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Sorry op, my goon resume service costs $300 |
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Oct 13, 2016 07:58
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Gatekeeper posted:"Dada-ist shitposter" would look good on my beefed up resume put "dada-ist" before every skill so you can say you're duchamp of them all |
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Oct 14, 2016 05:08
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- not tied down to any surface or heavy rock - not easily tied down to any surface or heavy rock - no monkey business - not allowed back to the zoo |
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Oct 14, 2016 10:01
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Oct 14, 2016 12:09
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Previous Work Experience: The Beaumont 730 Riverside Dr. NY, NY - worked on very top floor - directed all precipitation away from roof - was a gargoyle |
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Oct 14, 2016 19:20
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- loose lips - looser morals - tightest relationship with the one true god jc oh yeah |
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Oct 14, 2016 19:34
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- wears baggy pants to make workplace masturbation discrete. - goes to great lengths to help contribute to a positive work environment |
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Oct 14, 2016 20:08
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Gatekeeper posted:Previous Work Experience:
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Oct 14, 2016 20:39
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- extremely punctual. always on time - superpower: invisibility. usually active at full strength in the morning, but wears off by about 11 am
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Oct 14, 2016 22:13
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- doesn't want anybody else - thinks about you, touches self |
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Oct 15, 2016 20:39
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- wants beef - brings the ruckus |
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Oct 15, 2016 20:41
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- live - uncut |
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Oct 15, 2016 21:04
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social vegan posted:- live |
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Oct 15, 2016 21:14
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Work Experience: Bryant's Grocery, Produce Manager 2008-2010 - Utilized new pricing guide to increase sales by 20% - Selected as Employee of the Month eight consecutive times - Helped launch customer rewards program Délicatesse Français, Manager 2010-2012 - In charge of 25 employees - Duties included scheduling, payroll, and inventorying Nunzio's Italian Eatery, Manager 2013-2014 - Initiated new non-discrmination policies - Named "Best Pizzeria" by the Daily Times Gazette News - Established new company health plan Empire Pizza - Scottsdale, Manager 2015-present - Led company in profits 2015 fiscal year - Established new outdoor dining patio - Voted "Best Place to Chill with Your Buds" by the New Times - Earned annual Mayor's Award for charitable contributions - Named Top Manager for 2015 Other Interests: - just asking questions, man |
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Oct 15, 2016 21:48
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- aggression mostly passive
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Oct 15, 2016 22:10
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Gatekeeper posted:Other Interests: lmbo |
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Oct 15, 2016 23:09
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- Beef.
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Oct 15, 2016 23:35
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- bought loosies from eric gardner (*~@r.i.p.  big e@~*)
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Oct 15, 2016 23:58
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did you know that you can just make up skills on linkedin and give them to yourself? and then other people can endorse you for those skills? here are some of my skills from my linkedin profile, i think that any prospective employer will be impressed
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Oct 19, 2016 01:55
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Dr. Honked posted:did you know that you can just make up skills on linkedin and give them to yourself? and then other people can endorse you for those skills? here are some of my skills from my linkedin profile, i think that any prospective employer will be impressed All very respectable talents and skills imo
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Oct 19, 2016 11:32
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need some stinking cloud tips or rather "hacks" asap pls |
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Oct 19, 2016 12:10
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Gatekeeper posted:need some stinking cloud tips or rather "hacks" asap pls |
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Oct 19, 2016 13:13
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Dr. Honked posted:did you know that you can just make up skills on linkedin and give them to yourself? and then other people can endorse you for those skills? here are some of my skills from my linkedin profile, i think that any prospective employer will be impressed fictitious cockney what? fictitious cockney WHAT?? |
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Oct 19, 2016 16:01
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fictitious cockney friend
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Oct 19, 2016 16:08
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Gatekeeper posted:need some stinking cloud tips or rather "hacks" asap pls Level up, so you can use cloudkill instead. |
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Oct 19, 2016 18:05
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Gatekeeper posted:that's all I got for now, but I trust you guys can help me make this res all sorts of beefy (it's ok if they're not true) - excellent communication skills. Can talk for up to 1 minute at a time without becoming hostile - successfully built a log cabin (out of Lincoln logs, model cabin) - proficient passive aggressive skills. Once made grown man cry by saying "thank you very much" - experienced in throwing bread crumbs to ducks and then splashing around in the water and quacking for way longer than is funny - able to recognize boss from up to 500 yards so as to look very busy and productive - effective at fixing wedgies without anyone noticing except for that one time when I turned around and the janitor had been watching the whole time with a strange smile on his face - very strong hopscotch skills. Once hopscotched through a mine field to rescue a wounded soldier, and a baby deer and the prime minister of England all while balancing a 30lb medicine ball on my head and twerking for my SO who was watching on national news - completed high school That's it for now. Let me know if you need any more, if you feel I've missed any of your core skills like croc wearing or something. Check out some survival shenanigans: |
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Oct 19, 2016 18:50
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those were all very good i actually stopped wearing crocs recently after another trip to the hospital when i realized they're the unofficial footwear of the mentally ill. trust me, i do NOT not to advertise that up front  but it's tough to find a new all purpose footwear that is comfy and rough & tumble and keeps it together under pressureany suggestions on good work footwear that isn't crocs?? this isn't off topic btw, i plan on listing my crocs replacements on the resume as well |
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Oct 20, 2016 00:14
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Gatekeeper posted:
 crocs has this new look that has grown men in my area going buck wyld. I live in a heavily square-toe-booted area and this seems like an ok replacement to go to the club in for whatever reason. Im sure a boss would give you big ups stomping in these. |
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Oct 20, 2016 00:24
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Gatekeeper posted:any suggestions on good work footwear that isn't crocs?? 
Check out some survival shenanigans: |
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Oct 20, 2016 02:57
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Macnult posted:put "dada-ist" before every skill so you can say you're duchamp of them all hahaha |
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Oct 20, 2016 04:44
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Fredflonston posted:
daaaamn that's heckin rad, casual enough to show the boss i'm a no-frills down-to-earth mcconaughey but sharp and gentlemanly enough to show the boss i'm the other mcconaughey as well, capable of effortlessly selling lincolns throw on some tj maxx designer jeans, a six dollar t-shirt t-shirt and a ted danson sports jacket from the bad old days and i'll have the boss proving to ME why i should take the gig |
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Oct 22, 2016 01:46
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Reduce your stock by at least half before adding it to the resume |
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Oct 22, 2016 05:00
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Manifisto posted:fictitious cockney what? fictitious cockney WHAT?? rhyming slang e.g. peas and ham - afghanistan "they're sending me to peas again" |
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Oct 24, 2016 14:42
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| # ? Apr 18, 2024 13:06 |
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Dr. Honked posted:rhyming slang i do not like it, uncle sam |
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Oct 24, 2016 14:45
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