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DJExile
Jun 27, 2007




This launched a pretty great discussion in the NHL N/V thread and it's best continued in a new one.

If you've interacted in any way with sports from elementary school up through your high school years, you have no doubt run into parents who get just a wee bit too fired about the play of little Timmy or Betty. Maybe you were a referee as a teenager making a little money officiating 11 year old kids in a soccer match, and a coach threatened to loving kill you (yes, that happened to someone here). Maybe you were a player yourself and were called a loser shithead by someone's dad because you missed a field goal in Pop Warner. Maybe you were a coach threatened by a broken beer bottle wielding parent because someone didn't get enough ice time!

I'd like to think that ultimately there are far more awesome (or just respectful) sports parents than the jackasses, but the stories of the jackasses are a range of fascinating to terrifying. Post 'em here.

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Flyinglemur
Jul 2, 2004

Oh Lucy, I do apologize, I've been so terribly busy. Honestly, I barely have the time to drink deep and descend.





One time a guy took his skate off and tried to stab me with it.

DJExile
Jun 27, 2007




Some choice ones from the NHL thread:

Overwined posted:

I've told this story before, but my grandfather -- coaching bantam hockey at the time -- once got threatened with a broken bottle in the parking lot because he didn't play some douchebag's son enough. The kid had plenty of TOI -- he was the team's best defenseman -- but my grandfather pulled him off the ice for the second half of the 3rd because the kid said he took a puck off his ankle and it was hurting him.

Aphrodite posted:

I have a few family members who play for Mohawk teams, so consider normal hockey parents and throw extreme loving medieval racism into the mix.

Mind_Taker posted:

I used to referee soccer. One time I called a penalty when a player was very clearly tripped in the box. An assistant coach on the offending team started yelling at me saying how bad the call was, and then after the team scored on the penalty he yelled to me "You know in South America referees are killed for calls like that!"

I immediately ended the game as a forfeit because gently caress being threatened like that. I called the commissioner of the league to tell him what happened and he banned the coach from the league.

Oh yeah I was like 16 years old at the time and was reffing like 12 year olds.

Jamwad Hilder posted:

One time I got thrown out of a high school lacrosse game because I made fun of an obnoxious parent's weight and flipped her the bird. Also the other school got a penalty shot because of my unsportsmanlike behavior and they scored on it, putting them ahead 10-2. Our team was the whipping boy of the division but and everyone knew it but I had to run extra laps at the next practice anyway. I think coach thought he was teaching me a life lesson but all I really learned is that it's really funny to watch a 45-year-old woman work herself up into hysterics because a 16-year-old called her a fat piece of poo poo.

Flyinglemur
Jul 2, 2004

Oh Lucy, I do apologize, I've been so terribly busy. Honestly, I barely have the time to drink deep and descend.





OK seriously then:

For one summer I was a ref for inline hockey in CT. It was all day Saturday, starting with little tykes in the morning and ending up with teenagers by the end of the afternoon. It was my first season reffing, I wasn't THAT great of a skater but I knew the rules, passed the test, got hired by the Park and Rec office for some light entertainment and exercise.

During one game of the oldest kids, a player went into the boards pretty hard on his own and actually broke them (they were the old boards and glass from a local college so they weren't that great to begin with). Like, his butt broke the actual boards part. The play was going in the other direction but I didn't notice, I called the play dead immediately because of broken equipment (I remembered that was a safety hazzard from the rules). The coach of the team who had the ball at the time in the attacking zone was really nice when I skated up and apologized for not checking the play first. I was embarrassed but everyone was pretty cool about it.


A couple of weeks later I reffed for our adult league - rec league keep in mind. One of the teams had a guy who played Major Juniors in Canada and they mercy ruled every game...it wasn't fair at all. He got on my case for being in his way while he was stick handling around everyone. I apologized for him and said I would try harder. He wouldn't quit. I finally told him that I would ref and he would play. His teammates finally gave him enough poo poo about that that he calmed down. Next time my team played his he made it a point to clown me every time he could, which wasn't tough since I was pretty terrible.


and finally, I was reffing a game of early teens. I apparently made a "blown call" because one of the coaches lost his poo poo on me. He started calling me every name in the book during the game in front of everyone (including his son) so the other ref game him a bench minor. After the game as I was taking my equipment off he got in my face screaming at me for being terrible so I told him that he wouldn't have to worry about it because it was my last game reffing. I was being stationed overseas in a couple of months and was going to have to quit soon anyway but that was enough for me. The league president was in the scoring table watching it all happen and didn't care to step in. Dude's kid joined in on the screaming as well. Oh and the coach and I were stationed together at the same command and were teammates in the adult roller hockey rec league. Great guy.

