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jwang
Mar 31, 2013


While revisiting I Shall Seal the Heavens, I saw this gem of a review on Novelupdates:

Zackarotto posted:

Meng Hao walked into the McDonald's. The cultivator taking his order gave a derisive snort, but Meng Hao did not really care, because he had repressed his aura down to the Single Patty Realm, and a fool would not be able to tell his true level of burger eating.
"Give me... a Happy Meal!"
The cultivator's face flickered before he finally regained his composure and laughed. "You couldn't afford a Happy Meal. Get lost! Don't you see that there are Double Quarter Pounder Realm eaters waiting behind you?
Meng Hao slapped his bag of holding and threw 80 billion spirit McDonald's coupons onto the counter, causing an earthquake which demolished half of the restaurant. Everyone dropped their jaws. None could see how this was possible!
"I'll take that Happy Meal with a side order of fries, " Meng Hao said. He was as calm as the ocean in a painting of an insanely calm ocean. "And let me see your manager!"
The cashier cultivator coughed up a mouthful of ketchup. He simply could not handle Meng Hao's killing intent, because he was only at the Quarter Pounder with Cheese realm himself. Even though Meng Hao had suppressed his aura, because he had cultivated the Heavenly Burgin' Qi, this was enough to kill people a few levels higher if he truly wanted.
It was then that another man which a much more fierce aura stepped forward. "You dare make trouble here?"
"P... Patriarch Hamburglar!"
Patriarch Hamburglar was 99 cents of the way into the Big Mac Realm, plus tax! Meng Hao was pushed back two feet, knocking over a soda machine. Powerade Mountain Berry Blast geysered outward, killing several onlookers.
Of course, Mayor McCheese saw all this happen through the window.
Meng Hao coughed up a mouthful of blood, snorted, constricted his pupils, and then his expression went calm. He unleashed the aura of 64 patties, condensed down to a 2 patty stack that could fit into his mouth!
Mayor McCheese coughed up a mouthful of cheese. His pupils constricted.
"Is this... Seeking the McRib stage??"
Meng Hao had the gentle air of a scholar, but it wouldn't stop him from killing several people in a McDonald's.
"Burger Devouring Scripture! I'm Lovin' It!"
With the first keyword of the Burger Devouring Scripture, everyone below the early Quarter Pounder With Cheese stage exploded into purple mist. The light of the immense heavenly burger shone down with the contours of a golden arch as 9 illusory burgers floated around Meng Hao's body, which is probably an important xianxia number that matches the number of lakes in some sacred Chinese province I've never heard of. But that was only a fraction of Meng Hao's power. He waved his arm, bringing forth thirty more cultivation techniques that hadn't appeared in over 400 chapters!
"Heavenly Tribulation Fries! Eastern Everburning Egg McMuffin! Fruit Smoothie Guillotine! Soul McCafe Mocha Incarnation!"
Meng Hao's expression was the same as ever as he slapped his bag of holding, and brought out his karmic ketchup packet, Fry Cook Lord medallion, seventeen different wooden time spatulas, a five-coloured resurrection coupon, the silk burger wrapper, various souls of lightning McNuggets that he may or may not still have, and his mask of the legacy of Ronald McDonald. Oh, and the image of a flying Chicken Snack Wrap dragon appeared. Remember that? It was basically his Main Thing at the start of the novel, but quietly faded into irrelevance. Until now!
All of this takes some time to describe, but actually happened in the space of only a few breaths.
"What! Impossible!"
Meng Hao wanted to summon the parrot as well, but it was too overcome with eroticism by the purple fur depicted on a nearby poster of Grimace, and was busy drilling out a glory hole straight through the poster, and the wall it was pinned to, with its strong parrot erection.
But it was more than enough. The Hamburglar's soul flew out and was absorbed into his mask! He screamed as his body was destroyed completely.
Meng Hao brushed off his robe and swept up his spirit coupons and everyone's bags of holding which probably didn't have any cool sh*t inside unless I write him into a corner later, and anyways, don't worry about it for now. He surveyed the rubble that was all that remained of the McDonald's.
"Guess I'll be taking that Happy Meal... to go!"

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Megazver
Jan 13, 2006


It amused me.

Argas
Jan 13, 2008
SRW Fanatic




Yeah that's very stereotypical xianxia all right.

