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I AM THE TOILET
Jul 11, 2016


http://www.polygon.com/2016/9/8/12853498/dc-batman-superman-geoff-johns-zack-snyder

"Alright fine you dipshits want cute handsome white youngish men to loving save the galaxy then that's what we're going to do."

"New Joker sucks? *smooshes button with finger* "Get Leto in here." *Leto steps in* "So uh yeah real big mistake on our part to trust you to make a new awesome Joker; clearly you're a retard and not at all funny or scary or even good on any measurable scale so if you could just please stand over the trap door that says GIANT CROCODILES that'd be great. A little to the left. Thank you." *smooshes button*

"Okay next up - get loving Keven Spacey to replace The Social Network Kid. Retcon it. Retcon the motherfucking poo poo out of it I don't care how you do it and nerds clearly don't loving care how you do it either since you've been just winging this comic poo poo for the last 30 years, at least. Get Brandon Routh back and get the faggo pedophile Brain Synger back. Tell him to make Superman Returns 2. I don't care it makes no sense. I dont' loving care I DON'T loving CARE. YES HE IS TODAY'S ROMAN POLANSKI BUT THAT MOTHERFUCKER CAN MAKE A SUPA HERO MOVIE."

"Next fire Ben Affleck. Fire him and fire him hard. I don't give a poo poo. Batman is now computer animated, and Keven Conroy provides the voice. Set Conroy up for life. Do whatever it takes. Put all his lovely kids thru college. Let his wife go to 200 pottery classes. I don't care. I DON'T loving CARE WE'RE FIXING THIS."

"Okay, now take all this and literally make Guardians of the Galaxy 2, but do it with all these characters and people. Okay? Okay."

*18 months later*

"Holy poo poo we're rich."

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Yolomon Wayne
Jun 10, 2014

You call it "The Big Bang", but what really happened is


Grimey Drawer

Lol if you care about superman movies.

Flesh Forge
Jan 31, 2011

LET ME TELL YOU ABOUT MY DOG

"We're still leaving Snyder in charge of everything but we're going to stop him from making everything suck rear end" yeah ok good luck with that

ProfessorMurder
Aug 27, 2003

I can wet the bed in the shape of Abraham Lincoln

You seem mad about comic book movies. Calm down and maybe smoke a bowl for fucks sake.

I AM THE TOILET
Jul 11, 2016


but seriously they're gonna be chasing after the dark knight for literally forever and they'll never get it back and they're too loving stupid and dumb and unfun to do anything that disney is doing

Ka0
Sep 16, 2002

:siren: :siren: :siren:
AS A PROUD GAMERGATER THE ONLY THING I HATE MORE THAN WOMEN ARE GAYS AND TRANS PEOPLE
:siren: :siren: :siren:


I don't think DC understands "dark and gritty" isn't synonymous with "poo poo".

cnut
May 3, 2016



Yolomon Wayne posted:

Lol if you care about superman movies.

Applewhite
Aug 16, 2014

IN THE GRIM BARKNESS
OF THE FUTURE
THERE ARE ONLY DOGS



Nap Ghost

I AM THE TOILET posted:

but seriously they're gonna be chasing after the dark knight for literally forever and they'll never get it back and they're too loving stupid and dumb and unfun to do anything that disney is doing

Yeah this is my take on it. They should just hand the DC cinematic universe over to the Teen Titans Go folks and let Jesus take the wheel from there.

Cocksmith
Dec 28, 2012

by FactsAreUseless


superman is a boring mary sue no poo poo superman movies suck

ChrisHansen
Oct 28, 2014

Suck my damn balls.

Lipstick Apathy

DC movies should be fun and silly


E; suck my god drat balls

Applewhite
Aug 16, 2014

IN THE GRIM BARKNESS
OF THE FUTURE
THERE ARE ONLY DOGS



Nap Ghost

Cocksmith posted:

superman is a boring mary sue no poo poo superman movies suck

That's why my favorite flying super strong bulletproof superhero is Image comics's Invincible. Also it's the only good superhero franchise.

Lastgirl
Sep 7, 1997


Good Morning!
Sunday Morning!


Applewhite posted:

That's why my favorite flying super strong bulletproof superhero is Image comics's Invincible. Also it's the only good superhero franchise.

yea he really fucks people up and people die and its cool and edgy

but edgy in a cool way not in an ironic way

phasmid
Jan 16, 2015

Booty Shaker
SILENT MAJORITY


Why don't they go for broke and just Jack Kirby the poo poo out of everything. Marvel will get pissed and then we can have a trippy-as-gently caress superhero movie instead of this goth poo poo.

ballistics statistics
Nov 27, 2003

:shepface:God I fucking love Diablo 3 gold, it even paid for this shitty title:shepface:




LOL just LOL if you honestly believe WB will ever get it.

