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Jenner
Jun 5, 2011
Lowtax banned me because he thought I was trolling by acting really stupid. I wasn't acting.


Observe my loving couch.



It has a terrible design flaw, can you see it?

Here I'll help, the backrests are free-floating, modular backrests that are unsecured. When my partner first fell in love with this couch I warned them of this problem but they assured me the cushions would be heavy enough to support a person's weight.

Spoilers, they were not. You cannot lean back on our couch without the loving cushions sliding off. It really sucks.

Technically we could return the couch and purchase another couch with functional and supportive backrests but my partner would prefer we fix the problem instead because they really like the couch and it really suits our home.

Their suggestion was to purchase thick strips of strong velcro and use it to secure the cushions to the couch.

So I have a few questions for you goons who might know how to handle this.
1. Will that even loving work? Is there velcro that strong? If so, where would/could I get it?
2. Is there a better, more viable, less work intensive way to fix this? If so, please inform me of it.
3. If Operation Velcro really is the best option how do I go about doing it without wanting to kill myself?

The backrest cushions have zippers on them so they could be removed. We could probably use chalk or something to mark where we want to put the velcro then remove the upholstery and use a sewing machine to attach the velcro strips. (Check out the picture below!)



But the couch cushions appear to be stapled and secured to the couch and there does not appear to be a way to remove the upholstery to machine sew on velcro that would not gently caress up everything (ruin the couch) and be a huge nightmare. Which means we would have to hand sew on the strips of velcro onto the cushions which seems like a whole gently caress ton of work and oh god kill me now. (No picture provided, let me know if you want one.)

Is there a better option? Save me, goons!

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TheDon01
Mar 8, 2009




Return the couch. Buy one that looks like that but doesn't suck. Im sure there's plenty of beige midmod sectionals out there.

Hand sewing anything that long isn't going to be straight, will look like dogshit and take forever.

Machine sewing would be the way to go but it would be a big pain in the rear end too and a regular sewing machine might not be robust enough for the material + velcro.

kid sinister
Nov 16, 2002


I didn't know they made sectional ottomans.

Six-Of-Hearts
Mar 17, 2009

"I want to break your heart, and give you mine."






Put it against a wall.
Pet that cat.

Terrible Robot
Jul 2, 2010

FRIED CHICKEN


Slippery Tilde

Six-Of-Hearts posted:

Put it against a wall.
Pet that cat.

gently caress that the clear answer here is to build a low wall around the back of the couch.


And pet that cat.

Jenner
Jun 5, 2011
Lowtax banned me because he thought I was trolling by acting really stupid. I wasn't acting.


Six-Of-Hearts posted:

Put it against a wall.

Can't put it against the wall because of the room layout. It looks best where it is.

Just got in a huge stupid argument with my partner about building a wall (:trump:) or replacing the couch (they say building the wall would be expensive and impossible since Mexico won't pay for it and they love the couch and want to keep the couch and don't want to go through the trouble of finding a new couch or getting rid of/returning the old one.) tbh it became an embarrassingly heated argument over something pretty loving stupid imo and I refuse to ruin this relationship over a loving obnoxious couch so I'm just going to drop it.

Thanks anyway, guys. I really do appreciate it.

gently caress this couch though.

Six-Of-Hearts posted:

Pet that cat.

Terrible Robot posted:

And pet that cat.

Slugworth
Feb 18, 2001

If two grown men can't make a pervert happy for a few minutes in order to watch a film about zombies, then maybe we should all just move to Iran!


On the one hand, they failed to build the wall, but on the other hand, they *did* grab a pussy.

BigTeaBag
Dec 9, 2004
The Matrix is about black chicks.

If you're interested, it looks very similar to the Case Study Daybed by Modernica. It is available in sections and can be made pretty modularly.

devicenull
May 30, 2007



Grimey Drawer

Would something like this give them enough grip to not slide off? https://www.amazon.com/Optimum-Technologies-Gripper-Runners-25-Feet/dp/B000209YT6

Six-Of-Hearts
Mar 17, 2009

"I want to break your heart, and give you mine."






Pictured: Your loving couch


1. Find wood and stain it the same color as your loving couch's legs
2. Find screws
3. Combine
4. Add vertical supports as needed
5. Find a lover with better taste in furniture.
6. Learn from this life lesson


E: Pet that loving catte.

Six-Of-Hearts fucked around with this message at 23:15 on Nov 6, 2016

Jenner
Jun 5, 2011
Lowtax banned me because he thought I was trolling by acting really stupid. I wasn't acting.


