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Math You
Oct 27, 2010

So put your faith
in more than steel


If a new costco opens near you, go the night before. Starting 6pm there is free food and stuff. Food court fare + they bring in caterers who cook up all sorts of Costco products.
All the bigwigs go if you fancy meeting Craig Jelanik (sp) or sometimes Jim Sinegal. It's open to members (no, they don't check for memberships).

Source; I go to like 5 a year cuz I open the buildings

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Math You
Oct 27, 2010

So put your faith
in more than steel


KakerMix posted:

According to their pledge thing on the inside of the stores shareholders are third on the list for importance.
I don't really care too much though, it's just Costco seems to do things right.

It's number 5.
1. Obey the law
2. Suck member dick
3. Employee
4. Be nice to the people who's poo poo we sell
5. Do the other 4, shareholders get what they want

There has been a pretty long history of shareholder meetings going something like this though:

uh so your wages and benefits are too high and you could be paying ME dividends instead of these loving serfs. I demand you stop paying PT employees benefits.

Actually, the wages and benefits are the reason for our success and probably why you are a shareholder in the first place

Math You
Oct 27, 2010

So put your faith
in more than steel


The saran wrap rolls are the best. I had mine for three years packing lunch every day, portion freezing literally every meal I ate over that time, used it to shrink wrap a bunch of poo poo when I moved..
I got a little emotional when it died. Was thinking they would wrap my body in it but it looks like I'll go through a few more before then.

Also I have a $300 watch. How is that for an in between for nothing and one that is several thousand dollars. Have I just become the worst of both worlds?

$4000 bike though

Math You
Oct 27, 2010

So put your faith
in more than steel


You aren't a good person unless you can skydive without a parachute because you are a giant scrotum.
Seriously, ask a Buddhist.

Math You
Oct 27, 2010

So put your faith
in more than steel


What kind of pathetic invalid do you need to be to seek out and purchase toilet paper marketed towards sensitive babies?
Does it wipe my rear end and not fall apart? Pass!

Math You
Oct 27, 2010

So put your faith
in more than steel


My 7 year old pioneer plasma still looks better than anything I've seen. Those blacks, Yo.

I don't care that it weighs a million pounds or that it heats my house. Never giving up on the plasma.

Math You
Oct 27, 2010

So put your faith
in more than steel


Got a 70 inch Vizio M series for $1497 CAD on boxing day. But that was cause they were trying to dump the stock at my specific location. It was like $500 under cost lmao

Math You
Oct 27, 2010

So put your faith
in more than steel


Just had a nasty reminder not to buy anything anywhere but Costco.

loving $350 breville toaster oven died 1 month out of warranty. Probably the only thing in my kitchen that was not from Costco

Math You
Oct 27, 2010

So put your faith
in more than steel


Relevant Tangent posted:

No fatties allowed in Costco, you didn't pay attention to your renewal notice did you.

Have you tried one of the dress shirts? Really nice shirts but holy gently caress. I'm a fat idiot and I could fit two of me in those dress shirts

Math You
Oct 27, 2010

So put your faith
in more than steel


Gas chat:

Having a gas station increases non gas sales at the given warehouse by 10 percent. People gas up, go get an ice cream and walk out with a loving self massager or whatever.

All gas sold in most markets needs detergents added to stop poo poo from building up in your engine and killing fuel economy/ the environment/ your car. There is a required amount set by the EPA or some other commie organization and Costco gas has 5x the lowest allowable level of said detergents. It's basically equivalent to SHELL VPOWER branded gasoline that's a lot more expensive.

Math You
Oct 27, 2010

So put your faith
in more than steel


Costco also has two giant chicken plants for the other item that will never change in price... The rotisserie chicken, which is better than anything in the food court.

Also my Costco stocks spaghetti sauce in 3/4 packs of normal jars so sucks to be you guys.

Math You
Oct 27, 2010

So put your faith
in more than steel


Hi,

I, as an adult, have such a strong preference to a children's sugar drink that I choose what restaurants I go to based on it, and complain about it on the internet.

Math You
Oct 27, 2010

So put your faith
in more than steel


Powershift posted:

The food courts in canada are cash only, so if you buy 2000 dogs there a year, you're losing out on the entire extra cost of your executive membership.

No they're not. Though contactless / chip and pin are a recent addition.

Started last summer and I believe the project is complete now.

Math You
Oct 27, 2010

So put your faith
in more than steel


I decided to try salmon jerky for the first time by buying a pack from Costco... Lesson learned.

