Calvinball Season 4: Like a wagon off a cliff

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Sports Argument Stadium > The Armchair Quarterback > Calvinball Season 4: Like a wagon off a cliff

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Anubis: Oct 9, 2003; It's hard to keep sand out of ears this big.; Fun Shoe

So, and someone feel free to double check/correct me here, current rosters should look like:

QB
RB
RB
WR
WR
TE
TE
K
P
P
DEF

unless someone sneaks another rule in, in the next hour or two.

# ? Sep 15, 2016 04:49

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# ? Apr 25, 2024 20:59

Fenrir: Apr 26, 2005; I found my kendo stick, bitch!; Lipstick Apathy

Anubis posted:

NEW RULE! NEW RULE!
I want a lot of punters!

Open up that 2nd punter slot and let's ride!

I love you

# ? Sep 15, 2016 08:20

Fenrir: Apr 26, 2005; I found my kendo stick, bitch!; Lipstick Apathy

Aredna posted:

NEW RULE! NEW RULE!
I only want good punters!

Net Punts are -468

(This value was very specifically chosen such that the top 12 punters last week for avg punt distance give positive points and the rest give negative!)

I believe this might be superceded by the punt rule already made. We'll have to ask Anubis for clarification.

# ? Sep 15, 2016 08:22

Aredna: Mar 17, 2007; Nap Ghost

Fenrir posted:

I believe this might be superceded by the punt rule already made. We'll have to ask Anubis for clarification.

It should be OK as I changed a different scoring category and the other rule change only changed "Punt Yards" and mine was to "Net Punts". They are essentially the same as "Rushing Yards" and "Rushing Attempts" the best I can tell.

However I did screw up and accidentally set it a little off by filtering only for available players. I should have set it to -489!

# ? Sep 15, 2016 08:49

McStabby: Jun 26, 2007; LANA!!! CRUUUUUSH!

Anubis posted:

So, and someone feel free to double check/correct me here, current rosters should look like:

QB
RB
RB
WR
WR
TE
TE
K
P
P
DEF

unless someone sneaks another rule in, in the next hour or two.

Shouldn't flex be in there?

# ? Sep 15, 2016 13:34

Paint Crop Pro: Mar 22, 2007; Find someone who values you like Rick Spielman values 7th round picks.

New Rule New Rule!
Nice Hands No Hands!

All receptions are worth -10 points.

# ? Sep 15, 2016 13:50

Marshmallow Blue: Apr 25, 2010

Marshmallow Blue posted:

New Rule! New Rule!
Garropolypse Now

In honor of Jimmy G's 3 yard completion to himself:

RECEIVING TARGETS
RECEPTIONS
and QB COMPLETIONS

are worth 100 points each.

OxySnake posted:

New Rule New Rule!
Nice Hands No Hands!

All receptions are worth -10 points.

I already changed it! you darn fool.

# ? Sep 15, 2016 13:53

Anubis: Oct 9, 2003; It's hard to keep sand out of ears this big.; Fun Shoe

McStabby posted:

Shouldn't flex be in there?

You are right. Thanks!

QB
RB
RB
WR
WR
TE
TE
FLEX
K
P
P
DEF

# ? Sep 15, 2016 14:01

Anubis: Oct 9, 2003; It's hard to keep sand out of ears this big.; Fun Shoe

Aredna posted:

It should be OK as I changed a different scoring category and the other rule change only changed "Punt Yards" and mine was to "Net Punts". They are essentially the same as "Rushing Yards" and "Rushing Attempts" the best I can tell.

However I did screw up and accidentally set it a little off by filtering only for available players. I should have set it to -489!

Yep, different categories on ESPN so it'll be valid. The end result will be that if you don't get at least 47 yards on a punt you're losing points and if you get over that you're gaining them at a pretty quick pace.

OxySnake posted:

New Rule New Rule!
Nice Hands No Hands!

All receptions are worth -10 points.

As noted, it appears it was already changed this week. Rule rejected!

Anubis fucked around with this message at 14:07 on Sep 15, 2016

# ? Sep 15, 2016 14:02

Nephzinho: Jan 25, 2008

Anubis posted:

Yep, different categories on ESPN so it'll be valid. The end result will be that if you don't get at least 47 yards on a punt you're losing points and if you get over that you're gaining them at a pretty quick pace.

I'd argue that rule pretty directly undercuts mine - punters pretty much hit their average unless the game dictates otherwise and they will have little/no impact on games (positive or negative) with both of those rules in play.

# ? Sep 15, 2016 15:13

Aredna: Mar 17, 2007; Nap Ghost

You're in for a pretty fun season

Sometimes people change points and then the position gets removed for the week!

