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Smirking_Serpent
Aug 27, 2009

My [21m] girlfriend [20f] called out the name of (she claims) an Overwatch character during sex?

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Smirking_Serpent
Aug 27, 2009

McGavin posted:

I hope it was the gorilla.

Man, I wish. She said "Jesse" and the guy didn't know if that was legit (he had to look up it was the cowboy) or if she was using the lamest cover for cheating of all time.

Smirking_Serpent
Aug 27, 2009

Incoherence posted:

Who the hell calls McCree by his first name?

The redditors theorized it must be someone pretty deep into the fanfic/fanart rabbit hole, which I guess makes sense?

Smirking_Serpent
Aug 27, 2009

I really wish I could read this guy's post history, but I think he deleted his account and all the comments are gone.

Smirking_Serpent
Aug 27, 2009

I... I don't know what to say.

Smirking_Serpent
Aug 27, 2009

I [25 M] have a hard time finding girls to date because I want them to like The Legend of Zelda

Smirking_Serpent
Aug 27, 2009

Me [26 M] with my boyfriend [23 M] - He is upset I won't play a competitive Overwatch with him.

Smirking_Serpent
Aug 27, 2009

I'm..... weirdly impressed? by some guy managing to get cucked BEFORE starting a relationship.

Smirking_Serpent
Aug 27, 2009

I think this thread deserves a happy ending once in a while:


My sister has been dating her bf for about 3 years I think. Recently they have been dealing with some relationship issues, I don't know a lot about it but they're having some problems. Basically my sister has been telling everyone that she's going to marry him and have babies and that things are going to be fine again.
This is such a bad idea I can't even. I mean, maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaybe he can put some sense into her by having a serious conversation, but this is absolutely crazy. Marriage won't make their relationship better. Even if you love someone and decide to marry them, if something happens and you have to divorce, divorce is just such a pain in the rear end. Now having kids is a completely different thing. You DO NOT put human beings in this planet just to get your partner to love you again. That's bullshit, careless and inconsiderate. It's loving stupid and I think it will create a lot of resentment. They'll both have to deal with a human being for 18 years. How do I approach this situation? Her partner knows about it btw and he seems very unhappy with the situation, but I honestly think the relationship is so doomed that he doesn't even care anymore. Help.
TL;DR: my sister is crazy and wants to procreate with her bf so their relationship can "spark up". I don't agree with that


UPDATE:
Just wanted to say that my sister and her boyfriend decided to break up. And also that she's not getting pregnant and marrying him anymore. As some people advised me, I called my brother and asked him to help me. He came over on Thursday and had a serious talk with her.
He told her to think about the future. Don't think about right now. Think about your life in 10, 20, 30 years. Kids won't fix a broken relationship and heartbreak isn't the worst thing in the world, she doesn't own anything to that guy, but years down the line if she decides to marry him, she'll have to deal with her awful relationship and take care of other human beings with him.
At first she couldn't accept it but after thinking about it, she decided that they should break up. Her boyfriend didn't seem upset at all and even though she's sad now, she'll get better and keep focusing on her education, which is important.
Now I have to deal with my crazy family. My oldest brother from Europe is coming over on Thanksgiving... wish me luck. Haha
But thank you so much for helping me! People here are awesome (sometimes). :)
tl;dr: My sister broke up with her boyfriend and decided to keep going to college

Smirking_Serpent
Aug 27, 2009

Me [21F] with my BF [27 M] , 1 year, found he's been searching the "massive cock" subreddit

Smirking_Serpent
Aug 27, 2009

Chomp8645 posted:

If someone gets promoted to manager and their first official act is to crack down on BREAK CULTURE that person is a major rear end in a top hat. Ditto for implementing a name and shame policy on anyone whose dying ember of humanity compels them to attempt escape from the existential hell of a non-stop intellectual assembly line.

Sounds like the dude works for a lovely company and his wife just happens to embrace that company culture wholeheartedly.

Guarantee you this will happen when his wife leaves:

http://www.theonion.com/article/boss-going-away-party-a-little-too-jubilant-1737

Smirking_Serpent
Aug 27, 2009

Me a shy [28 M] started dating a [18 F] Is the age difference too weird?

Smirking_Serpent
Aug 27, 2009

Breasts have made an appearance!

Smirking_Serpent
Aug 27, 2009

My boyfriend [27M] hid my [24F] Bop It from me because it gets on his nerves

Bop It is a handheld electronic game that I LOVE to play. My boyfriend hates it, he says it's obnoxious, so I didn't play in the same room as him. Well, that wasn't good enough, he said he could hear it all over the house and asked me not to play when he was home, or go outside, but it's December? We live in Michigan. I asked him couldn't he wear headphones when I played Bop It? He reluctantly agreed, but then last night my Bop It went missing.

At first, my boyfriend said I must have misplaced while drunk. Yes, I was very drunk. After looking for it to no avail, I started to get really depressed and my boyfriend admitted he hid it from me and refuses to give it back. What do I do???

TLDR: Boyfriend hid my Bop It from me because it annoys him and he hates it, refuses to give it back.

edit: reading the comments, she admits that she's kind of obsessed with Bop It, and she wants to play it non-stop. Commenters are making some headway getting her to consider cutting back.

Smirking_Serpent fucked around with this message at 01:37 on Dec 14, 2016

Smirking_Serpent
Aug 27, 2009

loquacius posted:

that thing seemed obnoxious as gently caress from the commercials alone yeah

Just imagine hearing this every day for hours?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yFWB4CqQslE

Smirking_Serpent
Aug 27, 2009

My GF [23F] constantly asks me to take part in a sexual thing I'm not comfortable with. How can I [22M] shut this down and not feel guilty?


