild berries and honey.

She told me that I might want to bear in mind what kind of things I want to keep to myself.

Miss Hannah is a bear disguised as a human.

Kuato
Feb 25, 2005

"I CAN'T BELIEVE I ATE THE WHOLE THING"
Buglord
In retrospect I probably could've got into an Ivy League school. But then had I done that I wouldn't have been a Goon more than likely, so check and mate high school guidance counselor.

china bot
Sep 7, 2014

you listen HERE pal
SAY GOODBYE TO TELEPHONE SEX
Plaster Town Cop
my high school guidance counselor always used to say "cotton-pickin" in place of "loving", as in "I can't cotton-pickin' believe it"

he was a real piece of poo poo

VendaGoat
Nov 1, 2005

china bot posted:

my high school guidance counselor always used to say "cotton-pickin" in place of "loving", as in "I can't cotton-pickin' believe it"

he was a real piece of poo poo

clam the FUCK down
Dec 20, 2013

Mine wouldn't let me leave high school to go to the local community college instead of junior and senior year. Then my parents sued the school, lol.

1001 Arabian dicks
Sep 16, 2013

EVE ONLINE IS MY ENTIRE PERSONALITY BECAUSE IM A FRIENDLESS SEMILITERATE LOSER WHO WILL PEDANTICALLY DEMAND PROOF FOR BASIC THINGS LIKE GRAVITY OR THE EXISTENCE OF SELF. ASK ME ABOUT CHEATING AT TARKOV BECAUSE, WELL, SEE ABOVE
i never spoke to a guidance counselor

really makes you think...

Iron Prince
Aug 28, 2005
Buglord
they told me I was gay and hell... they weren't not wrong!

Salty Josh
Jul 13, 2016

Sometimes there's so much beauty in the world, I feel like I can't take it, and my heart is just going to cave in.
Nap Ghost

Lol'd at that one. Good job man.

Fat Shat Sings
Jan 24, 2016
mine acted angry when i actually asked him questions, then didn't bother telling me i had the option to graduate early.

After i found that in the rules it was too late and i had to attend classes the first half of senior year for 1/2 credit of an elective at the end of the day, so I had 6 periods of classes i didn't care about because they wouldn't let me just attend the one class i actually needed.

When i finally got out a half semester early my guidance counselor led the charge to have me banned from prom / the year book because i graduated early

gently caress high school

Gaunab
Feb 13, 2012
LUFTHANSA YOU FUCKING DICKWEASEL
I'm a high school guidance counselor. I haven't been to work in two years but they still send me paychecks.

gimme the GOD DAMN candy
Jul 1, 2007
mine was also the football coach and the only advice he had for anyone was that they should join a sports team

spud
Aug 27, 2003

by LITERALLY AN ADMIN
We just had this computer program where you answered multiple choice questions. It told me to become a road surfacing manager.

schmitty9800
Feb 10, 2003

Fat Shat Sings posted:

mine acted angry when i actually asked him questions, then didn't bother telling me i had the option to graduate early.

After i found that in the rules it was too late and i had to attend classes the first half of senior year for 1/2 credit of an elective at the end of the day, so I had 6 periods of classes i didn't care about because they wouldn't let me just attend the one class i actually needed.

When i finally got out a half semester early my guidance counselor led the charge to have me banned from prom / the year book because i graduated early

gently caress high school

he had 299 other students to shuffle through and you were probably an rear end in a top hat who would have ruined prom for the normals

extra stout
Feb 24, 2005

ISILDUR's ERR
my guidance counselor constantly told me i was the smartest kid in school and would definitely go on to major success, and that's how i realized guidance counselors are literally retarded

extra stout
Feb 24, 2005

ISILDUR's ERR
she drooled on my shoes a few time and somehow i never really thought about the helmet she wore, but in hindsight, i rpobably didnt have to wait 10 years to realize im a failure who was lied to

Fat Shat Sings
Jan 24, 2016

Serious Frolicking posted:

mine was also the football coach and the only advice he had for anyone was that they should join a sports team

yeah i don't know why coaches were allowed to pull double duty.

my algebra teacher was the basketball coach (of a team that did fairly well) so he would just write page numbers on the board and leave the room.

i almost failed algebra but boy did I play some lemmings and descent.

romanowski
Nov 10, 2012

I took one of those job tests the only time I ever spoke to a guidance counselor and it said I should be a web designer and I was like eh nah no thanks so I went to college for film but now I do web design anyway. this is bullshit

ScRoTo TuRbOtUrD
Jan 21, 2007

extra stout posted:

my guidance counselor constantly told me i was the smartest kid in school and would definitely go on to major success, and that's how i realized guidance counselors are literally retarded

this is a good post that made me laugh but im hella retarded so my only advice to move south and fleece the inbred

fuck. marry. t-rex
Jan 23, 2014

Lipstick Apathy

jackyl posted:

that is odd, I only know a couple of them but they get paid to dive nice places in the Caribbean and tell other people how to actually make the docks

seems awesome

You're completely unrooted from a family typically and I wouldn't be suprised if there were chronic mental consequences for the amount of depth and hours under they log.

Vacation Tenzin
Jan 23, 2005

I'M TOTALLY CALM AND RELAXED.
Mine always greeted me whenever she saw me. Very polite. "Hey Stacy, good to see you again!" For four years.

My name is not Stacy.

ScRoTo TuRbOtUrD
Jan 21, 2007

gently caress. marry. t-rex posted:

You're completely unrooted from a family typically and I wouldn't be suprised if there were chronic mental consequences for the amount of depth and hours under they log.

i got a chronic log you can unroot

ScRoTo TuRbOtUrD
Jan 21, 2007

Vacation Tenzin posted:

Mine always greeted me whenever she saw me. Very polite. "Hey Stacy, good to see you again!" For four years.

My name is not Stacy.

is it Frank

Helical Nightmares
Apr 30, 2009

hth posted:

is it Frank

Then or now

Vacation Tenzin
Jan 23, 2005

I'M TOTALLY CALM AND RELAXED.

hth posted:

is it Frank

It is about as close to Frank as it is to Stacy so basically yeah hi I am Frank

I had a computer teacher that called me Susan and Sue (also not my names) all the time and then one day she called me Martha (also also not my name).

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poisonpill
Nov 8, 2009

The only way to get huge fast is to insult a passing witch and hope she curses you with Beast-strength.


Then WHY DID SHE SAY THAT NAME???

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