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Harry dipped his onion rings in the ranch dressing and looked up at his his date, who was finishing her second bottomless magical margarita. "...So, how long have you been working in Mystical Acquisitions?" Harry asked. As she started to drone on, his mind drifted back to Ginny. He sighed. She performed an accio charm...on my heart, he thought. His date let out a small and unattractive belch. ---------------- |
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Oct 13, 2016 05:58
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| # ? Apr 25, 2024 05:01 |
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He ordered the nachos but asked for no jalapenos. "Oh...I thought you were the Chosen One," his date remarked. ---------------- |
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Oct 13, 2016 06:04
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BD: you seem alright, i guess. definitely a lot better than "he who must not be named" HP: haha thanks i don't think anyone could be as bad as the dark lord himself BD: oh i was talking about my ex |
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Oct 13, 2016 06:13
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then they have SEX
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Oct 13, 2016 07:51
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Harry sighed dejectedly as he stared down at his plate of half-eaten food. He began to regret ever making a profile on plentyofwitch.com. "How did you get your scar?" His date broke the awkward silence and took another bite of her meal. Harry looked up once more. A mysterious disembodied hand slowly rose from underneath the table and began digging around in her nostril as she chewed and swallowed. The hand, emerging with its prize, disappeared underneath the table once more. Moments later Harry thought he felt something brush against his pant leg.
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Oct 13, 2016 09:46
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| "Expecto Goodservice," Harry shouted, to no avail. | |
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Oct 13, 2016 13:20
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HP: My younger son is named Albus Severus, after two Hogwarts headmasters who were-- BD: Oh right, the gay ones? HP: Erm... Severus Snape wasn't gay. BD: How do you know? HP: Because he wanted to gently caress my mom. BD: Oh... Cool. (Harry stares at a giant framed picture of an ice cream cone on the wall behind his date, watching a drip slowly make its way down the cone. In this moment, the mirror of Erised would show him anywhere but here) |
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Oct 13, 2016 15:18
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| Lmao at everything itt so far | |
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Oct 13, 2016 15:41
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harry takes one look at the conehead wizard sundae and demands to speak to a manager "can you believe this kind of casual bigotry in tyoodl 2016, ginny???" |
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Oct 13, 2016 17:15
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HP: So... where did you come from again? May Gamgee: The Shire, it's a little place you might have heard of, gotten a little bit overshadowed by you guys as of late HP: I don't know what you mean... are you really a kid or...? MG: No Harry I'm a loving Hobbit, we used to be a big thing with kids before you came around HP: You look really angry, i'm not sure i get what's going on here... I thought we were meeting for a blind date and some ice cream...
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Oct 13, 2016 20:27
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POWERBALL posted:His date let out a small and unattractive belch. What the heck Harry, don't be a prude 
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Oct 13, 2016 21:18
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*unruly baby is crying in the background* hp: so what do you do? date: *cupping hand to her ear* what? *additional babies start crying* hp: I. SAID. WHAT. DO. YOU. DO? date: WHAT? *new screaming babies come in from outside to join the already present babies* hp: AS. IN. FOR. A. LIVING? date: OH. IM. AN. OFFICE. ADMINISTRATOR. IN. THE. MINISTRY. OF. MAGIC *mother presses screaming baby into harry's cheek. the baby vomits part of a cheese fry onto his glasses* hp: THAT. MUST. BE. INTERESTING. WORK date: NOT. REALLY. NO. *screaming babies come pouring out of the restrooms in a wave* hp: OH. OK. *looks around annoyed* JESUS, *all babies stop screaming at the same time* CAN'T THEY SHUT THESE LITTLE SHITS UP oh goddamit. ---------------- |
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Oct 13, 2016 21:54
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mysterious frankie posted:*unruly baby is crying in the background* I'm picturing that cup in Bellatrix's vault that kept replicating. ---------------- |
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Oct 13, 2016 22:14
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(end of the evening) BD: HUUUUUUUUUUUAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaa HP: Well, it was really nice meeting you. BD: aaaaaaOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHH HP: Yeah, I had fun too. BD: (screeches) HP: Um, I'm afraid not. It's nothing against you personally, you're just...really not my type. It wouldn't work out. But thanks for... BD: (leans in for a kiss) HP: Oh for the love of... Expecto patronum! |
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Oct 13, 2016 22:45
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"What a peculiar circumstance" Harry thought to himself, as his date revolved in lazy circles above the table.
