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I remember reading about his whole "death is unacceptable" philosophy or whatnot and thinking "Wow what happened to you that hosed you up in this way that you think all this dumb poo poo" and then I read his autobiography where he describes his brother's death--his grandmother had lots of coping skills and could generally function, while he absolutely could not. For some reason he thought that the idea that she could possibly cope was the perfect example of why death had to be stopped entirely--because people were so exposed to it that they accepted it. Then he mentioned that it was his first time experiencing death, at like 37 years old and I was like "Oh that's why!!!" This guy didn't know anyone or anything that died until he was in his late 30's and so it hosed him up. Every child should know death by like, 14 at the latest.
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Sep 20, 2016 00:46
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| # ¿ Apr 25, 2024 05:47 |
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nXARrMadTKk
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Sep 20, 2016 20:27
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Given a task, I still have an enormous amount of trouble actually sitting down and doing it. (Yes, I'm sure it's unpleasant for you too. Bump it up by an order of magnitude, maybe two, then live with it for eight years.) My energy deficit is the result of a false negative-reinforcement signal, not actual damage to the hardware for willpower; I do have the neurological ability to overcome procrastination by expending mental energy. I don't dare. If you've read the history of my life, you know how badly I've been hurt by my parents asking me to push myself. I'm afraidto push myself. It's a lesson that has been etched into me with acid. And yes, I'm good enough at self-alteration to rip out that part of my personality, disable the fear, but I don't dare do that either. The fear exists for a reason. It's the result of a great deal of extremely unpleasant experience. Would you disable your fear of heights so that you could walk off a cliff? I can alter my behavior patterns by expending willpower - once. Put a gun to my head, and tell me to do or die, and I can do. Once. Put a gun to my head, tell me to do or die, twice, and I die. It doesn't matter whether my life is at stake. In fact, as I know from personal experience, it doesn't matter whether my home planet and the life of my entire species is at stake. If you can imagine a mind that knows it could save the world if it could just sit down and work, and if you can imagine how that makes me feel, then you have understood the single fact that looms largest in my day-to-day life.
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Sep 20, 2016 21:05
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