I'll get straight into it.. basically, My GF Tina came to me last week saying she has a fantasy she's wanted to try for a long time. She wants to watch me have sex with her best friend on a regular basis. We're all quite close and apparently this is something they've discussed but neither have been with a guy they wanted to do it with until now. On paper this sounds great.. Lauren is very attractive and I know her well. But.. I don't want to have sex with anyone other than my GF, I don't care who it is. I just don't have an ounce of interest so I told Tina and she was disappointed.

The thing is I never usually say no to anything sexual with her. I'm quite submissive in the bedroom so often it's her having her way, which I enjoy, but that's because its with her and I love her. Anyway, she keeps pushing this. I get home from work and its all about how this is every guy's dream ect. (I don't think it is) and that having the chance to have sex with two women whenever I want is something I shouldn't say no to. I keep saying why I don't want it but it falls on deaf ears. I haven't felt this kind of anxiety since I was 18, I feel bad for denying Tina something she really wants and I also have the sinking feeling that she will never be truly happy until I give in.

The other part of this is my friendship with Lauren. We sometimes hang out just the two of us and she's asked why I don't want to, if I don't think she's attractive and that kind of jazz. I was diplomatic and shut it down but how do I best handle this? I'm very inexperienced with relationships so I have no clue.

How do I handle this?
Thanks!

A woman trying to cuck herself, and the guy turns her down? :monocle:

Smirking_Serpent
Aug 27, 2009

I [30F] just discovered breast milk in my freezer. I think I found my husband's [32M] secret hardcore fetish. Where do I go from here?
submitted 17 minutes ago by Milk_milk_leche

Husband and I have been married for 3 years, together 7. I was looking around my wine cabinet cause it's Friday and I want to drink when I came across a peculiar handwritten note hidden way up high. I read the note and it was instructions on how to un-freeze milk. I was confused because I've never had a baby and we don't freeze the milk we get from the store.

I remember my husband had mentioned in the past that he wanted to try breastmilk and wanted to see a woman lactating because it was some sort of fetish for him. We've been unable to get pregnant so I couldn't help him out in that regard.

My husband has lots of fetishes though...stealing panties, wanting to open the relationship, and those I've indulged with him. Yes, we've had an open marriage for like a year or so. Honestly it's worked out alright for us. I'm not really the jealous type so him being with other chicks doesn't bug me. We've figured out the rules and we follow them.

My issue is I had no idea that he actually got breastmilk from someone and was keeping it. I know he had talked about it but I didn't think it would escalate to that.

I know it's natural but I'm pissed because a) I had no idea it was there and b) it's something I might not be able to give him ever and c) that's food for some baby and also d) the girl that gave it to him wrote "happy Valentine's Day" on the bag. I don't even think we did anything special for Valentine's Day, it's not a holiday we usually care to celebrate.

Where do I go from here? I am so mad at him for keeping secrets. You should feel alright to tell your wife things, especially one that's open minded like me.

He got burned bad by a therapist growing up so I understand where he's coming from about wanting to keep his fetish a secret but still. I feel like I still have a right to be pissed.

tl;dr Found secret stash of breast milk in my freezer, pretty pissed at my husband for keeping secrets. Wat do?

Smirking_Serpent
Aug 27, 2009

Update: My (24F) partner (23M) is getting popular on Twitch and it's killing something we used to love doing together

Info: We've (24F and 23M) been exclusive for about 6 months, and we've been involved for about a year.

He's really good at this one video game. I used to love watching him play. I grew up with an older brother so I got to sit back and watch a ton of classic video games. So I just kinda enjoy the action of everything second hand more than I do playing.
I think he liked me being around when he played, too. It's kinda what lead us to spending more time together since games are something we both enjoy. Plus I'd rub his back and scratch his head and make us little snacks or drinks. His core friends all knew me and would include me in their conversation between rounds. To be honest...the major part of our time together is spent playing games. And I liked that.

Like I said he's actually pretty good and really funny. As a result he gained a Twitch following. Now when he starts streaming he asks me to go sit on the floor or go to the other room because I'm "in the shot." If I ask him anything while he's streaming he'll mute the mic or pause the stream. If his friends still ask about me I wouldn't know because he doesn't relay the info.

Just now it kinda came to a bit of a head. I went over to his house, we had lunch, and he started streaming in the front room. I was asked to go to the other room. My feelings got hurt and I said "I can hang out by myself at home." And I left. About 10 minutes after I left I got the text messages saying "I'm sorry I'm a nerd" "I'm sorry I'm a loser" "I'll stop streaming in a bit so please come back." "I love you" etc...

And that's not what I want. He's good. He's funny. He likes the attention. I don't want to take that from him. Plus he really loves it. If I make him stop...I'm afraid he'll resent me. But I also get really hurt when he asks me to leave the room or treats me like I'm some kind of weirdo who wanders in front of the camera on a film shoot. I feel like he took something that I used to love away from me.
How do I address the situation without being controlling but still protecting my feelings?

Update: Found snapchats to one of his followers. They were nudes. Guess that explains why he didn't want anyone on the stream to know he had a girl.
Gonna go get my stuff tonight. Turned out to be a much sadder, but simpler thing than we all thought.
Thanks for all your support and advice. Hope 2017 is better.

Smirking_Serpent
Aug 27, 2009

(49/M) getting weird signals from a girl (25/F)
First off, the age difference, I know. No need to comment if that's all you want to talk about, or how I should be going after women closer to my age. I've heard it already.

