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Holy poo poo the NFL is back this week. And that means the start of one of my favorite NFL traditions: tracking which coaches may or may not get shitcanned. I'll be updating this list week-by-week. These rankings are based on nothing but my own personal feelings, along with some general buzz or whatever. But mostly my subjective feelings. Let's begin (updated through Week 17): BACK FOR 2017 Bill Belichick, New England Patriots Adam Gase, Miami Dolphins Todd Bowles, New York Jets Mike Tomlin, Pittsburgh Steelers John Harbaugh, Baltimore Ravens Marvin Lewis, Cincinnati Bengals Hue Jackson, Cleveland Browns Bill O'Brien, Houston Texans Chuck Pagano, Indianapolis Colts Mike Mularkey, Tennessee Titans Jack Del Rio, Oakland Raiders Andy Reid, Kansas City Chiefs Jason Garrett, Dallas Cowboys Jay Gruden, Washington Ben McAdoo, New York Giants Doug Pederson, Philadelphia Eagles Mike McCarthy, Green Bay Packers John Fox, Chicago Bears Jim Caldwell, Detroit Lions Mike Zimmer, Minnesota Vikings Dan Quinn, Atlanta Falcons Sean Payton, New Orleans Saints Dirk Koetter, Tampa Bay Buccaneers Ron Rivera, Carolina Panthers Pete Carroll, Seattle Seahawks Bruce Arians, Arizona Cardinals RETIRING Gary Kubiak, Denver Broncos  Jeff Fisher, Los Angeles Rams (interim coach: John Fassel) Gus Bradley, Jacksonville Jaguars (interim coach: Doug Marrone) Rex Ryan, Buffalo Bills (interim coach: Anthony Lynn) Mike McCoy, San Diego Chargers Chip Kelly, San Francisco 49ers NEW HEAD COACHES Jacksonville Jaguars: Doug Marrone (Jaguars OL coach, interim coach) Denver Broncos: Vance Joseph (Dolphins DC) Buffalo Bills: Sean McDermott (Panthers DC) Los Angeles Rams: Sean McVay (Washington OC) Los Angeles Chargers: Anthony Lynn (Bills OC, interim coach) Benne fucked around with this message at 01:36 on Jan 16, 2017 |
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Sep 6, 2016 07:14
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there should be a category for unpredictable because i feel like the redskins FO can't go too many years without loving up somehow (or oakland for that matter)
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Sep 6, 2016 08:30
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I disagree completely that Rex Ryan is on the hot seat. None of the local media believes it, seems to be manufactured pressure from national media who don't like Rex.
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Sep 6, 2016 11:37
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Pederson will be in Philly for at least three years. Even a whiff of sustained success will have him there for the better part of a decade.
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Sep 6, 2016 11:56
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Gus Bradley's seat is probably spicy hot as well. Like the Jags need to make the postseason this year for him to stay on board.
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Sep 6, 2016 12:01
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Don't forget that Detroit has a new GM who may very well be looking for any excuse to ditch Caldwell and hire his own guy. The question is the cutoff point- are they dumb enough to think that they can compete for a playoff spot with Minnesota's recent woes?
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Sep 6, 2016 12:42
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I don't think hue Jackson is in danger but he at least has to be considered since jimmy changes his mind every week.
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Sep 6, 2016 12:46
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I would say.. McCoy is probably gone if the Chargers don't make the playoffs this year and the stadium thing falls through. Telesco's job is safe, based on the multi-year extension he received last year.
