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A former Orange Julius franchise that had a dispute with corporate and now calls itself Julie's Orange Smoothies. Gap, Baby Gap, and Maybe Gap, which is actually an Old Navy. New Navy, which used to be The Gap, then was briefly a banana republic (an actual South American dictatorship, not the clothing store) before the coup. Uncle Ern's pretzels, which just sells Rold Gold in those little conical paper cups. Nordstrom For Her. Thomas Kinkade Tattoos And Piercings. An empty space that still says Gamestop on the front and is mostly possums now. They serve Ivar's Clam Chowder. Management And Security, an office supply store next to the management and security office. Burger Kink. Sole Food Shoes And Seafood. Loofas! Loofas! Loofas! which used to be Bed, Bath, and Beyond, then was just Bed and Bath, then just Bath. Macy's, but not the Macy's you're thinking of. As Seen On TV In Hungary. Adult-Onset Fine Chocolates And Gifts. Rabies Gap, which is also full of possums but not the friendly ones with the chowder. A Sharper Image store that only sells defective overstock like sexually aggressive massage chairs. American Apparent. American Nonpareil. The Illinois Polish Heritage Center. Build-A-Boar. Sears. |
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Sep 16, 2016 13:36
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| # ? Apr 24, 2024 02:48 |
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Child World - formerly a toy store, now a place for wayward toddlers to grab a drink or a smoke while they wait for their parents to come down from their meth highs behind the mall dumpster Blockbuster - formerly a vhs rental store, now an innovative building and construction playground utilizing all the old vhs tapes
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Sep 16, 2016 13:50
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FactsAreUseless posted:
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Sep 16, 2016 14:32
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A pet store called Pets Are Pets where all the fish are dead but all the birds are alive, they're really alive, they're more alive than you or me. |
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Sep 16, 2016 14:39
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Van's Candy And Children's Shoes |
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Sep 16, 2016 14:43
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The Forcemeat Funhouse, a sausage store famous for its Hotdog Hallway, the discount items aisle bombarded by the sounds of disappointing coitus
Bo-Pepper fucked around with this message at 15:30 on Sep 16, 2016 |
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Sep 16, 2016 15:02
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Marge's Large Barges |
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Sep 16, 2016 15:05
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an entire wing that's boarded up with those "Under Construction" walls and you try to backtrack and you realize you got deeper into this section than you thought and after an hour of fruitless searching through the empty labyrinthian halls you realize the entire mall is like that now and you can't find an exit and there's nothing you can do but wait for death |
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Sep 16, 2016 15:12
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Scott Baio's Flavored Mayos |
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Sep 16, 2016 15:14
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Hot Topic, the burn barrel supply store
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Sep 16, 2016 15:16
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Syracuse Mild Thighs |
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Sep 16, 2016 15:22
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Just a wheeled bin full of Hickory Farms Summer Sausage gift boxes sitting next to a dry, cracked fountain. Possibly unrelated, a listless teenager sits on the rim of the fountain. Sometimes people hand him money, which he wordlessly accepts. Sometimes people just take a gift box, eliciting no reaction from the teen. |
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Sep 16, 2016 16:06
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A store that plays Halloween music, which drifts into the walkway and mixes with the Christmas songs the mall plays year-round. |
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Sep 16, 2016 16:15
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google THIS posted:an entire wing that's boarded up with those "Under Construction" walls and you try to backtrack and you realize you got deeper into this section than you thought and after an hour of fruitless searching through the empty labyrinthian halls you realize the entire ftfy Manifisto fucked around with this message at 17:07 on Sep 16, 2016
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Sep 16, 2016 17:00
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is like that now and you can't find an exit and there's nothing you can do but wait for death
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The Lego store- They don't actually sell Legos, It's just an empty storefront where somebody tossed Legos onto the floor.
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Sep 16, 2016 18:22
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Macaulay Culkin's Home security store - For all your wacky home security needs.
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Sep 16, 2016 18:33
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A store that just sells dial-up modems and trackball mice that has been there since 1993. Nobody has ever seen an employee there. |
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Sep 16, 2016 18:33
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Everything |
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Sep 16, 2016 18:39
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Cracker barrel- Bulk barrels of crackers. Mostly saltines. |
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Sep 16, 2016 18:44
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A dusty, disused Things Remembered. The glass of all the display cases is engraved with eldritch runes. A bedraggled old man sits in the back, giggling and muttering and scrimshawing the beak of a live crow |
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Sep 16, 2016 18:46
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Dave's Soda and Pet City an actual store out in Hadley that sells soda and pets and pet supplies, located in the "dead" mall next to the new mall http://www.davessodaandpetcity.com
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Sep 16, 2016 18:52
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Bruce's Loose Mousses |
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Sep 16, 2016 18:54
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Moirai's Oddities has an unusual layout: a long corridor, stretching from the vaguely womblike doorway into unseen gloom. As you proceed, you notice that the merchandise displayed for sale consists of every item you have ever purchased, in chronological order. If you walk long enough you will reach a threshold, on the near side of which is something that may surprise you (it's the Amazon Subscribe & Save order you forgot to cancel). What lies just across the threshold is obscure but almost recognizable. You can keep walking, if you wish.