So I met this girl at a nightclub Saturday Night, nothing crazy but just a couple hours talking with some other people. Had a nice time, good conversation and all, and at the end of the night I get her number. The next day (this is Sunday), she shoots me a text and invites me over to watch some Netflix with her.

I go over with some snacks - just a salad and a few energy bars because I can't eat like a 20-year-old anymore - and she's there with a female friend helping the friend dye her hair. But it's cool, the friend is cool, so the three of us watch some Netflix. During this time - the girl I'm interested in is sitting very close to me on the couch. You know that closeness that would be uncomfortable if it was another guy? That. Anyway, things are going pretty well.

Until she lets me know that she met a guy on tinder and invited him over to the apartment. What? Tonight? Yes, tonight. I hoped the guy would flake, but sure enough this 30something guy comes strolling into the apartment, and immediately he looks uncomfortable and starts checking his phone. So I'm thinking, just leave buddy, we don't want you here. But he stays, and eventually orders sushi, and you know unlike all these 20 and 30-somethings I actually have to work early Monday morning, so I'm getting frustrated now. And the guy wasn't a douche or anything, but you know he's on a tinder date.

A couple hours pass watching Netflix (The OA) and I've had it. I go to the bathroom, but excuse myself and say I'm going to leave. I take the energy bars but leave the salad and make a hasty exit - didn't even close her apartment door the whole way shut to show that I wasn't happy. I get back to my place when she texts me saying she's sorry, she thought the tinder thing would be a funny joke but it wasn't that funny. I tell her it wasn't, but she says that the tinder guy left with her hair dyed friend, the apartment was empty, and she wanted me to come back to "make it up to me". Long story short, I drove back and we made out in her bedroom for 40 minutes before I went home again to get sleep.

I'm just confused as to whether or not this girl has feelings for me. I'm not the most attractive guy, despite being in shape, and usually prefer to just hire escorts instead of going through the ridiculous courtship dance with all these games. I'm not sure why she'd invite a tinder date over when she was already spending time with me, and it makes me think she isn't interested. But then again, we made out for 40 minutes.

Any advice? Should I keep going after her? Why the hell would she invite a tinder date to our hangout?

tl;dr Girl asks me to come over, invites over tinder date as well "as a joke", not sure what thats supposed to mean

Smirking_Serpent
Aug 27, 2009

Mirthless posted:

is overwatch even the kind of game where your girlfriend could make your whole team lose or is this some goony redditor dunning-krugering his girlfriend?

it'd be hilarious if they were equally bad and he just blamed her because she was in reach

It depends? I mean you get 6 players per team, so a bad player isn't completely insurmountable. A lot of it depends on how well the rest of the team is coordinating, what stage they're playing, and the characters that the players picked. It's probably not going to be some kind of completely obvious epic mistake on her part that everyone can see, but she'll definitely slow the team down and be an easy target when they're losing. Luckily she won't directly make the opponents stronger like in MOBA games.

Smirking_Serpent
Aug 27, 2009

Mirthless posted:

yeah the fact that she's clearly not an accelerationist, but a conservative who drank the kool-ade, lol

how did they even get together? did he not tell her he was a muslim until they'd been dating for months or something?

i bet they have one of those relationships where they hatefuck constantly and the sex is awesome so they think that's a foundation to build a relationship on while still trying to reconcile their differences (hopefully this one collapses before they have kids and get divorced and she makes a 30 page long post to /r/relationships that's basically just a transcript of "not without my daughter")

I mean Grover Norquist has a Muslim wife so I guess it's not impossible, depending on how you compartmentalize politics and your personal life.

If you want something way weirder, the founder of one of the most popular Nazi podcasts was doxxed and it turns out he's married to a Jewish woman who even made appearances on his show. I don't even know how you begin to reconcile that.

Smirking_Serpent
Aug 27, 2009

Last night I went out to the bars with some friends. It's not a big deal and it doesn't happen very often but last night I ended up staying out too late and drinking too much. I was in near constant contact with my wife so she wouldn't worry and me staying out didn't seem to be a problem. Plus I knew I had a work day where I could more or less zone out and reddit/youtube all day so last night was a great night for me to go out.

I got an Uber home and looked at my phone to make sure the payment went through and noted it was exactly 3:17. The ride had taken about 45 minutes and I had to go to the bathroom in the worst way. I knew that if I unlocked the door and used either bathroom (both are close to our room) I would wake her up. So I waited for the Uber driver to round the corner and proceeded to take the longest, most satisfying pee of my entire life right into a bush.

I heard the front door unlock and being both buzzed and relieved at "relieving" myself, I saw my wife and said "hey babe! be right in!" She slammed the door and locked the deadbolt. After I was done I unlocked the door and found that she had locked herself in our room and was unwilling to talk to me. I figured she was just upset I'd gotten home so late, so I tucked myself on the couch and set my alarm.

I was out of the house before she was up and had to shower at the gym at work. No problem. Or so I thought.
I came home to an empty house with the the following note (this is most of it):

David,
I am disgusted by you. I am disgusted by what I saw last night. I am disgusted that you would have so little respect for the home I have built for us that you would do what you did last night. You do realize that we live in a neighborhood with families? Or do you? Do you understand what could have happened to you, to me, to us had you been seen by one of the neighbor's kids? I don't think you do. I truly don't think you do. Your cavalier attitude towards me last night instead of expressing any shame, any remorse or any shred of humanity only tells me that you don't understand the gravity of your poor choices. This is what you must do to start making this right: by the time I get home tonight you need to go around to all the neighbors and apologize for what you have done and offer to make whatever amends they demand. As for me, I will spend the day considering what you will do for me. I will see you when I see you.