DJExile
Jun 27, 2007




Flyinglemur posted:

and finally, I was reffing a game of early teens. I apparently made a "blown call" because one of the coaches lost his poo poo on me. He started calling me every name in the book during the game in front of everyone (including his son) so the other ref game him a bench minor. After the game as I was taking my equipment off he got in my face screaming at me for being terrible so I told him that he wouldn't have to worry about it because it was my last game reffing. I was being stationed overseas in a couple of months and was going to have to quit soon anyway but that was enough for me. The league president was in the scoring table watching it all happen and didn't care to step in. Dude's kid joined in on the screaming as well. Oh and the coach and I were stationed together at the same command and were teammates in the adult roller hockey rec league. Great guy.

I'm sorry but that is goddamn hilarious. Did he ever apologize for the blow up?

Crazy Ted
Jul 29, 2003



3-4 years ago the wife of a cousin of mine spent a summer coaching U12 girls' basketball because her oldest daughter was on the team. One of the parents didn't like the fact that she was more excited/animated than the previous coach, and his way to bring that up? Corner her in the hallway after a game, tell her that he didn't like her, punch her in the face twice, and then try to walk away while she's bleeding on the floor.

KaiserSchnitzel
Feb 23, 2003

Hey baby I think we Havel lot in common

This reminds me very much of marching band parents.

When I was a drumline instructor, the band I worked with would go on a summer tour for several weeks. It's a total shitshow; I don't even know if the summer tours still exist. The organizations that organized the events...like, the NCAA of high school marching band...were a couple of outfits called MACBDA and ...OCI? I don't remember the second one, but it wasn't DCI. That's Drum & Bugle Corps.

So, high school kids living out of buses. Parent-chaperone to student ratio is about 1 to 20, plus the instructor staff of about 4-5. There's some nonsense going down every day. But dose band parents doe...they think that since they're riding around with you on a bus that they know as much about drilling marching band as the instructor staff. Yelling, screaming, shoving, the whole bit...just like little league & Pop Warner EXCEPT YOU DON'T GET AWAY FROM THEM AFTER THE SHOW.

So much drama, and all the time none of them are even noticing the kids smoking weed, or screwing in the back of the buses, or drinking liquor (the liquor that didn't get confiscated during baggage check). Nope, they didn't want to chaperone. They wanted to criticize the instructors 24/7.

DJExile
Jun 27, 2007




Oh god, a friend's husband works with some DCI teams and goddamn I have heard some nutty stories.


Crazy Ted posted:

3-4 years ago the wife of a cousin of mine spent a summer coaching U12 girls' basketball because her oldest daughter was on the team. One of the parents didn't like the fact that she was more excited/animated than the previous coach, and his way to bring that up? Corner her in the hallway after a game, tell her that he didn't like her, punch her in the face twice, and then try to walk away while she's bleeding on the floor.

Holy poo poo :stare:

Troy Queef
Jan 12, 2013

I was 12 when I made love for the first time, in Tropea, with a Roman girl who was 17 years old.





I've refereed hockey for ten years (all on ice, plus two on inline), and I've had:
--to call the police because a coach was reported standing outside my dressing-room door with, shall we say, malicious intent
--multiple coaches threaten to kill me over various plays
--some JV inline hockey player flip me off because I pulled him away from a post-whistle scrum (he got banned for the season)
--have thrown out more than my share of drunk parents
...and that's just games I was involved in.

I've also got stories from friends, as well, including:
--a HS player getting sent off for injuring an opponent, only to have that opponent's brother sneak into the locker room and assault him for that
--a ref getting cross-checked by a moron Senior Men's player (that guy got banned from all hockey for a year, plus he has to re-apply to that specific league, and I have it on good authority those re-applications will be going straight into the ol' circular filing cabinet)
as well as more.

I still love refereeing, though.

