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Drunk Nerds posted:Straight & Fabulous, AMA I'm pretty fabulous as well and I am often mistaken for a gay man by other gay men. This is compounded by the fact that I feel comfortable around them and I am very friendly to my fellow human beings. Also by the fact that sometimes when I'm really drunk I tell people I'm gay when other guys are annoying me with their sexual insecurities. At times this has been a serious problem as over the course of my life I have accrued several gay crushes and one straight up gay stalker who texted me nightly for months despite never getting a response. Sometimes I actually really wished I were gay. I like the way they party, I envy them being a "part" of a subculture and I also realize how goddamn easy it would be to get some manpoon at any hour of the day or night. However, being reasonably handsome, dressing decently, and no being bothered by spending time with gay people is just the tip of the iceberg. I've had friends who had lisps, high soft voices, a penchant for extremely "gay-seeming" hand movements, and a loose, swaying walk that absolutely screams gay. Some of these friends actually were gay and had presumably adopted these affectations as a symbol of identity. Some of them weren't at all and their big cross to bear was every single person they meet instantly assuming that they're gay. I remember one of these friends in college asking me how he could change this and I told him don't bother, it'll be obvious if you try to impersonate more masculine people. Just go with the flow, when someone asks you tell them you're not gay and laugh at their disbelief, and don't give a gently caress about what anyone thinks because there would be nothing wrong with it if you were gay. Plus, I told him he could probably parlay the entire thing into sleeping with a lot of girls.
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Dec 6, 2016 22:21
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hosed-Up Little Dog posted:You're transhetero. A straight man trapped in a gay man's body. holy poo poo man.... holy.... poo poo. I've always heard it explained to me as being a lesbian trapped in a man's body but that notion seems ridiculous and childish next to this enormous wad of unrefined truth. And I always wondered why the guys who had crushed couldn't seem to accept that I wasn't really at all gay and never had been... their sixth sense (the gay one) told them otherwise. Glenn Quebec posted:Boats are stupid, just get a mistress and pay some of her rent. Yes boats are so so stupid. Unless you are literally a fisherman or you live on the water. For some reason my semi-redneck cousins have a new boat or a a new RV or SOME new piece of recreational equipment every time I see them. Their lives then begin to revolve around the upkeep and maintenance of these horrible albatrosses. They are nothing but a source of anxiety all year and even if/when they do get them out to the nearest lovely lake, the anxiety only increases that something bad will happen to it. Meanwhile, it just sits in the backyard somewhere all year, depreciating in value by the second, spontaneously generating mechanical issues that won't be discovered until its much too late. And boats just get shittier constantly, it is futile to fight against the devaluation and slow destruction of them. I've always wondered why people are always trying to add so much stress and confusion to their lives without good reason. Sometimes I fight with my girlfriend about this. For me, if something isn't useful on the daily then it's a waste of time and money that will probably end up being a huge problem once you inevitably have to get rid of it.
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Dec 6, 2016 22:55
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Solice Kirsk posted:No. If you're not physically attracted to someone it's just as important as if you're not mentally attracted to them. You can try to "power" through it, but you'll just prolong the inevitable. You have a new awesome friend. Move on. Yeah there's no possibility of recovery here. Something I learned is that the first time I EVER start to think "you know maybe this relationship isn't as great as I thought it was at first" the entire thing is essentially over. If it isn't ended civilly it will end in a spiral of regret and recrimination. You cannot force yourself to be attracted to someone (which kind of sucks now that I think about it) quote:Can't stop thinking about her  
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Dec 6, 2016 23:57
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C-SPAN Caller posted:Who has more than 44 oz of piss in them I do, easily. Especially if drugs and alcohol is involved, I clocked myself at a minute and forty five seconds of solid stream. I'm also a tall man with large internal organs. I'd guess at least half a gallon on occasion. It's me. I'm the pissbitch
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Dec 7, 2016 21:08
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loquacius posted:It's some weird thing some parents started doing at some point where they put a toy elf somewhere in their house which is supposed to be spying on their kids and reporting their behavior to Santa Claus This is only practical if you actually insert a small video recorder into the elf, then download the footage and email it to santa clas. Do they think santa claus is some kind of poltergeist just waiting for parental word to inhabit the body of a plush elf? smdh
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Dec 23, 2016 22:22
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Enola Gay-For-Pay posted:Worth it just for the line "I'm kind of a big deal at Cracker Barrel" I'm partial to 'When I asked for bacon grease they said they couldn't "in good conscience" serve that.' Funny, but almost the least believable part. If cracker barrel had anything resembling a conscience about their role in hastening the deaths of millions then it wouldn't exist. They'd probably sell you the used oil from the fryer and a 64oz cup to slurp it out of
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Dec 30, 2016 06:04
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Yep that checks out I get all my girls that way. They come in for the platonic friendship hug, never realizing that their butt is about to be cupped like never before
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Dec 31, 2016 05:30
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Ben Smash posted:ABORT DE-RAIL. GAS CHAMBER IMMINENT what inappropriate buttcupping or twitch. guess i'd prefer the former if i absolutely had to choose
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Dec 31, 2016 06:51
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The Management posted:Do we believe the catballs thing? Wouldn't you wait until after she ate them to send a report so everyone could know how you loving got that bitch that divorced you because you are a psycho? I found it to be a bit too on-point to be true. Real life doesn't usually adhere so closely to stereotypes, in this case that of the bitter, deluded ex-husband. alternative answer: who cares
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Feb 15, 2017 23:17
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You're leaning the right direction, my friend. Not only would you be getting involved with something that isn't your business whatsoever, as you said you violated the law seriously and could be banished from your profession for life if it came out. That's of course if it was something that isn't HIV. If it is HIV, enjoy your ourobouros of a moral conundrum.