Yeah...so just a little GD dramatic. I wish this wasn't out of character for her but she tends to overreact at most little things. But this one is even a little bit overboard for her.

Needless to say I'm not going around door to door to neighbors, most of whom we've never met, all of whom have absolutely NO idea that I peed on my own bush at 3:17 in the loving morning.

My question for r/relationships:
do I just lie and say I went to the neighbors and hopefully let this blow over?
do I tell her how utterly ridiculous this is and the only way any of our neighbors would know I peed in my yard would be if I was stupid enough to tell them? This will cause a month long fight which will make my house feel like a walk in freezer.
Any options anyone else can think of.

tl;dr: My wife caught me peeing in my own front yard after coming home from the bars at 3AM. She is demanding I go door to door to apologize to the neighbors. I'm not doing that but do I lie to her and say I did or do I point out how ridiculous she is being. Or any other options to get this blow over.

Smirking_Serpent
Aug 27, 2009

Me [32 F] with my date? [32 M] of a few months--am I crazy or is he waving tiny red flags?

I've been talking to this guy for a few months and am getting increasingly creeped out by him. My friends and family insist I am being judgmental and mean.

He constantly talks about how much he loves his sister, her husband, his brothers, and their kids (he sent me a picture of the kids the first day he texted me. I reacted poorly to that. Not his kids, should not be sending strangers their photos, what the hell!)

Any difference of opinion we have is met with "I respect you I respect that you have a point of view I am a very respectful guy I am a nice guy. I am a really nice guy, everyone thinks I am a nice guy." Unless it's about church, then he tells me there is no excuse to not go.

He monologues every time we talk on the phone, often times interrupting me or cutting me off after asking me a question, all while talking as fast as possible. We have had the same conversation every time he calls (him telling me inappropriately personal things for our acquantance, like vivid detail of family members deaths). I have told him this, and he immediately interrupts with the "I respect you," spiel, again as fast as possible. Then goes right back to what I objected to and restarts the story. I have hung up on him several times for this already.

He always talks at lightning speed and in the rare times I can get a word in edgewise, no acknowledgement of me having said anything happens. He bulldozes on, jumping subject to subject again speaking extremely fast.

The most annoying part was him telling me "My sister said I should tell you you are beautiful. You are really beautiful, beautiful." I flatly told him that he was insincere and to not call me beautiful if he didnt mean it, and to address me by my name. He lapsed into the I respect you," speech again.
I dont know if he has some kind of disability, or if he's just plain insane. Some things he does are similar to my autistic sister, some are similar to people I know with adult ADHD. Then again some are just batshit insane.

Edit to add Every day he texts me morning, noon, and night to have a good day, he hopes work is going well, and he hopes work went well, and that he is praying for me. I dont even text my mother that much. It feels very much like forced intimacy and I tell him to text less.

My friends are insisting I am cruel for not wanting to give him a chance, because he's very good looking. I think I should run for the hills and cancel the date (that he asked me out on, but I have to plan. Because he likes everything I like and wants to do anything I want to do.)

Good people of the internet, should I put my good running kicks on, or is he exhibiting a disorder I should be sensitive about and work with?

tl;dr: He rambles nonstop about the same things, tells me I'm pretty when his sister tells him he should, reiterates constantly that he's a respectful and nice guy, speaks at a super fast pace jumping subjects constantly, etc....and I am getting increasingly creeped out by it all, but he may have a disorder I am not aware of.

Smirking_Serpent
Aug 27, 2009

The whole "respect" speech really creeped me out. Someone on reddit says it sounds like something his sister told him to repeat but he has no idea why he's saying it.

Smirking_Serpent
Aug 27, 2009

Me [20F] with my SO [35M] freaked out about me mentioning that I am on my period and said I was acting unladylike

Hi reddit, basically as the title says, my SO freaked out when I told him that I am on my period.

For context, BF (Joe) and I have been together for 6 months. He's a great guy and my first real boyfriend. This is also the only real blip we've had in our relationship, because he's very keen for me to move in with him.

So basically my period started last night, and the day it starts I sort of always feel a bit icky, bloated and can get some pretty bad stomach cramps. Last night my cramps were particularly bad, so I decided to stay in bed with netflix. Joe was over and asked me what's wrong. Well considering menstruation is a fact of life, I basically said to him, "nothing's wrong, I just have my period and I feel a bit gross". Well Joe freaked the gently caress out and said to me that it's unladylike to speak about that in front of men, that he doesn't want to hear about it, that it's inappropriate, gross and disgusting to mention that to your partner.

Joe is my first real boyfriend, so I apologized to him because I sort of see where he is coming from, because periods are gross and its not something that men have to deal with. I think he accepted my apology, but he didn;t stay the night at mine and went back to his house. I never really got a chance to talk to him about it, because whenever I mentioned how it's not a big deal, that it's normally he would block his ears and say I am being disgusting.

Am I right to be a bit annoyed with my SO? I mean all I said was "I have my periods, so I feel a bit gross and bloated", I dont think that's too gross to handle. Is it a normal reaction for your partner to be so averse to the mention of periods?

tl;dr: Mentioned to my SO that I have my periods, he freaked out and said it's gross, crass and unladylike to talk about infront of men

:murder:

Smirking_Serpent
Aug 27, 2009

(NSFW) my (25f) BF of 1 year (29m) enjoys performing a "naughty" sex act on me that I don't mind but don't really enjoy. He could do it for hours if I let him, should I just tolerate it because he enjoys it?

submitted 3 hours ago by Banal1234

Ill spare any suspense and just come out and say he loves licking my butt. I didn't let him for a long time but decided that as long as everything is clean, it's ok.
Well the issue is, it's by far his favorite sexual thing...by far. I mean the only porn he watches is butt licking, he would be happy not having an orgasm for weeks if I just let him lick me there--he just loves it. Don't get me wrong, our sex life is great otherwise and he has a much larger than average penis and is very attentive to all areas of my body. But the issue is he could lick me there for hours...and I mean hours. It's not the worst thing ever but it just gets...boring and I lose sensation after just a few minutes. I swear I could just sit and browse Reddit while he's going at it, that's how non-eventful it is for me but he really wants me to moan and talk dirty to him while he's doing it and he just as into it as he is.
Should I just humor him and let him do his thing?

tl;dr: BF loves licking my butt for a really long time. It doesn't do much for me and I just find it boring. Should I just humor him and let him do it?

