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Paula Deen?
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pr0k
Jan 16, 2001

"Well if it's gonna be
that kind of party..."

!!TRIGGER WARNING!!!
THIS IS A SAFE ZONE - NO GUY FIERI DISCUSSION ALLOWED
!!TRIGGER WARNING!!!

Can we have a general food tv discussion thread? Because I need to talk. About David's dessert last night on the Masterchef finale:




"Beautiful."

WHAT? That's a dirty butthole print on a plate, man.



This masterpiece is called "runny poo poo with bloody polyps."

Seriously? Stuffed loving cherries? And a fuckin CABBAGE ROLL? ARE YOU FUCNNNNNNNNGGGGGGGggggg

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Theophany
Jul 22, 2014

I'm the Tom Cruise of Strollology.



My food TV masturbation is pretty much limited to Man vs. Food because I just know that if I engaged in any of those eating challenges I'd end up hating myself so much that eating so much crap in such vast quantities would be the only way I could avoid killing myself.

If I want to watch a proper food show, it has to be anything by Keith Floyd. He is literally the reason I started taking cooking seriously and stopped buying any ready made meals.

30 Goddamned Dicks
Sep 8, 2010

I will leave you to flounder in your cesspool of primeval soup, you sad, lonely, little cowards.


Fun Shoe

How in the gently caress did you not even mention The Great British Bake Off I the OP?!? Seriously I don't even begin to know what the gently caress the British are thinking in terms of baking weird poo poo because Jaffa Cakes are abomination. Hell, chocolate + orange is an abomination.

Love me the poo poo outta that show tho.

pr0k
Jan 16, 2001

"Well if it's gonna be
that kind of party..."

I'm not much of a baker, so I haven't tried that yet.

Am I the only one watching Masterchef? I make no apologies, I love it and MC Junior too.

For real cooking I just watch the Food Wishes guy. He's hysterical.

Croatoan
Jun 24, 2005

Hold the line, I have shitposting to do.


The Great British Bake Off is the best show on TV
The Great Australian Bake Off is pretty good.
The Great Irish Bake Off is pretty good.
The Great South African Bake Off is pretty good.
The Great American Baking Competition is surprisingly good even though I thought it'd suck but it's dead.
America's Test Kitchen is great
Almost everything on The Food Network is utter garbage.

30 Goddamned Dicks posted:

Jaffa Cakes are abomination. Hell, chocolate + orange is an abomination.

GTFO with that poo poo.

pr0k
Jan 16, 2001

"Well if it's gonna be
that kind of party..."

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5UKssrLusBo

Flash Gordon Ramsay
Sep 28, 2004



Grimey Drawer

I like to yell at the kids on chopped junior. They're always doing some stupid poo poo and the judges are too nice to call them out on it. I make sure I criticize them in front of my own kids, so my kids know not to do that poo poo.

Flash Gordon Ramsay
Sep 28, 2004



Grimey Drawer


What little I know about hot chicken makes me think this isn't how you're supposed to do it.

Spanish Manlove
Aug 31, 2008

HAILGAYSATAN

I marathoned all of Chef's Table on Netflix then stared at my pantry like Cameron staring that the painting in the art museum where the more I looked the less I saw and then I reheated leftovers.

Steve Yun
Aug 7, 2003

I
ANALYZE
CARTOONS


Grimey Drawer

Chef's Table France just came out recently in case you didn't include that in your masturbathon

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z-yY6RmF-iE

Croatoan
Jun 24, 2005

Hold the line, I have shitposting to do.


Flash Gordon Ramsay posted:

What little I know about hot chicken makes me think this isn't how you're supposed to do it.

Why? Other than way too little cayenne and the fact that he crowded his chicken, that was a pretty legit method. He's also skimpy on the hot chili oil.

pr0k
Jan 16, 2001

"Well if it's gonna be
that kind of party..."

Looked fairly legit to me.

Steve Yun posted:

Chef's Table France just came out recently in case you didn't include that in your masturbathon

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z-yY6RmF-iE

AWW YES

Spanish Manlove
Aug 31, 2008

HAILGAYSATAN

Steve Yun posted:

Chef's Table France just came out recently in case you didn't include that in your masturbathon

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z-yY6RmF-iE

My plan for the weekend is to get some prosciutto, buy decent aged/funky cheese at the recommendation of the cheesemonger, bring out a big boozy stout, and just marathon all of this season in an overdrawn pile of hedonism.

Jose
Jul 24, 2007



pr0k
Jan 16, 2001

"Well if it's gonna be
that kind of party..."

aw hell yeah


BourdainWatchTM

1. Tony is single again
2. Tony did an AMA on reddit plugging raw craft season 2.

Steve Yun
Aug 7, 2003

I
ANALYZE
CARTOONS


Grimey Drawer





Andrew Couillion made these oysters after the Erika oil spill near France. It's an oyster in squid ink. The show doesn't give a lot of information about it so if I were to make one, how would I prepare the squid ink? What topping do you think he's using?