SerSpook
Feb 13, 2012



Grimey Drawer

a true masterpiece of the genre

Sindai
Jan 24, 2007
i want to achieve immortality through not dying

Nap Ghost

No determination that can sever nails and chop iron 6/10

Jon Joe
Oct 19, 2011


Grimey Drawer

Considering writing a Xianxia mmo story filled the brim with corporate product placement and all the most legendary moves and items are corporate sponsored

Thousand Swords of Eternal Dao, Brought to you by Microsoft!

Tunicate
May 15, 2012





Jon Joe posted:

Considering writing a Xianxia mmo story filled the brim with corporate product placement and all the most legendary moves and items are corporate sponsored

Thousand Swords of Eternal Dao, Brought to you by Microsoft!

The Will of the Heavens is just the admins banning your account if you cheat too blatantly

Tunicate
May 15, 2012





The Six Hour Probation Tribulation for speaking the Forbidden Words

Fallorn
Apr 14, 2005


Tunicate posted:

The Will of the Heavens is just the admins banning your account if you cheat too blatantly

That or post the image of clippy mpreg.

Jymmybob
Jun 26, 2000



Grimey Drawer

Way of the Devil has settled into a fairly chill way to cruise through clowning on unsuspecting societies over and over with blunt force with often entertaining effects.

Say you only have access to a lovely crane herding skill but overwhelming brute force powers.

quote:

Suddenly, the little white crane opened its eyes and lifted its head as it let out a lion's roar. The feathers on its body erupted and shattered. Only a tuft of white hair remained on the top of its head. The white hair stood erect as the muscles underneath tensed.

"Father." The little white crane straightened up its body, and went down from the rock slab like a human. "I have awakened…"

Herbotron
Feb 24, 2013



Jymmybob posted:

Way of the Devil has settled into a fairly chill way to cruise through clowning on unsuspecting societies over and over with blunt force with often entertaining effects.

Say you only have access to a lovely crane herding skill but overwhelming brute force powers.

that's incredible

gimme the GOD DAMN candy
Jul 1, 2007

Ask me about the hate crime perpetrated against a gay black man, and how it was a real hate crime and totally not fabricated. I am well acquainted with the facts of this actual hate crime which actually took place in actuality.

i've been reading kill the dragon for a while but i don't think i've posted about it before. despite the utterly generic sounding premise, it actually has more in common with ender's game than it does other webnovels. i'm not really a fan of ender's game, but ktd is quite good, and much more reasonable and believable than eg despite being about psychic children fighting interdimensional invasions by dragons.

basically, humanity barely came through the first dragon invasion by first barely killing a dragon with the lovely nascent psychics who popped up, and then arming those psychics with dragon bone weapons. then they learned that another, possibly bigger invasion was coming sometime in the next ~20 years. more psychic children were being born, but there simply wasn't enough time for them to grow up. that's where the eg-esque child soldier training facility comes in. they recruit all the psychic children they can find, with very few of them being korean despite it being a korean wn. training, tests, competitions, etc. follow. for the children that pass, they are surgically and chemically altered until they physically reach an approximation of adulthood. a mental approximation of adulthood is not included. it's weird and gribbly and to the writer's credit that they managed to come up with a scenario where such a thing is both necessary and reasonable.

it's good stuff, the main problem being that only one chapter a month is translated.

Herbotron
Feb 24, 2013



Been bingeing The Legendary Mechanic (thanks covid-19!) and would rate it as solidly above average. Combination stuck in VRMMO and time travel nonsense have the main character act as an NPC in a sci-fi setting, starting from about one year before the players show up. The setting is one where individuals can gain sufficient strength to entirely swing conflicts to their favour, has a bit of a xianxia feeling in that specific respect. It starts with the protagonist having survived some sort of experiment by a secretive evil organisation, and he must escape their control then turn to the task of seeing to it that they are destroyed.

The early chapters have way too much videogame stat idiocy and it's a recurring problem. I can't recommend the novel if that gets under your skin. Stats and numbers are ever present but can usually be safely skimmed over and it gets much, much better about not interrupting the flow of the writing once the author gets their feet under them.

