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Fansy
Feb 26, 2013

I GAVE LOWTAX COOKIE MONEY TO CHANGE YOUR STUPID AVATAR GO FUCK YOURSELF DUDE

Grimey Drawer

Do you have a $38 pair of underwear?  A THIRTY EIGHT DOLLAR PAIR. As an owner of an entire drawer full of luxury undies, let me tell you: they're amazing. Every morning I wake up and put on the best underwear humanity has created.  Each one is made from something extravagant: Egyptian cottons, 17.5 micron merino wools, teddybear-soft modal, and they feel like supportive air.  That's my life.  Now it can be your life.

I'm not selling you anything, this is an exploit. I'm sharing this exploit because you're my friend.  When you shake my hand next time we meet, know this: I'm wearing luxury underwear.  I hope you will be too.  
Here's how it works: Luxury underwear companies are confident.  Each one has a claim similar to, "If this is not the best pair of underwear you have *EVER WORN*, it's free" If you're an honest person, like me, you can only pay for one pair: the best you've ever worn.  If you pay for your entire drawer full of rich people underwear, you're a liar.
 
The Underwears:
----
Mack Weldon
https://goo.gl/sgp4q6
Mack Weldon's "Try On Guarantee" says that if you don't love your first pair, they're free. Be aware that loving a material object is a sign of loneliness. For mental health's sake, try not to fall in love with underwear.

Refund experience: A single email was sent, and they replied the next day that they were refunding the undies.

Template:
trial@mackweldon.com
Hello,
I'd like a refund on ORDER #XXXXXXXX
I like the underwear very much, but I'm not in love with them. Thank you for the fast shipping and great service to date.
----


Tommy John
https://goo.gl/sRhDZU
Tommy John's "Best Pair You'll Ever Wear" guarantee is pretty simple. If it's not the best pair you've ever worn, you'd be a liar to pay for it. The guarantee includes free undies and a shirt.

Refund experience: Two emails were required. First I requested the refund, then they asked "what is the best pair you've ever worn". After I answered, the refund for both shirt & undies was processed.

Template:

support@tommyjohn.com
Hello, I'd like to initiate a refund on order #xxxxx
I believe this refund falls under the new customer guarantee.
Thank you for your time.
----


Meundies
https://goo.gl/OUNi2i
Meundies claims on their page that you are purchasing "The World's Most comfortable Underwear". They also have a "100% satisfaction guarantee". If they don't deliver you the literal "world's most comfortable underwear", then it's impossible to be 100% satisfied, and your undies are free.

Refund experience:
Quick, painless, nearly immediate. One email.

Template:
support@meundies.com
Hello,
I'd like to initiate a refund on order #xxxxxxxx
Thanks for your time.
----


Wool&Prince
https://goo.gl/cT2wkO
Wool&Prince has a "First pair on us if you're not satisfied" guarantee. Their marketing doesn't make outrageous claims, but they do say "you'll love our boxer briefs." If you don't feel true love for the underwear, you can rightly claim a refund and enjoy free undies.

Refund experience:
I didn't refund mine because I legit fell in love, but my friend received a refund to his card a few days after the single email.

Template:
help@woolandprince.com
Hello,
I was not 100% satisfied and I'd like a refund for the boxers on order #xxxxx
Thank you for your time.
----


Keep in mind all of the above are for "new customers". If you've previously purchased from one of the underwear stores above, they're not going to refund you.
That's all for today, more to come. I apologize for not studying women's underwear. I tried yesterday but my mom walked in the room and I became very embarrassed, even though she said looking at the JCPenney catalog is healthy for a young man. Such a good mom. I love you, mom!

If you have any questions let me know, I'll be posting all day.

If you liked this add me to your buddy list on the SomethingAwful forums:
http://forums.somethingawful.com/me...o&userid=197075

Fansy fucked around with this message at 23:29 on Sep 20, 2016

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Fansy
Feb 26, 2013

I GAVE LOWTAX COOKIE MONEY TO CHANGE YOUR STUPID AVATAR GO FUCK YOURSELF DUDE

Grimey Drawer

Absolute Lithops posted:

Merino wool is a poor choice for boxers/briefs imo

it's resistant to odor and at 17.5 micron it's actually thin and cool. I love mine.

Fansy
Feb 26, 2013

I GAVE LOWTAX COOKIE MONEY TO CHANGE YOUR STUPID AVATAR GO FUCK YOURSELF DUDE

Grimey Drawer

donkey salami posted:

The trick is to be dishonest?

That is no way to raise your genitalia

At no point was I dishonest, quite the opposite.

Fansy
Feb 26, 2013

I GAVE LOWTAX COOKIE MONEY TO CHANGE YOUR STUPID AVATAR GO FUCK YOURSELF DUDE

Grimey Drawer

Novo posted:

You said it's the best underwear humanity has created then you emailed all those people and said you didn't like them. So either you were dishonest with them or with us.

Only one can truly be the best, and I paid for that one. The others I had to be honest about, as I'm an honest man. Not a liar who pays for underwear out of sympathy.

Fansy
Feb 26, 2013

I GAVE LOWTAX COOKIE MONEY TO CHANGE YOUR STUPID AVATAR GO FUCK YOURSELF DUDE

Grimey Drawer

You keep the underwear guys. That's why I posted this

Fansy
Feb 26, 2013

I GAVE LOWTAX COOKIE MONEY TO CHANGE YOUR STUPID AVATAR GO FUCK YOURSELF DUDE

Grimey Drawer

E Equals MC Hammer posted:

please don't be fraudulent in gbs thanks

Where is the fraud?

Fansy
Feb 26, 2013

I GAVE LOWTAX COOKIE MONEY TO CHANGE YOUR STUPID AVATAR GO FUCK YOURSELF DUDE

Grimey Drawer


All I ever wanted is respect from a guy named surprise sex stink

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Fansy
Feb 26, 2013

I GAVE LOWTAX COOKIE MONEY TO CHANGE YOUR STUPID AVATAR GO FUCK YOURSELF DUDE

Grimey Drawer

Wamdoodle posted:

Under where?

Always where

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