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I [43F] declined to be my friend's [41F] MoH or bridesmaid and it's causing issues. I'm someone who is planning to be single for life. I've realized I am not really cut out for long term relationships as I like to do much own thing a little too much. I'm fine with that but my core friend group at the moment are generally other single men and women my age so it's not as if I'm lonely or feeling left out. I am also an organizer and I have a bit of a reputation in my group as an excellent Maid of Honor- I have done it 7 times now over the last decade and my spreadsheets and Trello boards are something equally laughed and and revered (yes I know I'm ridiculous and a bit extra but they really do help keep track of things) but in the end, the people I spend effort on have always shown me how much they appreciate it even if they think I'm a bit extra. I have had a high school friend who I've known for awhile now. She's never been happy single but it's taken her awhile to fine the one (she's been seeing this guy for about 2.5 years). Anyway immediately after she met this guy, she predictable cut back the time she was spending with me quite dramatically. I don't blame her, it's the normal thing to do but I went from seeing her once a week to maybe once a month at best or once every 3-4 months over the last few years and it's always with me initiating a meetup. A year into her relationship, I stopped initiating meetups at all so our interactions have been occasional texts like once a month or her liking my social media posts. In the meantime, I turned to other friends and networks and life moves on, at 43, it's not the first or last time this has happened, this sort of thing really hit it's peak when I was in my late 20s to mid 30's so to avoid being lonely, I have a wide network of people and social hobbies. However I got a phone call from her saying that she was engaged so I congratulated her and did all the usual "how did he propose?" and the ooohing and ahhing over the picture of the ring etc. She then asked me to be a MoH. I was honestly not expecting this because we haven't talked in person or on the phone in over a year and half and she hadn't bothered to reach out to meet up at all. I don't feel close to her anymore and honestly I was only expecting to be invited as a guest (if at all, normally the older you get, the smaller your wedding gets). I guess my problem is that I was diplomatic, I told her I didn't have the time to take on MoH duties as I was very busy (which is true but I would have made time for a closer friend). She then asked me to be in the bridal party and I again mentioned that I didn't really have time. She's gotten upset with me because I've been a mutual friend's MoH last year for a friend and helped a lot with the wedding planning and stuff in general because my friend and her fiance faced a family emergency + illness at the time, to the point where even the groom was singing my praises at the thank you speech. But my friend, even though she was in relationship, still met up with me twice a week and we'd have nice phone calls at least once a week. She was present and showed she valued the relationship so I stepped up for her when she needed help. And helping her did take a lot out of me for the 6 months when things were critical but I don't regret it. I feel like with this particular friend, there wouldn't be any payback really for any effort that I would put in. But I didn't want to get into all of that with this individual because I knew it was just giving her ammunition and opening up a can over worms that wasn't going to be easily resolved. I know from enough experience when I've brought issues of not spending lots of time together up, "friends" have thrown my single status in my face as a derogatory thing so now I let people who want to be in my life make the effort and I understand if people put their partner's first but when I have a set of friends who will spend time with me frequently and regularly irrespective of relationship status, I will focus my energy and affection there. I offered to give her my spreadsheets and Trello board to help her out with the wedding planning because I was started to get a sense that she just wanted a free wedding planner in the guise of a MoH rather than me in particular. The conversation kept revolving around how good I was at planning things etc not "I really want to share this experience with you". It's now causing issues in my friend group because other mutual friends have agreed to be bridesmaids but no MoH and people assumed that I would be it. A lot of my friends are completely understanding of the time commitment and the distance and support me but now if I get tagged in a FB post doing an escape room or something - on someone else's wall, I get a passive aggressive comment like "OMG Decent_Moose you look like you had a great time!" from her when she's never bothered before Recently, I got a wall of text from her saying she thought we were better friends that than and that she thought I'd be there for her. I haven't responded so I got another wall of text about how she missed our friendship and she wonders why I never kept in touch. I commented back with a neutral "Life happens doesn't it?" She's then gone and told other mutual friends that I have tendency to cut friends off once they get into a relationship because I'm bitter or jealous and I'm single. At this point, it was kind of predictable that my single status would come up but it still hurts every time. Luckily, my friends have completely had my back on this and one even threatened to drop out of the bridal party but I'm at a complete loss here on how to proceed. I've never had someone do this do me, usually if we drift apart, we drift apart, I've never had someone come back and try to make me part of their bridal party. What do I do here? TLDR: Friend who didn't put effort into our friendship after she got into a relationship wants me to be MoH. I declined and now she's bad mouthing me.
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Jan 12, 2020 21:54
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Smirking_Serpent posted:AITA for taking my birth control in public? That guy is not getting sex and is hot and bothered enough about it that that pill amounts to bragging.