Has some fun stuff where it's implied that everything is real, and the players showing up is a very strange thing. No one knows quite what to make of all these eccentric immortals that suddenly appear one day, except for the protagonist who takes great pains to make himself an "important, main storyline NPC" so he can take as much advantage of the players as possible. Does a really great job of handling escalating power levels, so the protagonist never feels totally safe, and the scale expands in a satisfying manner. It starts with a somewhat grounded conflict but later chapters involve fleets of spaceships and intergalactic politics. Nice amount of humour, even if some of it really doesn't land it's a lot of people being exasperated or annoyed which I tend to enjoy.

TLDR: It's good junk food but boy is it ever junk.

IShallRiseAgain
Sep 12, 2008

Well ain't that precious?

Legendary Mechanic has the protagonist become a gun dealer, but then he uses the fact that the people he is selling guns to are also gun dealers to justify massacring them, and act like he is a good person for doing so.

Jon Joe
Oct 19, 2011


Grimey Drawer

I was also reading Legendary Mechanic until the MC justified genocide because, well, it’s them or the people that paid me!

Arkeus
Jul 21, 2013


Legendary mechanics I gave up on when it gave up on the premise of having the 'awesome players' have any agency or capability that isn't a gift from the protagonist.

Early on there was a lot of bits where it looked like while the protagonist had immense advantages, he also had disadvantages and other people were aweomes. Once they leave the original world, that's far gone.

Homeless Friend
Jul 16, 2007



jwang posted:

While revisiting I Shall Seal the Heavens, I saw this gem of a review on Novelupdates:

god drat i miss that parrot

Tamba
Apr 5, 2010



Bookwalker is (temporarily) releasing a bunch of translated LNs for free
https://global.bookwalker.jp/select...adpcnt=7qM_VsdB

Argue
Sep 29, 2005

I represent the Philippines

I keep seeing people complain about how unrealistic it is that people didn't know about broth in Bookworm because when you're struggling to find food, you use everything at your disposal, but may I present to these people my mom, who just now in this citywide lockdown tossed out a bunch of duck stock, possibly even a liter of it based on how much duck fat she collected (and is also planning to throw out).

Shinku ABOOKEN
Oct 23, 2009

STOP IT

STOP ALL THIS
NONSENSE


Ok I read my first web novel, Reverend Insanity, out of boredom and it's actually not bad. I think the biggest part is that the author didn't gently caress with romance/harem crap and he actually did some planning before hand (after 1500 chapters so far events and characters in the past chapters are still actively involved in the current situation). I also like the clusterfuck feeling of the story. Never a dull moment with that Fang Yuan (biggest poo poo stirrer I've read lol). I wouldn't call it brain food, more like brain candy. But it's very entertaining.

Now my question is, is there any other web novels as entertaining as Reverend Insanity? From what I've read I think I lucked into the best one and the rest are way worse. I need something to pass this quarantine.

gimme the GOD DAMN candy
Jul 1, 2007

Ask me about the hate crime perpetrated against a gay black man, and how it was a real hate crime and totally not fabricated. I am well acquainted with the facts of this actual hate crime which actually took place in actuality.

excluding the many, many webnovels that are effectively serial rapist travelogues, there are a few works whose protagonists are huge pieces of poo poo that come to mind. the most popular would probably be overlord, though i've soured on that over the years. dungeon defense is quite good overall. way of the devil is very odd, but usually in a good way.

what did you like about reverend insanity other than the protagonist being a vicious psychopath?

Shinku ABOOKEN
Oct 23, 2009

STOP IT

STOP ALL THIS
NONSENSE


gimme the GOD drat candy posted:

excluding the many, many webnovels that are effectively serial rapist travelogues, there are a few works whose protagonists are huge pieces of poo poo that come to mind. the most popular would probably be overlord, though i've soured on that over the years. dungeon defense is quite good overall. way of the devil is very odd, but usually in a good way.

what did you like about reverend insanity other than the protagonist being a vicious psychopath?

I liked that everyone was doing their own things. The universe doesn't revolve around the protagonist even when he caused some major gently caress ups. I liked the espionage and hidden schemes from all sides. I also liked the resource management stuff and the constant sense of scarcity.

I didn't find the protagonist being edgy a problem in this particular novel since he doesn't go over the top. Sure he did some demonic things but it's fine, he lives in a hell world where everyone is doing the same.

gimme the GOD DAMN candy
Jul 1, 2007

Ask me about the hate crime perpetrated against a gay black man, and how it was a real hate crime and totally not fabricated. I am well acquainted with the facts of this actual hate crime which actually took place in actuality.

hmm, so a well developed setting that doesn't revolve around the protagonist? that's a tough one.