Rotten Cookies
Nov 11, 2008

gosh! i like both the islanders and the rangers!!! :^)



Little league baseball, every player got a chance to pitch if they wanted to. Well, I wanted to try it out. Why not? Well, I was terrible. By pure coincidence, I ended up hitting the same drat kid twice at two at bats. I guess he was the team's best batter, was bigger than everyone else, had a nice bat, and most of all, was the coach's son. Coach Dad was loving livid and ran out onto the field yelling, and shoved me. He realized he went too far, pushing a 10 year old kid, looked around, walked away, and yelled at my coach to stop telling his pitchers to plunk his son just because he's good.

14 year old me playing roller hockey. There was a girl on the other team, the only girl in the league. She was very good, and stickhandled through everyone. She straight up embarrassed me and everyone else on the team a couple times, and was lighting us up. I caught her coming in with her head down. Well, this was a hitting league, and I hit her. And I was embarrassed, angry, and did not hold back. It seemed every parent in the stand wanted to murder me after I laid her out. My dad took me out of the game early.



I also slashed the leg of Dee Snider's son in the same roller hockey league. He blatantly tripped me behind the play and I took a two handed chop/hook to his leg. Dee Snider did not yell, and I guess he did, in fact, take it.



I swear I am not this violent in real life.



E: My dad plays in a couple senior roller leagues, and apparently hockey wives/girlfriends are a thing. A dude on my dad's team stopped showing up because his girlfriend would always be there and yell endlessly, every player on the other team was a scumbag, throw him out, that wasn't a trip, ref you loving suck dog balls. The way my dad tells it, the guy was just embarrassed by it.

Rotten Cookies fucked around with this message at 20:42 on Sep 12, 2016

Aphrodite
Jun 27, 2006



The town I mentioned above where some of my nephews and cousins play had most of their hockey program canceled for the rest of that year (from February) in 2012 because some Midget players cornered a referee in a locker room for some calls they didn't like and beat the poo poo out of him. The team itself was suspended, and the rest either canceled or moved their games because the refs refused to do games in the town.

i don't think they ever gave a count, but 2 other guys played lookout at the locker room door and there were other referees were in the room too. So they had enough to assault the guy and also keep the other refs from getting involved. It was not a small group.

DJExile
Jun 27, 2007




Rotten Cookies posted:

E: My dad plays in a couple senior roller leagues, and apparently hockey wives/girlfriends are a thing. A dude on my dad's team stopped showing up because his girlfriend would always be there and yell endlessly, every player on the other team was a scumbag, throw him out, that wasn't a trip, ref you loving suck dog balls. The way my dad tells it, the guy was just embarrassed by it.

Oh god they're totally a thing. I broadcasted a couple roller hockey games and beer league softball games in the summer when we didn't have much else to cover and we would have to cut like every mic except our own headsets.

YeahTubaMike
Mar 24, 2005

*hic* Gotta finish thish . . .


Doctor Rope

KaiserSchnitzel posted:

marching band parents

A shiver went down my spine when I read this. Ugh.

Even though I had to deal with crazy band parents for four years of high school, I'm REALLY glad I never got into hockey (which I wanted to) after reading this thread. :catstare:

Crazy Ted
Jul 29, 2003



Marching band parents really are the worst.

Back when I was....a sophomore???...in high school, my local school district decided that in order to cut spending students were to be limited to filling six classes/periods each day instead being able to take the option to fill their Open/Study Hall period. Marching band parents were furious because this limited their kids to daily band practice plus five classes. Fast forward a few months, and the school board carved out an exception for the marching band kids, and those kids only.

How did this happen? Well, loads of marching band parents showed up to the school board meetings and successfully argued that their kids deserved to have an exception carved out for them because by virtue of the fact that they're in marching band they're automatically more talented and special than the rest of the godforsaken plebs that they're stuck having to share a school with.

YeahTubaMike posted:

A shiver went down my spine when I read this. Ugh.

Even though I had to deal with crazy band parents for four years of high school, I'm REALLY glad I never got into hockey (which I wanted to) after reading this thread. :catstare:
Hockey parents are a close second.

bewbies
Sep 23, 2003



Fun Shoe

I played high level hockey all through my formative years and it was never really that bad. There were incidents etc but in general parents just wanted to drink beer and find ways to get to a TV to see whatever football game was on. This was a while ago, though. Soccer was way worse in that regard, at least for me.