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Jan 12, 2020 21:55
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Beachcomber posted:Man this post gives me serious anxiety. Maybe related to real estate? My family lost a solid family surveying business when all that poo poo went crazy and it sounds exactly like what he's describing.
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Jan 12, 2020 22:01
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Smirking_Serpent posted:AITA for taking my birth control in public? soooo everyone at this table is single now?
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Jan 12, 2020 22:02
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Midnight Voyager posted:Maybe related to real estate? My family lost a solid family surveying business when all that poo poo went crazy and it sounds exactly like what he's describing. It was a one man business so it could be something as basic as tree removal and stump grinding.
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Jan 12, 2020 22:12
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Smirking_Serpent posted:I [43F] declined to be my friend's [41F] MoH or bridesmaid and it's causing issues. Woman knows you have a reputation for doing great planning work, gets mad when you won't do it for her. Her friends have her back, so who loving cares? 
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Jan 12, 2020 22:20
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Smirking_Serpent posted:AITA for taking my birth control in public? A shameful boyfriend. I would have roasted that guy until he cried.
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Jan 12, 2020 23:18
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RenegadeStyle1 posted:My (21m) roommate is becoming extremely obsessed with my (f21) feet and it’s becoming a problem. What do I do? Licarn posted:My boyfriend (21m) of 6 years just lost a bet to me (21f) and won’t pay me the money. I’m really angry. What do I do? This lady is a Chris Sanders character. 
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Jan 13, 2020 00:17
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AITA for nicknaming my blind mother-in-law Roomba?quote:She lives with me and my wife and our children. She's completely blind but knows our house well and finds her way about, in part, by lightly bumping into things and then changing directions.
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Jan 13, 2020 00:43
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Kuros posted:AITA for nicknaming my blind mother-in-law Roomba?  Probably yes but that nickname is pretty great, especially if she's ok with it.
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Jan 13, 2020 01:12
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Clitch posted:A shameful boyfriend. yeah, the correct response when that guy says "we get it, you have sex" is "wait, do you not?" and stare him down and just don't let up on that line of questioning until he storms out.
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Jan 13, 2020 01:17
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Kuros posted:AITA for nicknaming my blind mother-in-law Roomba? NTA, she has a sense of humor about her limitation and so does he and this is far healthier than never mentioning it and alienating her by never speaking of her blindness.
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Jan 13, 2020 01:20
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AITA for 'outing' my ex as a father?quote:My ex, Josh, and I have a five year old son, Alex. We split when Alex was a year old, and we decided I'd have primary custody because he moved in with a bunch of roommates, but he asked to have Alex every other weekend.
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Jan 13, 2020 01:45
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Lol get hosed, guy.
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Jan 13, 2020 02:07
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Who are these people that weren't tremendously creeped out by him hanging out with a small child but upset when its his son?
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Jan 13, 2020 02:13
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Sandwich Anarchist posted:a SEX pill Of course there is absolutely no way to have sex when the woman's knees are together. No Godly way, that is.
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Jan 13, 2020 02:15
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Barudak posted:Who are these people that weren't tremendously creeped out by him hanging out with a small child but upset when its his son? I guess they thought it was like a nephew
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Jan 13, 2020 02:18
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CharlestheHammer posted:I guess they thought it was like a nephew You would say that instead of "my little buddy". I dont go on social media but if I did that would be a "I should call the cops, right?" moment.
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Jan 13, 2020 02:19
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Clitch posted:A shameful boyfriend. That guy is such a shithead. Asking about someone's medication is out of line as it is, and having a tantrum because it is BC is even worse. He needs a swirlie in the worst way.
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Jan 13, 2020 02:21
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Her new goal for 2020 should be timing all her pill times when he is there
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Jan 13, 2020 02:25
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Cat Army
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Barudak posted:You would say that instead of "my little buddy". I dont go on social media but if I did that would be a "I should call the cops, right?" moment.
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Jan 13, 2020 02:26
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datajugend posted:Her new goal for 2020 should be timing all her pill times when he is there Or just hide it in a piece of cheese so his dog level intelligence brain doesn't understand she's taking a pill.
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Jan 13, 2020 02:27
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Bonus point if she shouts BOOONE?! Like captain holt if he comments on it again
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Jan 13, 2020 02:29
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Peaceful Anarchy posted:No, calling a kid my little guy/buddy/man is a normal thing and if you see someone, especially someone you know and doesn't send of pedo vibes for other reasons, doing that the assumption will be that it's their kid/brother/nephew etc, not a stranger that they've kidnapped. I'm surprised none of them asked him who it was, though; maybe they did and he lied. Jumping to considering calling the cops is not normal. I meant if I asked "hey who is this kid" and instead of any response like "hes my nephew" or "its a [x]'s kid" I got the abovementioned extremely evasive "hes my little buddy" I would be concerned.