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Oct 14, 2016 00:50
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"So, you are... Hormpy Porper?" "Potter. Harry Potter." "Hamples... Purpman?" "Harry. Potter." "Harpy Papples." "Potter! Harry! Harry! Potter!" "Hippy Papsmear." |
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Oct 14, 2016 12:13
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google THIS posted:HP: Oh for the love of... Expecto patronum! 
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Oct 14, 2016 14:05
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Date: Well, I just think Quidditch is boring and pointless. I mean, basically whoever catches the snitch wins! Everything else is just a distraction! Harry: (stews silently, forehead veins bulging) |
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Oct 14, 2016 14:09
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Wow nice tip. 15 whole knuts. Maybe the server can eat dogfood in the dark tonight, Harry. |
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Oct 14, 2016 16:30
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lmfbo |
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Oct 14, 2016 16:35
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Oct 14, 2016 17:32
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POWERBALL posted:Lmao at everything itt so far |
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Oct 14, 2016 17:46
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google THIS posted:Date: Well, I just think Quidditch is boring and pointless. I mean, basically whoever catches the snitch wins! Everything else is just a distraction! Im Ready for DEATH posted:Wow nice tip. 15 whole knuts. Maybe the server can eat dogfood in the dark tonight, Harry. Hahaha |
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Oct 14, 2016 18:01
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No. No, Harry, you can't say that. I don't care if you were raised by them. It's not your word. That's our word, Harry. That's our word. Yes, I'll pay for my own cab home, thank you. I don't need a ride. |
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Oct 14, 2016 18:11
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i have never read harry potter and i don't know what a friendly's is but here i go! harry potter: hi I am glad you could make it bad date: hi oh a friendly's? I thought I told you I am allergic to restaurants harry potter: oh no, you didn't! It's okay they also have ice cream like on the sign bad date: my dad left under the assumption that we could never make him feel as happy as ice cream do thank you harry potter for this bad date harry potter: aw hocus pocus |
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Oct 14, 2016 18:24
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date: so... you're a lot... different than in your ok cupid profile picture. hp: you mean I'm fatter, don't you? date: no, no! just different! hp: *looks down, pushes contents of his Munchie Mania plate around with a loaded waffle fry* yeah, ok. whatever. that picture was from my senior year at hogwarts. things were... different then. I had friends, was into sports. I was the friggin golden boy; everybody loved me. after school, stuff didn't pan out for me the same way. turns out, after the dark lord is dead, the weapon you fashioned specifically to take him out isn't really needed anymore. turns out... *looks up* date: *is across the room, by the fireplace. throws a handful of floo powder in* anywhere but here! ---------------- |
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Oct 14, 2016 18:54
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social vegan posted:i have never read harry potter and i don't know what a friendly's is but here i go! |
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Oct 14, 2016 19:16
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Date: HARRY DID YOU PUT YOUR NAME ON THE WAITING LIST?! Harry: N-no, I swear I didn't! Date: Why not? Harry: Oh right, maybe I should have. |
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Oct 14, 2016 20:10
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During an aggressive makeout, Harry has a Dementor-related PTSD flashback and collapses. |
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Oct 14, 2016 23:03
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Harry's steak was cold in the middle. He spend two hours ranting about the 'muggles in the kitchen who didn't belong in this country.' |
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Oct 14, 2016 23:58
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misty mountaintop posted:"Expecto Goodservice," Harry shouted, to no avail. Lol |
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Oct 15, 2016 00:09
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(later that evening) Harry: (wiping his mouth) I don't understand. I tried but I couldn't. Why couldn't I swallow it? Date: Yer a spitter, Harry. |
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Oct 15, 2016 02:17
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I thought Friendly's went under and they all closed? Learn something new everyday.