Slugworth posted:

On the one hand, they failed to build the wall, but on the other hand, they *did* grab a pussy.



BigTeaBag posted:

If you're interested, it looks very similar to the Case Study Daybed by Modernica. It is available in sections and can be made pretty modularly.

This one? looks like the seats are still free-floating? Do you mean another one? If not it seems like we'd have the same problems. I'll browse around though.

This one might have supports but I can't find a picture of the back to see if the other cushions are supported.

But this is a lovely couch and does look a lot like our current problem couch.

devicenull posted:

Would something like this give them enough grip to not slide off? https://www.amazon.com/Optimum-Technologies-Gripper-Runners-25-Feet/dp/B000209YT6

Maybe? I'm not sure.

Six-Of-Hearts posted:

Pictured: Your loving couch


1. Find wood and stain it the same color as your loving couch's legs
2. Find screws
3. Combine
4. Add vertical supports as needed
5. Find a lover with better taste in furniture.
6. Learn from this life lesson

This... might actually work. I'm not sure if our couch has secure stuff within it that we could drill into. I just felt at it and it and can't discern one way or the other. It feels firm but not solid. I'm not sure how to check if my couch has the internal solidness to make this improvement. But if it does and I can figure that out I can probably do this.

Things are still very tense so I'm going to let it rest for awhile until we're done going to the wedding we've been invited to and finished with Thanksgiving.

But I will update this thread when things have calmed down.

If you can tell me how to discern if there is a solid part in this couch to drill into that would be helpful.

Thank you so much, seriously!

Six-Of-Hearts posted:

E: Pet that loving catte.



Elector_Nerdlingen
Sep 27, 2004






You could do a similar thing without drilling into the couch by making the back piece a frame that sits on the floor and hooks or loops round the back legs of the couch to hold it in place.

If the problem's that the cushions move a little that will probably fix it. If the problem's that the cushions go skidding off as soon as you slightly lean back, then... is that even a couch? It looks like someone's cargo-culted a design that does have supports after seeing a single picture of it from the one exact angle where you couldn't see the frame.

Elector_Nerdlingen fucked around with this message at 04:40 on Nov 7, 2016

BigFactory
Sep 17, 2002



That's a real piece of poo poo couch, op.

cakesmith handyman
Jul 22, 2007

Pip-Pip old chap! Last one in is a rotten egg what what.



You are going to put a lot of time and effort into making this couch like a different couch, voiding any warranty you got with it.

However if that's your future, sewing a couple of strips of 50mm Velcro on is a fine solution. There are also metal poppers with high retention.

BigTeaBag
Dec 9, 2004
The Matrix is about black chicks.

Jenner posted:




This one? looks like the seats are still free-floating? Do you mean another one? If not it seems like we'd have the same problems. I'll browse around though.

This one might have supports but I can't find a picture of the back to see if the other cushions are supported.

But this is a lovely couch and does look a lot like our current problem couch.


Maybe? I'm not sure.


This... might actually work. I'm not sure if our couch has secure stuff within it that we could drill into. I just felt at it and it and can't discern one way or the other. It feels firm but not solid. I'm not sure how to check if my couch has the internal solidness to make this improvement. But if it does and I can figure that out I can probably do this.

Things are still very tense so I'm going to let it rest for awhile until we're done going to the wedding we've been invited to and finished with Thanksgiving.

But I will update this thread when things have calmed down.

If you can tell me how to discern if there is a solid part in this couch to drill into that would be helpful.

Thank you so much, seriously!






Images of the back are available here: http://www.yliving.com/modernica-case-daybeds.html

BigFactory
Sep 17, 2002



I think daybeds are designed to be put against walls, period, end of story. You'll ruin it if you start drilling into it to attach a frame, unless you're having steel fabricated that can bolt into the bottom frame, and even then you're going to ruin it at some point unless only tiny people ever sit on your couch.

Liquid Communism
Mar 9, 2004


Out here, everything hurts.





Wow. Yeah, so that -should- if competently designed have a backrail but someone cargo culted it.

biracial bear for uncut
Jun 9, 2009

ask me about being the most obnoxious person of all time

Just buy some loving low-height bookshelves that match the room and put them around the back of the couch and fill them with books.

Problem solved and the room gets a little bit more decorative.

Jackdonkey
May 31, 2007


That couch is bullshit, worse than my ex

Seat Safety Switch
May 27, 2008

MY RELIGION IS THE SMALL BLOCK V8 AND COMMANDMENTS ONE THROUGH TEN ARE NEVER LIFT.