Silver2195
Apr 4, 2012


gimme the GOD drat candy posted:

hmm, so a well developed setting that doesn't revolve around the protagonist? that's a tough one.

Maybe try Cradle? Not actually a WN, but it's a xianxia story and the first three volumes are being given away for free through Thursday.

gimme the GOD DAMN candy
Jul 1, 2007

Ask me about the hate crime perpetrated against a gay black man, and how it was a real hate crime and totally not fabricated. I am well acquainted with the facts of this actual hate crime which actually took place in actuality.

if it's just general quality you are after rather than a specific tone, how about ze tian ji?

Darth Walrus
Feb 13, 2012
:gas;


Yeah, Cradle is top-tier for English-language xianxia. Even at its worst, it's a step above the vast msjority of the competition.

Shinku ABOOKEN
Oct 23, 2009

STOP IT

STOP ALL THIS
NONSENSE


i will check your recommendations. thanks

nrook
Jun 25, 2009

Just let yourself become a worthless person!

I’m reading and enjoying cultivation chat group, but I wouldn’t go so far as to call it good.

Tunicate
May 15, 2012





gimme the GOD drat candy posted:

hmm, so a well developed setting that doesn't revolve around the protagonist? that's a tough one.

cultivation chat group 100% counts

because it revolves around senior white instead

gimme the GOD DAMN candy
Jul 1, 2007

Ask me about the hate crime perpetrated against a gay black man, and how it was a real hate crime and totally not fabricated. I am well acquainted with the facts of this actual hate crime which actually took place in actuality.

emperor's domination is a very repetitive story. the mc pops in, feigns weakness while making ridiculous baseless statements about how awesome he is in public, and then is immediately loathed by most people. except, all that bragging was true and he's functionally omniscient and omnipotent. on the rare occasions his personal power level is behind the curve, he borrows some from whatever mystical doohickey is nearby. so then he starts gleefully murdering all the people he baited into attacking him, with no benefit to be had aside from his own enjoyment.

this poo poo repeats endlessly, but it was strangely entertaining in small doses. except friggin' 2400 chapters in the author decided to spice things up by having the mc surprise sex a girl. not like, magical surprise sex for the girl's own sake or an encounter with one of those no consent zones or any of the other half-assed excuses that chinese webnovels use. nah, he just straight up rapes a girl because he wants to.

loving xianxia, man.

Homeless Friend
Jul 16, 2007



Shinku ABOOKEN posted:

Ok I read my first web novel, Reverend Insanity, out of boredom and it's actually not bad. I think the biggest part is that the author didn't gently caress with romance/harem crap and he actually did some planning before hand (after 1500 chapters so far events and characters in the past chapters are still actively involved in the current situation). I also like the clusterfuck feeling of the story. Never a dull moment with that Fang Yuan (biggest poo poo stirrer I've read lol). I wouldn't call it brain food, more like brain candy. But it's very entertaining.

Now my question is, is there any other web novels as entertaining as Reverend Insanity? From what I've read I think I lucked into the best one and the rest are way worse. I need something to pass this quarantine.

Stopped reading (generally) a while ago but fang yuan is almost unique in terms of MCs for me, its hard to not fall into the evil sociopath trap for any evil/amoral/transactional cultivator but he does really strike a balance where he both feels like an old monster and also isn't the biggest fish in the pond. So his traipsing around the land is highly entertaining. I'd be more specific in what you're looking for. Entertaining is very dependent on not only the authors story telling and imagination but the character in these web novels, it's a long rear end commitment and they basically affect the whole tone of he story.

LLSix
Jan 20, 2010

The real power behind countless overlords

Bobbin's LP of Academagia is amazing. It's not exactly a web novel, but it's so long it might as well be. The story revolves around a new wizard's first year at wizard school so it does a good job of satisfying that numbers go up itch.