Bob Morales
Aug 18, 2006

HYPER-THREADING


I don't have cable TV but I make due (do?) with Create on PBS

http://createtv.com/cooking

The shows, in order from best to worst are:

Anything with Jacques Pepin. Except the shows with this dumbshit daughter that couldn't make a grille cheese sandwich by herself. But it's kind of fun to watch her ask stupid questions.

Cooking with Nick Stellino. Lots of good stuff on this show. He's a weirdo, has a ton of body hair. But he's funny.

Hubert Keller: Secrets of a Chef. Teach me. He does things a little on the fancier side but he knows his poo poo.

Kevin Dundon's Modern Irish Food. This guy kicks rear end and has a cool accent. Makes a lot of good food.

Lidia's Kitchen. The Italian grandmother we all wish she had.

America's Test Kitchen/Cook's Country. Nothing like hearing Christopher Kimble whine or be amazed by a fairly simple dish

Annabel Langbein: The Free Range Cook. She's kind of a weirdo but cooks some interesting stuff, and she's milfy.

Joanne Weir's Cooking Confidence. Good basic recipes, which makes sense as she's teaching someone how to cook on each episode. She does all kinds of creepy poo poo while she's cougaring on the younger male students.

Pati's Mexican Table. YOU SEE I AM PATI AND I HAVE AN ACCENT AND MAKE THE FOOD OF MY PEOPLE.

Mexico -- One Plate at a Time with Rick Bayless.
Another eccentric host. Blend up some guajillos and add some cilantro every drat episode. I can only take so much of this guy. Very weird relationship with his daughter.

Christina Cooks. She's like a psycho vegan Peg Bundy.

The Jazzy Vegetarian. Also a loving nutbag 60 year old vegetarian gilf.

Simply Ming. Good stuff to pick up Asian recipes from.

Chef's Life. This isn't even a cooking show, it's more like a dumb reality show. But I can't decide if I like Vivian or not so I watch it.

Ciao Italia. The Wal-mart of Italian grandmas.

Barbecue University With Steven Raichlen. Watch this show. If you like. Monotone delivery. And barbecue. Enjoy.

Primal Grill with Steven Raichlen. How the gently caress did this guy get two shows. Also you're cooking at night why are you wearing sunglasses.

Sara's Weeknight Meals. This lady can't cook and she's just a bore.

Eat! Drink! Italy! with Vic Rallo. gently caress this guy. Go back to Queens.

Steven Raichlen's Project Smoke. Motherfucker has 3 cooking shows. There is no god.

Zonya's Health Bites. By far the strangest of the vegan cooks on create. Enjoy her 90's windsuits and spiked hair.

Chef John Besh's Family Table/New Orleans. gently caress this guy is annoying. I'm sure his food is great but I can't stand him. THIS IS SOME GOOD OLD HOME COOKIN I TELL YOU WHAT.

Taste Of Louisiana With Chef John Folse & Company: Hooks, Lies & Alibis. Maybe I just don't like New Orleans but this guy is another level of weirdness and annoying.

Bob Morales fucked around with this message at Sep 22, 2016 around 20:16

Jose
Jul 24, 2007



https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RtS2Ikk7A9I

Crusty Nutsack
Apr 21, 2005



Bob Morales posted:

I don't have cable TV but I make due (do?) with Create on PBS

http://createtv.com/cooking

The shows, in order from best to worst are:

Anything with Jacques Pepin. Except the shows with this dumbshit daughter that couldn't make a grille cheese sandwich by herself. But it's kind of fun to watch her ask stupid questions.


His daughter purposely plays the stupid student role on TV. I got to meet them both (AWESOMMMMEE) at a media thing and she's not nearrrly as annoying in person as she is on the show. They have Thanksgiving at her house every year and she cooks and is normal. Her cookbook is pretty solid too, even if it's meant for kids. I was shocked how not annoyed I was with her in person because I can't stand her on the show. It was weird.

Rick Bayless' daughter Lainie, however..... She's even more annoying than Pati's voice!

Jose
Jul 24, 2007



Liquid Communism
Mar 9, 2004


At least we didn't cook the dog.



Fun Shoe

Croatoan posted:

Why? Other than way too little cayenne and the fact that he crowded his chicken, that was a pretty legit method. He's also skimpy on the hot chili oil.

Yeah, that's pretty much all I'd change. I think Prince's is 3:1 cayenne to lard as a paste that's rubbed in. Last time I made some to try it (before my gallblader tried to whack me) was lard, cayenne, garlic salt, onion powder, and mustard powder. It was tasty but cripplingly hot in a very good way.

Liquid Communism fucked around with this message at Sep 25, 2016 around 11:47

Aaronicon
Oct 2, 2010

by primus



I refuse to believe she's a real person. Everything about her seems so manufactured. Like, even more than those Food Network reality TV star people who get their own show that are all exactly the same format, just themed around something stupid. Five ingredients! Sandwiches! Something else and don't forget the cocktails!!!

Bob Morales
Aug 18, 2006

HYPER-THREADING


I'm hoping now that Laura Vitale is pregnant she won't make any more cooking videos

Jose
Jul 24, 2007



Jose
Jul 24, 2007



pr0k
Jan 16, 2001

"Well if it's gonna be
that kind of party..."