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Jan 13, 2020 02:30
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Peaceful Anarchy posted:I'm surprised none of them asked him who it was, though Maybe I should spoiler this: nobody on social media gives a poo poo about you, and they certainly don't think that deeply about what you post unless some drama forces them to.
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Jan 13, 2020 02:30
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Without any other context, I would think the little buddy insistence was protecting the privacy of the kid's relationship to the poster, which hiding the fact that it was his son was.
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Jan 13, 2020 02:31
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They did ask and he said my little budd
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Jan 13, 2020 02:32
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he was just holding a budd light in the picture, easy mistake
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Jan 13, 2020 02:47
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Lucrece posted:AITA for 'outing' my ex as a father? This dude should go gently caress himself, both for being an absentee dad for so many years and for his online behavior. What an rear end in a top hat
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Jan 13, 2020 02:53
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I dont get why he didnt just draw a beard on the kid. My buddy Frank from work
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Jan 13, 2020 02:56
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Some friends of mine are raising a niece where they do some verbal work to avoid awkward questions without actually misrepresenting her as their kid (from busybodies who it's none of their business), but at least she knows she's family to them. Basically the opposite of that guy.
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Jan 13, 2020 03:32
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My girlfriend [27F] got upset with me and said that she can never depend on me [27M] because I refused to do something for her that is potentially illegalquote:Spoke to my girlfriend this morning who says she is suffering from a sinus infection and asked if I could call in some antibiotics for her and pretend it's for an animal (I'm a veterinarian). And I told her I wouldn't do it. That would be committing prescription fraud and I wouldn't want to risk losing my lisence or even potentially going to jail if found out.
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Jan 13, 2020 03:41
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"How can you say you love me if you won't risk losing your vet license for me?  "E: also I don't know what Venmo is but it sounds shady as hell given the context
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Jan 13, 2020 03:42
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As a vet you should know this relationship has had a good run but its time to put it down
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Jan 13, 2020 03:43
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pfft, fuckin' narc.
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Jan 13, 2020 03:44
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Malachite_Dragon posted:"How can you say you love me if you won't risk losing your vet license for me? Just a cash transfer app, like using Google Wallet.
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Jan 13, 2020 03:47
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Malachite_Dragon posted:E: also I don't know what Venmo is but it sounds shady as hell given the context It's an app people use to send money to each other, it's fine, I've used it.
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Jan 13, 2020 03:48
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Malachite_Dragon posted:"How can you say you love me if you won't risk losing your vet license for me? Venmo is like Paypal but without the web integration. It's just folks through the app sending money to each other. As far as I know the app's not shady, but last I heard it was treated like sending cash so if, for example, someone got ahold of your phone and sent themselves your bank account's contents Venmo wouldn't do anything to help.
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Jan 13, 2020 03:49
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Dude was trying to make it sound like he was doing that Big Brothers/Big Sisters organization thing because one weekend a month is a lot of time to spend with a kid who’s not yours (so he looks good) and not that much time to spend with a kid who is yours (so he looks like a jerk).
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Jan 13, 2020 03:51
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AITA for not going to my brothers wedding over 'politics'? My brother and his fiancee love Gambia, they have been there many times, they love the people there, the vibe etc. This is their absolute dream wedding, with a very small amount of family and friends in a guesthouse of friend they met on their travels there. Me and my long time girlfriend are both female, so we do not want to attend because of the anti lgbt laws in Gambia (https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/LGBT_rights_in_the_Gambia). My brother assures us there is no problem if we go, the laws are aimed mostly at gay men and that all Gambian people they met were not homophobic at all. He and his fiancee have met many other travellers there that were gay, and they never had problems as long as they were careful. I do believe this, and we aren't a couple that is into PDA anyway, so it wouldn't be hard to pretend to be friends. I still do not want to go to this country and frankly think it's wrong that my brother chooses to celebrate his love in a country where mine is illegal. Our parents are very angry at me for this. Their view is that nothing would happen to us, so they cannot believe I would miss my brothers wedding over 'politics'. They point out many gay people travel to Gambia every year just for a holiday and so why can't we do it for my brothers wedding? My brother is more understanding, but very upset as they honestly never anticipated this because of their very positive experiences there. They were very excited to be able to share this place they love so much with the people they love the most. WIBTA for staying with my original decision of not going?
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Jan 13, 2020 03:58
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