Pillbug

Would snap buttons work? There's not a lot of structure in the cushions unless you add a backing plate but I bet that'd be enough.

Just have to keep it from tearing.

Slung Blade
Jul 10, 2002

IN STEEL WE TRUST



I'd bolt some short bookcases to the floor facing out from the back of turdcouch. Then it's functional and useful for storing divorce documents.

cakesmith handyman
Jul 22, 2007

Pip-Pip old chap! Last one in is a rotten egg what what.



Drive some rebar down through the cushions into the sofa and the floor underneath. 8' should do it.

Anil Dikshit
Apr 11, 2007


Slung Blade posted:

I'd bolt some short bookcases to the floor facing out from the back of turdcouch. Then it's functional and useful for storing divorce documents.

Perfect

SouthShoreSamurai
Apr 28, 2009

It is a tale,
Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury,
Signifying nothing.




Fun Shoe

sidewalk gum posted:

Drive some rebar down through the cushions partner into the sofa and the floor underneath. 8' should do it.

angryrobots
Mar 31, 2005



^^^^Ah yes, the old Phinehas treatment.

Sjs00
Jun 29, 2013

Yeah Baby Yeah !

biracial bear for uncut posted:

Just buy some loving low-height bookshelves that match the room and put them around the back of the couch and fill them with books.

Problem solved and the room gets a little bit more decorative.

One hard gently caress sesh and the whole thing will come down.

Six-Of-Hearts
Mar 17, 2009

"I want to break your heart, and give you mine."






From now on, OP, when you go on a second date with someone, figure out a way to casually stroll past or around someplace that sells couches. Point to one and say "goodness me, i just can't decide if i like that or not. What do you think?"
If they suggest something hideous, they're at best a one night stand.
Probably not on the loving couch you have though, cuz no one would want to gently caress on that abomination.
Pet your catte.

Jenner
Jun 5, 2011
Lowtax banned me because he thought I was trolling by acting really stupid. I wasn't acting.


I was looking at some low bookcases and such today but I think they'd take up too much space behind the loving couch.

Driving rebar into the partner is definitely an option though. But it doesn't fix the couch.

Seat Safety Switch posted:

Would snap buttons work? There's not a lot of structure in the cushions unless you add a backing plate but I bet that'd be enough.

Just have to keep it from tearing.

I have never heard of snap buttons before and did some Googling and what I see does not look particularly secure? Is there a specific type that is good for weight?

Six-Of-Hearts posted:

From now on, OP, when you go on a second date with someone, figure out a way to casually stroll past or around someplace that sells couches. Point to one and say "goodness me, i just can't decide if i like that or not. What do you think?"
If they suggest something hideous, they're at best a one night stand.
Probably not on the loving couch you have though, cuz no one would want to gently caress on that abomination.
Pet your catte.

I always pet my cat. She is a good cat. I would post more pics of me petting the cat but she is not around right now and I am too lazy to find her.

This couch is terrible. Next month should be good to start doing something about it though. We're thinking the planks suggestion you made Six-Of-Hearts.

biracial bear for uncut
Jun 9, 2009

ask me about being the most obnoxious person of all time

Sjs00 posted:

One hard gently caress sesh and the whole thing will come down.

So?

Anil Dikshit
Apr 11, 2007



Then he has to explain to the current partner how he and his future partner he found on Tinder/Grindr/scruff hosed up their old layout.

kid sinister
Nov 16, 2002


Jenner posted:

This couch is terrible. Next month should be good to start doing something about it though. We're thinking the planks suggestion you made Six-Of-Hearts.

Just keep in mind that you're basically putting levers on the back of your couch. Levers multiply force. Those fasteners on the bottom would need to be a lot stronger than you think.

edit: It also assumes that the wood on the bottoms that you would be screwing into is right next to the fabric. Otherwise, it will pinch in the side cushions on the bottom piece, making your top pieces extend out even further than their regular positions.

wormil
Sep 12, 2002

Hulk will smoke you!

I think this project needs a lot of tubafores. And nails, preferably ring shank.

I really believe the solution is take it back. And don't let your partner pick out any more couches.

Crankit
Feb 7, 2011

HE WATCHES


The answer is obvious, duck tape it into position.

therobit
Aug 19, 2008


Crankit posted:

The answer is obvious, duck tape it into position.

The grindr date or the couch?

Gumbel2Gumbel
Apr 28, 2010



Jenner posted:

Observe my loving couch.



It has a terrible design flaw, can you see it?