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Sep 6, 2016 13:06
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Dan Quinn is trash and the Falcons are staring down a rebuild. If Ryan continues to fall apart this year, they should think hard about pulling the plug. Sean Payton will be in New Orleans as long as Brees is there. The problem is their cap is hosed and the defense is turbo hosed. Brees is a God there, knows it, and keeps twisting the team's balls for more money. On top of it they don't have the ownership structure to make the hard choice and tell him no. They'll never go anywhere as long as Brees is demanding and getting 25-30 million dollars a year. He'll just slowly become less effective as the team withers around him, culminating in a huge, farewell ceremony after another impotent 5-11 season. At this point they'll have no cap space, and will just have wasted probably yet another first round pick on an aging defensive bust. Sean and Drew will meet at midfield and hug. There will be tears. Whomever is still alive in the ownership group will come out from the box and interact with the fans they'd normally not be seen in the same building as. The Panthers, fresh off a comfortable 17 point victory in their last tuneup for the post season, will politely stand by. The cameras will show Cam and Luke clapping, politely, checking the clock on the wall, knowing they have more important things to worry about. Confetti will drop from the ceiling. Drew will be handed something, probably have his name revealed along the Saints ring of honor. Deep down, Sean knows his days with the Saints are over. Maybe he'll still coach again. God, honestly he'll have to. Last time he didn't have an NFL job he almost OD'd twice on opiates, and woken up next to enough 50 year old box in Key West he'll wish he had. Denver had been calling. Maybe a joke couple of years in Atlanta. The city will erupt into a party that lasts for days. Drew will be at the head of a float, passing out coupons for 10 cents off Jimmy John's Sandwiches (no delivery). The surviving members of their Super Bowl team will be there. Recently deceased Steve Gleason and his corpse unearthed and paraded around town like the stygian slave festivals of another era. Jeremy Shockey will get too drunk to support himself on his walker. The party will rage. The National Guard will be called out, but there's no state money to pay for it. They will drop their rifles, grab the nearest under age dancer from Larry Flint's, and join the macabre celebration. After a few days, the party will burn itself out. The participants will pull themselves from the gutters, dumpsters, flop houses, and sex shops. They'll vomit up days worth of gumbo, boudin, cheap rum, and cigarettes. Several men and women will find themselves in the same bed as the corpse of a victim of ALS. As the sun rises over the French Quarter, they'll finally feel that horrible emptiness. The light only cracked through the clouds for a moment; the storm never cleared. They caught lightning in a bottle once, and even then it was only good enough for one moment. What could have been a dynasty was dashed on the rocks of bad drafting, poor free agent signings, and irresponsible cap management. Instead, all they will have to show for it is a blip in the NFL landscape. A trivia question. A momentary reprieve. Finding 20 dollars on the ground on the way to the methadone clinic, where most of them will be heading anyway. They are the Aints. They were always the Aints. They'll be so distracted by their sorrow they won't feel the rumbling. They won't see the birds flying, panicked into the sky. They'll barely react as the buildings collapse around them. The waves will rise and begin to sweep the filth away, erasing everything they did, everything they loved, everything they ever were and everything they'll ever be. Above ground graves will be cracked open, and bodies washed first inland with the surge, then out with the tide; nature correcting its worst mistake. The roads, already cracked from disrepair, will split in half. The waters will rise again, for the last time. And as they sink into Lake Ponchartrain, forced down by the cumulative weight of over a decade of dead cap space, tens of thousands of hand grenades will be defiantly hoisted into the air one last time, as a city of strippers, drug dealers, mulattoes, love children, and young republicans yell in a throaty voice "WHO DAT!"
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Sep 6, 2016 13:09
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Toaster Beef posted:Pederson will be in Philly for at least three years. Even a whiff of sustained success will have him there for the better part of a decade. Pederson just winning a playoff game would make him safe for a few years. We haven't won one since the Bush Administration.
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Sep 6, 2016 13:14
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FizFashizzle posted:Dan Quinn is trash and the Falcons are staring down a rebuild. If Ryan continues to fall apart this year, they should think hard about pulling the plug. lol
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Sep 6, 2016 13:17
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Here's my hot take: I think Garret might get randomly fired if the cowboys tank it this year, even though it won't be his fault at all. Steve Spangnuolo should be on the hot seat after last year's abortion of a defense but he is eternally beloved by a lot of people around the giants for 2007, so he's probably safe. Same goes for the GM, as long as Shepard works out as well as it looks like he could, because apparently the giants brass and giants fans haven't actually watched a defensive snap in several years. The giants had one of the worst defenses in league history last season and people around NY mostly spent their time talking about the running back rotation for some reason.
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Sep 6, 2016 13:43
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Do we have any evidence that Jerry Jones is finally getting sick of Garrett's run of infinite mediocrity and wants a real coach? Because it sure seems like he has a blank check to  his way to being a career .500 coach forever.
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Sep 6, 2016 14:36
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No evidence whatsoever, but if the team looks listless all season I could see him getting axed out of nowhere, especially if there's suddenly a coach available (Sean Payton, mostly).