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Feb 16, 2017 06:21
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TotalLossBrain posted:So a 60% reduction in income hasn't affected you much, that's great. People in America place way too much focus on income. I've had wildly varying incomes over the years, both here and in other countries, and honestly most people in America besides the extremely poor have it so much better than they think. Turns out good food can be had for cheap or cooked, a car that gets you from A to B is essentially just as functional as something fancy, and enormous houses can be more of a curse than a blessing. I'd rather have some time more for hobbies, traveling, spending with my girlfriend and family; my old salary wasn't worth the hours and stress that it caused and I had hardly any time to do the things I really love. My life honestly feels better for it and if anything, I feel changed for the better. That's just my perspective on it, making more money does not necessarily equal a happier life, and the lack of luxury or status items shouldn't be a problem unless your priorities are kind of hosed up
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Mar 3, 2017 23:28
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KomodoWagon posted:No, I go before going to bed. Like an adult. haahaha you are actually legitimately hilarious. I'm just picturing you doing your whole I'm a big boy shtick in all kinds of horribly inappropriate situations, then everyone just kinda wrinkles their noses and glances around nervously like "who the gently caress brought this guy to the party"
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Mar 8, 2017 07:01
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GOTTA STAY FAI posted:"Yeah okay we already knew you weren't getting your dick wet, what's the big deal" I like the concept of just dumping on all the ridiculous people in your life in a fesh. That's probably easier for most people than telling the truth about themselves
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Mar 9, 2017 04:12
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Hang in there therapist-loving goon! It may not work out in the end, and you should be prepared for that. Over the years I've gotten to the point where I can love someone wholeheartedly but know that it could all end in an instant and that I'd be okay if it did. Don't put all your shriveled balls in one cracked basket, is what I"m saying. Nevertheless, she's encouraging you, she cares about you, she can help you get some momentum in life! And that's worth putting up with some poo poo for. If she becomes too controlling then draw boundaries, don't let it spiral. But everyone has doubts in a relationship, that's totally normal. They may turn out to be unfounded, they may not. But best just enjoy the ride in all sense of the phrase.
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Mar 10, 2017 02:43
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grumplestiltzkin posted:"How does swimming work? We are lighter than water, I get that, but then how can you dive unless you swallow water?" In addition, a human body is denser than water once all the air is expelled out of the lungs. This is the reason why you can float on the surface with a breath full of air, then blow it all out and you'll sink instantly. And the continent thing isn't as stupid as it seems, but they don't float on water. "Float" is kind of the wrong word but each continental plate does kind of float on an "ocean" of rock (the mantle)which is more like soft plastic because of the heat from the earth's core and the pressure of the continental plates above it. Plates grinding and sliding against and beneath each other is where earthquakes and most volcanoes come from. Even if it was just a joke, I got a big kick out of the idea that you should be able to lift yourself up into the sky. So thanks for that
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Mar 12, 2017 06:15
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Saw that news story about some crazy guy jumping the white house fence and insisting that he had an appointment with Trump. Must've been insane Trump alien guy
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Mar 13, 2017 05:44
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do u even podcast, bro
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Mar 16, 2017 01:07
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When two people OD on heroin at the same time that's more likely a double suicide, not an overdose.