Now...what I'm curious about is tennis. I only started seriously playing tennis as an adult and have never seen a youth tournament. At the courts I play at, theyhave signs EVERYWHERE saying things like "YOUR KIDS ARE WATCHING" and "THE IMPORTANT THING IS BUILDING CHARACTER NOT WINNING SO CALM THE gently caress DOWN" and "WE WILL KICK YOU OUT IF YOU ACT THAT WAY". I'm really curious what prompted all of these zoo signs and I would have liked to have seen these incidents.

Levitate
Sep 30, 2005

randy newman voice

YOU'VE GOT A LAFRENIÈRE IN ME


I had a coach when I was like 15 who's son also played on the team. The coach was kind one of those gruff no nonsense kind of coaches but never really went overboard with the rest of the team, but holy poo poo he was hard on his son. He would just start laying into the kid during practices, during games, screaming in his face and gesticulating wildly, cursing, etc. Pretty sure the kid almost cried a couple of times, it was really uncomfortable to watch. He had some talent too, though not like real go anywhere type talent, but I'm pretty sure he didn't really enjoy playing hockey all that much by that point

DJExile
Jun 27, 2007




bewbies posted:

Now...what I'm curious about is tennis. I only started seriously playing tennis as an adult and have never seen a youth tournament. At the courts I play at, theyhave signs EVERYWHERE saying things like "YOUR KIDS ARE WATCHING" and "THE IMPORTANT THING IS BUILDING CHARACTER NOT WINNING SO CALM THE gently caress DOWN" and "WE WILL KICK YOU OUT IF YOU ACT THAT WAY". I'm really curious what prompted all of these zoo signs and I would have liked to have seen these incidents.

Rich rear end white parents combined with a sport where they only have to watch their own kid, and in most younger leagues there are no umpires so it's down to the players themselves to call in/out.

E: vvv Yeah that's fair

DJExile fucked around with this message at 21:39 on Sep 12, 2016

Crazy Ted
Jul 29, 2003



DJExile posted:

Rich rear end white parents combined with a sport where they only have to watch their own kid, and in most younger leagues there are no umpires so it's down to the players themselves to call in/out.
It doesn't even come down to rich white parents. Parents in individual sports are notoriously clingy and helicopter-y. Of course, youth coaches in those sports tend to be the same way.

runoverbobby
Apr 21, 2007

Fighting like beavers.


bewbies posted:

I played high level hockey all through my formative years and it was never really that bad. There were incidents etc but in general parents just wanted to drink beer and find ways to get to a TV to see whatever football game was on. This was a while ago, though.

It's always worse at the lower levels, particularly at the higher end of the mid-levels where the kids are very good but not exceptional enough to have legitimate aspirations of major junior or professional play.

El Gallinero Gros
Mar 17, 2010


I'll never forget this.

I was not a good baseball player. I am what one might call a fourth outfielder: My defensive skills were solid, and I could swipe a bag or two, but I could not hit for poo poo. I think I got a stat sheet at the end of the 1 season I played and I hit something like .215. I got to play a lot because, a)I had a habit of getting on base in the most non-conventional ways possible, b)Our manager was a good, supportive man who understood that above all else, little league is supposed to be fun.

One day though, I either was dialed in very briefly, or I got a real meatball over the plate(he'd struck me out twice on like, 8 pitches previously, so he was likely just tired), because I hit a line-drive off of a guy for a double (probably my only extra base hit of the year) and ended up scoring on a fielding error. He had a no-hitter going into that at-bat. It ended up being the winner. I don't say this to make myself look good, merely to set up the payoff: That guy's dad was the team's manager. And holy poo poo, he utterly loving humiliated this kid after the game in the parking lot. Told him how worthless he was, referred to me as a punch and judy hitter (true, in his defence), yelled at him about not throwing more breaking pitches (he was 12, and my understanding is kids that age REALLY shouldn't throw breaking balls if they can help it because of what it can do to their arm), called him a half-fag (don't ask me to explain that, I got nothin'). My dad, who picked me up, almost stepped in, but thankfully the kid's mom was there and put a stop to it, if at least temporarily. The real shame is, I went to school with this kid, and he was one of those popular kids who gets along with everybody, no matter how low on the popularity food chain they are.