They had a massive hit with TDK, their stupid executives will force every movie forever to be realistic/gritty. They will never hit it again.

I'm having a pretty good time watching Marvel kill it and DC pull a clown car with yakety sax playing in the background.

Applewhite
Aug 16, 2014

IN THE GRIM BARKNESS
OF THE FUTURE
THERE ARE ONLY DOGS



Nap Ghost

Lastgirl posted:

yea he really fucks people up and people die and its cool and edgy

but edgy in a cool way not in an ironic way

I love how it takes a serious look at the issues and implications of superheroes without disappearing up its own rear end like Watchmen or Supergod. It's like Dragonball Z meets Bojack Horseman.

ProfessorMurder
Aug 27, 2003

I can wet the bed in the shape of Abraham Lincoln

ThaGrandCow posted:

LOL just LOL if you honestly believe WB will ever get it.

They had a massive hit with TDK, their stupid executives will force every movie forever to be realistic/gritty. They will never hit it again.

I'm having a pretty good time watching Marvel kill it and DC pull a clown car with yakety sax playing in the background.

Agents of SHIELD is a great show. And Civil War was great also.

Wutang-Yutani CORP
Sep 25, 2005

CORPORATIONS
RULE
EVERYTHING
AROUND
ME



Did Nolan say he was done with these kinds of movies?

mind the walrus
Sep 22, 2006



ProfessorMurder posted:

You seem mad about comic book movies. Calm down and maybe smoke a bowl for fucks sake.

Smoking a bowl was how I started to give a gently caress about comic book movies. Don't do this.

Applewhite posted:

It's like Dragonball Z meets Bojack Horseman.

You're right that Invincible is good but this is like the worst way you could possibly describe it. "Eating foie gras made from rat droppings out of a brony's taint" sounds more appealing than what you described.

Cocksmith posted:

superman is a boring mary sue no poo poo superman movies suck

This sentiment is old enough to draw social security, yet the character persists. I wonder why that is?

phasmid posted:

Why don't they go for broke and just Jack Kirby the poo poo out of everything. Marvel will get pissed and then we can have a trippy-as-gently caress superhero movie instead of this goth poo poo.

The movies are managed by people who could not care one iota less about using superheroes and are only doing so because Marvel is making stupid amounts of money. This wouldn't be a bad thing if they were good at doing their own thing, but they're very much not.

Cocksmith
Dec 28, 2012

by FactsAreUseless


mind the walrus posted:

This sentiment is old enough to draw social security, yet the character persists. I wonder why that is?

same as most things, children and nostalgic adults

Applewhite
Aug 16, 2014

IN THE GRIM BARKNESS
OF THE FUTURE
THERE ARE ONLY DOGS



Nap Ghost

mind the walrus posted:

You're right that Invincible is good but this is like the worst way you could possibly describe it. "Eating foie gras made from rat droppings out of a brony's taint" sounds more appealing than what you described.

I don't think it does...
But that's beside the point. How would you describe it then?

mind the walrus
Sep 22, 2006



Applewhite posted:

I don't think it does...
But that's beside the point. How would you describe it then?

Spider-Man's earthiness in a loose Superman skin with a finite ending and thus no compulsion about breaking its own world for the sake of a good story.

Cocksmith posted:

same as most things, children and nostalgic adults

and? Lots of nostalgic properties come and go yet Superman is not only still big business, it's big business that promotes a ton of strong emotion from a lot of people. There's no way they can all be manchildren.

Captain Yossarian
Feb 24, 2011

All new" Rings of Fire"


ProfessorMurder posted:

Agents of SHIELD is a great show. And Civil War was great also.

Agents of shield is a marvel property?

Edit: I think civil war was too? Idgi

Professor Shark
May 22, 2012



Superman plots should have ended when Alan Moore had Miracleman become an uncaring Greek God

Professor Shark
May 22, 2012



gently caress I hate people should be the last line of the last thing Superman is ever in

Tiberius Christ
Mar 3, 2009



Superman should be for kids only and I don't mean that as an insult

It's like making garfield dark and gritty for adults

LT56
Sep 9, 2016

by Smythe


ChrisHansen posted:

DC movies should be fun and silly


E; suck my god drat balls

DISNEY DETECTIVE COMIXXX

Flesh Forge
Jan 31, 2011

LET ME TELL YOU ABOUT MY DOG

Professor Shark posted:

gently caress I hate people should be the last line of the last thing Superman is ever in

Zack Snyder should fulfill his promise and do the Batman-Gets-Prison-Raped except by Superman and his super jizz should make Batfleck explode in a beautiful shower of gore and semen

Falun Bong Refugee
Dec 14, 2015

by FactsAreUseless


You seem...invested, op.