Aaronicon posted:

I refuse to believe she's a real person.

She's tiny and hot.

Only registered members can see post attachments!

BraveUlysses
Aug 7, 2002



Grimey Drawer

pr0k posted:


For real cooking I just watch the Food Wishes guy. He's hysterical.

What is wrong with this guy? I like his recipes but his delivery is the worst.

pr0k
Jan 16, 2001

"Well if it's gonna be
that kind of party..."

After about ten episodes you'll love it for no reason at all.

Finally got to watch Tony eat bun cha with the prez. That was kinda cool tbh.

mindphlux
Jan 8, 2004





can I get some suggests for foreign language cooking shows?

I somehow stumbled across 'a bite of china' on cctv (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PCgYUKPNCug) and was lovin it

I have found lots of youtubers from other countries doin' cookin - but more interested in actual cooking shows based out of non-english speaking countries, and translated.

QuarkMartial
Sep 25, 2004
[This Space for Rent]

BraveUlysses posted:

What is wrong with this guy? I like his recipes but his delivery is the worst.

I was watching his video.
The one on hot chicken.
And I couldn't get past his cadence.
And I found it rather distracting.
He kept doing it.
And it was very bothersome.
But his recipe looked mostly correct.

30 Goddamned Dicks
Sep 8, 2010

I will leave you to flounder in your cesspool of primeval soup, you sad, lonely, little cowards.


Fun Shoe

BraveUlysses posted:

What is wrong with this guy? I like his recipes but his delivery is the worst.

What in the Jesus GODDAMNED Christ, is wrong with this GUY'S voice, that he thinks that TALKING like that, is going to be an EFFECTIVE delivery, of what is BASICALLY a, pretty GOOD recipe?

Goddamn it's like when Alton Brown does the Alton Brown voice and it just kills all my ladyboners for him.

Side note goddamn I love The Great British Bake Off and I cannot believe that Love Productions is being so monumentally stupid to lose three of the 3.5 things that make the show worth watching. If you're not all watching the current season you can use the Beebs Chrome extension to watch it on the BBC iPlayer.

Archenteron
Nov 3, 2006



Chef John is a darling.

Ranter posted:

Hello this is Chef John from Food wishes dot com wiiiiiith.... "you read this in my voice didn't youuuuuu!"

blixa
Jan 9, 2006

Kein bestandteil sein

30 Goddamned Dicks posted:

What in the Jesus GODDAMNED Christ, is wrong with this GUY'S voice, that he thinks that TALKING like that, is going to be an EFFECTIVE delivery, of what is BASICALLY a, pretty GOOD recipe?

Goddamn it's like when Alton Brown does the Alton Brown voice and it just kills all my ladyboners for him.

Side note goddamn I love The Great British Bake Off and I cannot believe that Love Productions is being so monumentally stupid to lose three of the 3.5 things that make the show worth watching. If you're not all watching the current season you can use the Beebs Chrome extension to watch it on the BBC iPlayer.

I used to HATE Alton Brown. Wanted to strangle myself whenever he came on Food Network. Then, somehow, something clicked and I started liking him.

Chef John? Same thing. First time I heard him, what the gently caress am I even watching? Now, love him. Love his intonation, his stupid "you are the fleep-floop of your beep-boop," all that jazz. Awesome dude.

THBBO? Channel 4 can go gently caress itself.

blixa fucked around with this message at Sep 30, 2016 around 07:39

mindphlux
Jan 8, 2004





the first time i heard hitler i was like 'oh god what the gently caress are you on about, your voice is silly and you're so boring' but by like maybe the 7th or 8th time i heard hitler i was like 'aww you're so charismatic and angry and serious about everything i might as well give you mad props!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!'

(USER WAS BANNED FOR THIS POST)

Archenteron
Nov 3, 2006



Come on now, don't get hyperbolic.


I've seen a picture of Chef John and he is clearly more Charlie Chaplin

Aaronicon
Oct 2, 2010

by primus


I am convinced that this Spice Of Life show with this Del lady is just the most subtle dating show on Earth. Every episode is her doing date activities with eligible bachelor's with her kids there to suss out their new dad.

pr0k
Jan 16, 2001

"Well if it's gonna be
that kind of party..."

I liked it when Tyler Florence used to go to housewives homes and charm their panties off.

A Real Happy Camper
Dec 11, 2007

These children have taught me how to believe.


Yo, anyone got that clip of sandra lee making punch during some food network holiday thing where the co-host literally has to take a bottle away from her so she doesn't pour it all into the bowl? My girlfriend does not believe this exists and i have done every possible search on youtube and half the results are pimple popping videos.

Croatoan
Jun 24, 2005

Hold the line, I have shitposting to do.


I still can't believe that Aunt Sandy is basically the first lady of New York.

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Submarine Sandpaper
May 27, 2007

ASK ME ABOUT HOW I GHOULISHLY CELEBRATE THE DEATH OF CHILDREN TO TEACH THEIR PARENTS "A LESSON"


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XPsvHbxpHjM

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