I have never felt worse about doing something good in sports.

bewbies posted:

I played high level hockey all through my formative years and it was never really that bad. There were incidents etc but in general parents just wanted to drink beer and find ways to get to a TV to see whatever football game was on. This was a while ago, though. Soccer was way worse in that regard, at least for me.

Now...what I'm curious about is tennis. I only started seriously playing tennis as an adult and have never seen a youth tournament. At the courts I play at, theyhave signs EVERYWHERE saying things like "YOUR KIDS ARE WATCHING" and "THE IMPORTANT THING IS BUILDING CHARACTER NOT WINNING SO CALM THE gently caress DOWN" and "WE WILL KICK YOU OUT IF YOU ACT THAT WAY". I'm really curious what prompted all of these zoo signs and I would have liked to have seen these incidents.

My understanding from the one guy I knew who played competitive tennis was part of the problem is many parents are also their kids' coach. That can turn out really poorly, obviously.

Teemu Pokemon
Jun 19, 2004

To sign them is my real test

With full no movement clause


Parents are just lovely in general. I've only really ever coached clinics and reffed adults, so I don't really have any crazy sports patent stories, but I've done some work at child-based activities/theme parks/stage shows and every parent thinks their kid is more important than everything and everyone around them. I've had parents scream at me in front of dozens of strangers because I had the nerve to ask their precious 4 year old for the 3rd time not to come on stage in the middle of a show, using the excuse "He's only 4!" as if that precludes them from actually supervising him. I've been kicked and hit more times than I can count and I've never once seen a parent reprimand their child. Parents just want good pictures of their kids to share on Facebook, so I can only imagine what it's like when there's a competitive aspect involved. I've always wanted to coach a kids baseball/hockey team and I honestly question if I have the resolve to do so


e: I can remember one time I was inside of a 100-lb full body puppet and a kid hauled off and punched the puppet in the face and almost knocked me over. I was completely helpless, no one did anything, and the parents did not care (and actually complained to the manager because the kid hurt himself and apparently that was my fault)

Teemu Pokemon fucked around with this message at 22:14 on Sep 12, 2016

Crazy Ted
Jul 29, 2003



bewbies posted:

I played high level hockey all through my formative years and it was never really that bad. There were incidents etc but in general parents just wanted to drink beer and find ways to get to a TV to see whatever football game was on. This was a while ago, though. Soccer was way worse in that regard, at least for me.
Here's how bad sports parents are now...

I worked at a specific local high school for eight years (2006 to 2014) doing classroom observation. I've known their Athletics & Activities Director since I was a kid (via my dad), so I used to talk with him regularly. He said in one conversation that during peak athletics season he'll get close to 90 e-mails a day from parents. Most of them are apparently so stupid and annoying (lack of playing time, I don't like the coach, make my kid eligible, etc) that he has five pre-typed responses that he copy/pastes over from WordPad in order to minimize the amount of time he has to spend dealing with stupid horseshit.

Electronic communication has made sports parents infinitely worse than they were 20-30 years ago, because now they can bombard coaches about perceived slights against their kids any time of day.

Crazy Ted fucked around with this message at 22:14 on Sep 12, 2016

DJExile
Jun 27, 2007




I coached junior high boys' lacrosse for a winter in this indoor league, basically meant to get the kids some experience and time to learn the game and holy poo poo I am so glad my players parents didn't have my cell phone number or email address. We had one guy at the head of the league, such as it was, and he'd filter things down to us if he felt it was necessary. I've never been so thankful.

Hand Knit
Oct 24, 2005

Beer Loses more than a game Sunday ...
We lost our Captain, our Teammate, our Friend Kelly Calabro...
Rest in Peace my friend you will be greatly missed..

The last time I played organized kids sports, it was summer ball hockey and I must have been 11 or 12. The coach was a hyper competitive jerk.He tried to have us have mandatory practices, where we'd have to present homework on set plays. Most teams had zero practices, since this was a fun league for kids to run around outside.

Anyway. Most teams had enough players for the standard 4 forward lines and 3 defence pairings. Every team I'd ever played on would just roll the lines one after another unless it was the end of the game and it was close, at which point teams would either put out their best players or the players who had shown the best spirit. It was that kind of league.