***

Nyaa is also LPing a new cultivation simulator game that definitely took cues from Rimworld. Nyaa's LPs are always entertaining so I definitely recommend you check it out.

gimme the GOD DAMN candy
Jul 1, 2007

Ask me about the hate crime perpetrated against a gay black man, and how it was a real hate crime and totally not fabricated. I am well acquainted with the facts of this actual hate crime which actually took place in actuality.

it's been a while since i've done a garbage wn effort post, but here goes. the work in question today is The Record of Unusual Creatures. it is what i can only describe as a landlord power fantasy. the basic premise is that this schlub who inherited a building that no one wanted to rent rooms in was faced with the awful prospect of getting a job. fortunately, a werewolf randomly showed up and rented a room.

if that doesn't sound terribly intriguing you probably have an accurate understanding of the writing. so then the next day an intergalactic/dimensional agency calls up the landlord and tells him that he will now be generously compensated for taking in various non-human tenants. and boy howdy, do i mean generous compensation. at one point they give him his own space ship, free of charge. so why does this guy in particular warrant such amazing treatment? does he have some special power, or a hidden past, or is the building he owns somehow unique? nah, it turns out he's just a landlord, so they give him stuff. he doesn't even do building maintenance. at most he goes on all-expenses paid trips to pick up new tenants, during which his previous tenants do all of the actual work.

now then, on to the actual tenants. at first it seems an awful lot like a harem story, since the first couple people are women. but later, it becomes more obvious that these special demi and non-humans are merely part of the landlord power fantasy. see, they are all completely obedient toward this random rear end in a top hat because he is the conduit the powerful agency provides resources through. it's an inherently unequal relationship that doesn't reach romance or even friendship. the tenants have amazing abilities and convoluted backstories, and the landlord who is just some guy is the sole beneficiary of all that power. or at least, that's how it was up until the point i stopped reading. i kind of doubt it got better from there, though.

also, there's the loving title. all of the tenants are sentient and intelligent. they are unquestionably people. but the title labels them all as 'unusual creatures', because they aren't human. it's just more ridiculous unearned elitism in a story where that's the primary theme. i suppose it might simply be an awkward translation, but the title has stayed the same through multiple translators and websites.

90s Cringe Rock
Nov 29, 2006



mao

Jymmybob
Jun 26, 2000



Grimey Drawer

gimme the GOD drat candy posted:

hmm, so a well developed setting that doesn't revolve around the protagonist? that's a tough one.

For all its faults, overlord fits pretty well because of the tons of side stories and world building.

Also I wish qidian underground would come back up because I'm in Way of the Devil withdrawal. Dude just loves building entire organizations of misfits, powering them up, then wandering off. By the end he's going to figure out how to link dimensions or something and realize the entire multiverse basically works for him so he can finally retire in peace.

Also I still hate-read Sage Monarch but it's so bland and predictable that I can't shake the feeling it's a parody of wuxia in general even though I know it's serious. I hate it so much.

lurksion
Mar 21, 2013


Jymmybob posted:

For all its faults, overlord fits pretty well because of the tons of side stories and world building.

Also I wish qidian underground would come back up because I'm in Way of the Devil withdrawal. Dude just loves building entire organizations of misfits, powering them up, then wandering off. By the end he's going to figure out how to link dimensions or something and realize the entire multiverse basically works for him so he can finally retire in peace.

Also I still hate-read Sage Monarch but it's so bland and predictable that I can't shake the feeling it's a parody of wuxia in general even though I know it's serious. I hate it so much.
just google
https://m.wuxiaworld.co/Way-of-the-Devil/
https://boxnovel.com/novel/way-of-the-devil/
appear to be up to date with whatevers on qidian/webnovel. also lmao you need to get to page 3 of google before the official qidian/webnovel shows up as a result

lurksion fucked around with this message at 21:55 on May 15, 2020

Lyon
Apr 17, 2003


I’m sure it has been answered before (and I tried to skim a bit) but does anyone know what happened to The Path Toward Heaven?

gimme the GOD DAMN candy
Jul 1, 2007

Ask me about the hate crime perpetrated against a gay black man, and how it was a real hate crime and totally not fabricated. I am well acquainted with the facts of this actual hate crime which actually took place in actuality.

looks like it went premium on qidian and goes up to chapter 840 but the translations stopped in march. that help?

LibrarianCroaker
Mar 30, 2010


First an official translation, and now a manga adaption of I Favor the Villainess announced!

https://twitter.com/hatsuka_n_yh/st...047499247738881

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HerpicleOmnicron5
May 31, 2013

How did this smug dummkopf ever make general?


Don't know if it's entirely relevant here, but been listening to an audiobook of the cultivation novel A Thousand Li, and while I don't know what to make of the book's actual quality so far, the narration is top notch.

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