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Jerry touches the Monolith and starts to tell the first observational joke. "Why does --" The other cavemen, horrified, react with startling violence at the spoken word. A club crushes in Jerry's head so badly that his jaw snaps in twain. As his body sags from the trauma, two more blows to his back and skull shatter both, rendering him completely paralyzed. As the knowledge flows through his now-exposed brain, Jerry's wonder becomes absolute horror as the other clubs swing down upon him in slow motion. He is too damaged to even mutter, much less think clearly, aside from one thing: "Why do you think we use clubs all the time? Shouldn't we talk like normal--" His brain blissfully expires before the clubs make contact with his ruined flesh. Five minutes later the bloodlust subsides. Ten minutes later the body is ignored, stinking of new death. And fifteen minutes later, Jerry's flattened corpse is raped and eaten by Newman, who goes on to make the first cave picture ever depicting the dark ritual of primitive cannibalism.
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Sep 12, 2016 20:08
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Elaine is embarrassed to be seen in public with Puddy and his new extravagant cannibal flesh-mask.
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Sep 12, 2016 21:57
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Eliane does not understand why goatskin dresses are now out of fashion.
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Sep 12, 2016 22:03
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VikingSkull posted:it was called Dinosaurs OP and it had a better final episode That show was the poo poo
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Sep 12, 2016 22:06
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Jerry has been using cuneiform for some time to scrawl jokes on bits of rock. Banya finds out about Jerry's system and Jerry reluctantly lets Banya use it. Suddenly writing is a big hit and Banya becomes a Sol Invictus character, worshiped by all despite Jerry's insistence that the invention was his.
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Sep 12, 2016 22:09
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Jerry really needs this one particular kind of fish, but the lake has gone dry from volcanic activity. Luckily for him on the way back to his cave he finds an old woman who has the exact fish he needs, but she refuses to give it up. After beating her to death with a solidified Sabretooth dropping he dies a week later due to illnesses contracted from eating a poo poo covered raw fish
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Sep 12, 2016 22:15
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CharlestonJew posted:George finds a wooly mammoth tusk and schemes to fit it down his pants to attract mates Applewhite posted:Kramer: that's it, I'm moving back to the trees! Gold Jerry, gold! George wants to convert religions because of a woman but later finds out ritual sacrifice of a goat is required to join; tries to convince Jerry to help him swap out a dead goat for a live one so it looks like he sacrificed it without killing it.
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Sep 12, 2016 22:25
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Grog take. It out.
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Sep 12, 2016 22:30
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Sep 12, 2016 23:08
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Ever notice how in a mammoth hunt you got a bunch of guys running relay but then there's one guy who makes the kill. You're still panting and sweaty and you finally reach the end and there's Ugluk standing on the dead mammoth. Like he killed it all by himself. Standing there with his spear still sticking out of the elephant and looking down at you guys like "Wow, you shoulda been here. What a kill." Then all the women at the big cave are talking about how handsome Ugluk is and how clean he is. The pretty boy who combs his hair with fish bones because he's too good for dreadlocks. "And did you hear he killed that mammoth all by himself?" I got news for ya, lady. If one guy could outrun a pachyderm, we'd be eating mammoth steak every day!
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Sep 12, 2016 23:14
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What's the deal with cave paintings? They're not caves and they're not paintings!
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Sep 12, 2016 23:14
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Jerry starts dating a 17 year old. Gets new nickname Granny Lover.
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Sep 12, 2016 23:21
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Kramer, while riding a big 'ol dinosaur, gets onstage at the laugh factory and says "friend of the family" several times.
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Sep 12, 2016 23:24
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GEORGE: What did they use for toilet paper before we were exiled from the garden of life into this cursed land?
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Sep 12, 2016 23:27
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Hogge Wild posted:np voted 5 thank you Nooner posted:i dotn like seinfeld sorry you had better get the gently caress out of here. I don't want to see your face again around these parts
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Sep 12, 2016 23:33
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George has sex with his cousin while everyone watches
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Sep 12, 2016 23:35
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What's the deal with volcanic eruptions? Seriously, they are a terrifying and mysterious phenomenon that I feebly try to make sense of as my world is plunged into chaos.
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Sep 12, 2016 23:56
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What part of the mastodon, is the nugget? It's the testicles of course which we all eat immediately without any hesitation because of the problem of food scarcity that is inherent in all hunter gatherer societies
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Sep 12, 2016 23:59
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Jerry's schtick wouldn't be quite so played out, George and Elaine would still be hilarious. Newman would have been eaten by wolves, Puddy's voice would be considered pretty normal. I'd imagine Kramer would be sacrificed to a volcano after a bad hunt or something. Still no cellphones so the basic plots would work, all in all I think this idea would be a dramatic improvement.