Anyway, this coach. He didn't just roll lines. He made sure to identify his top few players and play them all the time. The second and third games of the season, I played about 6 minutes combined. On the fourth game, he just rolled two lines the whole game. I just sat on the bench, never getting to play. At one point, our best player, one of those kids who hit puberty before everyone else, got hurt. A chance for the rest of us to play? Nope. He just started rotating the 5 remaining top 6 forwards for the rest of the game.

After the game, my parents complained to the league. The coach, to justify what he did, phoned our house, and asked to speak to me. He then spent 10 minutes detailing, first, how he was trying to win, and the whole team would win, and I should appreciate that. Then he said that he was so distraught over our best player getting hurt (with like 15 minutes left), that he'd just forgotten that the rest of us were on the bench.

I think he was banned from the league by the end of the season, though I never went back so I don't know for sure.

Levitate
Sep 30, 2005

randy newman voice

YOU'VE GOT A LAFRENIÈRE IN ME


Haha that reminds me of when I briefly played flag football back when I was like, I dunno, 8 or something. Same type of thing, coach just really wanted to win even though our team was bad so he just benched everyone except the best players. I never played at all during a game, probably just quit after a game or two.

Crazy Ted
Jul 29, 2003



Levitate posted:

Haha that reminds me of when I briefly played flag football back when I was like, I dunno, 8 or something. Same type of thing, coach just really wanted to win even though our team was bad so he just benched everyone except the best players. I never played at all during a game, probably just quit after a game or two.
This is why I like how my local youth baseball org set up games for kids 10 and under when I played. By rule, every player had to be in the field for at least two out of six innings or else the offending team forfeited. Coaches literally had to chart it out as proof, too.

Crazy Ted fucked around with this message at 22:58 on Sep 12, 2016

Neodoomium
Jun 20, 2001

You are now hearing this
noise in your head.





KaiserSchnitzel posted:

This reminds me very much of marching band parents.

When I was a drumline instructor, the band I worked with would go on a summer tour for several weeks. It's a total shitshow; I don't even know if the summer tours still exist. The organizations that organized the events...like, the NCAA of high school marching band...were a couple of outfits called MACBDA and ...OCI? I don't remember the second one, but it wasn't DCI. That's Drum & Bugle Corps.

So, high school kids living out of buses. Parent-chaperone to student ratio is about 1 to 20, plus the instructor staff of about 4-5. There's some nonsense going down every day. But dose band parents doe...they think that since they're riding around with you on a bus that they know as much about drilling marching band as the instructor staff. Yelling, screaming, shoving, the whole bit...just like little league & Pop Warner EXCEPT YOU DON'T GET AWAY FROM THEM AFTER THE SHOW.

So much drama, and all the time none of them are even noticing the kids smoking weed, or screwing in the back of the buses, or drinking liquor (the liquor that didn't get confiscated during baggage check). Nope, they didn't want to chaperone. They wanted to criticize the instructors 24/7.

BOA?

I was a percussion instructor for 11 years and the worst that happened to me was telling a dad who was angry that his son wasn't gifted a spot on tenors his senior year that if he ever told me how to do my job again I'd cut his kid entirely. I don't get paid to deal with parents.

JonathonSpectre
Jul 23, 2003

I replaced the Shermatar and text with this because I don't wanna see racial slurs every time you post what the fuck



Soiled Meat

So I do play-by-play for (mostly beyond horrendous) middle-school football games. A few years ago, we had this kid on our team who was pretty fast but had the Mother-loving Hands of Stone. Like, you could toss it to him underhand from 5 yards away and he'd bat the fucker around for 30 seconds blinking really quickly and then drop it Mother-loving Hands of Stone. He gets his number called about 2-3x a game, almost always the first one for a deep pass (which he drops) and then another 1-2 behind the line toss-pitch-type poo poo.

This dude's mom hangs out in front of the pressbox filming the entirety of every game. When he's on the sideline, she films him on the loving sideline. Boy, I bet THAT is some scintillating video! There he is, sitting.