# ? Sep 15, 2016 16:36

Marshmallow Blue: Apr 25, 2010

Someone last year tried to block my Pats players by Calvinballing "no players from teams that don't have a city in their name", so I went and found New England, Indiana or some crap like that, and got to start my guys.

# ? Sep 15, 2016 16:43

Teemu Pokemon: Jun 19, 2004; To sign them is my real test

With full no movement clause

Someone still needs to fix this:

Those should be negative

e: actually I think that 350-399 is usually -1, so that one is fine

Marshmallow Blue posted:

Someone last year tried to block my Pats players by Calvinballing "no players from teams that don't have a city in their name", so I went and found New England, Indiana or some crap like that, and got to start my guys.

You're a hero. A petty, glorious hero

# ? Sep 15, 2016 16:45

Aredna: Mar 17, 2007; Nap Ghost

That was a pretty amazing loophole that you found.

I actually tried to pick a value to make finding a punter interesting this week though by making the stat that matters average yards per punt instead of just total punt yards. It's getting tough to find new ways to set rules that we haven't done many times before already

# ? Sep 15, 2016 16:48

Nephzinho: Jan 25, 2008

Aredna posted:

You're in for a pretty fun season

Sometimes people change points and then the position gets removed for the week!

Oh I get that, just not that they overlap other rules within the same week.

# ? Sep 15, 2016 17:05

Fenrir: Apr 26, 2005; I found my kendo stick, bitch!; Lipstick Apathy

Honestly I'm not gonna bitch because I gotta give Aredna credit here for a very creative rule. If every punt is -468 points or whatever, your punter only scores you points if he kicks further than 46 yards. I think that's interesting and a good rule.

Fenrir fucked around with this message at 21:57 on Sep 15, 2016

# ? Sep 15, 2016 21:54

Anubis: Oct 9, 2003; It's hard to keep sand out of ears this big.; Fun Shoe

Got the scores SS for week two. We apparently got one missing owner so if anyone wants to take over speak up. I'll get the standings put in the reserved post sometime tonight.

Only registered members can see post attachments!

# ? Sep 20, 2016 13:27

Marshmallow Blue: Apr 25, 2010

Anubis posted:

Got the scores SS for week two. We apparently got one missing owner so if anyone wants to take over speak up. I'll get the standings put in the reserved post sometime tonight.

My opponent broke the Calvinball Rule.
Hill and Bernard IRL started. Ezekiel Elliot Techinically he got negative points from Elliot, but I'm not sure what the punishment is for Calvinball infringement.

# ? Sep 20, 2016 15:53

Marshmallow Blue: Apr 25, 2010

New Rule New Rule
All QBs are just Sacked

All QB Scoring is 0. Except for Sacks, which are now worth 500 points

# ? Sep 20, 2016 15:55

Nephzinho: Jan 25, 2008

Anubis posted:

Got the scores SS for week two. We apparently got one missing owner so if anyone wants to take over speak up. I'll get the standings put in the reserved post sometime tonight.

The Grude Abides also played Julio Jones in violation of the Calvinball Rule as well!

# ? Sep 20, 2016 16:23

Anubis: Oct 9, 2003; It's hard to keep sand out of ears this big.; Fun Shoe

Marshmallow Blue posted:

My opponent broke the Calvinball Rule.
Hill and Bernard IRL started. Ezekiel Elliot Techinically he got negative points from Elliot, but I'm not sure what the punishment is for Calvinball infringement.

Elliot appears to be his own punishment as no other RB on his bench would have hurt him as much, so that one can stand as is.

Julio gets swapped for Sammy Watkins which lowers Grudes score by 1166, giving him 17192 and the loss.

# ? Sep 20, 2016 22:24

Teeter: Jul 21, 2005; Hey guys! I'm having a good time, what about you?

Nephzinho posted:

The Grude Abides also played Julio Jones in violation of the Calvinball Rule as well!

That's me and yes, I did. I completely missed that Calvinball rule in the thread, whoops!

I'll keep a better eye on that though I'm sure I would have lost anyway after switching him out.

# ? Sep 20, 2016 23:33

Aredna: Mar 17, 2007; Nap Ghost

The End Zone is Lava is a giant cheater and his punter Schmitz didn't play any snaps!

# ? Sep 20, 2016 23:47

Teemu Pokemon: Jun 19, 2004; To sign them is my real test

With full no movement clause

New Rule!! New Rule!!
This town ain't big enough for the both of us

Deactivate a RB slot

# ? Sep 21, 2016 00:17

McStabby: Jun 26, 2007; LANA!!! CRUUUUUSH!

New Rule! New Rule!
Do the Safety Dance

Safeties are now worth 1000 points.