Here I'll help, the backrests are free-floating, modular backrests that are unsecured. When my partner first fell in love with this couch I warned them of this problem but they assured me the cushions would be heavy enough to support a person's weight.

Spoilers, they were not. You cannot lean back on our couch without the loving cushions sliding off. It really sucks.

Technically we could return the couch and purchase another couch with functional and supportive backrests but my partner would prefer we fix the problem instead because they really like the couch and it really suits our home.

Their suggestion was to purchase thick strips of strong velcro and use it to secure the cushions to the couch.

So I have a few questions for you goons who might know how to handle this.
1. Will that even loving work? Is there velcro that strong? If so, where would/could I get it?
2. Is there a better, more viable, less work intensive way to fix this? If so, please inform me of it.
3. If Operation Velcro really is the best option how do I go about doing it without wanting to kill myself?

The backrest cushions have zippers on them so they could be removed. We could probably use chalk or something to mark where we want to put the velcro then remove the upholstery and use a sewing machine to attach the velcro strips. (Check out the picture below!)



But the couch cushions appear to be stapled and secured to the couch and there does not appear to be a way to remove the upholstery to machine sew on velcro that would not gently caress up everything (ruin the couch) and be a huge nightmare. Which means we would have to hand sew on the strips of velcro onto the cushions which seems like a whole gently caress ton of work and oh god kill me now. (No picture provided, let me know if you want one.)

Is there a better option? Save me, goons!

This style normally comes with powerful magnets inside to keep it together, not weights. Are you telling me this is missing the magnets? Maybe one or two got flipped around inside the cushion and the polarity is mismatched.

Edit:. Just tell me the name of the couch and where it's from and I can probably tell you what to do.

artsy fartsy
May 9, 2014

You'll be ahead instead of behind. Hello!

Since the backs are siding off (and not toppling over, right?) you could try what I did to keep my stupid couch cushions from ejecting themselves onto the floor: I wrapped/stapled some of that rubber shelf paper stuff around a small piece of lumber and put it under the cushions. The wood keeps the shelf paper from wadding up. So far it's worked well.

Jenner
Jun 5, 2011
Lowtax banned me because he thought I was trolling by acting really stupid. I wasn't acting.


Gumbel2Gumbel posted:

This style normally comes with powerful magnets inside to keep it together, not weights. Are you telling me this is missing the magnets? Maybe one or two got flipped around inside the cushion and the polarity is mismatched.

Edit:. Just tell me the name of the couch and where it's from and I can probably tell you what to do.

Well bought this couch from West Elm. Let me see if I can find it on their website.

Looks like it's their Tillary sofa.

Good luck. I hope you actually get something because we hit this thing up with a stud finder yesterday and the solid stuff is buried too deep inside it to employ Six-Of-Hearts awesome solution.

artsy fartsy posted:

Since the backs are siding off (and not toppling over, right?) you could try what I did to keep my stupid couch cushions from ejecting themselves onto the floor: I wrapped/stapled some of that rubber shelf paper stuff around a small piece of lumber and put it under the cushions. The wood keeps the shelf paper from wadding up. So far it's worked well.

I'm sorry but I have no idea what you're describing here.

artsy fartsy
May 9, 2014

You'll be ahead instead of behind. Hello!

Jenner posted:

I'm sorry but I have no idea what you're describing here.

Google "shelf liner," it's that stuff.

Six-Of-Hearts
Mar 17, 2009

"I want to break your heart, and give you mine."






therobit posted:

The grindr date or the couch?

Yes.


Jenner posted:


Good luck. I hope you actually get something because we hit this thing up with a stud finder yesterday and the solid stuff is buried too deep inside it to employ Six-Of-Hearts awesome solution.


Don't be a pussy. Use railroad spikes.

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Gumbel2Gumbel
Apr 28, 2010



Jenner posted:

Well bought this couch from West Elm. Let me see if I can find it on their website.

Looks like it's their Tillary sofa.

Good luck. I hope you actually get something because we hit this thing up with a stud finder yesterday and the solid stuff is buried too deep inside it to employ Six-Of-Hearts awesome solution.


I'm sorry but I have no idea what you're describing here.

It is just weighted. You got West Elmed, hard. It's like getting Ikeaed except it costs twice as much because the swedes are more efficient.

At least it isn't Restoration Hardware though.

You don't want to drill into this poo poo because you don't know where the joints, screws, and glue are (if it has glue). It's a shame because I used to sell sofas in much the same style with magnets and they were amazing because you could put them anywhere and lean back on them. I would try screaming bloody murder and getting your money back tbh.

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