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Sep 16, 2016 18:56
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A Tilt but nothing has power except a single claw machine full of live rats and also Time Crisis 2 |
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Sep 16, 2016 19:01
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Shhhh! Listen! Do you smell that? The scent of Dorito's and feet, sweat and desperation and yes! even a little shame- with the afterscent of drying miniatures paint. If you follow this miasmic melange of malodorous mischief you will soon hear the sound of rules being challenged and dice being rolled across a table-like assembly made with a sheet of plywood covered in astroturf (it once served as the base for a train layout long ago and has since been repurposed) but is now the platform in which something constructed in a Frankenstein-mix of Lego building blocks, Lincoln Logs, and an Erector set in some crude fortress-like construct in which a group of young men and women argued loudly around. You have found it. Here lies what remains of Henry's Hobby & Hardware Store in the shambles of what used to be a suburban Mecca stripmall in downtown Anywhere. The souls of the food court workers still languish apathetically for your business and the video tape rental places still don't have the movies you'd rather watch but they await you none the less. The gaming arcade's lights have long since been extinguished, but the machines themselves still crave your quarters. If you stand too close to the claw machine, your last moments on Earth may very well be staring down those metallic pinchers of doom coming for your soul! Roll a twenty-sided die now, before it's too late... haha, just kidding. IT ALREADY IS https://i.imgur.com/QKTkerO.mp4 |
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Sep 16, 2016 19:07
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FactsAreUseless posted:Burger Kink. Build-A-Boar made me laugh out loud. Just imagining little disappointed kids getting these custom built coarse haired boars. These are my favorites overall. Great work man. A third American could be American Antimateriel. |
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Sep 16, 2016 20:06
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a Radio Shack that only sells radios, also it's a literal shack held together by plywood and duct tape
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Sep 16, 2016 20:41
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A really bad Chinese place called O'Houlihan's Chop Suey. |
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Sep 16, 2016 22:26
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Rent To Owned, a store that mocks you for renting cheap poo poo |
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Sep 16, 2016 22:27
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An office supply store for unproductive workplaces called Bathroom Jerkoff Supercenter. |
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Sep 16, 2016 22:29
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Top Of Super Buffet Number One All-American Rodeo |
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Sep 16, 2016 22:29
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Top Of Super Buffet Number One All-American Rodeo Express can be found at at the airport four miles outside Schuamburg (toward Streamwood, not toward Chicago). |
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Sep 16, 2016 22:30
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"Almost" Falafel Frank's Flammables Mentos Mori - for all your skull-shaped candy needs
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Sep 16, 2016 22:37
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Benihannigans - Like any good story, ours begins with the descendent of a samurai warrior and a small Tokyo coffee shop. Just after the war, Yunosuke Aoki (a samurai descendent and popular entertainer) decided to start a coffee shop with his wife, Katsu. Wanting to offer something different than other coffee shops in the area, Yunosuke Aoki decided to bring Legendary Irish Hospitality to Japan...Tokyo style! Benihannigans is relentlessly focused on the people, food and experience that define it. Every member of the team “bleeds green” to go above and beyond the casual dining expectations of today. Our new restaurant design is warm and inviting, putting the focus on the food, the drinks and, as always, the highly trained chefs who delight customers with intricate knife work, theatrics, and traditional Irish jigs.
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Sep 16, 2016 23:07
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misty mountaintop posted:Benihannigans - Like any good story, ours begins with the descendent of a samurai warrior and a small Tokyo coffee shop. Just after the war, Yunosuke Aoki (a samurai descendent and popular entertainer) decided to start a coffee shop with his wife, Katsu. Wanting to offer something different than other coffee shops in the area, Yunosuke Aoki decided to bring Legendary Irish Hospitality to Japan...Tokyo style! Benihannigans is relentlessly focused on the people, food and experience that define it. Every member of the team “bleeds green” to go above and beyond the casual dining expectations of today. Our new restaurant design is warm and inviting, putting the focus on the food, the drinks and, as always, the highly trained chefs who delight customers with intricate knife work, theatrics, and traditional Irish jigs. **hums a few bars of saki in the jar-O** https://i.imgur.com/QKTkerO.mp4 |
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Sep 16, 2016 23:20
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Song Of Solomon Christian goods and adult toy emporium |
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Sep 16, 2016 23:40
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Hooters- A dark hole in a wall filled with wide eyed endlessly staring owls. Legends say it used to be a homeless persons jerk off cave but he has long since dissapeared some say you can still hear the porno tapes playing amongst the hooting. |
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Sep 17, 2016 00:26
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Schnooters - the servers all have very prominent noses. Just big honkin' schnozzes. There is zero tolerance for crass racial stereotypes, but a discreet compliment regarding the choanal opening into the nasopharynx will likely be received in the spirit it was given.
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Sep 17, 2016 00:42
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An Eb games A John T's Vape City Vape Zone World of Vape Cultured Vapistry Sears Another EB Games Smoke City Glass and Vapes Custom printed Tshirts and bumper stickers Clowd Chasrz Vapes and Capes: Comics and Juices. A Third EB Games A Sears employee Sbarro |
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Sep 17, 2016 00:42
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| # ? Apr 24, 2024 02:48 |
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Six kiosks selling abelskivers that have all been engaged in a long cold war of advertising and sabotage. |
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Sep 17, 2016 00:45
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