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Sep 6, 2016 14:43
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Payton doens't strike me as the type to go deal with Jerry, even if that's where he got his start. Payton screams Denver to me.
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Sep 6, 2016 14:44
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Bigass Moth posted:I don't think hue Jackson is in danger but he at least has to be considered since jimmy changes his mind every week. Last time the Browns struggled in a blatant 'stock up for next year' season they fired their first-year head coach so this is entirely possible.
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Sep 6, 2016 14:47
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FizFashizzle posted:Payton doens't strike me as the type to go deal with Jerry, even if that's where he got his start. Considering how eager Elway was to get the 90s crew back together, I don't think Kubiak is going anywhere for a long time
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Sep 6, 2016 14:47
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Logicblade posted:Gus Bradley's seat is probably spicy hot as well. Like the Jags need to make the postseason this year for him to stay on board. Should be easy. Jags will be 10-6 this year.
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Sep 6, 2016 14:59
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FizFashizzle posted:Payton doens't strike me as the type to go deal with Jerry, even if that's where he got his start. Indianapolis seems like another option.
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Sep 6, 2016 15:03
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King Hong Kong posted:Indianapolis seems like another option. Indy is a dumpster fire and basically needs a total rebuild -1 I think Denver is going to be the place veterans go to chase a ring, both coaches and players, for the foreseeable future.
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Sep 6, 2016 15:13
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I'm not sure some of those guys are as safe as you think. Bill O'Brien - I can see him getting the boot if they spent a gazillion dollars on the Brock experiment and he's an utter failure. Jay Gruden - Never underestimate Dan Snyder's impatience. Mike Mularkey - I think he's a dead man walking. Jeff Fisher - I don't think he's really as safe as everyone assumes. FizFashizzle posted:Indy is a dumpster fire and basically needs a total rebuild -1 The Colts are determined to turn Andrew Luck into this generation's Marino, just like they almost did with Manning.
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Sep 6, 2016 15:17
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Mike Zimmer and Bill O'Brien have the same records as Jim Caldwell. Shame on the Vikings and Texans for being content with mediocrity.
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Sep 6, 2016 15:18
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Toaster Beef posted:Pederson will be in Philly for at least three years. Even a whiff of sustained success will have him there for the better part of a decade. FizFashizzle posted:They are the Aints. They were always the Aints.
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Sep 6, 2016 15:21
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Mike McCoy is gone before the year ends if the Chargers don't get off to a good start
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Sep 6, 2016 15:26
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Ross Angeles posted:Mike McCoy is gone before the year ends if the Chargers don't get off to a good start Even if the whole O-line gets injured again? A lot of national media types are chalking up the chargers 2015 to injuries. You think there's no way he gets a pass?
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Sep 6, 2016 15:43
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INSPECTAH DECK posted:Why do you say that? Lurie, historically, is pretty patient. Combined with Pederson's pedigree (which is to say his ties to Reid), I can very easily see Lurie giving Pederson plenty of latitude. If the next two seasons are absolute, unmitigated, no-light-on-the-horizon disasters—or if Pederson implodes on every level and earns the deeply personal loathing that Kelly inspired in Lurie—that's the only way I can see a third season being in jeopardy for Pederson. Barring that, he's going to be around for a while.
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Sep 6, 2016 15:45
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troofs posted:Even if the whole O-line gets injured again? A lot of national media types are chalking up the chargers 2015 to injuries. You think there's no way he gets a pass? Considering 2014 was underwhelming and 2015 was abysmal, and the impending relocation, I think the writing is on the wall
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Sep 6, 2016 15:45
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TG-Chrono posted:I disagree completely that Rex Ryan is on the hot seat. None of the local media believes it, seems to be manufactured pressure from national media who don't like Rex. I'd move him to Moderate. I agree the amount of trouble he's in might be a tad exaggerated because of what Jim Kelly said in that radio interview ("playoffs or bust"), but if the team finishes below 0.500 it's hard to see a scenario where he's retained. Also, are you kidding? The national media loves Rex.
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Sep 6, 2016 15:56
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Toaster Beef posted:Lurie, historically, is pretty patient. Combined with Pederson's pedigree (which is to say his ties to Reid), I can very easily see Lurie giving Pederson plenty of latitude. Depends if Pederson tries and make the Eagles move the date of their Christmas part, imo.