I said come in!
Jun 22, 2004



All DC has to do is keep Zack Snyder away from their movies. It's not that hard.

Cosmik Slop
Oct 9, 2007

What's a hole doing in my TARDIS?





I said come in! posted:

All DC has to do is keep Zack Snyder away from their movies. It's not that hard.

Serious question: why do they keep handing this guy the ball and then acting confused when the end product sucks poo poo? He can't direct his way out of a paper bag and keeps proving it over and over and over.

I said come in!
Jun 22, 2004



The Tao Jones posted:

Serious question: why do they keep handing this guy the ball and then acting confused when the end product sucks poo poo? He can't direct his way out of a paper bag and keeps proving it over and over and over.

Even Marvel got Joss Whedon to step down from making Avengers movies. DC just has no spine.

mind the walrus
Sep 22, 2006



Tiberius Christ posted:

Superman should be for kids only and I don't mean that as an insult

It's like making garfield dark and gritty for adults

This, except that doesn't therefore mean Superman has to be stupid.

There's a pervasive and deeply immature belief that for something to be adult it has to embrace the fact that most of existence is a brutal march towards death in which everything good is stripped away piecemeal, but god-loving-forbid it also embrace the fact that the bad things don't invalidate the good parts and that the pointlessness of it all is all the more reason to make good with yourself. This has been echoed in decent superhero media for decades.

A Superman movie isn't about his punchy-man or saving-person exploits. That stuff is punctuation and fun visuals. The real meat is in watching a man who has every right to be an rear end in a top hat say "no, no that's not the way I want to spend my time" and fight off would be god-kings of the universe like Lex Luthor, Darkseid, or Brainiac and leading the class of Godlings like Batman and Wonder Woman who could easily ruin the Earth in a few days. This poo poo is simple, but it's not stupid and judging by the fact that we're three Captain America movies deep and people worldwide seem to like the guy there's a large audience for that message.

The Tao Jones posted:

Serious question: why do they keep handing this guy the ball and then acting confused when the end product sucks poo poo? He can't direct his way out of a paper bag and keeps proving it over and over and over.

Someone up high really really likes him, market data keeps suggesting that aiming for the worst part of the manboy market is the way to go, and it's only recently that they noticed that while his stuff makes money it's not sustainable and they could have been making way more money without him.

Plus David Goyer loving suuuuuuuucccccckkkksssss

Zorodius
Feb 11, 2007

EA GAMES' MASTERPIECE 'MADDEN 2018 G.O.A.T. EDITION' IS A GLORIOUS TRIUMPH OF ART AND TECHNOLOGY. IT BRINGS GAMEDAY RIGHT TO THE PLAYER AND WHOEVER SAYS OTHERWISE CAN, YOU GUESSED IT...
SUCK THE SHIT STRAIGHT OUT OF MY OWN ASSHOLE.

BUY IT.


Cocksmith posted:

superman is a boring mary sue no poo poo superman movies suck

The problem isn't that Superman can do everything, it's that he does do everything. That's not just a character, it's a storyline, and a bad one. A story about Superman loving up is instantly more interesting.

Mozi
Apr 4, 2004

Forms change so fast
Time is moving past
Memory is smoke
Gonna get wider when I die


Nap Ghost

actually i think you'll find that any movie based on a comic book is intensely stupid and bad

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mind the walrus
Sep 22, 2006



Zorodius posted:

The problem isn't that Superman can do everything, it's that he does do everything. That's not just a character, it's a storyline, and a bad one. A story about Superman loving up is instantly more interesting.

:agreed:

Too many versions of Superman are too afraid to touch the "icon" part of the character unless they want to tear it down in a fit of "gently caress you dad" like Snyder did. It's fiction--just because he's an alien doesn't mean he has to be written as a cold, unfeeling bastard. He's a metaphor for a middle-class farm kid with too much going for him to "just' work the fields going to the big city and dealing with corruption of power. Functionally he's a human who still fucks up, and watching him struggle to live up to his own projected image is a great story in and of itself.

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