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Mar 23, 2017 03:59
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Axolotl posted:Not true at all. First of all, experienced users can generally make accurate estimates of how much they need. Granted, perhaps it was their first time. Second of all, if I was picking up with a friend one of us would do it first to test the potency; better one person OD and have another to help them than both do it at the same time? In any case, the story is clearly fake and I was the guy messing with the fake person about his fake dead parents. bradzilla posted:The most unbelievable part of this is that a 15 year old posts on SA.
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Mar 23, 2017 17:40
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Arkanomen posted:Proof Heroin addicts are raging idiots and will all OD eventually. Get some help before you die. I don't use heroin, I've just known people who do (since there's quite a few of them these days). Also work on developing your empathy, it'll help you in the long run if that's the push you need
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Mar 24, 2017 03:01
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loquacius posted:pyromaniac daughter drat, that's a tough situation. I recommend double checking all your smoke alarms
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Mar 24, 2017 03:05
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Solice Kirsk posted:This, but I'll also add that you're both adults and you can't tell her what to do. If her doing some coke is too much for you to handle then end it. Otherwise suck it up and keep loving your perfect 10 you square. Yep you're gonna wreck it with all this. Having some party drugs when you're out with friends occasionally is not the same thing as being an addict. On top of that, you have literally no evidence or reason to be suspicious besides the fact that her friends use drugs sometimes. Be happy this beautiful girl wants any part of you. If you begin to notice large sums of money being spent with nothing to show for it or any types of addictive behavior, then reevaluate the situation. But stop being such a goddamn wet blanket before you ruin this awesome thing you've got going. quote:I have empathy, I feel real bad that you're going to have to bury every one of your degenerate addict friends when the inevitably OD. I know you think you're being cool and edgy but I'll just take this at face value and say thank you, I appreciate that. Doubt I'll have to do the actual burying though. I don't look at them as degenerates I look at them as victims which is what they are. The majority of them have gotten clean, some are veterans who have been junkies for decades so I'm not too worried about them, but there are others and I really do hope they get help before they die. The problem is that there's not really that much I can do for them, but I wish there were. Up to this day only one person I know has ODed and passed away from it, but it was on purpose as a note was left. Pretty surprised at that 5 year statistic and wondering if it's actually true. Play fucked around with this message at 22:02 on Mar 24, 2017 |
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Mar 24, 2017 21:55
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KomodoWagon posted:There's a pretty big stretch between "idiot teenage boy" and this creeperino "The word was "grandmafucker", what choice did I have!??" *shoves card into mouth, laboriously chews and swallows*
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Mar 30, 2017 08:29
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loquacius posted:At the end of church he's waiting by the door shaking hands and I go talk to him about this. He just claims Christianity is the one true religion, and I start debating him saying that, even if that's true, why could you take away the same rights from another religion that believes 100% they are true. We debated for about 20 minutes, I was totally caught up in the moment and didn't even realize I left my girlfriend and her family waiting around. Maybe you should learn to keep your loving mouth shut. Useful skill Also I really want to know what kind of grand metaphor the pancake was supposed to represent
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Mar 30, 2017 08:31
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Solice Kirsk posted:I had a girlfriend tell me my eyebrows and hands were the best things about me. Filled me with pride to be honest. That sounds like the last ditch effort of someone desperately trying to think of any good qualities you have and coming up basically empty.
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Mar 31, 2017 03:45
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Solice Kirsk posted:Yeah, I know... I'm sorry buddy, I just said that cause my eyebrows are too bushy and my hands are too big for my wrists 
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Mar 31, 2017 03:50
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H.H posted:I recently met a redhead who legally changed her first name to "Ginge". Yeah. Ginge Minge would be a great pornstar name
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Apr 1, 2017 04:33
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The Management posted:Do comedians go to other countries to reinvent themselves? American comedy doesn't tend to do very well in other countries, particularly non-English speaking ones. Actually one of my friends when I lived in Asia worked for a news station in HCMC. His purpose was essentially comedic relief. He didn't do pratfalls, but the locals loved watching him speak Vietnamese. It's uncommon enough for foreigners to actually learn the language that to them it's like seeing a goat recite skakespeare also he was fat, which is very amusing to asians apparently due to how uncommon it is Play fucked around with this message at 02:40 on Apr 4, 2017 |
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Apr 4, 2017 02:26
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Incoherence posted:Sometimes people wonder whatever happened to the white people who are in pictures from civil rights protests harassing the protesters. I guess we found one, and the answer is "he's still super loving racist". KomodoWagon posted:This is 100% the case, always. People don't improve. I listened to a pretty good radio show the other day related to this- it's about a famous image from the protests in Birmingham and a statue derived from it. Interestingly, it turns out that the whole story was totally and completely different from the narrative around it, even if that narrative was for a good cause. http://revisionisthistory.com/episodes/14-the-foot-soldier-of-birmingham Play fucked around with this message at 09:23 on Jul 15, 2017 |
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Jul 15, 2017 09:09
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vortmax posted:Hairy rear end dude, you need a bidet attachment. It's the only civilized way to go. Truth. There's a lot of making fun of asians and their making GBS threads habits in this forum, but in asia most toilets have a little water gun for that purpose. It's SOOOO much more hygienic. Toilet paper rightfully disgusts me now. I mean think about it, you're just wiping poo poo around your rear end in a top hat. Do you really think that it will all magically disappear by wiping it with paper? No, it will lurk downstairs as a rancid film around your rear end in a top hat and in your butt hairs until you take your next shower.