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Sep 13, 2016 00:09
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What's the deal with sea people? I mean who are they? Where did they come from? Why are they burning down my village?
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Sep 13, 2016 00:13
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George invents religion so his GF will stop having sex with other guys, then he decides he wants to break up with her but his religion won't let him
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Sep 13, 2016 00:22
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George pretends to be an architect by tying some skins to some poles, and his date believes it is a real hut, but it collapses on her and she leaves him.
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Sep 13, 2016 00:24
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Seinfeld, like this thread, is terrible.
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Sep 13, 2016 00:26
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Pure Blaxplotiation posted:Seinfeld, like this thread, is terrible. I'm sorry you like bad things
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Sep 13, 2016 00:28
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What are you talking about? I never said I liked this Seinfeld/this thread.
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Sep 13, 2016 00:31
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Jerry drags a new unconscious woman back to his cave every week (anyone say that yet)
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Sep 13, 2016 00:32
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Something something, Newman played by a Neanderthal
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Sep 13, 2016 00:32
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Jerry's latest girlfriend drives him crazy when she refuses to groom the lice out of his hair, even though she's a professional groomer!
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Sep 13, 2016 00:34
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Secular Humanist posted:Kramer, while riding a big 'ol dinosaur, gets onstage at the laugh factory and says "friend of the family" several times. The n-word of prehistoric time is Neanderthal.
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Sep 13, 2016 00:43
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After the wheel is invented, Kray-Mur decides to rickshaw people around the village in exchange for furs, simultaneously introducing economics and obesity.
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Sep 13, 2016 00:45
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Someone draws an offensive graffiti on Jerry's cave, because he's Jewish.
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Sep 13, 2016 00:47
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The gang's favourite place stops serving mammoths. Jerry gets addicted to wildberries. Elaine dates an actual ape. Kramer has to pretend to be a shaman for meeting with his girlfriend's tribe. George is uncomfortable with gay people.
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Sep 13, 2016 00:58
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Elaine starts hanging out with neanderthal versions of Jerry, Kramer and George.
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Sep 13, 2016 01:03
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What's the deal, with iron? We already have bronze, why a new metal?? I-I don't like it (George having one of those irrational dislike of thing for no reason at the cafe, only the cafe is staffed by mycenaean slaves) Jerry- well it's cheaper, and more plentiful George- I'll say it's cheaper, look! (bends iron tableware) Jerry- Well yeah I mean they have to forge it into steel if you want the good stuff That's THE THING Jerry! They, they SHOW you the STEEL, then, then they sell you this IRON for CHEAP daily use! I-I can't use this I just can't. (George sets down bent fork, Jerry bends it back into shape) Jerry- (In a sarcastic voice) Oh yeah, that was hard George- What's next jerry? Should we wear pants, like a barbarian?? They WASH themselves jerry! With SOAP!! (Kramer enters room) What's that, pants? I love pants. George- (incredulous voice) kramer?? (Kramer pulls up tunic to reveal woolen pants) Kramer- GIDDIUP!! (Jerry and George look nonplussed at the nonsense word since horse riding is completely foreign to them and seeing a man on horseback will inspire fanciful tales of centaurs in coming centuries) (Jerry George and Kramer then all walk to the open room toilet together to continue talking while defecating and sharing a sponge) (Kramer fumbles to pull his tunic up and pants down, tripping, tumbling into the street were he collided with a beggar child who he then beats severely for making eye contact) *laugh track*
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Sep 13, 2016 01:07
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Jerry (as the sea people invade) "but I don't want to be" (the victim of) "a pirate"
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Sep 13, 2016 01:09
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Elaine's rival walks around without a loincloth, displaying her engorged buttocks to the world
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Sep 13, 2016 01:09
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George loses his job as a hunter and becomes a gatherer.
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Sep 13, 2016 01:15
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J Peterman organizes a night raid on an enemy tribe, leaving Elaine to function as Chieftain. When the raiding party never returns, she runs with the idea and starts making laws. The burgeoning all-male priesthood becomes infuriated with this turn of events and has her slain.
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Sep 13, 2016 01:20
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Paladinus posted:George loses his job as a hunter and becomes a gatherer. initially this humiliates him, but on the first day he finds the gatherers are mostly women. he finds a girlfriend, discovers he has a gift for picking out the ripest berries, but takes it too far and gets food poisoning just before their third date. rather than cancel, he tries to see it through with hilarious results!
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Sep 13, 2016 01:25
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Jerry: I am not an anti-stalactite! Kramer: You're a RAAAAAAABID anti-stalactite!
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Sep 13, 2016 01:27
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