(I disagree with returning food that is not bad or of poor quality)

Math You
Oct 27, 2010

So put your faith
in more than steel


You can get a better deal than the car buying program but if you're interest in an in demand vehicle that dealers won't mark down, it's a pro choice. I mean some might find it worth it to save the hassle anyway

Math You
Oct 27, 2010

So put your faith
in more than steel


I do Costco for two as well and we're not particularly big eaters. I don't understand what people have against portion wrapping meat?

Like we only buy meat every six weeks or so and then we just plan meals 2 days ahead and can really eat poo poo on a whim, which is awesome.
"I want steak tomorrow"
*Puts steak in the fridge

Got pork chops, sausage, chicken thighs, breast, breast skin on bone in, cod, and a rack of ribs in the freezer right now. I don't own a chest freezer either because I am a scum of the earth apartment renter.

I need to get dogs more often. I'm literally in a Costco 2-3 times a week and I haven't had one in months. A shame.

Math You
Oct 27, 2010

So put your faith
in more than steel


No Butt Stuff posted:

There is a Costco Grand opening at 8am tomorrow in North KC. Our 4th in the area.

Maybe I'll blow off work and check it out.

Show up tonight after 6 and get the VIP treatment / meet executives.

They get a catering company to cook up stuff and have the regular food court fare too. All for free.

Math You
Oct 27, 2010

So put your faith
in more than steel


The North Tower posted:

There is a new Costco opening up on June 29 at 6898 Raleigh Road, San Jose CA 95119. From what I hear I should go at 6pm to meet W. Craig "Big Dog Plus" Jelinek and thank him for keeping the dogs at 1.50?

Yes.

I've loving granted this gift to like 3 goons now and no one has gone. It's downright shameful to pass up such an opportunity

Math You
Oct 27, 2010

So put your faith
in more than steel


FCKGW posted:

Our city is getting a Costco at the end of the year and you can believe I'll be there opening day.

Also we're getting the first Costco Car Wash in the region!

Not opening day. Evening before opening day!

Math You
Oct 27, 2010

So put your faith
in more than steel


Did that idiot go to the opening party?

Math You
Oct 27, 2010

So put your faith
in more than steel


Got my executive membership rebate today.

84.9 1/3+ pure beef dog, including 20 soft drink with refill-s!

PBUC

Math You
Oct 27, 2010

So put your faith
in more than steel


Snowmankilla posted:

I have a tale to tell. You may want to sit down.

Went with my Dad to Costco for some stay at home dad food (I'm a teacher and off for summer) got some fruit, veggies, snacks, rotisserie chicken and 2 things I have never seen mentioned that are the truth. Costco chicken salad (is amazing ) and the whisp (?) crackers that are just baked Parmesan cheese. Crazy haul.

Now comes the hard part. My dad was hungry. As was I. He went to the food court and picked up 2 dogs, 2 drinks ( with refills) and 2 churros. I go to grab toppings, put on some mustard, squirt of catsup.... and there are no onions. Anywhere. Not even the empty container.

Your thoughts and prayers will help us through this difficult time.

You have to ask at the counter for onions / sour kraut/ hot peppers at a lot of warehouses now.

Also Ketchup is a terrible sin. Relish is acceptable if a little lame

Math You
Oct 27, 2010

So put your faith
in more than steel


Anton Chigurh posted:

I assume this is because people were abusing the amount of onions/kraut/peppers they were using? I guess even Costco has its limits.

Thankfully my local one still makes onions available with the other condiments. No kraut in the condiment section though, but I don't eat that foul crap so I don't really care.

I think it had more to do with the bins sitting out / being a potential health and safety thing. Imagine all the goons you could kill by poisoning Costco onions?

Math You
Oct 27, 2010

So put your faith
in more than steel


As a rule I only take samples that are already in the little paper thingies. Leave your cart OUT OF THE WAY before approaching the table so you have a quick entrance / exit.

You see a lot of people kind of crowding in oblivious fashion, all getting in each other's way.. or people camping out samples that aren't ready yet.. or people eating the samples in front of the table and then feeding their kid one, again in front of the table.
These people are inconsiderate and annoying, but they are still people.

I've been working for Costco for six years, only 1.5 of them in a warehouse, but the office is beside one so I'm there practically every day, and I JUST witnessed my first sample hoarder. This CREATURE was not "people".
It parked its disability scooter in front of some poor soul doing sausage samples in such a way that no one else could approach the table, and then grabbed 4 samples at a time until it had consumed the entire tray. The creature then moved its lips and I'll never forget what it said.....
"How long till the other flavour is ready?"...