I have to give her credit for coming up with a funny throwaway name, and actually telling us what the sex act is instead of being coy.

Smirking_Serpent
Aug 27, 2009

"Ryan" and I have been together for 6 months. We live together, I needed a roommate, he needed a place to stay, it worked out.
Anyway. Him and I were folding laundry lastnight and I started yammering on about random stuff, and one of the topics I brought up was decorations for the apartment. I told him that we have no available wall space and it sucks because I feel like our apartment is super bland, and then I mentioned that when we move into a bigger one once I graduate college I wanna decorate the place with nerd swag.

I told him I wanna get wall scrolls, figurines, posters, and just some stuff to spruce the place up and make it more homie. He told me absolutely not. He hates wall scrolls, its bad enough I have 2 in the livingroom he has to deal with, he doesn't want anymore.
I said that it won't be his apartment, or my apartment, it will be our apartment and he doesn't get to dictate what does and doesn't go on the walls. HE can't just shoot down all my ideas he has to compromise and let me do stuff to the apartment too.

He told me "Exactly, it will be our apartment. This is our relationship which means you have to run all your decisions by me first." I dropped the sweater I was folding and told him straight up that I absolutely do not have to run every decision I make through him first, he does not get to dictate what I can and can not do, if I wanna do something I'll do it and if I want a wall scroll in our future apartment we may or may not be renting, I will go out and buy one. If he hates it so much I'll put it in a room that he doesn't go in very often.

He then informed me that I DO infact have to run everything through him first, and he said if I decide to get my hair done, I need to run it by him first, if I wanna get my hair cut, I need to run it by him first, if I wanna buy something, I have to run it by him first, etc etc.

We went back and forth for a bit, I then informed him that if I plan on getting my hair dyed next week and I'm torn between dark purplish red and dark reddish brown. I then informed him I'm growing my bangs out because I hate the short side bangs and he frowned at me and told me he disapproves, he prefers me with brown hair and short side bangs but I said "Well its my hair, I wanna dye it, I hate my bangs short, I'm changing it up." He spent several minutes trying to talk me out of it and basically telling me how much he prefers my hair the way it is but I wouldn't budge, I haven't dyed my hair in almost 3 years and I hate my bangs short they get in the way and they're impossible to tie up.

We dropped the subject after that, and went into the livingroom to watch a movie but I'm still super bothered by what he said. Like, I'm his first serious relationship, and he's my third or fourth but am I missing something here? I didn't realize that I had to get the "Okay" from my SO whenever I decided to do or buy something... Is this some sort of unwritten rule or is my boyfriend being ridiculous.

I need some outsider opinions here. Is he right, do I need to get his approval for things like decorations and me changing up my hair, or is he in serious need of a reality check?

tl;dr: My boyfriend informed me lastnight that because we live together and are in a serious relationship that everytime I make a decision, whether its me buying something for the apartment or me deciding to change my hair, I have to run it through him first. I told him that I absolutely do not and this is not some sort of dictatorship where he controls what we both do and don't do. Does he have the right, as my SO, to tell me what I can and can't buy and what I can and can't do to my hair? OR is he just being ridiculous?

He seems like a controlling rear end in a top hat, but I get being an authoritarian to stop the wallscroll menace.

Smirking_Serpent
Aug 27, 2009

As always, the Onion was here first!

http://www.theonion.com/article/description-of-sexual-fantasy-changing-with-girlfr-2282

Smirking_Serpent
Aug 27, 2009

I cheated on my wife and I'm living with the other woman. The kids won't talk to me at all.

I'm male, 38, father of 13 male and female twins.
I cheated on my wife with a co worker. My wife kicked me out of the house and we're in mid divorce. I'm staying with the other woman because I really don't have any choice. The kids are not talking to me at all. They've blocked me on Facebook, they don't answer my calls.
does anyone know how to correct this?


13 twins? I don't know if he means 26 kids or like 13 pairs with one extra? No comments, nothing else to the post.

Smirking_Serpent
Aug 27, 2009

WampaLord posted:

He means the kids are 13. There's two kids.

Well, I'm a dumbass.

Smirking_Serpent
Aug 27, 2009

I think Japan sort of separates Valentine's Day by gender, presumably blowjobs are involved on the male day?

Smirking_Serpent
Aug 27, 2009

I[23F] just found out my boyfriend[24M] poops in urinals for fun.

Smirking_Serpent
Aug 27, 2009

Generally, I'd say age gap stories are the best stories, but paternity test stories are quickly becoming a strong contender:

I [30M] asked my wife [28F] for a paternity test for stupid reasons. I hurt her and need help fixing things.

I really don't know why I did it in retrospect. I have no reason to believe she cheated or ever has. In the 6 years we've been together, she has never once given me a reason to doubt her faithfulness. I had no reason to ask her for a paternity test, and I can't even begin to express how much I regret it. The worst thing is having to see her each day and see the sadness in her face that I would ever doubt her. It kills me to see that and to realize that I turned what should have been an extremely happy time for us into this mess.