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Jul 15, 2017 09:43
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yeah I eat rear end posted:I definitely remember one with a similar premise, but the fesher actually got robbed but I could be remembering wrong. This one is jonpop I'm almost positive, dude was always telling stories about seeing prostitutes and deep self-loathing. I recognize that particular brand of disgusting
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Jun 8, 2018 22:16
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Genetic racial differences come to mind as a potentially enlightening topic (in a loving, understanding perfect world) but one that in this world is basically impossible to do the "right" way and no matter the results would probably end up as racism fuel.
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Jun 22, 2018 18:34
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SavageGentleman posted:Shouldn't it be ok for an adult person to write back something that actually adresses the problem? Like "thanks for being honest, but I only like you as a friend. Sorry I can't reciprocate your feelings, but I'm sure we can find a way to keep things cool and positive between the three of us." boooooorrrriiiiiinnngggg re: coke dad; that sounds so loving lame dude. Doing coke at home totally sucks and the first thing I learned to do when I had a lot of it is to only partake when you're going out to party (and don't go out to party more than a couple times a month or maybe even once every few months). Your wife snorting adderall while you take care of the kids is not "partying" lmao it's pathetic and your lives would be better without that. Do a bunch of coke maybe several times a year when you also go out and get drunk, you're just making your life more unpleasant in the end by doing this and eventually it'll catch up with you
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Jun 25, 2018 22:27
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SniperWoreConverse posted:There are a couple possibilities with Will. Will and the OP were abducted and tortured brutally; Will was killed. Memories relating to Will were unconsciously expunged to remain sane. Will had the scientific or supernatural ability to affect the minds and memories of those around him. At first Will thought OP was cool but then realized that he was a needy bitch and he'd probably be better off without. The ultimate ghosting
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Jul 4, 2018 00:44
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anon posted:Lesson learned: Know your limits and lie to cover your rear end. i see what you did there 
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Sep 12, 2018 21:24
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Zero VGS posted:Ah crap, you're right. Well, controlling myself I guess. I don't try to control anyone else. You hate the idea of anything having influence over your character and yet it seems like this fixation on control actually controls you and affects your life in many ways. Sorry man but in reality I have more control than you because I can have a few drinks every now and then without obsessing over a small change in judgement.
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Sep 13, 2018 00:31
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I gotta tell you if my enormously fat wife accused me of low T just because I don't want to summit her massive bulk and spelunk my way through her folds in a quest for a vagina that a dick can't even reach,, I would never be able to stop myself from dropping a marriage-ending string of insults. God drat dude, get rid of that woman
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Sep 13, 2018 22:12
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Sagebrush posted:Yeah if you find a place that costs like $50 or more you will be able to take them a picture of a haircut you like and they will recreate it in a way that works for your head and face. can i show them anime hair becuase i want anime hair
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Oct 10, 2018 00:55
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womb with a view posted:I had assumed that everyone knew about ol' Jazz's gimmick it was more just white noise to me, I had no idea it was all the work of one brave man loquacius posted:As a side effect of this lovely diet I keep taking really massive shits that stick to my butt, to the point I can't use the bathroom unless I take a shower after or I'll get a rash. Get a butt sprayer you fool. It's amazing even if your shits are generally normal and healthy (I am referring to my shits because I am normal and healthy) Breitbart Is Rightbart posted:All confessions are real. In the sense that being compelled to write something like this still gives insight into a person's character, yes
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Nov 30, 2018 02:04
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MarcusSA posted:I think he means sex through a sheet which some ultra Orthodox Jews do. I mean, a furry costume is basically a sheet right. Same general idea
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Dec 15, 2018 01:42
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