So we're on game 4 of the season and so far the dude's statline is like 0/5 passes, he's just terrible. It's the end of the game and we're losing by 21 and our coach decides what the gently caress let's air it out. Ball goes up, DB makes a good play and hits the ball but instead of knocking it down he just knocks it straight up, spinning end over end, directly above Hands of Stone.

And he caught it! Understand, the ball fell directly down, straight down, on top of him. He did not have to move or do anything at all except hold his hands out. So he caught it! And then, because he was legit fast, he tore rear end down the sideline and scored! Yeah! Finally! The motherfucker caught the ball!

His mother looks through the pressbox window at me with this crazy zealous look in her eyes and says, "His dad says he's going to be as good as Jerry Rice. But after seeing something like that? You and I know the truth: he's already better than Jerry Rice."

Crazy Ted
Jul 29, 2003



JonathonSpectre posted:

So I do play-by-play for (mostly beyond horrendous) middle-school football games. A few years ago, we had this kid on our team who was pretty fast but had the Mother-loving Hands of Stone. Like, you could toss it to him underhand from 5 yards away and he'd bat the fucker around for 30 seconds blinking really quickly and then drop it Mother-loving Hands of Stone. He gets his number called about 2-3x a game, almost always the first one for a deep pass (which he drops) and then another 1-2 behind the line toss-pitch-type poo poo.

This dude's mom hangs out in front of the pressbox filming the entirety of every game. When he's on the sideline, she films him on the loving sideline. Boy, I bet THAT is some scintillating video! There he is, sitting.

So we're on game 4 of the season and so far the dude's statline is like 0/5 passes, he's just terrible. It's the end of the game and we're losing by 21 and our coach decides what the gently caress let's air it out. Ball goes up, DB makes a good play and hits the ball but instead of knocking it down he just knocks it straight up, spinning end over end, directly above Hands of Stone.

And he caught it! Understand, the ball fell directly down, straight down, on top of him. He did not have to move or do anything at all except hold his hands out. So he caught it! And then, because he was legit fast, he tore rear end down the sideline and scored! Yeah! Finally! The motherfucker caught the ball!

His mother looks through the pressbox window at me with this crazy zealous look in her eyes and says, "His dad says he's going to be as good as Jerry Rice. But after seeing something like that? You and I know the truth: he's already better than Jerry Rice."
The high school I worked at had a parent who said their 5'3" Freshman JV point guard didn't need to go to classes because once he hit his growth spurt he'd be a McDonald's All-American and make a hundred million dollars playing in the NBA.

I mean, it's one thing when the kid says he's too good to give a poo poo about classes but when his parents say he's too good to give a poo poo about classes it's just :stare:

Belbos Computer
Nov 20, 2005

Fiat Lux, Big Bang, seven days, seven minutes, seven seconds, and a universe is born before your eyes.

Slippery Tilde

JonathonSpectre posted:

So I do play-by-play for (mostly beyond horrendous) middle-school football games.

I thought local TV coverage with commentary might be something unique to my bat-poo poo crazy upper middle-class Alabama football town... Not sure if I'm relieved to find that it exists elsewhere...

JonathonSpectre
Jul 23, 2003

I replaced the Shermatar and text with this because I don't wanna see racial slurs every time you post what the fuck



Soiled Meat

Belbos Computer posted:

I thought local TV coverage with commentary might be something unique to my bat-poo poo crazy upper middle-class Alabama football town... Not sure if I'm relieved to find that it exists elsewhere...

We don't have TV coverage, I just call the plays and shill for our concession stand over the PA system, but it's kinda fun and it keeps me from having to do poo poo like sit in the freezing cold and sell tickets to the 12 parents who come to middle school soccer games.

Play-by-play is hard as gently caress without that yellow line, though, especially since our coach doesn't seem to care about marking the field in any way. "That's gonna bring up 2nd and 4... maybe 5... could be 3... possibly 6. Ball's at the... 30? could be... maybe the 35? I'm not sure. Wait, it's at midfield. Is it? It's 2nd down, fans!"

Last year we had a team that just got new unis come in and play. The uniforms were white with extremely light yellow numbers on the front so the entire game I just had to say things like, "Catch made by... that kinda taller kid... with the ball," because under the lights it just looked like a bunch of kids in white shirts with green helmets.

milk milk lemonade
Jul 29, 2016


My daughter dances and I maintain dance moms are the snootiest, most grating, and all around worst group of people you'll ever meet.