I think it all started when one of my good friends started talking about how men can never know if they're the father short of a paternity test. This was right after he found out we were expecting. I don't think he was being malicious, but he kept going on and on about how it's weird how you could in theory raise a child your entire life and it not be yours and giving me these horror stories. I tried not to let it bother me, but the more and more he went on about this the more it started nag at me and make me wonder.

That was almost 3 months ago, and after hearing more and more from him a few weeks ago I started dropping hints to my wife that I'd be interested in a paternity test just for peace of mind. She didn't get my hints so eventually I escalated them to the point where she finally asked me point blank if I was asking her for a paternity test. I told her that I was. I'm not going to describe everything that happened after that, but it wasn't good. I ended up sleeping at my brother's house for a few nights, and when I went back home she told me we could do a paternity test after the baby is born if it would make me feel better. Obviously by this point I had realized what a big mistake I had made and told her I was sorry, but the damage was done.

That was last week, and this whole time I've felt lost about where to go from here. How do I even begin to make up for this and apologize? It has caused so much damage I can only imagine. I think what's worse is that even though I've told her many times now that I don't want a paternity test anymore she is insisting that we do it so I won't doubt her. This whole situation is a mess. It's even created problems between me and my family. Where do I even start, and how do I at least try to fix this? I feel almost paralyzed because I just don't know where to begin when there's so much to fix.

tl;dr: Asked my wife for a paternity test for stupid reasons and not because I suspected her of cheating. I hurt her very badly and have made a huge mess out of things. Don't know where to begin trying to fix this.

Smirking_Serpent
Aug 27, 2009

[27/m] My wife's (28/f) boyfriend (20/m) just told me he thinks buying videogames is stupid, as you can always pirate them.

First of all, I know how Reddit is in this type of situations, so if you're here to criticize my lifestyle you can just leave, I've heard it all before.
Second of all, I know the title sounds weird, so just let me explain this one.

I met my wife, Nancy, while we were both in college, and we've been married for 2 years now. After college we both realized we needed to start working to pay bills, so we moved together and started working in a retail store, where she still works.

The reason why I'm not working with her anymore is because I have a huge passion for videogame designing. I really believe that my current project will be a success, and Nancy believes it too, which is why she agreed that after our marriage I would quit my job and join a promising start-up with a few guys that I've known from back in college.

Around the time of our wedding, we met Ben. He was 18, just got hired on his first job at the store, and I felt that he was as passionate as I was about everything vidya. Nancy and I invited him to our wedding, and we really bonded over time.
Then I started working at the start-up, which has been really heavy work and I feel put a big strain on my life and my relationship with my friends and my wife. Due to all the hours I put in, I felt as if my life consisted of nothing else than work and sleeping. I never had any fun and I never did anything with my wife anymore.

Now, my wife and I were never very social people. A "fun date" for us was always staying home and playing some videogames, but after some years you feel the monotony of that setting in.

So a year ago we started inviting Ben over to our place. Every Tuesday and Thursday I'm working nights, so him and Nancy came over at 5pm, and me and him left at 10pm when I had to go to work. We would game for 5hours straight, and Nancy and I would really enjoy having another person joining us. This happened for a couple of months until the exhaustion from my work started to set in, and I would sleep throughout most of the day. Ben kept coming over to game with Nancy at 5pm, but I'd simply wake up at around 8pm, get ready for work, and leave with Ben at around 10pm.
However, this meant that around 4 days a week, I'd have no interaction with my wife, and that really affected both of us emotionally. Her sexdrive was always higher than mine, and I feel like that was the biggest problem for her. Then one day, when I was getting ready to leave with Ben, I felt that I found the solution to all our problems. The next day I thought it over with Nancy, and while she was denying it, I could tell that she thought about it before too.

So the next time Ben came over, I told him that it's alright to spend the night, and Nancy took care of the rest. This has been going on for the last few months, and I feel that it really helped our relationship.

It was all going well in my love and work life, because as of last week we finished the alpha version of the game. I was so proud of it that I took the Thursday off to show it off to Nancy and Ben, and they really enjoyed it. We spent almost the entire night playing it, and I couldn't be more proud of what I had accomplished. Before going to sleep at around 2-3pm, I jokingly told Ben that "he better buy the game when it comes out", and his response was to tell me that buying videogames is stupid, and he told me in a mocking tone that you could always pirate them.
This just ruined the image that I had of Ben. I felt that the respect that I had for him was mutual, as he was one of the first people to congratulate me in my career change, but the tone of his voice showed me his true feelings about my line of work. We then all went to the bedroom for some fun time, but the mixed feelings that I was dealing with just made me go to sleep as soon as I could.

I don't know what to do in this situation. I can't share this lifestyle with someone that clearly doesn't respect me, but I don't think I can afford to lose Ben, either. Nancy is a very shy and romantic person, so I feel like trying to replace Ben would cause her more pain than I'm feeling right now.
Right now it's Tuesday and I didn't tell Nancy anything about how I felt, but they're gonna be home in a couple of hours and I don't know how to confront them about it. Do you think telling him to go home for today, until I figure myself out, would be too weird? Do you think that maybe Nancy should tell him that? I just don't want to lose the good life that I had these few months by being too rash with my words.

TLDR: Wife's boyfriend has shown that he doesn't respect my line of work, and I don't know if confronting him is worth losing the good life that we have right now

Smirking_Serpent
Aug 27, 2009

My girlfriend [F/29] is going to on a vacation to Cancun with another guy.