Math You
Oct 27, 2010

So put your faith
in more than steel


Just lol if you don't like Kirkland protein bars. You can actually take them out for a run / ride without them turning into goo. Other protein bars try too hard to be a Snickers and they suck and melt all over you

Math You
Oct 27, 2010

So put your faith
in more than steel


The only acceptable application of processed cheese is for making home made breakfast sandwiches. Everything else is better with the real deal.

FYI Mason jar lids (the kind where the top pops out) are the perfect egg moulds for this application. Spray them with Kirkland signature cooking oil, crack in your egg and cover with some water in the skillet to steam the top of the egg.

Normally my instructions would end with the lids but, you know, goons and cooking..

Math You
Oct 27, 2010

So put your faith
in more than steel


FYI a lot of warehouses open doors earlier than posted hours. The one I worked at during college would open about 10-15 min early.
I work at the Canadian office now and the warehouse we are beside opens at 9:30 every weekday because upper management is alllwayyss doing walks / just shopping.

Math You
Oct 27, 2010

So put your faith
in more than steel


Demo TVs also run all day at MAX EVERYTHING to look good in the show room. That kills them good

Math You
Oct 27, 2010

So put your faith
in more than steel


Harton posted:

There is a max everything setting that makes the picture better? Wouldn't you wanna run it like that at home too so it looks as good as possible?

It doesn't make the picture better.. it makes the contrast and brightness higher so it looks better in a room full of other TVs that are also peacocking. You'd never want your TV set that way at home.

Math You
Oct 27, 2010

So put your faith
in more than steel


I just emailed the Canadian VP of Fresh Foods/Food Court, demanding to know why we do not have onion dispensers in our great nation

I will not rest until we have justice

Math You
Oct 27, 2010

So put your faith
in more than steel


Seriously ordering more than 1 item off the Costco menu makes you a fattie. Ive never finished a 1/4 pound all beef dog and pondered if it would need a second and I've been pretty loving hungry at Costco before.

Math You
Oct 27, 2010

So put your faith
in more than steel


Such a shame that Costco doesn't have any other food elsewhere.. I mean if you could pick up a hundred or so calories that'd make for a really solid meal

Math You
Oct 27, 2010

So put your faith
in more than steel


Meydey posted:

I eat a lot of broccoli, but I don't think I have ever finished a bag before it went bad. The stuff gets stinky real quick.

I do like the 4lb bags of spinach though.

Buy frozen broccoli

Math You
Oct 27, 2010

So put your faith
in more than steel


The wings are 100% solid. My warehouse was the first to get em about 2 years ago.
Sauces served on the side so they stay nice and crispy. Honestly don't need sauce though.

Math You
Oct 27, 2010

So put your faith
in more than steel


Where's that guy who wanted the Costco hat?

Why dream so small?

https://www.costco.ca/Johnny-Vac-Auto-Rider-Floor-Scrubber-with-Battery-and-Charger-.product.100142100.html

Show your Costco colours by cosplaying as Costco janitorial staff!

Math You
Oct 27, 2010

So put your faith
in more than steel


Steakandchips posted:

That massive room is refrigerated? Impressive.

It's not just all refrigerated. There are three temperature zones for dairy, meat and produce. Pretty trippy walking across for the first time and feeling how well defined the "barriers" between each zone are

Math You
Oct 27, 2010

So put your faith
in more than steel


Took me 7 years but I finally got a Costco hat. Took me 7 years to ask but I had wanted one that whole time

Math You
Oct 27, 2010

So put your faith
in more than steel


Dr. Tim Whatley posted:

I ask every time and have not received the holy headwear! Please recite to me the ancient verbiage required for this blessing?!

Well I'm also an employee.. probably helps. We don't see them in the office often though

Math You
Oct 27, 2010

So put your faith
in more than steel


The Polish is inferior to the dog anyway. I too spent a long time trying to convince myself that the Polish was good (and it sorta is) but it just leaves me wanting for a proper sausage.

The dog is the pinnacle of it's hotdoggers and therefore wins

Edit: might be because I grew up with a bunch of great uncles and poo poo that made proper sausage and lived in a town formerly called Berlin. Had so much quality sausage in my holes from a very young age.

Math You fucked around with this message at 13:00 on Jan 4, 2018

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Math You
Oct 27, 2010

So put your faith
in more than steel


Just lol if you've never had a sausage so flavourful and aromatic that your farts caused you to vacate each room you dropped a bomb in.
Farts that seem more vapour than gas and settle into all of your clothing. Farts you carry with you for days after you last let one rip. A deep musk you can taste.

I pity anyone who's never had that kind of sausage

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