Also when I was growing up this girl I played peewee soccer with and went to all levels of primary school with had a dad that would scream at his daughter, the refs, coaches, and other players unendingly. It was crazy. Like would not stop yelling for a whole game and I remember he started around the time we were 5 years old. He was kicked out of every league she was ever in. I'll never understand what the hell was wrong with that guy. I remember one time I was playing indoor and I passed the ball to the middle of the field or let someone blow by me while playing defense or something and my dad was trying to coach me from the sidelines (was not a coach) and I yelled back at him to shut the gently caress up. I can't imagine how my classmate felt when she was playing and it went on for 14 years.

DJExile
Jun 27, 2007




Belbos Computer posted:

I thought local TV coverage with commentary might be something unique to my bat-poo poo crazy upper middle-class Alabama football town... Not sure if I'm relieved to find that it exists elsewhere...

Toledo, Ohio checking in and I have been doing this 11 years now. For the most part the parents love us being there, and they can get DVDs of games and we're in HD and everything, but hooooo boy some of the poo poo our mics pick up...

El Gallinero Gros
Mar 17, 2010


Ugh, I just had a thought: One of the things that spawned this thread was the discussion that people like Gretzky, Crosby, etc must have heard and been subject to some awful poo poo because of their talent gap. We then agreed that most people who have played significant time at high level hockey have probably been subject to this, even if they weren't great players at the pro or major junior level, because at one point, or another, even if they were only 13, they were the best guy on the ice.

Imagine the poo poo PK Subban heard. Gross.

Greg Brock
Feb 28, 2008



El Gallinero Gros posted:

Ugh, I just had a thought: One of the things that spawned this thread was the discussion that people like Gretzky, Crosby, etc must have heard and been subject to some awful poo poo because of their talent gap. We then agreed that most people who have played significant time at high level hockey have probably been subject to this, even if they weren't great players at the pro or major junior level, because at one point, or another, even if they were only 13, they were the best guy on the ice.

Imagine the poo poo PK Subban heard. Gross.

It's well-documented that at 14 years of age, Gretzky left the town he was born in and lived in all of his life up to that point because he was usually getting booed and verbally harassed by jealous parents.

Flyinglemur
Jul 2, 2004

Oh Lucy, I do apologize, I've been so terribly busy. Honestly, I barely have the time to drink deep and descend.





DJExile posted:

I'm sorry but that is goddamn hilarious. Did he ever apologize for the blow up?

Nope, but his wife did. Not like in a sexual way, she just told me she was embarrassed for him. Can't imagine what he must have been like at home.

runoverbobby
Apr 21, 2007

Fighting like beavers.


Flyinglemur posted:

Nope, but his wife did. Not like in a sexual way, she just told me she was embarrassed for him.

Look who failed to read between the lines.

Flyinglemur
Jul 2, 2004

Oh Lucy, I do apologize, I've been so terribly busy. Honestly, I barely have the time to drink deep and descend.





runoverbobby posted:

Look who failed to read between the lines.

Look who didn't see the hambeast in question.

shyduck
Oct 3, 2003




I don't have any funny or quirky story to add, but when I was 16 I became an ice hockey referee. I only reffed maybe 5 games, mostly pee wee level (ages 9-12 I think).

I ended up quitting because in that last game I blew a couple of calls, and got screamed at by parents as I walked to the dressing room. poo poo sucked. From that experience forward I've made it a priority to treat our refs with the utmost respect.

Edit: For those not involved in ice hockey in the US, referee abuse and "hockey dad syndrome" became enough of a problem that USA Hockey ran a huge ad campaign in every rink and in print publications to try and curtail it.

shyduck fucked around with this message at 14:11 on Sep 13, 2016

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Hand Knit
Oct 24, 2005

Beer Loses more than a game Sunday ...
We lost our Captain, our Teammate, our Friend Kelly Calabro...
Rest in Peace my friend you will be greatly missed..

shyduck posted:

Edit: For those not involved in ice hockey in the US, referee abuse and "hockey dad syndrome" became enough of a problem that USA Hockey ran a huge ad campaign in every rink and in print publications to try and curtail it.

Hell yes we got those here too

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ReKw6J5tK2c

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