So a little back story first. My girlfriend and I [M/29], have been off and on for the better part of a decade. I've finally decided that she was the one for me. 7 months my job made had to have me go on extended business trip out of state. 5hrs by car away from my GF. Right before I left I told her how I felt, that I didn't want for her to just be a friend with benefits anymore. That I wanted for us to be a real couple. But we both agreed that trying to start a new relationship would be hard with me being so far away. So we decided that we would remain separate until I got back and we could start things off right. At the same time we both kind of agree we wouldn't be actively trying to sleep around. But if something happened, no harm.

Well it had been really rough on both of us, and while I being the more likely of the two of us to sleep around, she ended up sleeping with a coworker...twice. I wouldn't have been as upset if she had only told me. (We were more then likely going to have poly relationship when I got back anyways) She said she only didn't it because she was upset that I hadn't been home as much as I'd originally had hoped, that it didn't mean anything and that she loved me.

Well a few weeks go by and now she tells me she's going to Cancun with this guy. Just as friends. Now I have talked to some of our mutually friends(more mine then hers) and they have all said that I can trust her. That she is completely honest and only going as a friend.

My concern is the guy she's going with. He a jack meathead and from the sounds of it dumber then a box of rocks. From some of the text messages he has sent to my SO (that I only saw do to a friend) this guy seems like a complete creep. My biggest concern is he's going to try something one night and there is no way my SO could stop it. She has repeatedly said that he's not like that and that I have nothing to worry about.
Maybe I'm just over protective but I'm worried she's going to get hurt.

**TL;DR: Am i just being overprotective and should just trust my GF?

Smirking_Serpent
Aug 27, 2009

The guy (28/M) I've (25/F) recently been dating has told me that he's only ever had sex with women whose time he has paid for.

We met two months ago, on a dating app. I'm fairly new to the world of Tinder and OKC. He was the second guy I had met through a dating app. The first one didn't go so well, but when I met him, I felt comfortable and at ease as if we had known each other for years. We spent hours together on our first date. It was just supposed to be coffee, but we ended up grabbing food after and then going out for drinks.

Because of my work schedule, I don't have a lot of time to go on dates and stuff, so we mostly text. We've only gone out a handful of times. Every time, we learn more about each other. I've opened up to him about my relationship history (the fact that I was engaged a year and a half ago and that my ex had cheated on me, thus breaking it off) and that I've had a few casual encounters since but that I'm ready to start dating again.

He told me that he's only had one serious relationship, in his early 20's, and that it lasted a year. We've also had some very open discussions about sex, and he said he's had about twenty partners. I didn't really think much of it at the time. Although I've only had five sexual partners, I have friends who are in the fifties. It doesn't matter to me. As long as he's clean, it's not that big of a deal.

That said, the last time we saw each other (two nights ago) things got kind of heated between us at my place. We only stopped because my roommate came home and we were in the living room. The moment we relocated to my bedroom, I noticed that he was really nervous. Every step he took, he seemed to be overthinking it, and he overall just didn't seem to know how to go about it fluidly. It got to the point that I stopped him midway through taking my clothes off and asked if he had ever done this before. This being sex.

He told me he had, but that there was something he had been hiding from me. After a few seconds of silence, he told me that he lied to me about his ex. Apparently they had dated only a year prior, and apparently he was a virgin when he met her. As some people do, he went through most of his 20's trying and failing to have sex. I already knew he was on the more introverted side, but I had no idea how much he had struggled socially until then.
Although I was disappointed that he had lied to me, I did understand why he did it. He was embarrassed. He had no idea if we'd last. He had no idea he'd end up liking me and talking to me for as long as he has.

Because he had lied about his ex, I figured he had also lied about the number of women he had been with. When I asked about that, he very quickly told me that he hadn't lied about that part. The adamance with which he had said it, had left me wondering. I asked him if he had really had sex with twenty different women in the space of one year, and he told me that he had, and that as much as he had tried to have sex with his ex, he couldn't stay erect with her (probably due to watching too much porn and desensitizing himself by the time he had a real person in front of him) so when they broke up, he decided to try it with an escort.
Apparently he had no problems with the escort, so he kept at it ... and every partner he's had since has been someone whose time he's paid for.
In short, he has never had sex any other way.
I was in shock.

I could tell that it was really hard for him to tell me. I tried my best to remain calm, but I really couldn't digest it with him there, so I asked him if he could leave. He did. On his way out he apologized for lying to me and he said that he would understand if I never want to speak to him again.
It's been two days. I haven't contacted him since.

Honestly I liked him a lot before he told me all of that. He was awkward, but in a way that was almost endearing. At most I figured he was just shy. I'd like to be open minded, but don't know if I can date someone with his history. And honestly I feel kind of embarrassed now, but I can't figure out why that is. I'm not the one who lied.
The crazy part is that I still like and miss talking to him.
He texted me early this morning asking, "Have I ruined everything?"
I don't know what to say.
How would you feel about something like this?

tl;dr He originally lied to me to cover up the truth regarding his sexual history. I get why he did it. But I still feel really stupid and embarrassed now that I know the truth. And I like him too much at this point to just brush him off. What should I do?

UPDATE I haven't replied to his first text, and he's just now sent me another saying, "I guess it's over then," with a photo attached to it. He printed off one of the photos that I have on OKC, and, going by the stains on the paper, jerked off to and onto it. I might just vomit.

Smirking_Serpent
Aug 27, 2009

My [25/F] dad [58/M] made some incredibly racist remarks towards my [25/M] fiance when we told him we were getting married. We agreed to not invite my dad to the wedding but my fiance never wants him to see our kids even though my dad wants to work things out.Relationships

We thought he'd be extremely happy. He threw a tantrum. It was ridiculous. It was crying,screaming, cursing our future kids because he didn't want black grand kids. Him telling me it was ok to date a black guy but not marry one in front of my fiances face. It escalated to physicality when my dad tried to charge my fiance and my fiance threw him to the ground.