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Sep 6, 2016 15:59
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Cruel and Unusual posted:Mike Zimmer and Bill O'Brien have the same records as Jim Caldwell. Shame on the Vikings and Texans for being content with mediocrity. Sure but Jim Caldwell is on trend to be 3-13 whereas Mike Zimmer is on trend to be 15 - 1 and Bill O'Brien to be 9-7
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Sep 6, 2016 16:04
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Toaster Beef posted:Lurie, historically, is pretty patient. Combined with Pederson's pedigree (which is to say his ties to Reid), I can very easily see Lurie giving Pederson plenty of latitude.
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Sep 6, 2016 16:57
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INSPECTAH DECK posted:They went 27-21 the 3 years under Kelly, and then fired him. It'll probably take more than a whiff of success to keep Pederson around long term. ... are you seriously boiling it down that way? Because yeah, Chip Kelly had a winning record, but he also a) stripped the team of talent; b) lost and was hated by the locker room; c) was also hated by Lurie; and d) got ten of those wins in his first season, with almost everything after that being an on-the-field and off-the-field clusterfuck. Kelly being let go was the culmination of a complicated set of circumstances, most of which centered around him being a dictatorial idiot rear end in a top hat. I don't know how Pederson's regarded, but I doubt he's going to implode that same way. Lurie's willing to put up with a rebuilding effort that takes a few years of not-so-great football. Pederson's not going anywhere for a while.
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Sep 6, 2016 17:21
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Anyone who thinks Marvin Lewis is gone (or really, should go) under anything but his own terms wasn't a Bengals fan for the hell that came before. Dave Shula Bruce Coslet Dick LeBeau (love him but literally worst Bengals coach in history) For fucks sake, we used to hold opposing teams to 10-13 points and loving lose the game.
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Sep 6, 2016 18:15
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NC-17 posted:Mike Mularkey - I think he's a dead man walking. In a sane world he would
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Sep 6, 2016 18:36
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Mucilaginous posted:Anyone who thinks Marvin Lewis is gone (or really, should go) under anything but his own terms wasn't a Bengals fan for the hell that came before. Dave Shula was way waaay worse than LeBeau. He was so bad that after he was fired he quit the NFL and went into managing his dad's steakhouse chain.
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Sep 6, 2016 18:56
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Goetta posted:Dave Shula was way waaay worse than LeBeau. He was so bad that after he was fired he quit the NFL and went into managing his dad's steakhouse chain. Oh, I totally agree. I was just talking straight W-L record. Shula was the mind behind the Akili Smith draft. 
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Sep 6, 2016 19:13
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Ross Angeles posted:Considering 2014 was underwhelming and 2015 was abysmal, and the impending relocation, I think the writing is on the wall I agree with this. I thought he was staring down the barrel of a gun at the end of last season and now he really is. He only got a 1-year extension so the front office just has to not renew to be rid of him. It's the most passive approach to a firing, but it's very possible. The Chargers NEED to be good this year for the ballot initiative, otherwise very little of what they do outside of football won't matter at all. He'll be the fall-guy on their way out to LA.
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Sep 6, 2016 20:10
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The key to understanding the Titans ownership group is that they are catastrophically lazy and completely disorganized. There are stupider owners and more evil owners, but no owners want to do less work running their team than Amy Adams Strunk et. al. It's bad enough that the league is actually kind of pissed about it, apparently. Also they treat having to leave Houston to do anything Titans related like it's a trip into loving Mordor, even though Houston is a giant malarial anus and Nashville is actually a decent place. They hired Mularkey because he was already there, basically, and are unlikely to fire him unless he becomes such a catastrophic embarrassment that their friends in Houston start to make fun of them for it.
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Sep 6, 2016 20:23
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Yeah but an owner doesn't have to run his team, I feel like lots of decent NFL franchises have absentee owners. Like the Ravens? I guess you need a good front office for that model to work
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Sep 6, 2016 20:25
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^^^ - Pat Bowlen is basically a mute nowadays so I agree with your pointRoss Angeles posted:Considering how eager Elway was to get the 90s crew back together, I don't think Kubiak is going anywhere for a long time
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Sep 6, 2016 20:34
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