# ? Sep 21, 2016 00:50

JPrime: Jul 4, 2007; tales of derring-do, bad ~~and good~~ luck tales!; College Slice

New Rule! New Rule!
can't stop clowns will eat me

Rushing yards are worth 5 points/yard.

# ? Sep 21, 2016 02:57

Baldrash: Oct 26, 2005

New Rule! New Rule!

Anarchy!

Deactivate a QB slot.

# ? Sep 21, 2016 03:04

Nephzinho: Jan 25, 2008

New Rule! New Rule!
You'll get 'em next time.

In any circumstance that a kicker misses their attempt, +1000 points.

# ? Sep 21, 2016 04:05

Fenrir: Apr 26, 2005; I found my kendo stick, bitch!; Lipstick Apathy

Aredna posted:

The End Zone is Lava is a giant cheater and his punter Schmitz didn't play any snaps!

Yeah I hosed that one up. I think even with the lowest scoring punter of the week I'd still have won though.

# ? Sep 21, 2016 17:06

Teeter: Jul 21, 2005; Hey guys! I'm having a good time, what about you?

New Rule! New Rule!
Go big or go home!

40+ TDs (receiving & rushing) are worth 500 pts. All others are 0

code:

RTD 	= 0 
RTD40 	= 500 
RTD50 	= 500 
RETD 	= 0
RETD40	= 500
RETD50 	= 500

# ? Sep 21, 2016 17:25

JPrime: Jul 4, 2007; tales of derring-do, bad ~~and good~~ luck tales!; College Slice

Baldrash posted:

New Rule! New Rule!

Anarchy!

Deactivate a QB slot.

if I'm following right, we're down to 0 QBs, correct?

# ? Sep 21, 2016 18:31

Marshmallow Blue: Apr 25, 2010

JPrime posted:

if I'm following right, we're down to 0 QBs, correct?

That is correccccttt.

*takes off shirt*

# ? Sep 21, 2016 18:32

Aredna: Mar 17, 2007; Nap Ghost

Nephzinho posted:

New Rule! New Rule!
You'll get 'em next time.

In any circumstance that a kicker misses their attempt, +1000 points.

New Rule! New Rule!
But if you do it won't matter!

In any other circumstance for kicking - it's worth 0!

# ? Sep 22, 2016 02:42

McStabby: Jun 26, 2007; LANA!!! CRUUUUUSH!

Who has the Calvinball this week?

# ? Sep 22, 2016 04:14

Anubis: Oct 9, 2003; It's hard to keep sand out of ears this big.; Fun Shoe

McStabby posted:

Who has the Calvinball this week?

I do.

I HAVE THE CALVINABALL! I HAVE THE CALVINBALL!
Care for your hurt bird. (I won't post the C&H strips because frankly they are sad, but if you're a fan you might remember them.)
This week you may only play ONE player from teams with a bird mascot. This includes the Eagles, Falcons, Seahawks, Cardinals and Ravens.
No one is strictly eliminated from play but remember you only get one so if you play 2 or more you're only keeping your lowest scoring bird.
Defenses will not count towards this total.

NEW RULE!!! NEW RULE!!!
To make picking players easier I'm eliminating a TE slot with my weekly rule.

Anubis fucked around with this message at 05:32 on Sep 22, 2016

# ? Sep 22, 2016 04:22

Nephzinho: Jan 25, 2008

So at this point we are fielding:
RB
WR
WR
TE
Flex
D
K
P
P

# ? Sep 22, 2016 23:48

Marshmallow Blue: Apr 25, 2010

Standings
All QBs are Just Sacked .................2-1
Endzone HO!..............................3-0
The Noodle Incidents.....................2-1
A Nauseous Nocturne......................1-2
Get Rid of Stupid KickerS................3-0
The End Zone is Lava.....................2-1
Hill and Bernard.........................1-2
The Grude Abides.........................1-2
Y as IN Y do We Care - ..................1-2
MAKING FANTASY GREAT AGAIN...............0-3
The Revenge of Goodelled.................0-3
The Babysat..............................2-1

# ? Sep 28, 2016 14:12

Marshmallow Blue: Apr 25, 2010

Noodle Incidents has the Calvinball

# ? Sep 28, 2016 14:14

McStabby: Jun 26, 2007; LANA!!! CRUUUUUSH!

Were the point values changed for this weekend? Everything looks like week 2's values.

# ? Sep 28, 2016 14:18

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# ? Apr 25, 2024 20:59

Marshmallow Blue: Apr 25, 2010

New Rule New Rule
Air it out with the Mail Order Propeller Beanie

Open the third WR Slot

# ? Sep 28, 2016 14:21

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Sports Argument Stadium > The Armchair Quarterback > Calvinball Season 4: Like a wagon off a cliff

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