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Oct 17, 2016 13:58
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'Arry Potter gazes longingly into the eyes of his date. Everything was going so well before they went to Friendly's. Their food was sub par and almost as bad as the cleaning effort put in by the staff. But he knew that he could still salvage this date with an exciting round of mini golf. He slowly and timidly raised his hand. "Ch.. check please!"
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Oct 17, 2016 14:02
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Vynar posted:I thought Friendly's went under and they all closed? Learn something new everyday. The world seemed to slowly fade in around Harry as he snapped to his senses. He must have fallen asleep while his date was in the in the midst of reciting Nugstrom's Encyclopedia of Alchemical Reagents by memory. But now his surroundings looked entirely unfamiliar. He was supposed to be on an ice cream date, but then he suddenly remembered. The Friendly's in his town had gone out of business five years ago. A strange screeching sound brought him back to reality. On the table at which he sat was a half eaten McDonald's Happy Meal, and perched in the chair at the opposite end was a ferret, standing on its hind legs and giving Harry a visibly agitated glare.
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Oct 17, 2016 14:42
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Vynar posted:I thought Friendly's went under and they all closed? Learn something new everyday. It's still a very popular chain in the wizarding world. There's actually a Friendly's in Hogwarts' food court and it sees steady business at all operating hours (none of the HP gang ate in the food court, preferring the more luxurious dining hall, because they are\were cultural elitists). Harry taking a date to a Friendly's in his adulthood says a lot about his status in life, or that maybe he got over himself a little. Or maybe he was slumming. Did his date see this snidely cruel aspect of his personality and maybe that's what made the date go wrong? We can only weave fleeting answers from the threads of our dreams. I think that the bigger question here is does Harry eat at Taco Bell? Has he ever eaten a Crunchwrap supreme, or maybe enjoyed a Beefy Five Layer Burrito? If he ever had 128 ounces of Baja Blast in one sitting then he would know that true magic exists in the Muggle world as well. ---------------- |
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Oct 17, 2016 15:28
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Harry burst into the Friendly's bathroom, his face red with humiliation. Ron had assured him that his blind date would be into wizards so he'd not been prepared for a muggle to turn him down, especially when he used the tried but true "dick in a hot dog bun" gag from the hit 80s movie "Bachelor Party".
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Oct 17, 2016 16:01
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mysterious frankie posted:It's still a very popular chain in the wizarding world. There's actually a Friendly's in Hogwarts' food court and it sees steady business at all operating hours (none of the HP gang ate in the food court, preferring the more luxurious dining hall, because they are\were cultural elitists). Harry taking a date to a Friendly's in his adulthood says a lot about his status in life, or that maybe he got over himself a little. Or maybe he was slumming. Did his date see this snidely cruel aspect of his personality and maybe that's what made the date go wrong? We can only weave fleeting answers from the threads of our dreams. When I went to normal (non magical) school we had at least two Taco Bells. One in the main food zone but I there was one in either the Maths or Engineering building that I never made the pilgrimage to.
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Oct 17, 2016 16:03
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Friendly's is basically THE restaurant chain of western Massachusetts. I've lived in Eastern MA basically my whole life and I didn't realize Friendly's was still a thing at all until I drove out to Springfield to visit someone earlier this year. They're everywhere there. I'd say they're like the Dunkin Donuts of western MA but Dunkin Donuts is already the Dunkin Donuts of western MA On that note HP: Wow, here I am in western Massachusetts! I know physical distance is an obsolete abstraction in the wizarding world since we can just apparate wherever we need, but I've still never been to America before! Is the whole country completely empty of all life other than trees like this town is? Obnoxious Townie Date: I dunno, ked, I've nevah been outside Wilbraham. *crushes Gansett tallboy on forehead* You guys have football ovah theah in Old England or what? |
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Oct 17, 2016 16:42
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| # ? Apr 25, 2024 05:01 |
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At this point Harry would go on and on for about ten minutes about whatever UK soccer team he likes, but there are literally fifty of them listed on Wikipedia as being based in Surrey, where Harry is from, and I can't tell which of them are important and which aren't, so I'm having trouble writing that part let's say Staines Town FC because they have a funny name |
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Oct 17, 2016 17:29
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