I was caught off guard because my dads known him since our freshman year of college. He's been on multiple vacations and helped him get his start in Real Estate.
As a result My dad is no longer coming to our wedding. It was a hard decision to make, but my fiance didn't want him there. His family didn't want him there and he/his family made it clear if my dad was going to be there then they weren't coming. I'm extremely angry because our families were very harmonious and now they all look at me like I have those feelings too.

I tried to make the wedding a concession so that we could move forward but my fiance is absolutely hell bent on having no contact with my dad at all. We're currently talking about kids and I want to stay close to our families. He said he's fine with that as long as I understand that my dad will never see, touch, or interact with our kids nor will they be going over to my parents house because my dad said he didn't want black grand kids.

Not getting invited to the wedding was a huge blow to me and my dad, so he's trying to change but my fiance is having none of it. He blocked my dads number and any time I mention him he just stops talking or leaves the room. I invited my dad over last night to work things out and when my fiance saw he was there he left our apartment.

He told me explicitly he "loving hates my dad" and not to invite him over again if he's going to be home. My dad says he's sorry, but I understand my fiances anger. I wouldn't want to be around someone who said that either.

My fiances totally fine with my mom, and she's tried to talk to him and he still shuts down.
What do I do? I don't want to have to pick my future husband over my father, but I understand where he's coming from and I'm in love with him and have been for a very long time, so I'm going to marry him.

My dad's tried sending stuff to his office and calling him but he doesn't get a response.

Is there anyway to resolve this? I really don't want to have to sneak my future kids over to my parents nor do I want them knowing what my dad said about them. My Fiance said from the time they understand what race is they'll know their grand dads a racist and I don't think it's fair to deny him a relationship with them while allowing them one with the rest of my plutonic family.

TL;DR Dad my racist comments when we told him we're getting married. He's not invited to the wedding. He's seen the errors of his ways but my fiance will have no contact with him and doesn't want our future kids too either.

Smirking_Serpent
Aug 27, 2009

Plenty of people change. I used to dislike carrots. But if you're so loving racist that you charge at your daughter's fiance when they announce their engagement, you might be a lost cause.

Smirking_Serpent
Aug 27, 2009

I love my mother, but sometimes she's wound a bit too tight. My girlfriend [26F] and I have been dating for 7.5 years. I fully intend to marry this girl. We've lived together for 3.5 years and still going strong.

My girlfriend and I are polar opposites. She's more sweet and conserved while I'm a bit out there. She's exactly like my mother without the whole "You're my son until you die so let me try to control everything," bit.

She dislikes my girlfriend yet tries to dictate every aspect of her life whenever my girlfriend comes around. I've politely and on two occasions aggressively told her to butt the hell out, but she doesn't quit.

Recently I wanted to add onto my tattoos getting my girlfriend's name. When my father told my mother about this she invited us to Sunday dinner under a ruse and repeatedly brought up articles about how couples who get their SO's name tatted on them either break up, regret it, etc etc. I just nod my head and ignore it. I'm a grown man. I'll do what I want until she bursts out that I'm an idiot for getting my girlfriend's name tatted on me. And to make matters worse my girlfriend who has a sort of tiger-kitten personality when angered jumps up defending me and runs out the door.

I run after her and console her. Like I, she's tired of my mother. After she's gone home my mother cries telling me my girlfriend doesn't like her, she just wants the best for me, blah blah blah.

I'm stuck between a rock in a hard place here, and I'm not sure if this is about the tattoo (still getting it) or more of an underlying issue. I want all three of us to talk it out, but at the moment it doesn't look my girlfriend is up for it. I don't know what to do.

tl;dr: My mom is crazy and doesn't want me to tat my girlfriend's name on my body. My girlfriend is pissed.

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Smirking_Serpent
Aug 27, 2009

My [18F] boyfriend's [20M] friend from work [27?F] is crashing with us for a bit. How can I make her time here nice and why is everyone surprised that I'm okay with this?

Yesterday my boyfriend texted me saying one of his friends, let's call her Taylor, needed a place to crash. Immediately I said yes. He was surprised but happy. Long story short she's a mom of 3 that went to jail for a bit for marijuana possession and is now having a hard time. She got kicked out of assisted living because her boss paid her too much last pay and compensated by not paying her enough this recent pay. She said she's been bouncing from place to place and usually stays at her parent's on the weekend.

After my boyfriend got home from work we tidied up and showed her around when she arrived about an hour later. This is the first time I've met her, although my boyfriend has hung out with her a few times. She's really sweet. Married too, it seems. Keeps talking about her "hubs" and playing with a wedding ring. It's adorable. She went off to work and we went to get some groceries for the night. On the way there my boyfriend called his mum, and she was surprised that I was okay with having a girl friend of his stay with us. Why is that so weird? I just want to help her.

We had a good time last night, talked about clothes and I gave her a pair of shoes that are too small on me while she offered to take in a skirt that's too long on me. What else can I do to make her comfortable for her time(s) here? I have everything a gal needs, like hygiene stuff, food, internet, electricity ect. I just feel bad that she doesn't get any privacy here. She was on the phone with her oldest kid this morning and felt as though she had to end the call because I was giving my dog some water in the same room. So how can I make her feel more at ease?

Tl,dr: Pal of bf's has fallen on hard times, is crashing with us and may have to again in the future. Why am I an anomaly for being okay with this and is there anything else I can do for her?

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